Chapter Text
Not a day goes by where Hirose Aiki does not keenly feel the difference between high school and university life. The coursework is manageable, but it's everything else that makes him feel like he's stepped into another world entirely most days. With the exception of one very enthusiastic science professor, all of his instructors unapproachable, stern and mean with the energy of a person whose mission it is to cull the herd of bright-eyed hopeful freshmen. He gets along well enough with his senpairs, but they're all too focused on things like job hunting or whether to move in with their girlfriends— topics so wholly unrelatable to Hirose that it's frankly off-putting.
Worst of all, however, is the absence of his best friend. Oomori had gotten a scholarship to a college two hours away by train, which made seeing each other regularly that much harder. Weekly video calls have helped keep their friendship strong, but Hirose would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little awkward at times like this, sitting alone in a booth at a family restaurant with his phone propped up across from him.
"…and that's why I'm telling you this professor must secretly hate us. I don't know why he went into teaching in the first place if he clearly hates when people have questions."
Oomori doesn't look at the screen; he's already mentioned being swamped with work for a project, but he still hums every now and then to let Hirose know he's listening like the good friend he is.
"Ugh, I knew I should've switched when I had the chance. Can you believe this professor only has one star?"
"Hm? Ah, yeah, actually, I think Nakamura told me about it the other day."
Hirose can't help the little huff of exasperation that escapes him. "Sounds like you get to hear from him more than I do these days."
"Eh?" Oomori actually pauses his work to give Hirose an incredulous look. "You guys literally share a class. Don't you see each other every day on campus?"
"You would think so, but Nakamura has been so busy lately! He was supposed to help me study today, but he's too busy with his club. Told me to start without him."
Oomori pushes his glasses higher up his nose, scrutinizing Hirose through the screen. "I haven't seen you crack open a book this entire time."
"You know I get distracted!" he defends. "That's why Nakamura was supposed to be here with me."
"So you could both get distracted?"
"So he could help me focus!"
"It wouldn't have worked anyway. Nakamura always lets you get away with everything. He hasn't built up enough of a resistance to your antics yet. We're working on it though."
"Hey, what do you mean you're working on it? Actually, nevermind," Hirose says, shaking his head. "That's not the point."
"I don't really get the problem. He's making friends. We should be happy for him. Actually, you should be out there doing the same instead of talking to me."
"I have been making friends," Hirose insists, and it's true. He's been chatting it up with many of his classmates, and has even progressed to the point where he has a solid group of lunch buddies most days. None of them are Nakamura though, and that feels significant for reasons he can't quite put into words.
Oomori just sighs. As much as he might complain about Hirose's whining, at the end of the day, he'll still listen. As thanks, Hirose switches subjects, asking after his friend's club activities for a change of pace. The rest of the call proceeds like usual, so normal that for a while Hirose even forgets what he was so upset about in the first place.
"Ah, I gotta go now, Aiki," Oomori says apologetically. "But I think you really should talk to Nakamura about how you're feeling. He's a nice guy. I'm sure he'd feel really bad knowing he's been making you feel left out."
Hirose's face heats. He glances away, lips twisting in a pout. "Told ya it's not like that…"
Oomori chuckles. "Sure, whatever. Just go easy on him, alright? Try not to sound too much like his neglected girlfriend."
Hirose freezes. "Huh?"
"It's just that's kinda what you sound like, especially when you get all sulky. Don't worry, I'm just teasing you." Oomori glances behind him and says something to someone off-screen before turning back to Hirose. "Anyway, I really gotta go. I'll talk to you later."
The call ends before he can even say goodbye, leaving Hirose to stare at his own dumbfounded reflection in the darkened screen of his phone.
A sulky, neglected girlfriend? Nakamura's sulky, neglected girlfriend?
Hirose's instinct is to refute it. He's not a girl, and he's not sulky. He's just… rightfully annoyed. Nakamura is his closest friend after Oomori, after all, and it just sucks feeling like he's losing the both of them at the same time.
Not that Nakamura is doing it on purpose. Hirose knows that. Nakamura is too sweet for his own good sometimes, getting roped into helping out clubs he isn't even a part of, just like he did back in high school. He's always so apologetic about having to reschedule, so much so that Hirose can't help but forgive him every time.
So yeah, definitely not sulky. Totally not neglected. And definitely not a girlfriend. Nakamura doesn't even have one, has never expressed interest in having one. He sometimes has friends who are girls, but he's never talked about them the way all the other boys do when they're into girls. He's like Hirose in that way, which is part of why they've always gotten along so well, he thinks.
"Ah!" Hirose shoots back up in his seat, startling another student passing by. "Sorry, sorry. Ahem."
See, the thing is, Hirose's had a lot of time to think since starting college. One of the biggest differences between high school and university is the variety of clubs. Hundreds of them, from sports to cultural to hobby-based. Where Nakamura had found himself right at home with the Exotic Pets Club, Hirose had gone bouncing around from booth to booth at the club fair that first week of school, trying to find something that called to him. He remembers Nakamura catching up to him when he paused at one booth decked out with rainbow flags.
LGBTQ+ Alliance, the sign had read.
"Ah, this is—"
"Do you know anything about this one, Nakamura-kun?" Hirose had asked, curious.
And Nakamura had just shrugged, staring down at the pamphlet he had been given at the last booth, twisting it back and forth between anxious fingers. "Not more than anyone else. W-what about you, Hirose?"
"Me? Uhh, I mean, I know about LGBT stuff, but I didn't really expect there to be a whole club for it," he admitted. He gave the booth another onceover. "Wonder what they do."
There was a a couple of upperclassman manning the booth, a third-year with an oversized pink cardigan and big, dangling earrings, and another in a baseball uniform. "All are welcome, even allies," the girl declared, waving at them. "Feel free to ask any questions, too!"
And so they had inched closer, intrigued. The duo couldn't be any more different, but both had little rainbow pins clipped to their shirts. The same pins littered the table.
"Feel free to take some," the guy told them, dabbing at his face with a hand towel. "Ah, don't mind me, by the way. I have to keep running back and forth between here and the baseball team's booth. I'm repping both clubs today."
"Aren't you always?" the girl snickered.
"Oh, haha."
Sensing their wide-eyed stares, the athlete explained. "She's making a joke because I'm bi. Oh, right, here— the pamphlets explain all kinds of different terms you may not have heard of before."
Nakamura began flipping through his pamphlet, quiet. Hirose tucked his into his bag to read later. He'd much rather ask questions while he was here. "So what is it you guys do exactly?"
"Think of us like any other cultural club. We run fun social activities, mostly, but a few of us also do some political organizing. Things like making signs for protests, raising awareness on issues that the community's facing, and all that."
"If that sounds too intimidating, don't worry," the girl chimed in. "It's not a requirement, but it's a good way to get involved if you don't know where to start. Most people just come to the mixers."
Hirose nodded. "Makes sense."
"It's not just for dating though. Lots of us find comfort in having friends like us."
"We're building community," she added, glancing between them with a warm, open smile. "And when I say all are welcome, I mean it. Even if you're questioning, or an ally, we want you there."
Hirose remembers feeling at the time like he had been lingering in front of the booth too long, that he was asking too many questions and yet not enough. He kept glancing at Nakamura, fearing he would grow impatient with him and drag them away any minute now, but Nakamura had remained perfectly still, listening to the conversation carrying on around him in silence. He had only spoken up once, when the girl had asked him directly what he thought about the club.
"A place where everyone can just be themselves…" he had murmured, turning over the pamphlet in his hands. Unlike the previous one, he held this one gently, cradling it between his palms. "I think that sounds really nice."
And Hirose recalls so clearly the wave of relief that had washed over him in that moment. Relief so raw and so redolent of moments from high school that it confused him. He still had so many more questions, but he had needed to get away to think first, so he settled on just one, "When do you guys meet?"
The rest had been history. Hirose admittedly hasn't gone to too many club events, but he has done a lot of reading and thinking. He's been so focused on his own self-discovery in that department that he hadn't really given much thought to where Nakamura fell on the spectrum. It's so easy to forget when Nakamura makes a point of being so quiet about his own preferences, but in hindsight, it's obvious.
He has always been drawn to Nakamura. They've always shared something he couldn't put into words for himself until recently. Thinking on it now, he's certain.
Nakamura doesn't look at girls. He doesn't even talk about liking girls.
Nakamura is like Hirose.
And Hirose… is a little too happy about that.
Just because he's gay too doesn't mean he likes you, dummy, Hirose reminds himself, scowling.
"Ah, hey, I know you. You're friends with Nakamura, aren't you?"
He looks up to see a girl his age stopped beside his table. She looks vaguely familiar, but he's had to learn so many new faces since starting college that it takes him a minute to place her. She's one of the people in the Exotic Pets Club. He's seen her in passing a few times, but they've never really talked without Nakamura around.
"You're… Yoshino?"
"Yoshizaki," she corrects. "Mind if I join you?"
"Sorry, sorry. And sure, go ahead."
Yoshizaki waves off his apology. "Don't worry about it. If I'm being honest, it took me a while of staring before I was sure it even was you. It's Hirose, right? I only remember because Nakamura talks about you so much."
"That's me," he says, sitting up a little straighter. His chest swells with pride at the revelation that Nakamura talks about him to his new friends. "I know you guys are in the pet club together, but what's your pet again?"
Her face lights up. Giddy, she whips out her phone and shoves it in his face. When Hirose's eyes uncross, he realizes he's staring at a photo of cockroaches. An entire tank full of them.
"These are my babies! Aren't they the cutest little things?"
He forces out a laugh and sidesteps the question. "How can you tell them apart?"
"Oh, that's easy once you get a reeallllyyy good look at them. Fuwa has the longest legs, and Usagi has a funny little notch in his right antennae. And Michi— wait, I'm getting distracted! I love my children, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."
"You wanted to talk to me?" Hirose tilts his head. While he doesn't dislike Yoshizaki, he's never really exchanged more than passing pleasantries with her before now. As far as he's aware, they don't even share any classes.
"Yes, you!" Yoshizaki then clears her throat, dropping the easygoing vibe she's had thus far. She folds her hands on the table, pinning Hirose with a stern expression that would look more at home on an old businessman than a college girl with green pigtails.
"Is Nakamura single?"
The family restaurant isn't too crowed tonight, but it must be packed because Hirose suddenly feels like he can hardly hear Yoshizaki. Her voice sounds muffled, her words distorted, like trying to make out an echo from the end of a tunnel.
"Well, is he?"
Hirose forces himself to focus. "Uh, sorry, what was the question? I didn't catch that."
"I want to know if Nakamura is single." Her grave expression melts under a blush. She twiddles her thumbs, rubbing the pad of one finger against her polished nails. "And if he is, I was hoping you could tell me what his type is."
"His type?" he repeats, dazed. The topic hits entirely too close to home for him to be neutral here. He knows what he wants to say, but something about Yoshizaki's sincere interest makes him hesitate.
What if he's wrong? What if Nakamura really is into girls? Would it make him a bad friend to discourage a pretty girl that his friend clearly gets along with?
Yoshizaki continues, oblivious to his distress. "Yeah, he's so private. He never really talks romance or anything like that, so it's hard to get a read on it. Not that I'm complaining! That mysterious, brooding vibe he's rocking really does it for me."
"He's really not like that when you get to know him. He's actually really kind, and he can be a total goofball sometimes," Hirose blurts.
"Is he? That sounds cute."
Damn. Hirose wracks his brain for something else he can say to deter her, but he doesn't want to share anything that would embarrass Nakamura either.
"Hey," she says, resting her chin on her hand. "If I'm not his type, you can just tell me. I promise I can take it."
"It's not that. It's just, uhh…"
Frankly, Hirose's been navigating this whole interaction through sheer panic and instinct, so he listens to his gut again and blurts out the first words that go stumbling to the tip of his tongue.
"He's not single."
"Darn, really?"
"Yeah!" Oh, he's going to hell for this. "Yep, that's right. He doesn't like talking about his love life much, so I didn't want to say anything, but he's off the market."
She sighs, but true to her word, she doesn't look too heartbroken about it. "Oh, well. At least now I know not to make a fool of myself asking him out. Ah, you'll keep this between us, won't you?"
Hirose's head bobs in rapid agreement. "Of course. Please don't tell him I told you either."
"You got it."
In another bizarrely formal act, Yoshizaki has them shake on it. Once that's settled, she disappears as quickly as she appeared, claiming that she was late to meeting with some friends.
Deciding he may as well give up on trying to get any studying done today, Hirose packs up his things and leaves. It's not like Nakamura was showing up anyway. It's probably for the best. He's not really sure he'd be able to face him after what just happened.
Outside, with the fresh autumn breeze cool on his cheeks, he kicks himself for being so thoughtless. He's pretty certain Nakamura wouldn't have been interested anyway, but still. He hardly knows Yoshizaki. What if she spills the beans? How would he even begin explaining himself to Nakamura?
Then again, would it be so bad if he knew? Sure, Hirose knows he didn't handle that in the best way, but Nakamura isn't the judgmental sort. He'd want to hear his friend out. It would be the perfect opportunity to just— to just…
Hirose groans, scrubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. What is he even thinking? He's known his own sexuality for a few weeks and Nakamura's for a few hours and now he's ready to go nuclear about the whole thing? He's never considered himself the impulsive type before, but clearly that's changed.
"Hirose!"
Speak of the devil.
He pauses as Nakamura comes running up to him. He hunches over to catch his breath, hands on his knees, then straightens to his full height. He really shot up their last year of high school, giving him a good two or three inches over Hirose. It hadn't really been too noticeable before, but now that he's getting better about not slouching so much, Hirose has to look up to make eye contact. Even now, Hirose isn't quite sure how he feels about it. He hates that he's remained the runt of all his friends, but a tall Nakamura is, uh, well…
It's good, he thinks lamely. Really good.
"I'm glad I caught up to you," Nakamura tells him, smiling apologetically, "Though I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."
Hirose shrugs, feigning indifference. "It's cool. I know you've been busy."
"Still. I feel bad for flaking… I really didn't expect that task to take so long. Were you able to get some studying in like you planned?"
"I got a little distracted on the phone with Oomori," he admits. "But it's fine. I still have time before the exam."
"Oh, how's he doing?"
Oomori is a safe topic. They share easy chatter on the way back to campus. If Nakamura notices that Hirose takes the long way or lingers at crosswalks even when they have enough time to cross, he doesn't say anything. Hirose blooms under the attention he's been deprived of lately, prattling on about this and that topic, stories he's meant to tell Nakamura about or funny memes he's saved to show him; he's rewarded him with that single-minded focus of Nakamura's that always serves to make Hirose feel a little warm.
The campus gates appear far too soon for his liking. They both dorm, but they're in separate buildings, which means they'll have to part ways soon.
"Ugh, I can't believe it's so late already," Hirose complains. "I feel like I barely got anything done today."
Nakamura looks sheepish. "Sorry… Can we schedule another study session before the exam?"
Hirose pretends to think about it. "Welllll, I guess that's alright. Are you free tomorrow?"
"Ah, Thursdays are club meetings, and senpai wanted to take us out to eat afterwards."
"Okay, I'm gonig back home for the weekend, but I should be back early Sunday. How about that evening?"
He grimaces. "I promised to cover a shift at the library that night."
Hirose wilts. "…Monday afternoon?"
"Oh, that should work! No, wait, I forgot I'm supposed to help review with a few of the people in my math class then—" Nakamura scrolls through his phone, looking frazzled. "I-I don't understand. I don't remember my schedule being this packed…"
"You really don't have any time for me, huh?"
The words come out more accusatory than intended. Nakamura's eyes go wide. Petty, Hirose pretends not to notice, shoving his hands in his pocket and looking away. He can feel his own pout, which really isn't helping him beat the allegations, but he can't be bothered to care at this point. He thinks he's allowed to be upset about this!
"NONONONO, NO WAY! NO! WAY!" Nakamura exclaims, making him jump. He grabs Hirose's shoulders, whirling him around to face him. "PLEASE LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU!"
Hirose's pout deepens, and so does his blush. "When? You never have the time…"
Nakamura jerks like he's been shot. "I-I just… I can try to rearrange things."
"Uh huh, sure…"
He's dragging it, but it's hard not to when his petulance has Nakamura's undivided, if a little frantic, attention.
"Really! I'm sure some of this stuff can be moved. Give me a day to sort things out."
"It's fine, Nakamura. I understand if you're too busy to hang out with me—-"
"NO!" Nakamura insists, panicked. This close, his eyes look a little huge and glassy, like the thought of not spending time with Hirose has actually driven him to tears. "I'm sorry, I really am. I guess I'm still not used to having so many people actually inviting me to things. I don't really know how to balance my calendar because I've never had to worry about it to this extent before."
His hands drop from Hirose's shoulders. "I think it's also like… I'm still so worried about making a good impression that I haven't been able to say no yet. Everyone's been so nice and genuinely helpful. I want to pay them back, but I don't have enough time for everything. And now I've let you down, which is even worse than disappointing my senpais…"
Guilt hits Hirose hard and fast. "Hey, no, don't say that. I'm bummed I don't get to see you much lately, but that doesn't mean you've let me down. Don't beat yourself up about it."
"But you're upset," Nakamura wails.
"So what if I am? You are, too," he points out. "Besides, I thought Oomori was training you to ignore me. Yeah, I want you to think of me, but you should be putting yourself first above everyone else, Nakamura. If you're overwhelmed, you can always say no. Nobody's gonna hate you for that, and if they do, they're a bad friend in the first place!"
Nakamura mumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like "Can't ignore you" but that might just be wishful thinking. At a more natural volume, he adds, "You're probably right. It's just… going to take some getting used to."
He hesitates then, biting his lip. Used to the way Nakamura needs buffering time before sharing some of his thoughts, Hirose just waits with an open, curious expression.
"I just want to say um, thank you. For the advice. And that I hope you'll be patient with me while I figure this out. I know you said I should put myself first, but I still don't want to lose you."
"Who said anything about losing anyone? I'm not going anywhere," Hirose insists, playfully shoving him. He lingers a little closer than necessary, leaning into Nakamura's personal bubble. There's nowhere else for them to go anyway; Nakamura's dorm is to the left and his own to the right.
"I'll still feel better if you let me make it up to you. I can find time on Monday to study."
Hirose shakes his head. "Don't worry about that. Er, well, you probably should still study, but I mean you don't have to make up the study session."
Nakamura looks doubtful, brows furrowing in such a way that makes Hirose want to reach up and poke his forehead. So he does.
"If you really want to make it up to me, then clear your schedule next Saturday. Take me out for lunch and a movie."
Nakamura flushes. It makes Hirose want to pinch his cheek next, but he holds back the urge this time. He's already been impulsive enough today and after that last request, he isn't sure he'd be able to keep his hand steady anyway.
"O-Okay. That sounds better than studying."
Hirose laughs, giddy. Relieved. He's always feeling that way around Nakamura, isn't he? So relieved, so comfortable, like a weight's been lifted from his shoulders.
"Great. I'll text you the details next week."
Nakamura nods, and Hirose finally steps away. They each take a few steps towards their respective dorms before turning and glancing over their shoulders. Their eyes lock. Hirose beams, waves. Nakamura, still sunset-pink and orange, waves back, a shy little smile on his face. Hirose manages to make it all the way inside his dorm before he gives in to the urge to fist pump and cheer.
He startles when he hears a yell from outside. It sounds like a guy's voice, but when he peeks out the window, he doesn't see anybody there. Strange. He'll have to ask Nakamura sometime if he heard it too.