Archive of Our Own

t started off when Dan was sad.

Phil was lying in bed watching a dumb kids cartoon that he’d gotten weirdly into. It was called Gravity Falls and Phil had been watching for three hours straight to the point where he felt as though his eyeballs were going to fall right out of their sockets. The entire room was dim, lit only by his bedside lamp and the light glow from his laptop. His glasses were perched on his nose and the duvet was pulled all the way up to his chin.

It was comfortable like that. Warm, safe, a little haven in which Phil created. He hadn’t intended for that quiet sanctuary to burst and was surprised when Dan was quite suddenly knocking on the door. He didn’t wait for Phil to give the okay before he was coming in, the door squeaking as he pushed it open.

Phil glanced up from his show, blinking a few times before pausing it. “Are you alright?” Phil asked slowly.

His eyes flickered over Dan’s features, the tear tracks on his cheeks. The way his entire face was pale and he had dark bags under his eyes. He knew that Dan wasn’t alright and they both knew that he knew.

Either way, Dan shook his head. “Can-,” he cut himself off. Swallowed. Shook his head to dispel a few hairs from his eyes. “Can I lay with you for a bit?”

Phil was taken aback. Dan wanted to lay with him? Sure, they’d been in the same bed before, but never before had Dan asked for his permission. And never had he been obviously upset when he did so. It took Phil a moment to answer, but when he did, his voice was soft. “‘Course you can. C’mere.”

He pushed the laptop from his lap and peeled the duvet away from himself, making room for Dan to crawl under if he so pleased. And crawl under he did.

Dan didn’t have to ask twice before he was settling down next to Phil. They were closer than they normally were, if that was even possible. Normally they had their thighs pressed together while they sat or had their arms brushing whenever they moved. Now, Phil could feel Dan’s entire left side of his body pressed against his own, from his shoulders all the way to his ankles. It was warm and it was nice so Phil didn’t complain.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked quietly instead. He shuffled a bit to make it easier for Dan to get comfortable, left a little bit more pillow available so Dan could settle against it.

Dan shook his head. His fringe was in his eyes again and Phil felt the urge to brush it away. His fingers twitched at his sides and he wondered if that was passing any boundaries. “I-,” Dan started. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before his jaw clenched and he shook his head once more.

A bit more hair flopped in his eyes. Phil didn’t hold himself back this time, reaching up with gentle fingers to push his fringe back. Dan was just as taken aback by Phil’s actions as Phil himself was and his cheeks turned the same colour of pink peonies. Without the hair in his eyes, Phil could clearly see how the brown irises were glassy, darker than normal. They were almost black and Phil’s chest ached a bit at the sight.

Dan cleared his throat and Phil was brought back to life. “Can we just watch the show for a bit?” Dan asked and Phil couldn’t do anything but comply. Why wouldn’t he when Dan’s voice was hoarse from tears and his body was quivering as he tried to hold himself back from sobbing?

So Phil just said, “Of course,” and moved the laptop so it was resting on each of their thighs, the blanket now covering both of them feeling unnecessarily warm. Nonetheless, it was comforting. Phil hoped Dan was feeling comfortable as well.

He pressed play on the laptop and they settled into a weirdly tense silence. Dan was tense because he was sad and Phil was tense because Dan was sad and he really wished he knew what was going on so he could make Dan feel better. He didn’t want to pry, though, so he waited as patiently as possible. If Dan didn’t want to talk about it, Phil wouldn’t force him. He usually came clean eventually, when Dan’s throat stopped swelling up every time he tried to speak and his heart quit racing as hard.

Just as Phil predicted, they’d gotten through four and a half episodes of Gravity Falls when Dan began to speak. Phil went to pause the show but Dan was stopping him before he could.

“Don’t pause it,” Dan said slowly. Phil’s fingers froze over the tracking pad. He didn’t dare look at Dan in case he got too intimidated, but Phil did scoot a bit closer. “I’m sad,” Dan said.

Phil nodded. “What can I do to help?”

Dan laughed and it was one of disbelief. “Exactly this. Thank you for not prying and just watching dumb cartoons with me.” Phil nodded and Dan continued. “Katie… broke up with me.”

Phil’s heart constricted and he did look at Dan then, an expression of worry on his face. Katie had been Dan’s girlfriend for a little over a year now and to Phil's knowledge, everything was going wonderfully. They had met at a Youtube convention and had immediately hit it off. Dan couldn’t stop talking about her blue eyes for five days straight before he finally got up the guts to ask her on a date. It reminded Phil a lot of when they had first became friends, how Dan was a nervous wreck, except without the dating part. Now, a year later, Dan had even been bringing up marriage a lot recently.

So a breakup? Not what Phil had been expecting at all.

“I- what?” Phil spluttered. “Why?”

Dan laughed humourlessly and a few tears leaked out of his eyes, staining his cheeks with shiny tracks of salt water. Phil lifted his sleeve and wiped them away without much thought. “Couldn’t handle the fangirls or something. Said it was hard to be in a hidden relationship when her boyfriend was speculated to be in love with his flatmate.” Dan shook his head and looked at the ceiling. His lip was clasped in his teeth and Phil stared at the way the skin turned white under the ministration. “That and she cheated on me, I guess. I wouldn’t break up with her so she took it into her own hands.”

“Oh, Dan,” Phil murmured softly, sadly. The television show was forgotten in front of them and Dan’s cheeks were red with embarrassment at showing this weakness. Phil hesitated, not really knowing what to say. He was always the worst at comforting his friends. “She didn’t deserve you. Do… do you want a hug?” The question made Phil cringe at the pure awkwardness of it, but Dan seemed thankful and nodded through tearful eyes.

That was all it took for Phil to move. He set aside the laptop which had now begun to play a different episode, and pulled himself closer to Dan. As soon as Phil wound his arms around Dan’s shoulders, Dan was collapsing him, hands gripping at Phil’s waist and his head falling into the crook of Phil’s neck. Phil could feel tears falling from Dan’s eyes, staining his shirt, but he didn’t mind. Dan could cry all he wanted.

It wasn’t strange, not like Phil had been expecting. Sure, they’d hugged before, and Phil had even comforted Dan before, but it was never quite like this. He could feel each puff of breath as Dan exhaled, could feel the heavy sobs that Dan was trying to hold in, to no avail. His body was shaking. Phil just held him tighter.

They didn’t say much. It was expected. What do you say to someone who had just gone through a breakup with the love of their life? Phil didn’t know and Dan seemed to understand.

After a while, Dan’s breathing steadied and his shaking had come to a halt. Phil rubbed at his bad gently. “You okay?” He whispered.

Dan didn’t respond. His body was slack in Phil’s arms. He had fallen asleep.

Phil didn’t have the heart to kick him out of his bed so he just allowed him to stay there. He manhandled Dan as gently as possible until he was effectively buried under the blankets and smiled sadly at his sleeping form. There were dried tear tracks on his face and his eyes were swollen but he looked peaceful nonetheless.

Shutting his laptop and reaching over to shut off the light as well, Phil covered them both up with his duvet. He was sure Dan wouldn’t mind waking up in his bed in the morning. After all, they’d been friends for seven years so this would be fine, especially after what had just happened.

Phil turned around so his back was facing Dan. They weren’t cuddling anymore but Dan was so close that he could feel his heat seeping through the room and into Phil’s skin. He shivered and resisted the urge to cuddle up next to Dan. He didn’t necessarily want to cross that boundary tonight.

It was Dan’s even breathing that lulled Phil to sleep that night. He dreamt about tearful brown eyes and warm hugs. There was the smell of lavender in his dream, but he didn’t know why.

When Phil woke up the next morning, it was to an empty bed and the smell of bacon wafting through the house. For a moment, Phil thought that last night had been a dream. But then he saw his laptop sitting on the nightstand, exactly where he’d placed it, and he knew that he had not dreamt of Dan coming to sleep in his bed with him. He blinked his bleary eyes at the ceiling, trying to wash away the last remnants of sleep before he faced the day. Only then did he get up and start making his way to the kitchen where he could hear pots and pans clinking together.

Dan was cooking. Phil couldn’t see the expression on his face because he had his back faced towards him, but his hair was slightly wet and drying into delicate waves. Phil had a strange urge to smooth the curls down, but he didn’t act on it and instead leaned against the doorframe as he watched Dan cook. It seems as if Dan had gotten dressed back in his pyjamas after taking his shower, and Phil noticed a bit distractedly that Dan was wearing his Oscar the Grouch pyjama pants. The realisation made Phil feel a bit warm and tingly inside, but he didn’t really know why. He blamed it on the fact that Dan was humming to himself as he made bacon, a cheery contrast to the aura that’d overtaken the both of them just last night.

“Good morning,” Phil said at last, figuring that he’d been standing there without saying anything for moments too long. Dan startled and turned to look at him, the hums dying in his throat. Phil chuckled and pushed himself off of the wall to survey the food on the stove. “Don’t let me stop you from your gorgeous humming. Music like that needs to be heard,” Phil teased.

Dan chuckled and batted him away. There was a smile on his face but he still looked rather tired, dark circles kissing the skin under his eyes. “Oh hush. Stop making fun of me.”

Phil put a hand to his heart and gasped dramatically. “Me? Making fun of you? I would never!” He turned serious then, figuring that they needed to talk about what had happened last night. That way they could avoid the elephant in the room. Besides, Phil was worried about his friend. Having a breakup like that wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to go through, even if Dan was a great actor. “How are you feeling?”

It took Dan a moment to answer this time. He seemed at a loss for words, staring back down at the stove as he flipped the bacon and then began to pour pancake batter on a separate pan. His knuckles tightened around the spatula until they were turning a pale shade of white. Then, he looked up and gave Phil a smile. Much unlike his last few attempts at smiling, this one truly unveiled what he was feeling beneath that happy exterior. His eyes were tired, his smile forced. He was sad and Phil didn’t blame him for that. “I’m hanging in there,” he admitted. “I’m trying to distract myself by doing things that’ll make me happy.”

Phil stared at him, a bit confused. “Making breakfast makes you happy?”

“Not specifically. But when I make you breakfast, it makes you happy.” Phil was still a bit confused and Dan sighed, flipping the pancake. It was obvious that he didn’t want to explain it, or he didn’t know how, but Phil didn’t really understand where he was going with his reasoning. “Whenever you’re happy, I’m happy. So I figured that if I could do things that make you happy then it’d make me feel better.”

A surprised noise made its way out of Phil’s throat. How was he supposed to reply to something like that? Dan’s expression was sheepish and vulnerable and Phil felt his heart swell in his chest at the sentiment. “Well are you feeling a bit better making me breakfast then?” Phil asked gently.

Dan nodded, his shoulders losing some of the tension. “Yeah. I- Yeah.” He didn’t try to elaborate and Phil didn’t make him. Instead, he stepped a bit closer to his best friend and put an arm around him, squeezing him tightly in as good of a side hug as he could when Dan was trying to focus on making breakfast.

“Then that makes me happy too,” Phil murmured. He grinned at Dan, squeezed him one last time, and then released him. “Thanks for making me breakfast. You’re the best.”

“Bacon can solve any problems,” Dan replied and Phil laughed, agreeing.

-

From that moment on, there was a noticeable shift in their relationship.

They became a lot closer than they originally were, which Phil didn’t think was possible in the slightest. They’d already been practically inseparable, attached at the hip everywhere they went, but now, with Dan sadder than he’s been in a while, they were touchy on top of that. Phil was constantly hugging Dan, trying to give him comfort through touch, and Dan had even begun to sleep in Phil’s room on most nights.

Don’t get him wrong, Phil didn’t mind in the slightest. He was a huge cuddling advocate, especially for platonic cuddles, and he knew that Dan got really sad during the nights, so his bed was big enough for the two of them. It was just strange because after seven years, you’d think Phil would be used to this kind of thing between the two of him. You’d think that they would have cuddled and slept in the same bed at night more than they could count on two hands. But that wasn’t true in the slightest. While they were closer than most best friends, they kept the physical touches to a minimum after they’d both grown up with the constant speculation from fans. Sure, they’d slept in the same bed before and Phil had definitely offered Dan a cuddle or two back in his university days, but it was never to this extent. It was never to the point where Phil was expecting Dan to come to sleep with him.

It was never to the point where Phil could lean into Dan’s touch as easily as he would with a girlfriend.

For the first time in weeks, Dan had decided to make a video, leaving Phil to watch television by himself. He was currently still stuck on Gravity Falls, in love with the concept and the music and just everything about it. He could hear Dan moving upstairs, probably filming a skit, but he tried not to pay much attention to it. Dan often got self conscious about his videos if Phil could hear him doing them so he always respected that and distracted himself with something else until Dan was finished.

It was getting late, the sky beginning to glow different colours of pink and purple and orange, so Phil took it upon himself to order two large pizzas. He wasn’t really feeling like cooking that night and he sure as hell knew that Dan wasn’t going to feel like it either.

Dan made an appearance just as soon as the pizza arrived and he gave Phil a thankful glance as he made a place for himself on the couch. If it was a little bit too close to Phil, he didn’t mention it, not minding in the slightest that their thighs were pressed up together. “Bless your soul for ordering my favourite pizza,” Dan mumbled through a slice, gulping it down as if he hadn’t eaten for days. Phil smiled warmly at him and scooped himself his own plate. “Wanna watch a dumb movie?”

“Is that even a question?” Phil scoffed back.

They ended up watching Zombieland for the hundredth time, munching on their pizza without much conversation. They would only speak when Dan found something funny, just basking in the comfort of pizza, zombie comedies, and each other. In the middle of the movie, Dan cast his place aside and leaned a bit closer to Phil, shoving his toes under Phil’s thigh.

“Christ,” Phil hissed, but he didn’t back away. “Your toes are freezing.”

Dan laughed. “And your thighs are warm, hence why my toes are under them.”

Phil shook his head. He was smiling though. “You’re impossible.”

It was that moment that Dan laid his head on Phil’s shoulder, letting out what seemed to be a nervous chuckle. Phil couldn’t tell if it was because he was nervous to be cuddling up to Phil like this, which he had no reason to be. Dan knew more than anyone that Phil liked cuddling, and it’d been awhile since he’d had a good cuddle. “Is this okay?” Dan asked softly.

“Yeah,” Phil breathed out, his voice a bit more high pitched than usual.

It wasn’t a big deal. It really wasn’t. But maybe it’s just been so long since Phil’s actually cuddled with somebody that it made his chest feel all warm and made him never want to move again. Being like this with Dan, although strange, was relaxing because he’d never known someone as well as he knows Dan.

They continued watching the movie. Dan’s head stayed on Phil’s shoulder throughout and Phil could feel his body shake whenever he laughed at one of the stupid jokes. The feeling made Phil giggle as well and he didn’t even think about it when he wrapped his arm around Dan’s shoulders to bring him closer. Dan didn’t seem to care either, just snuggling into Phil’s embrace until they were their own little warm cocoon with Dan’s toes now warm under Phil’s thighs.

It was peaceful and Phil quickly found that this was probably one of his new favourite things to do.

That’s why when the credits started to roll, Phil found that he had a hard time breaking away from Dan to turn it off. He stayed sat like that for a few moments with Dan tucked to his chest. He could hear soft snores emitting from his best friend’s mouth, apparently having fallen asleep sometime throughout the movie. Phil didn’t necessarily want to wake him, but he also knew that they were both going to have neck aches if they slept on the couch that night.

He turned his head and nuzzled his nose into Dan’s hair, eyes fluttering shut while he inhaled the scent of his best friend. He knew that it was abnormal, but it was nice and Dan smelled really good so he couldn’t bring himself to care much. After a moment, he sighed, Dan’s hair twitching with his exhale.

“Dan,” he mumbled. In response, Dan groaned and snuggled further into Phil. Phil had the urge to coo but resisted it, instead opting for nudging him lightly. “Let’s move to the bedroom, yeah? Don’t want you to get a sore neck.”

With that, Dan’s eyes cracked open and he stretched out, moving out of Phil’s embrace to reach above his head. Phil heard his joints popping and he rolled his eyes, commenting about how Dan was actually an old man. Dan just shook his head, shoving Phil lightly. “Shut up, you’re older than me!” Then he was standing and leading the way to Phil’s room.

There was a moment where Phil revelled in the fact that sleeping in the same bed was considered so normal now. Ever since his breakup with Katie, Dan never wanted to be alone at night so obviously Phil allowed him to sleep in his bed. Even now, they hadn’t broken the streak except on the rare occasion when Phil would go to bed before Dan. Of course, that always resulted in Dan climbing into his bed at five in the morning, mumbling about how his bed felt strangely empty.

Phil didn’t mind. He quite liked it, actually. It made falling asleep a lot easier.

-

The day that Phil woke up to Dan clinging onto him was a completely new experience. At first, he didn’t even realize that anything was out of the ordinary. His sleep-induced brain thought there was nothing abnormal about a heavy weight on his chest or soft puffs of air caressing the skin of his neck.

Really, he shouldn’t have been so surprised. He should have known this would happen. But when he came to and realised that he was actually holding Dan, his arm around Dan’s waist and Dan’s face buried in his neck with one leg cast over his body, Phil actually squeaked. He squeaked so loud that it woke Dan up, making him grumble until he stiffened, now understanding what the weird noise was about.

“I’m so sorry,” Dan started, his voice rushed. He began to detach himself from Phil, his eyes darting around the room and his cheeks the colour of roses. “I was sleeping, I seriously didn’t know what I was doing.”

Now that he wasn’t as shocked, Phil finally had time to truly digest what was going on. So they were cuddling. That’s it. It wasn’t anything new to either of them, but it was definitely something new to their friendship. However, was it something necessarily bad to add to their friendship?

“Wait,” Phil was saying before he even had time to think about what he was about to blurt out. Dan froze and Phil could feel his own cheeks heating up with embarrassment and fear of rejection. “You don’t… I don’t mind. Cuddling like this, I mean.” What he really meant is that he didn’t mind cuddling while they were sleeping, that he was comfortable enough with Dan that he didn’t feel weird about doing so.

Thankfully, Dan seemed to understand. A small smile overtook his lips and he let out a sigh (of relief? Phil didn’t know). He didn’t respond with words, instead with actions as he laid back down so his head was resting over Phil’s chest, right where his heart was, and his arm was winding around Phil’s abdomen. He was warm and it made Phil’s stomach do a strange flip. He blamed it on nervousness and let out a chuckle as Dan commented on how Phil’s heart was beating strangely fast.

“It’s because I’ve been in love with you all this time and I’ve been dying to make a move on you this whole time,” Phil said sarcastically.

Dan let out a loud, hyena-like laugh and shoved him as best as he could when he was literally cuddled up to him. “I will seriously stop cuddling you if you keep that up,” Dan threatened, but he didn’t move away. Not even in the slightest.

At that moment, it didn’t matter that they’d only just woken up. Phil was warm and comfortable. He could feel the way Dan was rubbing his thumb over his hipbone and it was relaxing in the best way possible. He ended up drifting back to sleep, this time with Dan in his arms.

-

Dan had started to do more things for Phil than usual, and it was a proving to be a conundrum for Phil. On one hand, he was extremely happy when Dan did these things for him. He liked being woken up to the smell of sizzling bacon. He liked not having to wash and fold his laundry. He liked having Dan beside him throughout the night.

However, Phil couldn’t help but be increasingly worried about all of this. He worried that Dan was treating him how he’d treated Katie, worried that Dan was focusing all of his time and effort onto him because he no longer had a girlfriend to do this for. Phil didn’t want that to be the case. He wanted Dan to do these things because he felt like it, because he wanted to. Not because there was a void in his heart where Katie used to be.

He decided to confront him about it. Dan had just finished making dinner, a nice meal of fajitas that made the entire flat smell like spices. It was tasty, as Dan clearly knew how to cook, and they sat on the sofa while eating just because they could.

Phil’s stomach was in knots. He didn’t know how to bring up his concerns. How do you tell your friend that you’re concerned because he’s treating you like he treated his girlfriend? This was a situation that was one-of-a-kind, one that Phil wasn’t sure any Google search would be able to help with.

It must have shown because halfway through Phil’s second fajita, Dan paused the television show (they were back on Gravity Falls because Phil expressed his absurd liking for the kid’s program). “Phil, what’s wrong?”

Phil wasn’t prepared. He wasn’t, but he was being forced to talk because Dan knew him way too well to know something was bothering him. His throat closed with panic and he licked his lips, trying to draw out a few more moments to think. He didn’t look at Dan as he spoke, but stared at the frozen television screen instead. “I’m worried about you.” That much was obvious, but he couldn’t seem to force out any other words.

Dan let out a surprised laugh. Phil could see his eyebrows were raised out of the corner of his eye. “Is that what you’re fidgeting about? Seriously, Phil. I’m fine.” He went to unpause the television and Phil panicked, stopping him quickly by grabbing his wrist. Dan’s eyes widened and he regarded Phil with a slack jaw.

“No, like.” Phil was getting frustrated with himself. Why couldn’t he just spit it out? “I feel as if you’re taking your sadness out by doing things for me that you would have done for Katie.” There. It was out. And now Phil couldn’t seem to shut his mouth, to stop blabbering. The words continued to flow and Dan continued to look like a fish gasping for air. “You keep doing stuff for me like cooking me breakfast and doing my laundry. And you know I like to cuddle so you’ve been cuddling me. I’ve been worried that it’s because you’re still sad about Katie and that you’re doing all of the things you’ve done for her.”

If there was anything Phil should be mortifyingly embarrassed about in his life, it was definitely this. Dan just stared at him. He stared at him until Phil was wondering if he’d suddenly sprouted two heads, his mouth open slightly and his eyes the size of saucers. Phil was just about to hide his face when Dan suddenly responded, his cheeks a dusty pink colour. “That’s not what I’ve been trying to do at all,” Dan said. “If I did any of this stuff for Katie, she’d kill me.”

“What do you mean?”

Dan laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head. “She never liked when I did this sort of thing. I’ve told you this already but I’ve just been doing things that I think make you happy. Not because of Katie in the slightest.”

Phil felt all of the breath whoosh from his lungs and he relaxed slightly. He suddenly felt tired, as if this entire ordeal had drained all of his energy like a sponge. “But I want you to be happy, Dan,” Phil argued back softly and without any harsh tone to his voice. “I want you to do things to make yourself happy rather than just trying to do everything for me.”

“But seeing you happy does make me happy.”

Rolling his eyes, Phil shook his head. He was smiling though, setting his plate to the side and scooting closer to Dan so their thighs were touching in that familiar way he’s come to love so much. “What makes you happy, Dan? It could be anything. It’s my turn to start doing things for you.”

Dan got suspiciously quiet. He seemed to be thinking hard, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He was staring at the spot where their thighs were touching, lip clasped between his teeth. His cheeks were still the same shade of pink and Phil wondered what was going through his head.

He got his answer only moments later when Dan was looking up at him through his eyelashes. He had a strange expression on his face, one that made Phil want to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t get the question out before Dan was leaning forward.

All of the breath escaped from Phil’s lungs as Dan pressed their lips together, his touch soft and full of uncertainty. He wasn’t demanding in the slightest, was just pressing his lips to Phil as if he was asking a question. It was so unbelievably Dan that Phil couldn’t help but relax into his best friend, his lips responding in a more certain manner.

The kiss didn’t last long before Dan was pulling away, looking like a tomato and biting his lip so hard that it seemed like it would bleed. “I- Kissing makes me happy. I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes me feel better and I really like kissing.”

Phil chuckled, trying to calm his nerves. “Well did it make you feel better?”

Dan nodded shyly.

“Well whenever you get sad and start thinking about Katie, just kiss me alright?”

“But… aren’t you not that big of a fan of kissing?” It was something they’d discussed before back when they had first became friends, when they were playing twenty questions and trying to figure out every little thing about each other. Phil was surprised Dan still remembered that Phil much preferred cuddling over kisses. “I know you prefer to be intimate and more cuddly so I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by kissing you.”

Phil’s heart nearly burst out of his chest and he grinned widely, amused and strangely happy that his best friend was that concerned for his wellbeing. “Just because I prefer cuddling doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy kissing as well,” Phil told him softly. He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Dan’s cheek just to prove it, even though he was feeling quite jittery. “But I’ll still take advantage of your cuddles, whether you like it or not.”

Dan giggled and slouched forward so his head was resting on Phil’s shoulder. “Every kiss gets a minute of cuddling to go along with it?”

“Starting now,” Phil agreed. He didn’t wait for Dan to say anything before adjusting them so they were laying on the couch, their dinner long forgotten. This time, it was Phil who was curled into Dan’s chest and it made him understand a little bit more why Dan liked the reverse so much. It made him feel warm and protected, like nothing would harm him with Dan’s arms around his waist.

They didn’t kiss again until later that night, when they were all bundled up in bed and the darkness of the room was casting shadows over the walls. They’d long since abandoned their respective sides of the bed and were now lying entangled with one another.

When Dan suddenly moved his hand over Phil’s face, finding his lips with his fingertips before replacing them with his own lips, Phil didn’t question it. He simply tightened his hold around Dan and reciprocated the kiss, rubbing the small of Dan’s back soothingly.

He couldn’t help but wonder how they’d gotten to this point, but with Dan’s lips against his, he found that it was quite hard to focus on anything at all.

-

“Phil, we don’t need a freaking family sized box of cereal!” Dan exclaimed. Phil pouted but Dan wasn’t having any of it, wrestling the large box out of his hands to replace it on the shelf. “Oh stop staring at me like that, we’re not trying to feed a family of twelve.”

“You know I could eat that entire box in a week!” Phil argued, trying to take back what was rightfully his. This resulted in a full-out wrestling match where Dan tried to keep Phil away from the cereal packages using brute force.

In the end, Dan won, and Phil couldn’t help himself from behaving like a child, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting out his lip. “You’re an evil, cereal hating monster.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Right. Which is why I eat cereal every morning.”

“I’m afraid this endeavor has shown your true colours.”

Dan opened his mouth to respond but before he could, he cut himself off, his eyes widening. His jaw visibly clenched and his those wide eyes were set on something behind Phil. “We need to go.”

“What- Dan?” Phil asked, horribly confused.

Dan grabbed his arm and started to tug him away from the cereal. His grip was tight, probably to leave marks on Phil’s wrist, but Phil didn’t tell him to stop. In fact, he understood why Dan had reacted that way as soon as his eyes fell on that familiar head of blonde hair.

Katie.

What more could make Dan react in such a way?

They paid for their groceries quickly and Phil thanked his lucky stars that they only lived a few blocks away from the store, a five minute walk at most. It seemed to last longer than usual, but Phil reckoned it was because Dan was so upset that the air was practically crackling with tension.

The dreary weather seemed to reflect Dan’s mood because it began to mist as they were heading back. Dan made an angry comment about how there was no use to doing his hair that day and Phil didn’t know what to do to help him calm down. Without thinking about it (he seemed to be doing that much more lately), Phil reached forward and took Dan’s hand in his, squeezing gently.

Dan paused but recovered rather quickly, giving Phil a thankful smile and squeezing back before letting their hands drop. While Phil understood that it was the smart thing to do so none of their subscribers got the wrong idea, he was still a bit disappointed that they were no longer holding hands.

It’s just that Dan’s hand was so nice in Phil’s, bigger to the point where his grip was encasing Phil’s, so soft and warm and unbelievably Dan. At this point, Phil shouldn’t even be surprised anymore that doing things like this with Dan felt so good. He reckoned that anything they did together would be comfortable, exactly how their friendship was.

Hell, Phil could have sex with Dan and he’d probably still be comfortable. Not like that would happen, of course, but the sentiment made Phil smile.

Moments later, they were coming to their own flat and Dan was flinging the door open frantically. Phil trailed behind him a bit slower, making sure to close the door behind them and set down the groceries before addressing the issue.

He found Dan pacing around the lounge, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes glaring holes through the floor. Phil caught sight of his lip trapped between his teeth, the skin turning white and on the verge of ripping open. “Of all the fucking places!” Dan spat, shaking his head. His feet made pattering noises on the floors as he paced. “Why is it that as soon as I think I’m doing well, as soon as I think I’m finally getting over her, I have to actually see her? With her other man, no less!”

Oh. Oh. So that was it. Dan wasn’t just upset about seeing Katie because it wasn’t just Katie. She was with the man she’d cheated on Dan with. Phil felt a lump form in his throat and he took a step closer to Dan.

“It’s been months! Months! And you’d think I’d be over her by now! I can’t believe I let her get into my head this much.”

“Dan,” Phil said and quietly. But he didn’t stop talking, running frantic hands through his brown hair.

“I can’t believe she’s still with him, of all people. Fucking Antonio. What does he have that I don’t? I could have given her the world, you know? But she cheated on me and threw it in my face and I have to watch as she brings around the guy she- she-!”

“Dan,” Phil said again, much quieter this time but full of intent. He padded over to Dan and put his hands on his friend’s shoulders, staring at him. Dan stopped, gulping. Phil could see his adam’s apple bobbing. “Take some deep breaths. You can’t think rationally like this.”

As gently as he could, Phil grabbed one of Dan’s hands and pressed his palm to Phil’s chest. To make a point, he took a few deep breaths and watched as Dan followed after him, his brown eyes glued to his hand on Phil’s chest.

When Phil felt like Dan was calm enough, he spoke once more. “Sometimes things just don’t work out, Dan. It’s not because you weren’t good enough for her or because she found someone better than you. People change and occasionally that could mean they stop believing in the same values as you, that they realise that their interests have changed as well. It’s nothing against you.” Phil smiled gently and watched as a few tears leaked from those chocolate brown eyes. “It gives you room to find someone better suited for you, someone that you can honestly never imagine a life without. To do that though, we have to let go of some people to make room for newer and better ones, to make room for a better relationship that makes you question how you lived without it. Katie made a mistake when she let go of you.” He raised Dan’s hand to his face and kissed his knuckles. “But I truly think the next person you let into your life will be damn lucky to have someone as amazing as you.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying you’re amazing?” Dan joked, but his voice was watery and it caught in his throat. Phil chuckled and was prepared for when Dan was collapsing in his arms, catching him easily.

It was moments like these where Phil was glad that they were pretty much the same height. He didn’t have to break his back to hug Dan. Instead, his face fit perfectly into the crook of Dan’s neck and they were pressed so closely together that Phil could barely breathe. He was suffocating in Dan’s embrace and he didn’t understand why his heart was beating so hard, but he didn’t try to break away because this was special and Dan was so important to Phil.

When they pulled away, it wasn’t for long. Seconds later, Dan’s lips were on Phil’s and it was familiar in the best way. On the contrary to Dan’s earlier breakdown, the kiss was soft and Dan’s mouth moved in time with Phil’s so easily that it nearly took Phil’s breath away again. At the same time, the kiss was twinged with sadness. Sadness that Dan had lost someone he’d once loved, sadness that he had to see her with the man she cheated with.

But most of all, the bittersweet melancholy that came along with the knowledge that Dan was letting go of someone who was once so important to him. Once and for all.

-

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t we dating?”

Phil nearly choked on his Lucky Charms, urging on an awful coughing fit. Dan awkwardly patted him on the back to help dislodge the cereal from his throat until Phil was finally able to breathe again. When he did, he stared at Dan with wide eyes. Did he hear that right? “Come again?”

Now Dan just looked completely and utterly mortified. “I’m sorry, just forget I said anything. It’s nothing, really-”

“Dan,” Phil said softly. He took Dan’s hand in his own and entwined their fingers together, rubbing Dan’s skin with his thumb. “I’d like to know what you said.”

It’s been months since Dan and Phil had seen Katie in the store. Every day, Dan seemed to be doing a lot better. He still cooked Phil breakfast in the morning and they still kissed and slept in the same bed, but Dan’s smiles were getting wider, his laughs louder. It was obvious that Dan was pretty damned happy now, but they still couldn’t get away from their affectionate routine as if it’d been ingrained in their life now.

Dan’s cheeks were a dark shade of red and he hid it by hiding his face in Phil’s shoulder, the bowl of cereal in his lap tipping slightly. Phil eyed it suspiciously, making sure it didn’t spill all over the place. “It’s just- we do everything that a dating couple would do, you know? We cuddle and hold hands and sleep in the same bed. We even kiss!” True, true, and true. Phil’s heart was probably going to burst out of his chest because it was beating so fast. “So I guess I was just wondering, like, y’know. Why we aren’t - erm - dating. Like, actually?”

Dan’s stuttering was cute and it made Phil let out a breathy laugh. His words were sinking into Phil’s brain and everything was a bit foggy. Dating? Dan? They’d been friends for years and dating was an idea that hadn’t crossed their minds in ages. Would it be strange to replace the words ‘best friend’ with ‘boyfriend’? Would their relationship change drastically?

But then Phil thought about it harder. Dan was pretty much right. They were practically already dating. If other people knew just exactly what their relationship was like, they’d immediately put that label on them. Besides, Phil liked kissing Dan. He liked cuddling him, sleeping with him, holding his hand. They were dating without the romance.

So what if they did throw in the romantic aspect of dating?

Did Phil find Dan attractive? Yes. Could he imagine a life without him? No. Did he want to have a sexual relationship with Dan? He wouldn’t exactly be opposed. So what was stopping him?

Phil smiled and brushed back Dan’s fringe. “Yeah? Did you wanna try it then?”

Dan’s mouth immediately fell open and his face was full of disbelief. “You want- you want to date me?”

Phil chuckled and leaned forward a smidge to kiss Dan’s forehead. It was actions like these that made him realise the nature of their friendship. “We pretty much already are. Why not throw a bit more romance in there?”

Slowly, Dan’s surprised expression morphed into a large smile. He let out a laugh, one that was breathy and full of astonishment, his head falling onto Phil’s shoulder. “Sure,” Dan giggled. “Why not?”

It was crazy how something could change in the blink of an eye. One moment, Dan was Phil’s best friend, the person he’d met seven years ago that he could connect with more than any other person. Now, not only was he Phil’s best friend, but he was also his boyfriend.

Boyfriend, what a strange word while describing Dan. But as Dan raised his head from Phil’s shoulder, giving him a shy smile, Phil couldn’t find anything about the situation strange at all. Even when he leaned forward, giving Dan a familiar but sweet kiss, it should have been strange considering they were now more than just best friends. It wasn’t.

They were just Dan and Phil, two best friends who somehow managed to fall for each other along the way. And nothing about this situation was strange at all.

In fact, it quite felt like home.

“Although,” Dan started when they pulled away, and Phil could feel his heart drop to his toes. What could Dan possibly be having second thoughts about? Did he not want to date Phil romantically after all? “I think I’m gonna have to take you on a date first. I’m more of a wine and dine kind of guy.”

Phil raised his eyebrows and stared. “Dan, we’ve lived together for nearly five years now. Technically speaking, we’ve gone on many dates.”

“Yeah, but not before we were romantically involved! Let me have this,” Dan whined. He pouted out his lip and Phil found that he couldn’t possibly say no when he was pulling puppy dog eyes so big that Phil almost felt guilty if he did say no.

Phil let out a dramatic groan, throwing his head back against the couch. He was smiling though, his stomach doing strange little flips that he’d never noticed before. It made him happy that Dan wanted to take him out, if he’s being honest. It made it seem as if they were actually dating then. “Fine. But I’m going to be the clumsiest and most awkward date you’ve ever been with.”

At this, Dan smirked. “Phil, we’ve lived together for nearly five years now. Technically speaking, I think I should know how clumsy and awkward you are by now.”

Phil giggled and shoved him. “Shut up, nerd.”

“Make me.”

So Phil did.

-

Come that Friday, Dan was ordering Phil around and doing his best to make sure that the date went exactly how he wanted it to. He told Phil to wear his fanciest suit and tie and even made reservations. When Phil asked where they were going, Dan refused to tell him and told Phil it was supposed to be a surprise.

Phil decided to just go along with it. Even though he’d be perfectly happy just going to some burger place, he knew that it also made Dan happy to plan this sort of date, made him happy to take care of Phil like this. At this point, Phil would probably do anything to make Dan happy.

So he got dressed in the dumb suit and tie and met Dan at the front door, whistling when he saw his boyfriend. “You look fancy,” Phil complemented, to which Dan grinned and shook his head fondly.

“Well, you look marvelous,” Dan replied, surging in quickly to press a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips. Then he was pushing Phil out of the door and into a taxi. Hopefully they wouldn’t get noticed by a subscriber just yet, but he didn’t have high hopes considering they were practically everywhere. But they’d mutually agreed to say they were at a business dinner if a picture of them had ever gotten out, so they weren’t too worried about it.

After what seemed like hours but was probably only fifteen minutes, Dan stopped the cab just outside a restaurant that made Phil’s mouth drop open. “Dan,” he hissed as they got out. Dan turned to look at him with a cocked brow. “Seriously? We’re eating here?”

“Yeah?” Dan asked, his lips twitching up in amusement.

“But… This is so fancy!” And it was. When Phil said it was fancy, he wasn’t exactly overreacting. Because Dan took them to a place that was known for having expensive meals that was worth hundreds of pounds and bottles of wine that had more value than Phil himself.

His thoughts were silenced by Dan pressing a soft hand to the small of his back, pushing him towards the door. Phil didn’t know that he was dating a crazy person. “It is. But you’re worth it.” It was with those words that Phil felt his entire body melt and give in to Dan’s insane idea. He shot Dan a fond look (one that the fans would most definitely call him ‘Love Eyes Lester’ for) and pushed open the fancy wooden doors.

Immediately, he was hit in the face with the strong scent of wine and expensive Italian food.

The whole thing was a horrible mistake, as Phil had originally thought. Firstly, Dan tried to order the most expensive bottle of wine. This meant he literally tried to buy a bottle of wine that cost two thousand pounds. This lead to a hefty argument between Dan and Phil right in front of the waiter, who looked rather uncertain of whether or not to bring the bottle of wine. Dan finally let up after five minutes of arguing and then proceeded to meet in the middle, instead buying the less expensive bottle for one thousand whole smackers. While the waiter had gone to grab the wine, Phil got up to use the restroom in which he accidentally brought a napkin with him that somehow stuck to his crotch all the way across the restaurant without even noticing. When he got back to the table, Dan was laughing so loudly they were drawing stares from the neighbouring tables, none of which were very friendly.

It was the third strike that did it.

While ordering an appetizer (one of which was far too expensive once again), Dan had accidentally pronounced the food wrong and called it a sausage fuckbread instead of a flatbread.

“Please give us another minute, sorry!” Phil gasped out to the waiter between his extensive tears at Dan’s horrid mistake. He was laughing so hard that he could barely speak and his face was going red while he tried to hold back his giggles. This was definitely not going as well as Dan wanted. When the waiter turned away, walking to a different table with an air of annoyance, Phil buried his head in his hands and tried to cool himself down.

He was practically sweating while trying not to laugh.

“Dan, Dan,” he said after a moment, once they’d both calmed down. Dan seemed as if he didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or if he wanted to laugh. “Not that I don’t love this and the sentiment, but what are we doing here?”

Dan’s cheeks turned a darker shade of red than they already were and he was definitely embarrassed now. “I’m being a boyfriend? Boyfriends take their boyfriends to fancy restaurants and shower them in gifts and tell them how wonderful they are. So I’m trying to be a good boyfriend and show you how much I like being with you.”

After a quick scope around, Phil made sure there was no wandering eyes before he leaned across the table, shoved the pretty flowered vase out of his way, and took Dan’s hand in his own. “You don’t need to do any of that, Dan. Just be yourself. We don’t need suits and expensive wine to have a good time. I just like being with you.” When Dan giggled, Phil grinned. “Besides, I think we might be slightly too awkward for a place this fancy.”

Dan squeezed his hand and it took all of Phil’s willpower not to shove everything off of the table just to kiss his boyfriend. “That- Yeah, that’s probably true.”

“So what d’you say? Wanna get some tacos after we finish this expensive date? I have a sneaking suspicion that we may still be hungry after this,” Phil said with a meaningful glance to the horrendously small plate of food that passed them. “Seriously, there was one spaghetti noodle on that plate. I think we’re gonna need some shitty tacos after this.”

Dan laughed, shaking his head. “Deal. I could be down for some tacos after we finish this ridiculously expensive meal.”

And so after they finished eating, neither of the men were surprised when they were still hungry. Phil wouldn’t admit that he may have ordered something that had less of a portion just so they could still get some tacos, though. But he had a slight suspicion that Dan did the same, so he didn’t feel too guilty about it.

Their date for tacos went a lot more smoothly. Even though they were terribly out of place in their fancy suit and ties, they sat in one of the booths and weren’t afraid to be as loud as they wanted. Dan laughed like a hyena and Phil successfully went to the restroom without carrying a napkin all the way across the restaurant. They might have also been a little tipsy from trying not to waste an entire bottle of wine, but that didn’t exactly matter.

Nothing mattered when Dan tried to shove an entire taco in his mouth, leaving Phil a giggling mess as he tried not to choke on his own bite of food. Nothing mattered as Dan grinned back through a mouthful of taco, his cheeks puffed out like a squirrel’s. And nothing mattered when Dan didn’t look away, not even when he swallowed his food and Phil had to cover his mouth to stop the giggles from escaping.

“What?” Phil asked, grabbing a napkin and trying to dab at his mouth. “Do I have taco on my face?”

Dan snickered and shook his head, smiling down at the table. “No, I just. You make me really happy and I’m glad I could finally see just how happy you could make me.”

Phil grinned and kicked Dan softly in the shin, showing his affection in a way that was familiar to them. “I’m happy too, Dan. I’m glad I can find someone as awkward as I am when it comes to formal events. And can I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

“This was both the worst and best date of my life. But I don’t think I could have asked for anything better.”

“That was so cheesy, Phil.”

“It was supposed to be cheesy!”

“God, shut the fuck up!”