Chapter Text
According to psychologists, a child’s father leaving them can result in numerous factors in adulthood. Depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem. A father’s absence can have an impact on the child’s behavior and academic life, causing them to not succeed as well as their peers. Although, it is not inevitable and children with absent fathers are able to excel.
And based on the evidence, women with absent fathers had higher trajectories of depressive symptoms compared to men.
Some parents, on the other hand, are more present. They try to push their kids in the right direction by being direct about what they want from their kids. By being critical.
A parent being too critical can result in difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships and boundaries, persistent feelings of self-doubt or self-hatred, depression, and anxiety.
Apparently, the gods cursed Ami Miyazaki with both.
When Ami was four, she watched her father walk out on her family.
She still saw him sometimes. She watched him cheat on his other girlfriends, just like he did with her mother. But visiting him was fun, most of the time.
Spending time with her dad turned into an occasional thing. Before it turned into yearly phone calls. Then nothing.
When Ami was seven, she stopped hearing from her dad all together.
Every time she saw a father and his child, she felt this sense of loneliness. She was yearning for a man who had no interest in being a part of her life.
Ami was able to mature into an intelligent young hero without him. She was accepted into UA high, top of her class. Only with the help of her mother.
“You need to be studying and training harder,” Her mother criticized. It always hurt Ami’s heart when her mother criticized her. Not because the feedback wasn’t needed. But because it was never-ending.
One night, Ami was reading on her bed. Her mother was laying next to her, playing with her long, black hair.
Suddenly, her mother said, “You’ve become lazy. You need to get back on track.”
Ami nodded, not interested in starting another fight.
But her mother wasn’t finished,
“Your hair needs to be better.”
“Your face is looking a little puffier.”
“Your skin is breaking out again.”
“You need to work harder.”
“You and I should start going to the gym together.”
That last one was especially annoying. Ami, who was literally training to be a hero, did tons of physical movement.
By the time her mother left her room, Ami had tears in her eyes. It seemed like her mother couldn’t just love her for who she was. She insisted that she loved her daughter, but the constant criticism made it seem otherwise.
Ami refused to look in the mirror. She didn’t want to see her puffy, acne-covered face or her ugly hair. When she needed to wash her hands, she did it looking down. She avoided taking photos. But the one thing she could not avoid was her rotten brain. The one that her mother said was becoming dumber by the day.
Her heart was always hurting. Filled with things her mother has said to her. If her dad was here, she would’ve cried into his arms. She always fantasized about that. Running to her dad when the world was mean to her.
But now was not the time to be focusing on her fantasies. With her first year at UA approaching, she needed to study hard, per her mother’s request. She could fantasize later when it was late at night and she was knee-deep in a fanfiction about her favorite anime character receiving comfort from their father figure.
Ami was ecstatic about the introduction of the dormitory system that was being instilled at UA after recent villain attacks. She could study on her own terms, without her mother telling her she needed to do it. She wouldn’t have to feel like she was walking on eggshells every waking moment. She could just breathe.
That’s if her mother agreed to let her live at the dorms, of course.
Ami sat on her couch, hands folded in her lap, anxiety rising as Mr.Aizawa and All Might were explaining to her mother why Ami living in the dorms would be the safer option. Her mother was listening intently. Ultimately, the decision was to let Ami stay at the dorms as long as she kept up her studies and training. Ami was overjoyed and promised her mother to be good. That would be a hard promise to keep. Because no matter how ‘good’ Ami was, her mother expected better.
Living at the dorms was peaceful. With the sole exception of Bakugo always yelling. Ami made friends, especially with the girls. It always bothered her how the class was so overwhelmingly male. But her handful of girl-friends was just enough to keep her satisfied. She loved her room. She got to decorate it how she wanted without her mother’s disapproval. Not to mention, the dorms had a lovely kitchen and common area where everyone could hangout and unwind from the day's events.
It was Iida and Yaoyorozu’s idea to introduce class roles. For example, 3 students would be in charge of making dinner for the class everyday, 1 student would be in charge of weekly groceries, 3 students would be in charge of cleaning the bathrooms, etcetera. Of course, these were rotational.
One week, it was Ami’s turn to get groceries for the class. She was walking out of the supermarket, bags in hand. She turned a corner when she overheard a serious conversation. Most of the time, Ami would mind her business. But today she was feeling particularly nosey. So she turned her head to see what it was that she was eavesdropping on.
It was a tall man in a business suit and dark hair. His arms were crossed and his expression was dark and grave. He was lecturing a young girl in a school uniform. Ami noticed that the man and the girl looked alike so she was presumably the man's daughter. She looked annoyed but shameful at the same time. Something must’ve happened at school for her to get in trouble
The man put a hand on the girl’s shoulder and pulled her into an embrace, which the girl basically melted into. Ami came to the conclusion that the scolding was out of love and not criticism.
Ami decided to keep walking back to campus, but the interaction kept replaying in the back of her mind. Her rotten mind which would never shut up. She didn’t know why it was bothering her so much. They were two random people on the street yet it was eating away at her head.
When she got back to the dorms, she placed the grocery bags on the counter and left Jirou and Kaminari to organize it in the refrigerator and pantry.
Lying on her bed, she opened her phone, the memory of earlier still fresh in her mind.
“I don’t care about my dad.” She had insisted when her mother asked.
But the tears in her eyes at the memory of the father and daughter said otherwise.
Was it truly that impossible for her dad to love her like that?