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I can't come to the phone right now

Summary:

Rose and Shane's text conversation after Shane and Ilya get together

Notes:

I've been following FagurFiskur's open relationship AU on tumblr all this time and I was so happy to see it made it on Ao3 <3
I finished reading the whole thing and immediately started writing this silly little coda. I couldn't help it and it was done in about an hour so… Caveat Lector.
If you haven't read their fic, what are you doing? But also the only thing you really need to know for this ficlet to make sense is that

[SPOILERS!]

Shane was with an asshole from 2007 to 2015 when he finally broke it off after a year of open relationship during which he and Ilya fucked nasty all over two countries (they were friends before Shane and Brian opened the relationship). Rose knows all this except who Ilya is and encouraged Shane to break it off with the ex.

Shout-out to CodenameCarrot and La_Temperanza for the tutorial on how to mimic texts in fics, it was my first time trying! (and it took so long pls make sure Creator's Style is on <3)
Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Rose

Shane: I fucked up

Rose: ???

Don’t tell me you let that pos convince you to stay

Shane

Shane

I’ll come drag him off of you

Shane??

Shane: You don’t need to do that

Sorry

I didn’t fuck up that badly

We broke up

Rose: 😍😍😍🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉🎉💖💖💖

YESSS

I adore that for you babe

That’s the weight we love to lose

Useless men ugh

Welcome to your ✨singleness as a form of selfcare✨ era

Shane: Not sure that's a word

Rose: Shut up❤️

The deluxe package (which you are more than ENTITLED to after so long) includes everything from self-reflection to doing random shit your FORMER so wouldn’t let you do


Shane: He didn’t stop me from doing things

Rose: Mmmk

And was there nothing you like that he didn’t care for?

That he’d make little snide comments about that sucked the joy right out of it?


Shane: ...


Maybe

Rose: That’s what I thought

And that’s not all you can do either

I mean you don’t need a glow up because you’re already a 10

But you could flex it a little

Go out

Pick up a nice Mr. Right Now while you wait for Mr. Forever😏🔥


Shane: I remember telling you all about the guy I… “picked up” when we were at Soleil

I don’t think I was drunk enough to have made up that part of the conversation


Rose: No you diddd


But what did we say about figuring yourself out before entering another serious relationship?


Shane: About that


Rose: Rebounds rarely end up working out


WAIT


No


Tell me you didn’t


Shane??


Shane: Ok, I won’t tell you


Rose: It’s been five days😩


You slut (affectionate)


Did you really jump straight into this poor guy’s bed right after dumping your shitty boyfriend of 8 YEARS??


Shane: There was nothing straight about it



Rose: Now he’s funny🙄


Is the dick worth it at least?

Shane chuckled a little before easily refocusing his attention at Ilya’s call—and wasn’t that a rush, getting to call Rozanov Ilya, having him here, at his cottage, where he thought he’d only be comfortable alone until the possibility of bringing Ilya bloomed into the most perfect—

“Shane.”

Shane blinked rapidly, flicking his eyes down to the sparkly rock between Ilya’s long, capable fingers.

“It’s nice.”

Ilya raised an eyebrow.

“You didn’t hear a thing of what I said.”

Shane didn’t see any point in denying it.

“Sorry,” he offered instead.

Ilya smirked and cocked a hip to the side.

Shane, sitting on an outdoor chair he’d dragged as close as possible to the dock to better enjoy the view of Ilya cavorting in the water, was eye-level with said hip, and found his gaze inexorably drawn to the folds of Ilya’s tiny swimsuit and the way they adhered to every inch of his wet skin.    

“You were staring,” Ilya crowed. 

“I like you,” Shane admitted easily, still giddy over being allowed to say it, to feel it. “I like looking at you.”

The corners of Ilya’s lips curved up in a helplessly more genuine smile, although he tried to maintain some of his snark.

“Take a picture if you like it so much.”

Shane didn’t wait to be asked twice. He raised his phone and dragged his thumb across the screen blindly, eyes focused on the droplets of water shining all over Ilya’s face and shoulders and pecs. 

There was something pathetic about being unable to look at Ilya’s arms without picturing being picked up and thrown on a mattress, Shane thought as the tiny vibration of his phone camera’s shutter travelled up his thumb. When he glanced at his screen to check the picture, he caught a message notification appearing and clicked on it unthinkingly.

Several new texts awaited him.

Rose

Rose: What, no answer?

You can’t tell me that was too far

(Let me know if it was too far I’ll apologise and rein it in)

Shane?

Omggg Shane Hollander if I’m not getting replies because you’re getting dicked down RIGHT NOW I swear to god

Shane chuckled at Rose’s messages before recoiling with a startled sound when Ilya butted in between his nose and his phone, shaking drops of cold water all over him.

“Who’s making you laugh?” Ilya asked, trying to read Shane’s text conversation upside down.

“It’s just Rose,” Shane said. He continued before Ilya's frown could fully form. “I told her about you. I mean, not you, of course. I wouldn’t do that to you. I told her about us. Or, the fact that you’re here. With me. Without telling her who you are.”

They looked each other in the eye—an activity it had been far too easy to get lost in since they got to the cottage. 

“You can tell her,” Ilya said, breaking the soppy silence.

“What?”

“If you trust her with your secret, I can trust her with the same secret. You should send her the picture you just took.”

“Really?”

“No, I lie to you,” Ilya deadpanned. “Yes, of course really. Send her.”

Shane stared at him some more, looking for reassurance that it was something Ilya truly wanted and not him speaking rashly because the full scope of Shane’s attention had been less than entirely devoted to him for five seconds.

When Ilya didn’t budge, Shane bit back a smile and selected the picture to share with Rose.

Rose

Rose: SHANEEEE

Hot damn🥵

Wait is that…?

Definitely distraction worthy

I see why I won’t be getting any more of your attention today

And honestly? Fair

Enjoy
I need to get myself a hockey boyfriend

Notes:

Sorry if Rose's texts sound weird I'm an awful texter 😩