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Tangerine was suffering from a feeling he had long thought he'd purged from himself. His conscience was nagging at him. He thought he had excised that tumor years ago, but here it was rearing it's ugly head and demanding to be acknowledged. It wasn't the killing he did for work that was making him feel guilty and worse than dirt. It wasn't any of the other dirty work that paid the bills. It was the fact that he'd been lying to Ryland, the man he was only now admitting to himself that the loved, for months now.
He and Ryland had been seeing each other off and on for around four months at this point. Usually he'd pop by at the weekend to see him, careful to time things around when Tom's schedule wouldn't obviously contradict his time with Ryland. That was the problem, actually. He still hadn't told Ryland that he wasn't his twin brother. Ryland still called out Tom's name in bed, believing that's who he was fucking. Every time it was like a knife to his heart, one he had positioned just so and practically begged his lover to plunge into him.
His ruse with Ryland about being Tom had resulted in him actually improving his relationship with his twin to some extent. They had been raised separately due to Tom being adopted when they were young, while he remained behind in foster care. His adoptive parents only wanted one child, so they left him and never looked back. They'd reconnected as adults, but it was obviously different than if they'd been raised together. Lately, though, he'd been keeping in touch with Tom so that he could find out his schedule and details about what he was working on to tell Ryland, so that on the off chance he mentioned something to his own twin, who worked with Tom, that nothing sounded any alarm bells for being too far off. It was just one more layer to the lie, another nail in the coffin.
He tried talking it through with his other brother once. Liam, who went by the code name Lemon to his Tangerine, was adamant that he needed to come clean with Ryland. "You love 'im. I know you do. You can't start a relationship off with a lie. That's no way to build a bridge together." At the talk of bridges, he started to tune his brother out. This was sure to devolve into one of his long winded lectures about how he could read people based on their similarities to characters from Thomas the Tank Engine. Sure enough, when he turned back in, Liam was saying, "Letting him believe a lie like that is some real Diesel behavior, it is."
He believed his brother, he believed his conscience. He needed to tell Ryland the truth and beg for forgiveness and hope beyond all reason that he'd still want anything to do with him. Oh, and he needed to tell the man he was hopelessly in love with him. That he wanted to worship the ground the walked on. That he was "down bad" for him as Ryland's students would say.
He had to stake his hope at happiness on the forgiveness of a man he'd been lying to for months. Ryland was a kind and merciful man. He hoped that would be enough to save their relationship.
It was two weeks into summer break and Ryland was excited to be out of his cramped apartment and visiting Colt in LA. He was also looking forward to seeing more of Tom. Today he planned to surprise him with a visit to the set that he and Colt were working on. Tom always came to visit him and he wanted to be the one doing the visiting for a change.
Ryland felt a little bit guilty about not having told Colt yet that he was dating his co-worker who was kind of his boss. He worried how Colt would react because he knew they didn't get along very well. Tom was brash and abrasive, or at least he was with other people. He showed a different side of himself to Ryland when they were alone together. He was still opinionated, but he listened. He always made Ryland feel like he was the star between the two of them, something he never would have expected from the actor before they got together.
Ryland spent more time than usual picking out his clothes for the day. He took so long that Colt noticed and teased him about it. "You act like you're going on a date, not like you're hanging out at my work." Ryland hoped his expression didn't give away that he felt closer to the first option than the second.
Once they were finally on set, Colt was needed in wardrobe, so he directed him to where his girlfriend Jody was working. Ryland didn't remember what exactly her job title was on this film, but she was working closely with the director and would be close to wherever Tom was working for the day.
When he caught sight of Tom, he felt his pulse pick up. He always felt a little stirring of butterflies at the sight of the man he thought of as his boyfriend. They hadn't put a label on things yet, but it's what felt right in his heart.
Tom looked very different from the way he was used to seeing him. He was shocked to see that he'd shaved his mustache, gotten his hair cut much shorter and dyed it blond again. He even seemed to be carrying himself differently. Less confident and more cocky, if that made any sense. Worst of all, he wasn't using that adorable British accent that Ryland had grown to love. He sounded very American and it was jarring after months of hearing him sound so different.
Ryland must have looked stunned, staring at Tom, cataloguing all the differences in his behavior and appearance. Obviously he was working and would behave differently than he did in Ryland's apartment (and thank him for that, because that sort of behavior was not fit for the workplace honestly) but it was such a vast difference that Ryland almost couldn't believe he was the same person that he was growing to love.
Eventually, Tom finished talking to his scene partner and came striding over to where Ryland was standing, off to the side trying to stay out of the way. "Well hello to Colt's prettier half," Tom said as he drew closer.
Ryland stared in disbelief. Tom was acting exactly the same way he had months ago before he'd shown up injured on his fire escape in the middle of the night. He was back to the same old tired lines and didn't have the same warmth to his smile that Ryland had gotten used to. He seemed more shallow and vapid than Ryland remembered him being even back then. Something was off. This wasn't the Tom he knew. This wasn't the person he'd been seeing lately. Who the heck had he been sleeping with?!
It was unusual for Tangerine to get a call from Ryland during the day. He knew his love was out of school for the summer, of course, but Ryland usually respected his supposed filming schedule and didn't want to bother him while he might be on set. Fortunately he wasn't involved in any kind of delicate work that would prevent him from answering the phone. "Hello, love. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Who the fuck are you?" Ryland asked, sounding as if he bit off every word through gritted teeth. He wasn't sure which was more jarring, the tone or the fact that Ryland had cursed. He was always careful not to swear because he was afraid he'd get in the habit and do it at school as well.
"What do you mean? You know who I am, Ryland," he said as smoothly as he could manage.
"What I mean is that I'm standing on your film set watching you act and yet somehow talking to you at the same time," Ryland practically spat at him through the phone. "I am about three seconds from screaming if you don't start explaining yourself."
"Uh, okay, so I'm Tom's twin brother. I wanted to tell you every time we've been together, but I just didn't know how and the longer it went, the bigger everything felt and the harder it got to come clean and I'm really, really, really sorry for lying to you, Ryland." He rushed through explanation, hoping that it was sufficient to keep Ryland from screaming into his phone.
"Right. Okay. Sure. I understand what it's like to prank someone and pretend to be your twin. Did it all the time as a kid. But I would never dream of doing it to sleep with someone! That's such a violation of trust! How can someone consent to sex if they don't even know who they're sleeping with?!" Ryland wasn't yelling, but he was definitely starting to spiral. This was no good. They needed to have this conversation face-to-face, not over a phone call, not while he was apparently on his brother's film set.
"I'm sorry, you are right. It is such a violation and I know I'm awful for doing that to you. I didn't mean to hurt you Ryland, I swear. I can be there by this evening, I can explain everything in person. I can get on my knees and beg forgiveness if that's what you want," he was beginning to spiral himself. He needed to get it together but he knew that was impossible until he knew if Ryland would give him another chance.
"I, what. Uh, I don't even know your name…" Ryland said, trailing off and sounding oh so small. The hurt in his voice was almost more than he could bear.
"My name is Francis. My brothers call me Fran. You are welcome to call me anything you like, sweetheart," he answered softly. He'd been longing to tell Ryland his name for what felt like forever, hoping to hear the sound of his name on Ryland's lips. He'd gotten so sick of hearing Tom's name when he was with his lover. He really had no one but himself to blame for it though. He was a fucking idiot.
"Francis. Fran. I am so furious with you right now," Ryland said. "And yet…"
"Yet?" Fran asked, hopeful at the change in Ryland's tone.
"I want to drag you to bed with me so I can scream your real name as you make me come. I also want to cry in relief because you do not know how much it was driving me insane thinking, 'There is no freaking way I fell for Tom Ryder. I don't even like him!'" Ryland laughed at that and Fran had to bite his tongue not to join him. "I talked to him for like two seconds here and wanted to slap him. I thought I was losing my mind, Francis."
"So, you're saying that you like me then?" Tangerine asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm saying that I love you and I am so glad you aren't your brother. I need to see you as soon as possible so you can introduce yourself to me properly," Ryland said, and there was nothing he wanted more than to be with him in that moment, laying every part of his soul bare for Ryland to see, for him to know him and not who he'd been pretending to be for so long.
"You love me?" he asked, afraid that he'd misheard the words. He'd wanted to hear them for so long and he couldn't believe that Ryland would say it after finding out how badly he'd fucked up for their entire relationship. "I love you, Ryland. I will make this right to you. I want nothing more than for you to know me, my love."
Ryland was sitting at a picnic table eating lunch when Colt found him next. "Hey, Ry. Are you okay? Jody said you looked really weird when Ryder tried to talk to you and that you seemed really upset on the phone after that."
"Oh, that. Um, it's kind of embarrassing and I don't want to talk about it right now," Ryland said, ducking his head and hoping Colt wouldn't see how red his face was getting.
"Well now you have to tell me," Colt said. "Unless. Oh God. Please tell me you aren't sleeping with Ryder."
"I am so beyond happy to tell you that I am most emphatically not sleeping with Tom Ryder," Ryland said.
"Wow, you sure know how to make a guy feel wanted" said Ryder himself, appearing as if from nowhere as he often did when Ryland was visiting the set.
Ryland ignored the actor and looked straight at his brother, "I am actually sleeping with Ryder's twin brother, Francis."
Colt and Ryder both nearly choked on their food at the same time. Ryland laughed and wished his boyfriend was there to enjoy the moment with him. "Okay, so as long as you two are done trying to die here, I need to get going. I have a date tonight that I want to get ready for. Don't wait up for me Colt."