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‘Papa, it’s the book lady package!’
Victoria hops up and down with excitement as Alex extracts the mail from the locked box at the end of their drive, bringing with it, two ‘Dolly Parton Imagination Library’ books. They very rarely kept two of anything identical in their house. He knew a lot of twin parents did, but it had never made sense to them. He and Henry had always been diligent in treating the girls as two individual people, rather than as a unit, just because they happened to be born on the same day.
Sure, there were toys they shared, and books that lived on the shelves for everyone, but they had their own loves and interests and things that belonged to just them. Alex greatly loved the ‘Imagination Library’ scheme though, and felt it wouldn’t be fair to decide one daughter would receive the mail over the other. Even though they were four, and couldn’t yet read, these books especially, felt like a keepsake.
Victoria runs back into the house, clutching the two packages to her chest, as Alex follows behind. Eleanor has squished herself into the corner of the sofa, where David lies beside her, dozing. She’s unconsciously rubbing her hand across his head, as she carefully turns the pages of the book in her lap. She looks up when Victoria proffers the package at her, and beams, taking it from her sister with a ‘thank you!’. Eleanor opens it carefully as Victoria rips at the cardboard.
‘Papa, we don’t have this one!’
‘Let’s see, mija’ Alex says and Victoria holds up the book in front of her, like she’s displaying her proudest achievement.
‘He’s like you, Papa’ Victoria says happily, as Alex looks at the cover of ‘This Beach is Loud!’, which features a little brown boy wearing glasses, sitting on the beach and covering his ears.
Alex smiles at Victoria and hands the book back, as Henry walks in from the kitchen, chomping on a piece of toast.
Both the girls say ‘look, Daddy!’ at the same time, and Alex and Henry share an amused look, as Eleanor hands him her copy.
‘What’s it about, Daddies?’ Victoria asks, as she plonks herself on the rug and flips it open.
‘Well,’ Alex says, sitting beside her ‘do you remember how we explained what neurodivergence is?’
‘It’s when your brain is different’ Victoria says ‘like how you have a dee-dee.’
‘ADHD, sweetie’ Alex says ‘which is one type of neurodivergence. And this book is about something called sensory overload, which a lot of neurodivergent people experience, especially people on the autistic spectrum.’
‘Like Elsa and Jack at school? When it gets loud, and they need quiet?’
‘Exactly, mija’ Alex smiles, leaning to kiss the top of her head ‘do you remember what five senses we all have?’
‘Touch’ Eleanor says from the sofa ‘and smell.’
‘Yeah, mija, that’s two, well done.’
‘Hearing’ Victoria says, tugging at her earlobe, before she shoves her finger near her eye ‘and seeing.’
‘Yes, well done, sweetie, and the other one, is? What do we use when we eat our dinner?’
‘A fork’ Eleanor says and Alex’s heart flips at how literal kids can be.
‘We do use forks’ Alex says ‘but what sense? When we go ‘yummy, yummy, Papa makes the nicest food.’
Henry chuckles as Victoria shoots her arm up like she’s in school and says ‘we taste it!’
‘We do’ Alex grins ‘well done, V. So sensory overload can be from any of the senses, or experiencing too many of them at once. Like if it’s loud and bright and your socks feel funny on your feet, and everything just feels too too much.’
‘Like the big feelings’ Eleanor says.
‘Like the big feelings’ Alex and Henry say at the same time, and share another amused look.
‘For me’ Alex says ‘when things feel too too much, I like to make lists, it makes all the noise narrow done to something more manageable. It also helps when Daddy hugs me really tight, it makes me feel better. Because I stop feel overwhelmed about everything, and just feel the hug, and I know I’m safe because Daddy is holding me.’
Henry smiles softly at him and Alex blows him a kiss, Henry catching it in his fist.
‘Me too, Papa!’ Eleanor exclaims from the sofa ‘hugging makes it better.’
‘Me too’ Henry says, smiling as he sits down beside David ‘and before I met Papa, David knew when I felt too much, and would stick by my side, so I’d know I wasn’t alone.’
Victoria hums and flips through the book, clearly thinking about how she goes about feeling better. Victoria, for the most part, didn’t get overwhelmed by external factors, but rather those inside her.
‘I like talking’ Victoria says after a minute ‘and I like playing.’
Alex rubs his thumb over the apple of her cheek and kisses her head again. She liked doing, Victoria, liked getting the feelings out, or distracting herself; silence not a well known bedfellow to her.
‘That’s good, V,’ Alex says ‘me and Daddy can always help you figure out how you’re feeling.’
‘I feel like I need a snack, Papa.’
Alex chuckles and gets up, holding out his hand towards Victoria.
‘Come on then, mija, let’s get you a snack.’
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Alex remembers the day Dolly Parton died keenly. He hadn’t expected it to hit him so hard; he liked Dolly greatly, but in the way that everybody did. Yet she had seemed invincible, like it hadn’t even occurred to him that she could die.
He had always liked that she was like his mom: tenacious, kind-hearted, and hard-working. She always believed the best in everybody, was a constant vocal ally, and consistent philanthropist, as well as being extremely intelligent and talented.
He’d been at work when he’d found out she had passed, had learned about the news when Henry had texted him, after hearing about it at the shelter. Alex had felt his heart sink, and that night when they were both home, they’d stuck on a Dolly record, and talked at length about what a legend she was.
Alex had been lucky enough to meet Dolly during his mom’s presidency: as she had been a well-known supporter of her fellow blonde Southerner. She’d attended a couple of functions, and been as affable and charming as everyone had always said she was.
He and Henry had danced to ‘Islands in the Stream’ when she sang it at one event, and then, the night she died, they had danced to it in their Austin home. Alex, in his efforts to acclimatise Henry to Texas had led him in a line dance, as they smiled sadly at each other.
Alex had been the one to sign the girls up for the ‘Imagination Library’ once they were born. He and Henry adored the novelty of receiving mail for the girls, when they couldn’t even lift their own heads up yet, and enjoyed it even more once the girls understood what was happening.
So Dolly became ‘the book lady’ and they explained that like Grandpa Arthur, she had died. That maybe she lived in the stars like him, but she could be somewhere else entirely, like in the clouds, or in the budding blooms of fresh spring flowers.
Alex knew everyone who loved her, could find her everywhere and anywhere: in a song, in a book, in an act of kindness. The very best people lived on endlessly, in countless avenues, because of the legions of people who still held them close to their hearts.
For them, and for so many, Dolly lived on in the most exciting mail of the month, in the hearts of so many children, providing something for them to cherish, to learn, to hold in their hands.
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Alex wonders how much older the girls will get before they get fed up with his PowerPoints. For now, at four-years-old, they were still happy to indulge him.
They were little sponges, soaking new knowledge up. Victoria, just like him, especially appreciated recognition of being right, and even more so when it was a physical manifestation. She loved gold stars, loved being able to point at something—and something so pretty and shiny at that—and know it was a ‘well done’ just for her.
Eleanor, was constantly full of questions, and always found satisfaction in having them answering. She loved learning, loved being able to stack up facts in her brain, likes books on a shelf, ever expanding.
They were still at an age, where their Daddies were the best thing in the whole wide world, and the girls revered them, always wanting to know more of what they had to tell them. Alex relishes in indulging them, never wants to stop teaching them about the world.
‘Privilege’ Alex exclaims cheerfully, whacking the telescopic pointer against the hoisted bedsheet 'who remembers what privilege is?'
The girls hum with concentration, before Victoria says
‘People who have more things, things that are more easy should help.’
‘Like you, Daddies’ Eleanor smiles, before she smushes her face into Baymax’s who’s sitting on her lap.
‘Right’ Alex says ‘well done, darlings. So privilege can be lots of different things. For example, Daddy and I have lots of money, so we do our best to help people who don’t have as much. We both work to help people who aren’t as privileged, and donate lots of our money to charity. So that’s the privilege of being rich. You know the book lady?’
Both the girls grin as they say ‘yeah!’. Though they were always aware of her, she is fresh in their minds, from the delivery that morning.
‘Her name was Dolly Parton, and when she was growing up, she didn’t have a lot of money. So when she did have a lot, she did the most she could to help people. That’s why she set up the book charity, to make sure that even kids who couldn’t afford to have books, would have their own.’
‘Learning is important’ Victoria says happily as she swings her legs.
‘Yes it is, mija’ Alex smiles at her ‘and learning helps you understand about other people. Do you remember how we explained about Martin Luther King Day, and about Pride?’
‘Uhuh’ the girls say, nodding their heads, before Victoria’s eyes light up.
‘Pride with all the glitter!’ she says with awe ‘it’s soon, Daddies!’
‘It is soon’ Alex says ‘it’s in a couple weeks. Do you remember how we talked about how it helps for there to be representation of everybody? So that everyone knows they’re not alone.’
‘Like how other people love like you and Daddy’ Eleanor says ‘and have babies too, like Arlo has two mommies.’
‘Yeah’ Alex says ‘exactly, and the more people there are, hopefully the less alone people will feel.’
‘And it’s important to be an Ali’ Victoria says.
‘Ally, sweetie’ Alex smiles ‘it means to be actively accepting and vocal about supporting people who aren’t as privileged as you are. Because some people are hateful about people who are different to them, and it’s very important to be the opposite, because everybody deserves kindness and respect, and it makes the hateful people less loud.’
‘Why Papa?’ Victoria asks.
‘Why what, sweetie?’
‘Why are they hateful?’
‘I don’t know, Victoria.’ Alex sighs ‘Mostly, it’s because people don’t have enough information, or they have the wrong information, or they think their way is better. Hateful people don’t realise that by everybody getting to have things and be happy, they don’t lose anything. Hateful people sometimes think rights are like cake. Do you remember what rights are?’
‘Like the con-sti-too-sun’ the girls say together and Alex positively beams.
‘Right’ Alex grins ‘so before, people who were in a same sex relationship, didn’t have the right to get married—’
The girls’ eyes bugs, and Victoria gets suddenly tearful.
‘What’ she says, all garbled and Henry pulls her into his lap.
‘Darling’ Henry says softly ‘rights take a while sometimes.’
‘But the people in love couldn’t be husbands?’ Victoria says with a loud sniff ‘like Daddies?’
‘No, sweetie’ Henry says ‘no, they couldn’t be husbands, just straight people were allowed to be married.’
‘But there’s so many gay people!’ Victoria says incredulously and Alex bites his lip with overwhelming affection.
The girls’ perception was slightly skewed, given that most people in their circle were queer, straight people to them was almost an anomaly.
‘Victoria’ Alex says gently, kneeling down in front of her.
Eleanor scoots forward on the sofa—Baymax jumping onto a cushion—as Alex gathers Eleanor up with one arm, where she rests her head on his shoulder.
Victoria still sniffs, tears running down her cheeks, as Henry rubs them away with his sleeve, kissing the top of her head, and running his hand soothingly up and down her back.
‘We can get married now, my love’ Alex says gently ‘we have the right now. All the people in love can get married now. What I was trying to say about privilege was that the people with it, sometimes think rights are like cake. That if other people have rights, that theirs’ will get taken away, like the cake will run out, but there’s enough cake for everybody. Other people having rights doesn’t affect them at all. But sometimes they can be scared and ignorant and be hateful because they think it does affect them.’
Victoria stares at him as she sniffs again and Alex leans in and kiss her forehead, before he kisses Eleanor’s temple, where is she still clinging to him.
Both their daughters were like their daddies, they felt injustices deeply, even if they didn’t always understand them. It didn’t make sense to them that people would ever be hateful, or mean. The girls, and their big feelings, understood that everybody felt anger and sadness and frustration, and had bad days. But the knowing of something, didn’t always equate to fully understanding it. Of course they don’t completely get it yet, they’re two months off being five, their main worries were miniscule compared to worldwide injustices.
‘There’s always cake, Papa’ Victoria says.
‘There is, sweetie’ Alex says, sweeping his thumb over her cheek ‘and if there isn’t, we have to try our best to help other people get their cake too.’
Victoria nods, letting out a little hiccup, and she clambers into Alex’s embrace. Henry wraps his arms around the three of them, holding his whole world tight.
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Alex knows the look by now, the nervous stolen glances as people debated whether to come up to them or not. This time, Victoria takes the decision from their hands, as she beams at the two men, pushing a cart, one of them wearing a baby carrier, and loudly calls ‘Hi!’.
‘Hi’ they smile back, walking trepidatiously towards the four of them.
‘Hi baby’ Victoria grins once they’re close enough.
‘She’s asleep’ the man wearing the baby carrier says kindly.
He is tall and ginger and pale, his face covering in a smattering of freckles, his partner Black, taller and stockier, his hair tightly coiled, with a gold earring glinting in one ear. All Alex can see of the baby is a mop of black hair, and chunky little brown limbs, a tiny beaded bracelet around one pudgy wrist.
‘Are you husbands?’ Victoria asks happily.
‘We are’ the pale man smiles ‘we’ve been married for five years.’
‘I’m Victoria’ Victoria smiles ‘what’s your names?’
‘I’m George’ the pale man says.
‘Dale’ his husband says, waving a hand ‘and this’ he points to the baby ‘is Eloise, we adopted her a few months ago.’
‘You have babies different cos you have penises.’
The men laugh jovially as Alex, flushing, bends down to Victoria’s level and says
‘Victoria, sweetheart, it’s not polite to talk about other people’s genitals, remember?’
‘Sorry, Papa’ she says to Alex before she turns to the men and says ‘sorry nice husbands for saying penis.’
Well, Alex thinks, the good intention was there.
‘Do you have a doggy?’ Eleanor asks, from where she is hugging Henry’s leg.
‘We do’ Dale smiles gently at her ‘her name is Ellen, she’s a golden labrador, we actually named her—’ he clears his throat before looking at Alex ‘we named her after your mom.’
‘Do you have pictures please?’ Eleanor asks shyly.
Dale smiles at her and says ‘yeah we do, do you want to see?’
‘Yes, please’ the girls say together.
Dale bends down and swipes through his phone, whereupon the girls ooh and ahh, as George smiles at Alex and Henry, his hand on the back of his daughter’s head.
‘I know you must get it all the time, and you’re probably fed up of hearing it, but you really do mean a lot to both of us. How you overcame the horrible way you got outed, and went on to live your best lives. My grandmother was always a staunch royalist, but she was never the most accepting of people, and even she thought you were “two very nice boys”. It made her more accepting of me when I came out.’
‘We never tire of it’ Henry says sincerely ‘not ever, it means so much to us, that we can have a positive impact on people, just by existing and being in love.’
‘You have a beautiful family’ George smiles.
‘So do you’ Alex and Henry say at the same time, and all three men chuckle.
Victoria, emerging from looking at the doggy photos asks
‘Do you get the book lady books, for your baby? We got one this morning.’
‘The book lady?’ George says, before realisation sweeps across his face ‘ah Queen Dolly. Yes, we do. We love getting them.’
‘Me too’ Victoria grins ‘I love books.’
‘Me too’ George smiles ‘I actually just finished your Daddy’s new book’ he looks to Henry, blushing slightly ‘I loved it.’
‘Thank you so much’ Henry says, clutching his hand to his heart ‘that’s so kind of you.’
Eloise, in the carrier wakes up and starts to cry, and Victoria says gently ‘it’s ok, baby.’
George smiles at them, as Dale comes back to his side.
‘It was so nice to meet you’ Dale says ‘we better feed this little one.’
‘Nice to meet you too’ Alex and Henry say and the girls wave and exclaim ‘bye!’ as Dale and George smile at them and say ‘bye, bye!’, waving as they walk off down the aisle.
Victoria looks around her, as if seeing if there’s more people to talk to. Alex is glad, that so many people are more than happy to talk to her, especially when they wanted to talk to Alex and Henry anyway. It was a refreshing positive aspect of their fame, that their gregarious daughter had such a willing audience. That those who were so kind to her, were always so pleased to meet her daddies, as well as interact with her.
Alex is grateful for it, that although their daughters know why people want to talk to them, that they don’t see it as a downside. Eleanor, not as loquacious as her sister, was so patient, happy to hum to herself, as her hand was held, whilst her daddies talked to people, occasionally piping up to ask a question, if one happened to pop into her head.
Like everything with children, Alex knows it won’t last, that eventually their girls will be annoyed at the constant pull of their daddies’ attention, when they just wanted to buy groceries, or go about their day. Alex doesn’t think he or Henry will ever tire of it though, will ever get fed up of kind people telling them their stories; fuck knows it was better than any bigot being a dickhead to them.
‘Daddies’ Victoria says, doing a little twirl ‘we need to get the cheese, and food for David and Baymax.’
Alex takes her hand, and says ‘lead the way, little love.’
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That night, Victoria picks one of Dolly’s books for story time. She shimmies in Henry’s lap as he reads, and Alex, as he does every day, drinks in the sight of their family. Their girls still look so small in their Daddy’s lap, all damp hair and bright pyjamas, enthralled by the story. Alex loved how the bedtime routine anchored the end of each day; it was easily one of Alex’s favourite parts of it.
Eleanor starts humming what he realises is ‘Here You Come Again’ when she gets tucked in. Alex thinks of Dolly, and how she tried to leave the world a better place than how she found it; how he and Henry never stop trying to do the same. He hopes their legacy lives on as long as hers undoubtably will.
Thinking of all the people who tell Henry and him, of how they’ve made an impact in their lives, Alex likes to think the likelihood is quite high. If nothing else, their legacy is right there in their beautiful, thoughtful, kind daughters.
After they tuck Victoria in, Alex takes Henry’s hand and spins him around before he pulls him into him, and starts singing ‘Islands in the Stream’. Henry chuckles and tugs Alex towards the stairs, attempting to line dance down them, Alex following gamely behind.
As they twirl down the front hall, Alex thinks of how he’s always tried to leave the world a better place than how he found it. When it came to his own life, he knows it started getting better than how he found it, once he met Henry, and they fell in love. How that feeling has lasted all the way to now—and hopefully will last forever more—to where he’s dancing down the hall with his husband, both of them beaming, as their daughters drift off upstairs.
“Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life” Dolly had said. Well, Alex thinks as he kisses Henry, sinks into it, he definitely never forgets to do that.