Work Text:
‘Alex, hey, what are you doing here?’
The voice is so energetic that Alex feels a nip of envy as he tries to place it. Fuck, he’d love to have that much energy right now, any energy right now really. He knows he and Henry are doing pretty well, thanks to having dealt with insomnia so often in their lives before, but nothing compares to taking care of seven-week-old twins. Alex is very grateful for coffee, but it barely scratches the surface these days.
Tyrell, Alex realises—as the guy walks towards him—of course. He’s always reminded Alex of Cash: Black, bald, tall, and built; looks like he could knock you for six but is really a sweetheart. He’s grinning as he walks over, his eyes on Victoria in the baby carrier.
‘Hi’ he says gently when he reaches Alex, running his fingers lightly over Victoria’s head ‘oh, aren’t you precious?’
He looks at Alex and smiles knowingly.
‘The newborn stage can be tough, but soak it up. I swear I blinked and my boys are 8 and 5.’
‘Does it get easier?’ Alex asks dubiously.
‘Do we want me to lie?’ Tyrell chuckles.
‘No’ Alex laughs, shaking his head.
‘It’s still the best thing ever’ Tyrell says ‘being a dad, nothing beats it.’
‘Yeah’ Alex smiles, squeezing Victoria’s foot ‘I’ve definitely found that to be the case.’
‘So, you just miss this place too much, or…?’
‘Cristina called, there’s some paperwork I had that she needed.’
‘And she couldn’t send a lackey to come get it off you, or a courier?’
‘I don’t mind’ Alex shrugs ‘I offered.’
‘Well, at least let me get you a cup of coffee while you’re here.’
‘Thanks, man.’
Alex follows Tyrell, and Alex’s colleagues come out to coo over Victoria, who he obviously agrees, yes, is absolutely adorable. When most of them get called away to a meeting, Alex finds he doesn’t mind when the door closes and leaves him on the other side. He’s quite happy right now, to focus on nothing but Henry and their girls.
The thought pokes at him though, he never thought it’d be the case that he’d stop working so easily, so willingly. That he’d throw himself into fatherhood without a backwards glance. But then, he thinks of empty houses and latch keys and hurriedly written notes, and kisses Victoria’s head as he walks out to the car. That, he never wants to be either.
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Alex feels fucking strange. He looks in the mirror again, taking in the clean-shaven face, the contacts, the curls not flying in fifty different directions, and the crisp and clean suit. It’s only been a few months but it feels like an actual lifetime.
What if he’s forgotten how to talk to adults for more than five minutes? He can’t exactly exclaim ‘big yawn!’ or ‘big sneeze!’ at them, sing soothing lullabies in Spanish to them, or call them every pet name under the sun. His lawyer intonation has flown out the window, his tone these days was entirely baby friendly. Except for when he and Henry were alone; his mind very much focused on his husband on those occasions, with no reminders needed to not coo over his fingees or his toesies.
Alex sighs, runs his hands over his neat hair and takes some deep breaths, looking into the mirror and saying to himself
‘You are fucking awesome, you are good at your job, you haven’t forgotten how to do it.’
He turns his head when he hears Eleanor moving about in the crib and he gives himself one last little nod, and walks out of the en-suite and towards his daughter.
Eleanor is stretching, her eyes still fluttering as she wakes up. Alex gives her a few moments and once her gaze alights on him, he smiles at her, and picks her up.
‘Hi, precious girl.’
Eleanor looks confusedly at him for a millisecond before she bursts into tears and tries to turn away from him.
‘El, baby girl, mi corazón, what’s wrong?’
Alex holds her closes and starts to rock with her, but her cries don’t lessen, and she keeps trying to turn away. Within a couple of minutes, Henry is standing in the doorway.
He’s holding Victoria, with David by his feet. Henry puts Victoria down on the bed, and lifts David beside her, who keeps watch while she stares fascinated at her hands. Then he holds his arms out and Alex passes Eleanor to him, whereupon she immediately shoves her face in Henry’s chest and stops crying.
‘Oh’ Alex says, as his heart breaks.
‘Alex’ Henry says immediately in a consoling voice ‘it’s because you look different. She’s used to her Papa with a beard and glasses.’
Alex bites his lip and makes a non-committal ‘hmmm’, looking down at his feet. He knows Henry is right, Eleanor has never freaked out like that before just from seeing him, but it still hurts.
He hears Henry let out a heavy breath, his feet shuffling away, and then rifling in their walk-in closet, before he returns and says ‘here.’
Alex looks up and sees that Henry has wrapped Eleanor in an navy Oxford sweater that once belonged to Henry, but really has been Alex’s for years. He throws it on all the time, it’s so soft and comfortable and he always felt loved in it, like Henry is holding him.
Henry has covered Eleanor’s eyes with a sleeve and Alex takes her, pressing her to his chest, before he removes the sleeve from her eyes, but keeps her bundled in the sweater.
Eleanor lets out a tiny sigh, and scrunches more into Alex’s chest, and before he has time to even register it, tears are falling on top of her tiny, delicate head.
‘Oh, my sweet boy’ Henry says soothingly, and Alex is being pulled into Henry’s arms, Eleanor between them, as Henry wraps his arms around Alex and kisses his temple.
‘I love you’ Henry says into his hair ‘I love you so much, and so do our daughters, they just don’t understand like I do, that you’re the same person, and equally as gorgeous, like this, or beardy and bespectacled.’
‘Beardy and bespectacled’ Alex chuckles wetly.
‘You’re going to be amazing at work, and when you come home, we’ll just cuddle all night, yeah? You, me, David, and our girls.’
Alex nods into Henry’s shoulder. Henry kisses his temple once more, before pulling back, holding Alex’s face in his hands, and saying with the upmost love and conviction
‘You are Alex Claremont-Diaz-Fox. You are incredible at your job. You’re the best Papa in the world, and we love you more than words could ever convey. Don’t ever forget it.’
Alex nods to himself, tiny bobs of his head, before he kisses Henry.
‘Thank you, baby, I love you so much.’
‘No need to thank me, love, not for this.’
‘Thank you anyway.’
Henry smiles, kisses him once more and says ‘you’re very welcome.’
----------
It’s been a while since Alex has had to ask, and he feels like he’s forgotten how. These days, it was nearly entirely tradespeople who had to sign NDAs, and they tried to limit even needing them at all. Alex thinks the last time might have been when they needed a plumber to fix the downstairs toilet.
Alex looks across to Mason, his team’s newest hire. He’s been working at the firm for two months, and he was still struggling. Cristina, Alex’s boss, had not so subtly suggested that Alex perhaps help him out after work, when there wasn’t a million distractions, but where there was time and space to go through things.
Which is how Alex has ended up with the jittery 24 year old sitting in his passenger seat as he drives home. He looks over at Mason when he stops at a red light, can’t help but see himself, a young Latino kid trying to make his way in the world. It’s just, he barely knows the guy.
‘Hey’ Alex says as casually as he can manage ‘I hate to ask, but would you be ok signing an NDA before we get to my house?’
‘An NDA?’
‘An non-disclosure agreement’ Alex says, and wonders if there was ever a time he didn’t know what that was, what election did his mom win before people had to start signing them?
‘Yeah, I know what it is’ Mason chuckles nervously ‘I am a lawyer.’
‘Of course you do, sorry. It’s just a formality’ Alex takes a breath ‘Henry and I, had our privacy violated years ago, you’re probably too young to remember—’
‘I remember’ Mason cuts in, and his tone is tinged with sympathy.
‘Oh ok’, Alex says, surprised ‘so you’d understand why we’re so protective of our privacy.’
‘Yeah, no, man’ Mason says, his voice going high-pitched for a moment before he clears his throat ‘I get it, I’ll sign it, it’s fine.’
‘Thanks Mason.’
At the next red lights, Alex finds a copy in his e-mails and pings it over to Mason, who he sees squiggle his signature on the screen moments later.
‘Did you read it?’ Alex asks hesitantly.
‘Is it basically don’t take pictures, and don’t talk about any personal affects of your home to anyone?’
‘Pretty much’ Alex says, impressed ‘and any details pertaining to me, Henry, our family, and extended family.’
‘So if I get some juicy gossip on the Queen, don’t tell the press?’
Alex chuckles in response, and turns onto his street. When he reaches their house, he sees Henry’s car isn’t in the driveway; he must have taken the girls out. Alex pulls in as Mason stares wide-eyed at his home, fumbling with his seatbelt while Alex gets out of the car.
Alex is nervous as he opens the door, their home is so sacred to them, that even with NDAs it feels odd to bring someone virtually unknown into their sanctuary.
Alex toes off his shoes once he’s in the door, and Mason seeing this, does the same. His smiley faced socks endear him to Alex who smiles and walks towards the kitchen. The stroller is in it’s usual place in the hallway, so Alex figures Henry brought the girls to the shelter, where he doesn’t need it.
Mason looks around as he follows Alex, his eyes alighting on the stroller, and when they enter the kitchen, the highchairs at the top of the table, the various toys and baby paraphernalia scattered about the place.
‘Woah, you have a lot of baby stuff.’
Alex laughs disbelievingly and says deadpan ‘yeah, it’s almost like we have two babies.’
‘That was a stupid thing to say’ Mason utters under his breath.
‘It’s fine’ Alex reassures him ‘do you want a drink? Water or coffee? There’s also a fuck ton of teas.’
‘Just water is fine, thanks.’
Alex gets him a glass of water, and one for himself and walks back down the hall and towards his and Henry’s home office, Mason following behind.
Alex nudges the door open with his hip, and puts the waters down on top of the little bookshelf they keep in here for the girls.
‘Sorry’ Alex says as he starts tidying the mass of paper on his desk ‘I work from home a lot, what with the girls, so it’s a bit chaotic.’
Alex kicks out his chair and gestures with his chin
‘Here, sit down, and tell me, what is it you need help with the most?’
Alex pulls Henry’s chair towards his own desk, sits down, and like he knows best, starts to help.
Cristina was right, it is easier outside the office to help Mason, with no colleagues, or overflowing inboxes or ringing phones. He feels Mason relax, and they’re so in the zone, that Alex doesn’t notice Henry’s car pulling into the drive, doesn’t hear him until he’s shouting
‘Alex? We’re home.’
‘Hi, b-Hen’ Alex shouts back, to let him know he’s here, and he’s ok.
Alex had let Henry know about bringing Mason back to the house, and Alex hears Henry, and the babble of their daughters disappear down the hall.
It isn’t long after that, that the door pushes open, and Eleanor toddles in. Her eyes are on Alex, but upon seeing Mason, she looks at him uncertainly, to which Mason mutters an ‘oh woah, hello’.
Seemingly deciding, she isn’t going to let this new person deter her, she continues towards Alex and makes grabby hands at him.
‘Hi, my precious girl’ Alex coos and picks her up, settling her in his lap and kissing her head.
‘Eleanor’ Alex says gently, pointing at Mason ‘this is Mason, he works with Papa. Can you say hi?’
Eleanor stares at Mason and squishes back more into Alex’s chest.
‘That’s ok, sweetie’ he says, kissing her head again, and saying to Mason ‘she can be a bit shy with strangers.’
Alex rolls back towards the desk and looks down at the case they were just looking at.
‘She’s staying?’ Mason asks, looking towards the door.
‘Yeah’ Alex says, warily ‘she’s ok, she just wants a cuddle, she loves cuddles.’
Alex doesn’t particularly want to go into the whole ‘we never refuse them cuddles’ thing, the way it heals both him and Henry, but also makes the girls feel loved and safe and secure. He knows a lot of people would have divisions in their lives, kids left on other sides of doors whilst parents work.
Truly, he knows for some, maybe most, it’s the only way to make it work, and Alex is aware that maybe he and Henry should have it that way too. But Alex has had enough therapy to know he never wants to be like his own parents. He admires them greatly, he always will, but he does not want his daughters to ever feel like Alex once did, like he did not matter as much as his parents’ work did.
Perhaps there was an easier way to soothe his inner child, than always being available to their daughters if they’re working, but Alex doesn’t yet feel up for trying an alternative. For now, he and Henry preferred, if it was possible, to multitask.
It was easier with Eleanor than Victoria, Eleanor mostly was happy just to cuddle and let her daddies get on with whatever. Victoria a lot of the time had to be paid attention to fully, until she got distracted by something else.
‘She’ll be no problem’ Alex adds hurriedly ‘honestly she’s more than happy to sit quietly in my lap while I work.’
Mason laughs and Alex looks at him questioningly.
‘What?’
‘Nothing’ Mason says, smiling and shaking his head ‘it’s just you’re Alex Claremont-Diaz, you know? You’re a legend, your mom was President, you’re married to a prince, I’ve seen you in action in court, you’re a fucking-good sorry—’
‘It’s fine’ Alex says ‘she’s only thirteen months, we can still swear.’
‘You’re a fucking good lawyer’ Mason continues ‘like intimidatingly good. It’s a lot. It’s just surreal seeing you as like a soft dad, it’s makes you feel more—'
‘Human?’ Alex guesses.
‘Yeah’ Mason says, clicking his fingers ‘that.’
Mason pauses for a moment and looks at Eleanor in Alex’s lap and says with a tinge of guilt
‘Part of me thought you’d palm them off on a nanny.’
‘Yeah’ Alex chuckles drily ‘I think a lot of people have that idea, but no, we don’t have a nanny.’
‘Would it not be easier? Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude—’
‘It’s fine’ Alex says reassuringly, as he tucks Eleanor’s head under his chin ‘maybe it would be. But it wasn’t for us, we wanted to be the ones to raise the girls. We didn’t have them just to have a nanny raise them. And we’ve been lucky and privileged enough that we can make it work, that we have workplaces that let us.’
‘Until they ask you to teach the newbie at home’ Mason points out with a wry smile.
‘Until that’ Alex chuckles ‘come on, once we finish up, we can have dinner. If you’d like to stay?’
‘Yeah’ Mason says, clearly taken aback ‘yeah, that’d be great, thanks.’
They manage to wrap up, just before Victoria crawls in, and is immediately intrigued by this new person. Alex suspects if she had the ability, she’d grab Mason’s hand and drag him off to play. Eleanor, clings to Alex when he gets up, and when they reach the kitchen, he flies around it, trying to help one-handed, before Henry playfully swats him away.
There’s a look of awe lingering in Mason’s eyes as he sits at the kitchen table and takes in their family life. Alex can’t help but still feel on guard, Mason is nice and he’s been perfectly pleasant, but it’s still odd to feel like their family is on show, somehow.
It is rare that anyone but their nearest and dearest is even in their home, especially when it’s just the four of them. They’d had plenty of people over for the girls’ birthday the month before, but that had been different, with so many guests, and with the attention on the girls, there wasn’t any scrutiny focused solely on their family unit.
Even with the vast number there, it had been different. They were either friends or family, or neighbours with kids who were focused on their own children, not a work colleague Alex barely knows. He sighs internally, telling himself that he could know him if he wants to, if he gets his brain to stop spinning so quickly, with such probing doubt.
Thankfully, with the girls, there isn’t any time for awkwardness, and in amongst amusing their daughters while Henry cooks, Alex peppers Mason with questions about his life, how he came to be in Austin working as a lawyer.
Over dinner, Henry, his ever affable self, coaxes stories out of Mason, and tells his own, the laughter flowing easily and Alex for perhaps the billionth time, is so very grateful to be married to his beautiful, eloquent husband.
After they eat, they order Mason an Uber home, waving him off with well wishes, from the front door. The next day, when Alex finds a bottle of whiskey on his desk, with a Post-it stuck on it reading ‘Really appreciated the help, Alex, and the dinner! Thanks, Mason :)’, he grins. It never fails to make him feel better, knowing he’s helped.
-----------
‘Hey mija, sorry, but Papa needs to answer that.’
The screeches Victoria lets out when he takes the phone from her are absolutely ear-splitting, and as Alex answers it, he tries one handed to find something else to distract her with, as she keeps reaching to try and get it back.
‘Hey Cristina’ he says into the phone, as he tries to gently push Victoria away from his face.
‘Everything alright, Alex?’
‘It’s fine, Victoria was just playing with my phone and she’s very mad I took it away.’
Alex takes his socks off and waves them in front of Victoria’s face but she’s not having it. This, he thinks, is why they usually don’t let the girls play with their phones. They were always trying to grab them, but if they successfully managed and then had it taken away, it was usually worse than if they’d never managed to snatch it in the first place. He couldn’t fight every single battle though, not with 18-month-olds, and Alex didn’t think this one needed to be won, not until his boss rang that is.
Cristina is saying something to him, but he can’t hear her over Victoria’s crying. Alex gets off the sofa and starts looking through the girls’ toy baskets, holding up random ones to see if Victoria will take to them.
‘Sorry, what was that?’ he says as he gives up and decides to take Victoria outside.
He shoves his phone under one ear and scoops her up, heading for the back door.
‘I can call you back, Alex.’
‘No, it’s fine’ Alex says insistently.
‘It doesn’t sound fine…’
‘It is’ Alex reassures her, as he stops in the kitchen to get Victoria a snack ‘it’s fine. No one is hurt, everything’s fine.’
‘Ok’ Cristina says doubtfully as Alex hands Victoria a little container of shredded cheese, which of course mostly ends up on the floor, David all too happy to help clean it up.
He grabs her some rice puffs too and shoves the back door open with his hip, walks down the porch steps and sets her on the grass with her snacks, David right beside her. Victoria lets out a plaintive cry but then starts to eat the rice puffs, and soon after that, the grass.
‘How can I help, Cristina?’
Cristina launches into a spiel about one of Alex’s clients. He listens and tries to help, as he keeps an eye on Victoria. She’s now trying to feed David grass, her tiny pudgy grass-filled fists pressed against David’s mouth. He knows neither of them should be eating grass, but it’s another case of a battle not worth fighting, when it was such a tiny amount of it.
When Cristina wraps up the conversation, he agrees to meet his client early tomorrow, and hangs up, before he shoves his head in his hands.
‘Papa!’
Alex swivels his head and finds Eleanor toddling towards him. He turns and opens his arms, holding her tight when she reaches him. He kisses her forehead when she pulls back, before she shimmies backwards down the porch steps towards her sister. Moments later, they’re giggling as they toddle after David down the yard.
‘Hey, my love.’
Alex sighs with relief as he tips his head back and receives Henry’s kiss, and a very welcome scritch-scratch to his head.
‘Ummm, keep doing that, H.’
Henry does so, and Alex closes his eyes and sinks into the feeling, as Henry manages to sit down beside him without moving his hand. His goddamn, awesome, competent husband. It’s ridiculous that he missed him when he was just out doing errands, but fuck it, he did. He’s glad Henry’s working from home today, even if Alex knows Henry will have to disappear again soon to get back to it.
‘You ok, Alex?’
‘Cristina called, when Victoria was playing with my phone, and Victoria was absolutely distraught when I answered it.’ he sighs ‘Sometimes I feel like I’m giving half of myself at work and half of myself here, rather than my best full self at either.’
‘Mi amor’ Henry says gently, knowing full well what that does to Alex ‘you know that’s not true.’
Alex does. He knows he’s a good dad, and he knows he’s a good lawyer, but that doesn’t stop the occasional niggle every now and again.
‘Fuck knows what Cristina was thinking’ Alex says eventually.
‘That you’re on a day off, and that you’re good to answer the phone at all, even though you were busy looking after our daughter?’
‘I suppose.’
‘Suppose harder’ Henry says jokily, poking Alex in the side ‘I mean, if I was at the shelter, you’d have had the two of them, and then Cristina should have been very grateful that you picked up. Blame me if you must, that your husband had to leave his prose and half his family, to run out and pick up some essentials.’
‘I think people forget we need essentials, most of them probably think we run on oxygen and lust.’
Henry snorts and wraps his arm around Alex’s shoulders, kissing the top of his head.
‘I don’t have to get back to writing, if you need me, darling.’
Alex hums, not giving an answer as they watch their girls. Victoria looks up and waves energetically, shouting ‘Hi Daddies!’, scrunching her face up with happiness.
Alex’s heart turns over as they wave back. He reminds himself that bad parents, never worried about being bad parents. Looking at their happy daughters, he knows, even under his self-scrutiny, that he always tries the very best he can.
-----------
‘She’s fine, Alex.’
‘You’re going to the ER, that doesn’t feel fine.’
‘I’m fine, Papa’ Victoria shouts in the background.
Alex bites his lip and rubs his hand over his face. He’s pacing outside the court room, he hasn’t got much time, but all he wants to do is run and go be with their daughter.
‘Alex’ comes a voice from behind him, his assistant counsel beckoning him inside.
‘Fuck’ he mouths before he says into the phone ‘Hen, I have to go, but keep me updated, ok?’
‘Of course, love, we’ll see you at home.’
‘Bye bye Papa!’
‘Bye bye Victoria, I love you so much.’
‘Love you too, Papa!’
‘And I love you too, Alex.’
‘Love you Hen, bye.’
‘Bye, love.’
Alex takes a deep breath and follows his colleague into the courtroom.
Later when he’s driving home, Alex hardly remembers how court went at all. He had been focused on his client, he always made sure that was the case, but afterwards it felt like he’d woken from a dream but forgotten all the details. Even opening his front door, he can barely remember the drive.
‘Papa!’
Alex lifts Victoria up and into his arms, her legs coming to circle his waist, as he clutches her tight and rocks with her. Unfazed by this, Victoria starts to chatter, her head right beside his ear.
‘I wents to the hospital, and then I got a picture of inside my head, it was so loud, Papa.’
‘Yeah, mija? I bet you were so brave though.’
‘Uhuh’ she nods.
Alex runs his hand over her hair and kisses her temple repeatedly, before he kneels down and puts her back on her feet. Eleanor comes scurrying in from the living room, with David and Baymax right behind, and soon Alex is covering in a confusing mess of paws and tiny limbs and then the press of his husband’s hand atop his head.
‘Can Daddy give Papa a kiss, little loves? Would you mind letting him up?’
There’s a clack of paws falling back to the floor as Alex is pulled into his feet and straight into Henry’s chest. He reaches for his hand, and squeezes twice. Henry reaches to tip Alex’s head back, meeting his eyes, and Alex bites his lip when he sees the concern swimming in them. Henry kisses him softly, hugging him again as he says quietly into his ear
‘I’ll look after you, my darling.’
‘You don’t-‘ Alex starts to protest.
‘I have you’ Henry says firmly, just as quiet before he pulls back and they face the girls.
Alex takes in the bruise on Victoria’s forehead, the dog patterned band-aid covering it. It isn’t new seeing Victoria injured, she was an excitable, active child, who’d had had her fair share of bumps and bruises over the years. But it doesn’t hurt any less, seeing it, or seeing it worse than usual. It hurts even more, knowing he wasn’t there at the hospital for her.
Eleanor is holding her hand, and the pair of them look up at their daddies, expectantly. Victoria doesn’t look upset, neither of them do, they just look excited that their Papa is home.
‘Should we make dinner?’ Alex suggests, pushing his worry down.
‘Yeah!’ the girls exclaim and clamber off to the kitchen, David and Baymax right behind them.
Henry pulls Alex into his arms again, hugging him so tightly, muttering ‘you’re ok, I have you’ repeatedly in Alex’s ear. When he pulls back, he puts his hands on Alex’s shoulders and looks into his eyes.
‘I know it’s tough seeing her hurt, and I know you’re feeling guilty for not being there, but don’t, ok? Try your best to be kind to yourself, my love. I have you, and once the girls are asleep, I’ll be there for you even more.’
Henry reaches for Alex’s hand and squeezes, and they walk to the kitchen hand in hand. The girls have pulled the fridge door open, their drawings on it waving in the breeze coming from the open window overlooking the back yard. Victoria is holding a block of cheese.
‘I think’ Alex says as he bends down, plucks the cheese out of her hand, and kisses the top of her head ‘that you deserve both your favourite dinners, Victoria. So, I think we should make mac and cheese, and fajitas, how does that sound?’
Victoria gasps and does a little jump and exclaims ‘yes, please, Papa!’
Always eager to help, Alex tries to find the less treacherous jobs for Victoria: washing the veg, taking out the pepper seeds, throwing the cheese in. Alex makes enough for leftovers, physically unable anymore to make a dinner for less than four people, and they all have a dinner of half mac and cheese and half chicken fajitas.
Alex listens as Victoria tells him all about how she fell, and her trip to the hospital, how the big picture machine was loud and scary but Daddy hugged her after and she felt better. He digs his nails into his leg, not wanting to get upset when Victoria isn’t.
They are constantly telling the girls that all emotions are ok, and it’s healthy to express them, and that applies to Daddies too, but Alex doesn’t want to Victoria to see him like that right now. She is ok, he keeps telling himself, he was not there, but his amazing husband was, and everything is ok; he just needs to believe it now.
After dinner, they do bath time, and Alex winces when he sees Victoria’s head without the band-aid. The bruises looks huge as he places a new one on it, kissing her ouchie for good measure.
When it’s story time Eleanor forgoes her turn to pick the book and lets Victoria choose, and Alex heart clenches in his chest as the girls hug. He loves them so much; he loves their love so much.
They read the book in Eleanor’s room and after, Alex and Henry tuck her in, and hug her and kiss her and tell her they love her, and wish her sweet dreams.
Victoria, doesn’t need much persuading to sleep in her Daddies’ bed. Both Alex and Henry want to keep an eye on her since she’s suffered a head injury, even if she seems perfectly fine. She falls asleep fairly quickly, squished in between them, and then Alex, without much warning, bursts into tears.
Henry scrambles up carefully, and tugs Alex towards their en-suite.
‘Sorry’ Alex says automatically as Henry closes the door.
‘No’ Henry says firmly as he pulls Alex into him ‘none of that.’
‘I shouldn’t be the one crying, you were the one who actually went to the hospital with her.’
‘Which was scary, yes’ Henry says softly ‘but I was with her. I’d have been scared too, if I hadn’t been, even if I knew everything was ok. You’re so brave, Alex, so good. You manage to do your job and still be an amazing Papa.’
Alex nods and slumps into Henry’s arms, realising as he does, that he is crashing, his adrenaline having dropped now that the girls are safely asleep, and he’s in the sanctuary of Henry’s arms.
‘What do you need, my love?’ Henry says gently ‘bath, shower, sleep, sex?’
‘I think’ Alex says, rubbing his head against Henry’s shoulder like a cat looking for pets ‘shower, and then a movie in bed, we can share the airpods.’
‘Coming right up’ Henry says, with a kiss to his head.
When Victoria wakes them up the next morning, by bouncing on their bed, while singing ‘Let it Go’ Alex feels his relief tenfold at how very ok their daughter is, even with a giant bruise blossoming under her Disney Princess band-aid. She was a tough thing, Victoria, but of course she was, she had two very brave daddies after all.
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‘Alex, if you have plans tonight, cancel them.’
It takes a second for Alex to retract himself from his work, and register what has been said. He looks up to find Byrce, who is head of finance, standing in his doorway, looking expectantly at him.
‘Sorry, what?’
‘Monty Johnston, just e-mailed me, he’s in town tonight and he wants to have dinner with us: you, me, and Cristina.’
Alex could understand why Monty Johnston, would want to have dinner with their head of finance, and Alex’s boss, Cristina. Monty is a rich beyond sense hotel magnate, an asshole most of the time, although he did at least donate generously to a large number of charities. He was one of their biggest donors. But why does he want Alex at dinner?
Alex voices this question, and Byrce chuckles.
‘Come on, Alex, you must know why. You’re intriguing to people, you’re Ellen Claremont’s son, you’re married to a prince.’
Alex sighs, and rubs his hand over his face.
‘Does Monty realise how boring my life is? I doubt he wants to hear all about how I helped my daughter line up her plushies so she could put on a show for them.’
‘You must have some exciting stories, Alex. And even if you don’t, you can still appeal to him about donating. You know how much good his money does for pro bono cases.’
‘I don’t have any exciting stories. My life is domestic and private as fuck, and I love it, he doesn’t need to know about it.’
‘So, don’t mention your kids, you’re still coming.’
Alex’s heart races in his chest, and beneath his desk, he clenches his fist, trying to stay calm. He can tell from Byrce’s tone, that this is not a request. And he shouldn’t care, this never happens, it’s such a one-off, that Alex can’t complain about it. But-
‘But I’ll miss bedtime’ Alex says plaintively, the words coming out of him before he remembers giving them permission to do so.
Byrce gives him an odd look, and then a small sardonic laugh.
‘We’re heading straight from here, he wants to get drinks first, I’ll see you later.’
It’s not like Alex expected him to say ‘oh, but if you’re going to miss bedtime, then of course, you don’t have to come!’, but it aches nonetheless. Alex gets up and closes his office door, pulling the shades down on his internal windows.
He’s never missed bedtime. Not in over four years of being a parent. He knows that might not be considered the norm, he knows him missing one is not a big deal, but it feels like it to him. He and Henry had date nights about once a month, but always after bedtime. After dinner at the table, and bathtime full of giggles, and story time full of contentment, after hugs and kisses and tuck ins, and love yous, and wishing of sweet dreams.
There were so many things that he and Henry made sure to root in their parenting, and being there for their daughters was one of the most integral. Kids thrived on routine, they thrived on feeling safe and loved and comforted and listened to. It meant so much to Alex, being able to provide that, for their daughters never to doubt it. He doesn’t ever want them to think he won’t be there for them.
Alex sits down on his couch, buries his head in his hands, and lets himself cry. Alex does not begrudge his own parents working when he was a kid, of course he couldn’t, money did not grow on trees. But he knows, after years of perhaps not admitting so, after years of being as hell-bent on having the same life as them, that he does resent them for working as much as they did.
And it wasn’t just the time they spent at work, it was how even at home, work reigned there too. Someone was always calling, there was always an e-mail to answer, or another document to look at, or a campaign to organise, it bled into everything.
Alex knows, that the reluctance to ever be away from his daughters, is because he never wants them to experience what he did, he never wants them to feel like they’re a second thought. That what they want to tell him, the time they want to spend with him, and vice versa, would have to wait until he was free, until whatever work thing he was dealing with had been dealt with.
He never wants to think that they aren’t the most important thing in the world to him, them and Henry, the most important people in his whole world.
Once Alex has caught his breath, and wiped away his tears, he calls Henry.
‘Hi, love, are you ok?’
‘I’m ok’ Alex says but he feels the tears building again at the mere sound of Henry’s loving voice ‘I’m not hurt, the preschool hasn’t called, everyone we know is ok, but I-‘ his voice cracks
‘Alex, my love, my sweet boy, it’s ok. I’m here, ok? Take your time.’
God, Alex loves him so much. He loves that they use the same method with the girls, as they do for each other, when they’re having big feelings. I am here, I have you, take your time, and then when you’re ready, let’s talk about how you’re feeling.
All he wants right now is for Henry to hug him, his warmth, and his scent, and his touch, enveloping him. It’s what they’re doing their best to teach their girls, how to identify an emotion and work through it, and regulate it. Their daughters were still learning how best to do it, but Alex knew already, Henry is always what he needs.
‘Can I just hear your voice for a bit, H?’
‘You remember Prisha?’
Alex makes a sound of acknowledgement. Although he visited the shelter regularly, there were too many kids to possibly remember all of them. But he remembered Prisha, she was a fourteen-year-old gay girl, whose parents had told her if she was gay, then she could get out of their house. She was excellent at make-up tutorials and playing Fifa, and wanted to be a teacher.
‘She’s just gone home with her new foster parents. The mom is an esthetician, and the dad’s a football coach at UT Austin. My type of football, not yours. It was like they were made for her. I think it’s my favourite thing about working at the shelter, getting to see the kids loved for who they are, rather than who they think they should be.’
Alex makes another noise and Henry plows on.
‘This one kid, Dexter, he’s been anxious ever since he got here, no matter what the counsellors have tried. Lola brought Churro in today, and I think it was the first genuine smile I’ve ever seen from him. He’s going to ring around the pet shelters, to see if they need any volunteers. I was telling him how we got Baymax from an Austin shelter, and he was asking about him and David, so I said I’d bring them into work tomorrow.’
‘That’s good, Hen’ Alex says as he clears his throat ‘that’s really good.’
There’s a beat of silence, before Alex says
‘Bryce was just in my office. Monty is coming into town, and he’s asked for me to be at a dinner tonight, along with Byrce and Cristina. Apparently, Monty finds me intriguing.’
‘Well, you are very intriguing, darling.’
‘I’m going to miss bedtime, Hen.’
‘Oh, Alex’ Henry says so gently that Alex nearly starts crying again ‘that’s ok.’
‘I’ve never missed a bedtime.’
‘It was bound to happen at some point, my darling. I understand why you’re upset, I do, but I hope you’re not being hard on yourself, I’ve missed a bedtime or two before, don’t forget.’
‘Yeah, but you were doing things for the shelter. Or like, having a really bad depression day.’
‘What was it you said you were doing, tonight? Was it going on a bender? Or meeting with a donor, who could potentially help many refugees? Which was it, again?’
Alex can’t help but let out a laugh; Henry always knew how to get them out of him.
‘You go be your charming self, sweetheart. And I’ll be at home when you’re done, all ready to hear all about it.’
‘Victoria wanted to help me make quesadillas for dinner.’
‘Victoria can still help with dinner, or do you want to do quesadillas with her tomorrow? I can always make something different for dinner.’
‘Do whatever Victoria wants, I’ll be alright. And make sure to tuck them in extra tight, ok? And give them hugs and kisses from me.’
‘I promise.’
‘I love you so much, Hen.’
‘I love you so much too, Alex. Go be brilliant, I’ll see you later.’
--------
Henry has left a lamp on in their front hall, with a note on the table right inside their door. Alex drops his keys gently on the table, toes off his shoes, and reads the note.
‘There’s leftover dinner in the fridge if you’re still hungry. I’ve gone to bed, but will be awake and waiting for you, love you X’
Alex smiles and puts the note in his pocket, before he gets a glass of water from the kitchen and heads upstairs. He quietly pokes his head in Victoria’s ajar door, and bends to pick up Mr. Roar, who has ended up on the floor beside her bed. Alex places the dinosaur back in the crook of Victoria’s arm and drops the lightest kiss on her forehead.
‘I love you, Victoria’ he whispers ‘I hope you’re having sweet dreams.’
He opens Eleanor’s door next, who still sleeps the same as when she was a baby, on her back with her fist curled beside her face. Alex drops a kiss on her head and whispers ‘I hope you’re having sweet dreams, Eleanor, I love you.’
He clicks Eleanor’s door quietly behind him, and walks down the corridor to his and Henry’s room. Henry is sitting up in bed, wearing a loose blue t-shirt and a pair of checked pyjama pants. He looks up from the book he’s reading the second the door opens, and beams at Alex.
‘You’re home’ he says happily.
‘I’m home’ Alex says wearily, before he crawls up the bed, and collapses into Henry’s arms.
‘How was it?’ Henry as he runs his fingers through Alex’s hair with one hand, and rubs circles on his back with the other.
‘Long’ Alex says ‘the guy’s ego is ridiculous, he just wanted it stroked before he’d give us even a cent.’
‘But he did, right?’
‘Yeah’ Alex sighs ‘he did.’
‘Of course he did’ Henry says, kissing his head ‘because you’re brilliant.’
‘Hmmm’ Alex kisses Henry’s chest ‘tell me about bedtime.’
‘From the start?’
‘Uhuh’ Alex nods ‘from pick-up.’
‘Darling, do you want to-?’
Henry nudges Alex’s chin up and starts to unbutton his shirt. Alex sits up and unbuttons it and throws it towards his side of the bed, shucking his pants right after, as Henry takes off his own shirt, and crawls under the covers. Alex takes off his socks, follows him under and lets out an audible moan at the feel of Henry’s skin pressed against his, as he hugs him even tighter.
‘Well, you know how Victoria’s class have been going through the different letters of the alphabet and naming things to do with that letter?’
‘Uhuh’
‘Well, today was Q.’
‘Oh, this should be good’ Alex grins into Henry’s chest.
‘Obviously I don’t know verbatim what she said in class, but I think the teacher was expecting her to say how nice the Queen was, and not that Victoria had never met her because she was always busy, but Granny Catherine was going to be Queen at some point, and she was going to visit her in her big house soon. Oh, and also that she met a nice queen at the library whose eyelashes were almost as long as Papa’s.’
Alex snorts and says ‘well at least my eyelashes got a mention.’
‘Eleanor’s class were working on their pencil skills, and on shapes, she’s still working on circles, but she managed to do a couple of triangles, and she’s very pleased with herself.’
‘As she should be’ Alex smiles.
‘But of course.’ Henry says affirmatively ‘She coloured them all in yellow, with a bit of red, because the yellow wasn’t being yellow enough. Oh, and you’ll love this-‘
‘Go on.’
‘So, you know how’s she been asking how things get their names? Today, she asked me if whoever named a Daddy Long Legs, had a daddy with really long legs like me.’
‘Shut up’ Alex says, raising his head and grinning at Henry ‘what did you say?’
‘That I wasn’t sure but we could look it up, turns out it’s unknown where the daddy part comes from, so Eleanor is going with the original daddy must have long legs like me.’
‘You goddamn polo playing thighs, Wales, are the best damn legs I’ve ever known.’
‘Well, I hope so, love, given this’ Henry waggles his wedding ring finger ‘and all.’
‘I’m so glad I married you’ Alex says, leaning to kiss Henry’s ring.
‘I’m quite pleased about that too’ Henry smiles ‘we ended up making ratatouille for dinner, with some pasta.’
‘Because of the movie?’
‘Of course.’
Alex listens as Henry tells him about the rest of the girls’ day, about bath time and story time, and the extra tight tug-ins, with double the kisses and hugs from Daddy, as half of them were coming from Papa.
Alex still feels guilty, despite himself. Although, he does at least know, that he shouldn’t. That he’s allowed to have a job, and that he’s allowed to be good at it.
He hated missing bedtime, but he knows in the the future, it’s only realistic that work will occasionally have him working overtime. Alex, tells himself though, that’s ok, it has to be ok.
Because he knows he is the best Papa to their girls; he loves them so much it hurts. And not only that, but he has Henry too, the best Daddy in the world, the most supportive, brilliant, husband and parenting partner he could ever wish for.
The girls have them both, and they’ll always know how much their dads enjoy their company, how much they want to spend time with them above all else, how loved and wanted they are, how much they always will be. Alex has no doubt about that, none at all.