Chapter Text
Once Upon a Very Different Time…
1240
Kievan Rus was a time... sure. A grand federation of Slavic tribes stretching from the Baltic to the Black Sea. But like all good things in this show, it had to end tragically. In 1240, the Mongol invasion shattered the federation into pieces, scattering the three siblings across the continent like sad, angry confetti.
Ukraine was dragged off by the Ottoman Empire—she'd be fine, probably.
Russia was scooped up by the Mongols—but we're not gonna talk about what happens to him right now..
And Belarus?
She was acquired by the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Specifically, by two teenage nobles who had absolutely no idea what they were getting into.
Which might’ve been the worst mistake they’ve ever made but don’t quote me on that.
“LET ME GO!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!! I WANT BIG SISTER!! I WANT BIG BROTHER!!” The little nation was shouting like crazy, struggling within Poland’s grasp, she started to pound her little fists into Poland’s shoulders, “STOP IT RIGHT NOW!! LET ME GO OR I’LL KILL YOU!!!”
”Oh my gosh— Just chill!! You’ll be fine!!” Poland was dragging her away. But Belarus had different plans. Much different plans “You are totally exhausting my elegant spirit! I captured you fair and square in this totally legitimate territorial acquisition! Be a good little conquered province and accept your fate with some class!
“NO!! YOU’RE TAKING ME AWAY AND BROTHER AND SISTER MIGHT BE IN DANGER!! WHAT KIND OF NATION ARE YOU?!! YOU’RE JUST A WEAKLINGG!!!” Belarus struggled in the nation’s arms even more, she wouldn’t stop pulling at Poland’s hair. “I WILL BURN YOUR FIELDS!! I’LL SALT THE EARTH!!”
“UGH— Get off of me!! You’re ruining my hair!!” Poland started to physically peel Belarus off of him and threw her into a storage room and locked the door.
”HEY!! WHY DID YOU LOCK IT!!? I’LL BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN!! I HATE YOU!!!”
”Liet! Guess who just captured us a little Belarus!” Poland shouted out from outside of the room Belarus was currently banging at to be let out…”
Lithuania peaked out from the hallway, ”A-ah?! Ahhh?!! Poland what did you do!! That’s a little girl!!”
Poland brushed off his sleeves with theatrical pride even as muffled screams and violent thumping echoed from behind the wooden door.
"Don't be such a pessimist, Liet! She's not just any little girl—she's a nation! A very feral… nation…”
"Poland, she's crying!" Lithuania rushed to the door, pressing his ear against the wood. The banging stopped for a moment, replaced by the sound of small, angry, choked sobs. "She wants her family... we can't just... she's just a child..."
”Oh, nono. Liet. That’s a demon. Not a child.”
“Polanndd.. how could you say that…?”
A small fist punched through the door, sending wood chips flying. Belarus's pale hand reached through the hole, grasping blindly before retracting.
"Okay, she's planning our demise while crying," Lithuania corrected, his face pale. "Poland, we have to let her out. She needs... I don't know, tea? A blanket? Her big sister?"
Poland waved his hand dismissively, though he kept a safe distance from the door. "She tried to scalp me, Liet. Scalp. Do you know how long it takes to get hair this perfectly conditioned in the thirteenth century? I'll have you know I use egg yolks and—"
"I CAN SMELL IT!!! IT SMELLS LIKE STUPID!!"
"—and rosemary oil, very expensive, very—Liet, what are you doing?!"
”Opening the door…! Maybe she’ll stop if we let her out..”
He unlocked the door from the outside. Belarus stood in the doorway, small, in a slightly over sized coat with her dress torn at the hem, platinum hair sticking up in wild directions, and clutching a broken broom handle like a spear. Her eyes were red-rimmed and wet.
She pointed the broom handle at Poland.
“You took me away from Big Brother and Big sister!!!” She puffed out her cheeks, she almost looked like a pufferfish…
"Technically, history took you from them," Poland corrected, hiding slightly behind Lithuania. "I'm just... the current leaseholder?"
Belarus's lower lip wobbled. For a horrible moment, she looked exactly like what she was—a lost little girl whose entire world had collapsed. Then her face hardened into something terrifying.
"Your hair is stupid," she declared. "I will make you suffer for eternity!!!”
"See?!" Poland gestured wildly. "She's threatening eternal suffering! I locked her up for our safety, Liet! This is self-defense! This is—"
“I want to go home!!!”
”Ah-… Belarus… you can’t go home…” Lithuania kneeled down to Belarus’ level patting her head like she was a lost child.
“Why not?!? You’re just allowed to take me away from my Big Brother like that?!?” Belarus stomped her foot, yikes, aggressive?? I guess?
“Because this kind of is your home…! It’s in your territory..?”
…
”I hate you, die.”
Wow, harsh.
”If I’m going to live here at least leave me alone.” The little girl pouted and smacked Lithuania’s hand off of her head.
”Ow!!.. She’s kind of strong…” Lithuania cradled his hand, looking at Poland with wide, confused eyes.
”I don’t need two big losers bossing me around. So leave me alone or I’ll stab you.”
And so, the Commonwealth's newest acquisition began her reign of terror
though she would later insist, to anyone who would listen, that she was the victim in this arrangement.
A helpless child, torn from her family, bullied by her captors. The truth, as it often is in history, was slightly more… stabby? I think?
Why would I say stabby…
“If she’s gonna be a nation under us, shouldn’t she be like cleaning? Or something.”
”Ah- no..! Poland, she’s only a little girl!” Lithuania threw his hands up and started waving them like crazy.
Poland started flicking his wrist repeatedly, ”Pfft, and Russia’s a little boy, yet he’s super scary and beat the Teutonic Knights. Speaking of Russia, isn’t he Belarus’ Big Brother?”
”WHAT??!!”
“MR LITHUANIA!! THIS TEA IS COLD!! I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT CAME OFF OF THE FIRE!! MAKE IT AGAIN!!” And there it was, spoilt Belarus. Shouting across the house.
”B-Belarus!! It’s literally steaming..! What more do you want me to do-oo….” Lithuania drooped with a very overdramatic sob, “Poland, I’m gonna cry… children are so difficult!!”
”I SAID GO MAKE IT RIGHT NOW!!” Belarus threw a knife with.. terrifying precision, thank god it was aimed to miss, but it didn’t make it any less scary…
”EEKK..!! POLAND!! TAKE HER BAACCKK…! WHY COULDN’T YOU TAKE ONE OF HER SIBLINGS INSTE-A-ADDD..!!”
“Mr Lithuania?”
”Yes Belarus…?”
”I think you’re a teensy bit nice, don’t take that personally! But I think I should take that thing’s room because it’s big.” Little Belarus crossed her tiny arms over her chest with authority, well she’s never lived in a place with so much riches before. I suppose it’s natural for a little baby with Bipolar Disorder.
"Belarus…! You can’t have Poland’s room, maybe... we could give you a different room?" Lithuania suggested timidly, stepping between them with his hands raised in a placating gesture. "One we could prepare for you? With... I don't know... ribbons? Do little girls like ribbons?"
Belarus turned to look at him. For just a moment—so brief that Lithuania almost missed it—her expression softened into something almost childlike. Curious.
"...What color?"
"Oh! Any color! Blue? White? Red?"
"White." She looked away, suddenly interested in the floorboards. “If they’re off-white I’ll kill you.”
Her lip trembled. Poland and Lithuania exchanged glances over her head—the look of two people who had accidentally stepped on something fragile and were now terrified of making it worse.
Then her face hardened again, the moment of vulnerability locked away behind walls of anger.
"But your room is bigger. So I'll take yours. You can sleep in the kitchen."
"The KITCHEN?!" Poland's voice cracked. "Do you know who I am?! I'm the Commonwealth! I'm the—ow!"
Belarus had kicked his shin. Again. With surprising force for someone wearing boots two sizes too big.
"Kitchen. Now.”
”… Don’t take it personally Poland… once her room is set up, she’ll be out of your room…”
”NOT ANY BETTER!!” Poland started sobbing dramatically…
And so with that, Belarus started living with Lithuania and Poland.
Though I wonder how long this’ll last before they both go insane.