Chapter Text
Luigi has never been a first pick. Outside of his brother.
Not in middle school, when he would be the last one picked for teams in P.E. Not in high school, when he was left the odd man out for class projects. Not at work, when his brother would have to fight to get him any shifts. Not even in his own kidnapping is he a first pick. Not that it would have made getting taken prisoner any better, but it still stings.
And now, all of those rejections have led him here, inside a suspended cell, doomed to be killed as a plot development in his brother's dark origin story. On his tombstone they’ll write, he died as he lived, a background character. C'est la vie, he supposed.
Of course he was worried for Mario, but he had very little doubt in his mind that he’d find a way to defeat Bowser. He was always the leader of the two. And Luigi was fine with that, being the moon orbiting Mario’s sun. If he was destined to be a nobody, he could find contentment in helping Mario be somebody. Even if that was by getting fridged. He exhaled deeply as he further lamented the fatal turn his life had taken.
“Prisoner, Bowser has ordered your presence immediately.” The blue wizard dude barked his orders as he whizzed around Luigi’s cage with dizzying speed.
“No wait, I didn't mean I was actually ready to die! I was just being dramati-” In the blink of an eye, he felt his body levitate off the ground and speed towards the prison's exit. Luigi watched through squinted eyes as halls and corridors swished by him with neck breaking speed. Before he knew it, he was face to face with the king koopa himself.
“Your majesty, I have brought the mustachioed man's brother before you.” The little wizard guy explained, bowing reverently before the menacing figure sitting in front of them.
“Leave us.” Roared Bowser from his throne, barely glancing up at the two below him.
(Yes!) Luigi thought. (Maybe I can escape when he isn’t looking.)
“And tie him up before you go.”
(Shoot.)
Mr. Wizard roughly bound Luigi’s hands behind him as he leaned in to whisper that they “wouldn’t afford mercy to runaways” before he left. The large doors echoed as they closed, bouncing off the walls and into Luigi’s ears as if to mock his naive hope of escape.
“Hostage”
“Y-yes your royal scariness?”
“Come closer. I do not wish to overwork my voice before I perform my super romantic love ballad to my fiancé.”
“Ok” Luigi squeaked out as he inched towards his captor. Only when he was a few feet away from him did Bowser explain his sudden request.
“You and your really lame brother resemble Princess Peach, as if you come from the same place. I had never seen anyone like Peach, until you two arrived. Do you come from the same kingdom?”
“I wouldn’t call Brooklyn a kingdom, I mean it's great sure but the only castles or royalty we got sell burgers-”
“Shut up and answer the question!”
“Yesofcoursesorry!” Luigi paused. “Well, I’ve never met this Princess Peach, but, if there aren’t any humans here, it would most likely mean, yes, she came from our world. Earth.”
“Just as I suspected. You and her are one in the same. This human species is vastly different from anything here. That’s what drew me to her; she was one of a kind. Alone, like me.”
“Awww”
“But her uniqueness is exactly the problem. I must admit, I have no clue how to woo a ‘human’ woman. Which is where you come in.”
“Huh?! Me?”
“You will help me learn the ways of the ‘humans’, gain Princess Peach’s love, and marry her and maybe I won’t kill your brother.”
“What?!? No! You can’t kill Mario!”
“Well, if you really care about your dear dumb brother so much, you better give it your all as my teacher. Because if you fail, I will spend the rest of my life using your brother's head as my stress toy.” Bowser mocked with glee. “You are excused.”
“Wait! No, you-” Luigi felt his body lift off the ground again and fly towards the doors. “No this conversation isn’t-”
Before he could finish, the entrance doors slammed closed with finality, cutting him off as he was dragged through the air back to his cage. This wasn’t how he thought his late 20s would go at all.