Chapter Text
—
This was completely idiotic. Wifies knew that it was, and he’d accepted that long before the fact— but honest to God, he had no clue how Parrot would react. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to be confused.
Maybe even stunned?
Stunned sounded fine. Whatever this was, it didn’t work as a good replacement.
He’d contacted his good pal, y’know, expecting some joy in his voice at the idea of having something to do other than Unstable SMP videos.
Like a good friend!
Instead, what Wifies got was:
“Dude, it’s like— one in the morning, I have a video scheduled for tomorrow.” Parrot sounded exhausted out of his mind, but he hadn’t left the call.
He was mumbling Wifies’ words back to him.
“Need help, immediately. Guy, crush, dude thing is gone, and I don’t know where he went.”
“Did you not read that before you got on call?”
Parrot went quiet. Gosh, he had apparently pissed him off doing something like that. (Or maybe it was because it was 12:51 at night, and Wifies had forced him to pick up, saying it was an ‘emergency.’)
With one deep sigh, Wifies got his answer: “I did.”
“And you understand the problem?”
“Bro.”
“It’s serious!”
The silence on the other side said a lot more than it had to, but he ruined it by sharing his screen. He was already on an email screen, showing Parrot the last bit he had.
“Oh my gosh,” Parrot was mumbling into his microphone now, but he still heard the same tab-on sound a second later. “We can’t do this after I sleep?”
“You made us do shifts over an enderman when I had a quiz in the morning.”
Wifies did still have school after this.
Most of his courses would be later in the day, meaning he had enough time to bother with doing something like this; he could still hold that end travelling over the other’s head anyway.
For all the huffing and puffing Parrot was doing, he still read parts of the email out to himself before questioning anything.
“Isn’t this proof enough of his existence? That and, like, I don’t know, the hours of footage you have?” Both good points.
That Wifies had already considered.
“Nobody is going to take two crappy emails seriously,” and as for the other point, “The footage might look like it was only scripted for a video.”
“The emails aren’t crappy. Just a little unprofessional.”
“They’re us introducing ourselves!”
It felt embarrassing to admit all of his interactions with Hummer could be summed up with two emails and footage that he’d end up posting. He’d managed to grow some big, immature crush in the span of a few days and emails!
Parrot sounded so much more defeated as he watched the other start up a new email, grumbling, “Did you have a coffee before this?”
“One.”
“At one in the morning?”
“The details only matter as much as you make them.” The little ‘shoo’ gesture he made should’ve been audible over the phone call alone.
Right, he still hadn’t even fully detailed the problem.
Wifies had found the Leviathan. Great, splendid, even! That was exactly what he’d been looking for for his content, and Hummer would’ve clearly been overjoyed. After their long search, that was supposed to be the satisfying end.
Except now, Hummer was missing.
And he had no way to prove his existence.
“All of this for a hallucination.”
Parrot’s sentence had just provided another one of Wifies’ problems. Apparently, Hummer was either distorted out or too glitched to hear in the majority of his footage. The player running around with him worked; it looked like some huge white blob!
That’s why it looked so scripted!
Yeah, sure, a Minecraft ARG horror where it just so happens that the only other person who saw is completely unidentifiable.
Complete acting.
Parrot let out a long yawn before interrupting his thoughts again, “Wifies, type a header.”
Right. He was still impatiently staring at a blank formatting screen.
“I don’t know what we’d talk about!”
“Dawg.”
“That’s a good concern.”
Telling this to someone who’d end up becoming sarcastic about how late at night it was slowly proved to be a bad idea.
“Hummer, my big stupid fat crush, could we talk about the Leviathan—”
“Shut up.”
Even as he shut the idea down, he began typing the email up.
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃ 
to [email protected]▼
Dear Hummer. Or, hi Hummer!
There wasn’t any noise for a second, as he stared at his screen, considering his words. Parrot verbalized his thoughts with, “You are such a cornball.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Wifies’ hands muffled his voice, burying his face in them with shame. Holy crap, he couldn’t even fake one email to prove someone’s existence.
And he had to fake at least five.
“I’m so cooked.”
“Just put something simple!”
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
Dear Hummer, I have a few concerns about the Leviathan.
I know we don’t talk much outside of playing your server together, but we should! There’s more to it than the two of us. If we keep looking for it together, shouldn’t we get to know each other better?
“Are you flirting?”
“Tell me what to change already.”
It took some backspace spam before he got it.
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
If we keep looking for it together, should we try playing something else together first? We’ll be stuck in your world for a bit, so maybe knowing each other better would be fun!
No comment. Maybe he’d done it and nailed the email on the second try— “You could ask someone out on a date without it sounding that bad.”
“That’s not even constructive criticism," was the best retort he had in store.
Parrot wasn’t giving Wifies enough ways to reword the problem in the emails, one of which he recognized as well.
“It’s about as constructive as I can get!”
“No, it’s not.”
Pause.
“Just email him the way you’d message me.”
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
Get on the game?
“Not that casual!”
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
If you wanna get on the game anytime soon, I have a few more servers for the two of us to look through. Just let me know!
“Better.”
Wifies had abused his backspace button doing that email alone, which, mind you, wasn’t even a long one. No, it was pretty simple and read like two people who were clearly still on new terms.
Which meant he faked it perfectly!
Parrot clearly sounded less tired while asking, “So was that all? I’m sure the rest of your emails could cover for you, considering—”
The way Wifies chimed up killed all possible energy, replying with, “Two more.”
That time it wasn't a quiet defeat; no, it was a loud groan into his mic.
“I can’t just give them one email!”
“Didn’t you actually talk to this guy? Can you use something from that? Like writing out a conversation?”
“My mind blanks if I think about him too hard.”
No objections.
“Gay.”
Again, yeah, Wifies wasn’t going to object to that in the same way Parrot wouldn’t.
He had to proofread the email again, trying to double-check that everything was in it properly. It didn’t look that ridiculous for a first email.
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
Dear Hummer, I have a few concerns about the Leviathan.
I know we don’t talk much outside of playing your server together, but we should! There’s more to it than the two of us. If you wanna get on the game anytime soon, I have a few more servers for the two of us to look through. Just let me know.
Sincerely, Wifies.
Simple enough that he wasn’t pushing it, and it didn’t look as romantic as he’d expected.
(Part of that was due to Parrot’s constant corrections; he didn’t want to give him credit for that.)
“What do I make the next email?”
“A reply?”
“Useless, dude,” but sure, he’d still make some poor attempt at starting the next one up.
How would Hummer even reply to him requesting that?
Inbox ☓
Hummer ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
aight bet
“Wifies.” The disappointment reeked as Parrot continued, “There’s no way you fell in love with a guy who says ‘aight bet’ to an honest bonding request.”
“I didn’t.”
“So why would you write that?”
Why did he write that?
It didn’t take a degree from Harvard for him to settle on the one common denominator between everything else he’d written, having to blurt out:
“I’m panicking!”
“Just reuse the same intro!”
Inbox ☓
Hummer ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
Dear Wifies, of course we could.
Whatever makes you feel comfortable would be just fine with me.
“Wifies.”
“Dude, what’s wrong with it now?”
“You’re writing fanfiction!”
Ironic, for one, but two, that was just a lie! Hummer would really care for him like that,
maybe not say it so directly, but— “Yeah, okay, I’ll edit it out.”
Inbox ☓
Hummer ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
There’s around a dozen more reports in the ship I need to catch up on. But, Wifies, if you want to, you could send me an invite in the next 30-ish minutes.
As long as you help me catch up with the reports afterwards, or plan to help me go further out in a new world.
Yours, Hummer5718.
Parrot hadn’t mentioned anything that stood out, only letting out a quiet hum that his noise suppression had nearly cut out.
Wifies could hear the way he tested out how it sounded again under his breath, then asked, “So that’s the more realistic version?”
“Probably.”
“What do you mean probably?”
“If that sounds like him, it sounds like him.”
“It might be missing something.” He read back through the email, trying to block out any thoughts on how Parrot would critique it. If he put himself in Hummer’s shoes, then he’d understand it properly.
There wasn’t a line telling him to believe or trust, was there?
That’d be a bit of a hasty generalization as well, wouldn’t it?
“Do I add something else about the Leviathan?”
“Didn’t you want it to look like you talked about stuff other than that?”
“See, Parrot, that’s why I have you helping me out!” He meant to sound enthusiastic and appreciative, but instead that was met with some more huffing and puffing.
“You’re so smart.”
“You go to Harvard, Wifies. You could’ve gotten that yourself.”
Fair enough.
Inbox ☓
Hummer ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
Dear Wifies, of course we could.
There are around a dozen more reports in the ship I need to catch up on. But, Wifies, if you want to, you could send me an invite in the next 30-ish minutes.
As long as you help me catch up with the reports afterwards, or plan to help me go further out in a new world.
Yours, Hummer5718.
Two emails down, screenshotted, and he was feeling quite proud. Parrot had already begun to shut himself down, whispering, “Goodnight then.” Wifies hadn’t even told him to sleep yet!
No, all he’d done was not click the new email area fast enough.
Upon clicking that plus sign, he’d already heard the leave sound. Parrot was already gone.
Not yet.
Parrot joined the call back in less than a minute, whining about the spam as he was forced to help start him up on the next email.
“One in the morning, by the way, messaging me ‘Parrot, emergency, emergency’!” He mocked in a higher-pitched voice, still not leaving again as he started.
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
Dear Hummer, have you been doing okay after we played together?
I had some more ideas about the Leviathan. Like whether or not it’s genuinely concerned about potions, what actions could attract it more, and Arronax’s theories.
What are the odds that it all is just a bug?
Wifies had to stop himself there. It felt like a betrayal to even imply Hummer had been lying, given how he’d seen it in front of his own eyes. He had drowned and fallen into it firsthand. Even if his videos were useless, the fact he had them at all was useful.
“Keep writing.”
“I can’t just keep faking a conversation with someone who’s not here, Parrot.”
“You have been for the last thirty minutes.”
Man. Okay, only a few more sentence changes before he needed to focus on his work.
There was still some long coding assignment.
How did even thinking about Hummer cringing at him kill his mood? He wasn’t even there to read the unsent drafts!
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
I don’t at all think you were lying, though. It’s just a possibility I’d want to look into with you.
I promise I believe in you, Hummer.
Sincerely, Wifies.
He knew the issue here. Thankfully, he was catching it before Parrot told him off.
“Fixing it!”
Inbox ☓
Wifies ˂[email protected]˃
to [email protected]▼
I believe in the Leviathan.
Sincerely, Wifies.
That last sentence being edited looked like the best of the worst. The conversation wasn’t solely Leviathan-related, and it looked like they’d spent some time together doing something else.
“Is that good?”
“For your two AM writing, it is some of the best I have ever seen.”
Parrot was being sarcastic; he didn’t care.
“Goodnight, Wifies.”
No spamming that time. As much as he’d wanted to say the same, there was some alternate assignment he had to look at.
His systems programming teacher assigned way too much for him to be so preoccupied with Minecraft and faking emails.
But he wasn’t changing that anytime soon.