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[Suggestions and Feedback] IM BECOMING HOMOPHOBIC
i cannot STAND it anymore. its IMPOSSIBLE to work in these fucking conditions. why the FUCK on gods green earth was a genius like me cursed with the gayest director on this side of the mississippi??? every day is the same. i resubmit my project proposal for thalomine-based arcanum injections. the budget request gets denied. i appeal the denial. it gets denied. i force x to grovel on my behalf. he gets kicked out. meanwhile ULRICH undulates in adler’s vague direction and suddenly he has UNRESTRICTED ACCESS to our entire nuclide r storage. where is the JUSTICE? where is the EQUITY?? just because adler wants to STICK HIS MICROPENIS in that stupid fishbowl head doesnt mean the rest of us have to suffer for it. what are we DOING??
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****7087
One time Adler threw a glass beaker at Ulrich… It contained a chemical formula I spent hours working on…
ID:LSCC01011100S
Snake Siblings Supremacy
The sexual tension is unbearable. Everytime I see them, I’m convinced they’re going to snap and start making out.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****7087
Maybe the, er, lack of equipment is the issue.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****2035
God, someone please install an onahole in Ulrich so they can fuck already.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
can we stop writing fanfiction underneath my very legitimate grievances???
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
It should go without saying that speculating on me and Ulrich’s sexual relationship is against forum rules.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
Maybe if your budget requests were actually reasonable, they would be approved. Work on that instead of complaining about Ulrich.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
ARE WE SERIOUS?? YOURE SAYING THAT WHEN ULRICH GETS OUR ENTIRE NUCLIDE STOCK AND FOUR THOUSAND USELESS VINYL RECORD COPIES?? IS THAT REASONABLE, ADLER???
[Project Updates] Finally convinced Ulrich to try something fun! :)
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Ulrich agreed to some basic installations! I’ve installed a coffee machine in his chest cavity. At the press of a button, coffee beans from the built-in storage get ground and tamped. At the same time, another mechanism starts boiling the water to perfect brewing temperatures, where it gets poured over the grounds!
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
Is this where the coffee machine in the break room went?
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guest****2035
I’m cursing your entire bloodline, X. Sleep with one eye open.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Chinchilla Enjoyer
Oh, is that what that nozzle on his chest is for…? When I saw it this morning I had to wonder if… uh…
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****4763
Does this mean we’re also going to have to source a new coffee machine each time Ulrich kills himself for science?
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
I was skeptical, but I have to admit, having such convenient access to a coffee machine is delightful! The only problem is, I keep running out of coolant after using all my water for coffee…
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
In that case, how about trying this experimental liquid nitrogen setup? This will free up the space for a dedicated coffee water tank.
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.
[Casual Discussion] Enigma and Ulrich Argument Sighted Floor 3 Wing B
:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Anonymous
Steer clear if you want to avoid becoming collateral.
:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****4763
What’s the topic for today?
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Snake Siblings Supremacy
The daily crossword.
:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Pineconey
??
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
I hope Adler kicks Ulrich’s stupid fishbowl clean off.
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guest****7087
I swear, ever since he realized he could do that, that thing has been rolling around nonstop. Why is that a feature?
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
It’s supposed to be a safety feature for emergency situations…
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
For what?? He can't die.
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Well, if the head detaches, it can be easily retrieved and secured even if the body catches on fire, explodes, starts melting, etc.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
Take it out. Next time, I hope he suffers.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
If you guys have time to track me and Ulrich’s arguments, you have time to get to work.
[Serious Inquiries] Today is the day I die.
:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Dandelion Bean
Did we get a new hire that’s a spider awakened?? What is the eldritch horror in lab 2A13???
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Oh, that’s just Ulrich.
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Dandelion Bean
WHAT??
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
I was speaking with Madam Lucy, and she mentioned the increased efficiency that could come with having four arms. I admit I was intrigued, so I asked X if he would be willing to install several new limbs. So far, I’m quite pleased with them!
:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Dandelion Bean
PLEASE. PLEASE. NO. NO. GO BACK. GO BACK. GO BACK.
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
Now, there’s no need for that reaction. I’m sure your fragile human sensibilities will adjust.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
Why… do you have tentacles?
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
X and I both agreed that human limbs are actually quite limited. For example, they can only bend at two points, can only extend a certain distance, and have a disappointingly small limit of objects they can hold at once. Now, did you know that octopuses actually have a pincer grasp for each unique suction cup they have?
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
…
[Official Notice] Ulrich is banned from having more than four limbs.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
Following numerous complaints and growing budget constraints, Ulrich has been asked to downgrade to a less terrifying vessel. In the future, any Awakened who wish to upgrade to a higher number of limbs or a significantly different model must please follow our official application process.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
And also because you popped a boner when you saw him pick up the minifridge with his tentacles?
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
One more infraction and your account will be suspended, Medicine Pocket.
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
Adler, I’m disappointed. Even after seeing the extensive improvements in workplace efficiency, you still choose to enforce these humanocentric norms on all us Awakened? I’m certain that after a transition period of one month, the amount of screaming would lower to a manageable level. I’m not a human, so why should I have to look like one?
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
I thought you were obsessed with your so called ‘humanitarian effort.’
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
It’s the principle of it. I should have the choice to value efficiency over sentiment, instead of being forced to conform to human limits. There are enough Awakened in Laplace that they should be properly represented, and whatever form we choose to take should be respected.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
We don't have the budget to replace an entire military tank's worth of components every time you decide you’d rather get blown up than follow proper lab safety precautions.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
Oh, so NOW you care about the budget Ulrich eats through??
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Oh, come on! It’s all a bit of harmless fun.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
This applies to you too, X. Follow the outlined procedure in the future.
ID:LSCC0100100L
Looking To Buy Battery
This is a shame. Upon hearing of this, I was planning a visit to Laplace to upgrade to at least four arms.
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
We’ll get something arranged for you, Madam Lucy.
[Project Updates] New Ulrich body design
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Ulrich went through the new official channels and got this design approved. Please familiarize yourself and avoid drawing any firearms on Ulrich next time you see him!
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
WHY THE FUCK DOES ULRICH GET TO HAVE FOUR EXTENDABLE HYDRALIC ARMS WHEN MY THALOMINE PROJECT IS STILL IN THE GARBAGE ??
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Sorry, friend! Mr. Enigma banned me from his office after the last appeal.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
X I need you to get Ulrich to shake his tits at Adler so we can sneak in and forge his signature
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
I’m, uh, not sure I can do that.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
Fine just put him in lingerie and tie him up outside Adler’s office
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
…How about we take this to dms? ^^;
[Casual Discussion] MY EYES
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Pineconey
WHY IN THE PUBLIC LAB
ID:LSCC01011100S
Snake Siblings Supremacy
Hm. Maybe we should put up some caution signs for the time being.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Chinchilla Enjoyer
Speak for yourself. I’m enjoying the show.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Pineconey
HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?
ID:LSCC01001101M
[DM Disabled]
This is a gross breach of the sexual misconduct code. I’m submitting a complaint. I expected better from a human, especially one that’s supposed to be acting as director.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Pineconey
Can we please stop being racist?? I had to see Adler’s full on cock and balls when I opened the door this morning.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster
Holy Shit
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****7087
Considering the events have clearly been manipulated, can we get some concessions on the betting pool results?
ID:LSCC01101000R
OyCapn
Someone’s salty they lost!
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Pineconey
THE WHAT
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****4763
Does this mean we get the day off? I mean, they’re obviously too busy to yell at us for slacking off, so…
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Obviously!
[Official Notice] Official Apology Statement
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
Earlier, inappropriate conduct was carried out in the public lab 1C21. I sincerely apologize for any disturbance or trauma caused by this event, and will ensure similar incidents do not happen again. The culprits have been found and punished accordingly.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Chinchilla Enjoyer
Did you punish yourself, sir?
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
This entire mess is my punishment.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Chinchilla Enjoyer
…So, that’s a no.
ID:LSCC01010000P
[Suspended User]
Why was my salary docked?? I did you a favor, didn't I?
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
I am never approving that thalomine project.
ID:LSCC01010000P
[Suspended User]
[This message has been removed for a breach of forum rules.]
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
Mr. Enigma, please reconsider. It was all Medicine Pocket’s idea! They held me at gunpoint—I’m innocent!
ID:LSCC01010000P
[Suspended User]
You TRAITOR
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
Denied.
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
No… My PTO… ;^;
ID:LSCC01010000P
A Friendly Awakened Arcanist
Ahem. I also apologize, everyone. That was extremely irresponsible of us. As penance, I will give up all of my vacation time.
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
guest****4763
But, you weren't going to use it either way..
ID:LSCC01011000X
Next-Gen Gadget Developer
If you’re not going to use it, can I have it?
ID:LSCC01XXXXXXX
Anonymous
wait does this mean you didn't get an official punishment either
ID:LSCC01011100S
Snake Siblings Supremacy
…You don't actually regret anything, do you?
ID:LSCC01000101E
Tabletop Cleanup Master
…Not really, no.
ID:LSCC01010000P
Budget Buster