Chapter Text
You sigh, taking in the morning air up on the roof of the hospital. Sitting dangerously close to the ledge, you let your legs dangle off the edge. Your shift ended five minutes ago but you couldn’t will yourself to go back to a lonely apartment, where no one and nothing besides your stuffed animals waited for you. It was your first month on the ‘dreaded’ night shift, while you were grateful to get space away from Dr. Robby, the shift was hard on your mental health as you always struggled with darker thoughts following the setting sun. Behind you the door to the roof creaked as it opened.
“I didn’t think I’d find you up here,” Abbot says softly after walking over to the railing, leaning on it to try and alleviate some pressure off his right leg. “Bit close to the edge aren’t we?” Your mouth twists to the side as you decide to back up to the railing, no longer within immediate danger of falling off, although still not on the correct side of the metal bars. The silence is heavy as neither of you speak, simply watching as the sun continues to rise.
“Why are you up here?” You ask Abbot, finally breaking the silence between the two of you. Behind you Abbot shrugs, a small sigh leaving his lips as he stretches a bit, a few pops coming from his spine.
“Just a habit of mine to come up here after a rough shift, you doing alright? It wasn’t the prettiest of shifts down there last night.” He asks, tilting his head down to look at you, something you can vaguely make out in your peripheral. A huff of air leaves your mouth as you try to think of an appropriate response for your attending.
“Could be better, but I imagine that goes for everyone who worked tonight.” You answer, vague enough to not give him any real inkling into your mind as it wasn’t something you granted people access to easily. Even though it’d been a month since you’d joined the night crew not many people knew much about you aside from a few key facts: you liked music, you like animals but had a soft spot for dogs specifically, and if you had spare time on shift there would be signs, such as small origami stars littered throughout the Pitt. Many of them suspected you to be on the autism spectrum but never asked you about it, all sort of mutually agreeing on that fact.
Abbot nods at your response before shifting the conversation slightly. “Come on, let’s get off the roof. I’m sure your bed is calling to you.” Letting a small huff of air blow out of your nose you slowly stand up, using the railing to aid you, not wanting to get lightheaded and fall the wrong way on the roof. You crouch under the bar and stand next to Abbot, looking at him, his disheveled scrubs, the way his curls had loosened throughout his shift, and the way he favored his left leg to his right, something you were all too familiar with. As you and Abbot start walking toward the door to the stairwell your mouth moves before your brain does, a question spilling out before you can think.
“Are you in pain? You’re favoring your left leg.” Abbot looks at you, blinking a few times as he processes your question and statement, not used to people reading him that easily. Or at least reading him that easily and confronting him about it, well, aside from Robby.
“Yeah, but it’s not too bad. It’ll be better once I get home, shower, rest, and all that stuff.” He nods, opening the door for you. You mutter a small thanks and go in before him heading down the stairs. The two of you walk to the locker rooms, both your shifts having ended mere minutes ago. It’s rare to get out of the Pitt on time, let alone after a rough shift, but it seemed as though the universe was deciding to show some grace.
As you mindlessly unlock your locker you feel your head become spacey, a familiar haze settling in your skull, one that always makes you want to disappear until it’s gone. You stare blankly at your locker, struggling to ground yourself and pull your head back into your body, this is something that doesn’t go unnoticed by Abbot whose locker is down a few to the left of yours.
“Everything alright?” He asks, voice gruff yet soft in tone.
“Yeah,” You answer quickly, your mouth moving for you as you start to pack your things up, feeling as though someone is moving your limbs with strings akin to that of a marionette. Abbot sees right through this and bites his lip unconsciously as he contemplates what action to take. Closing your locker with a small clang, you pause, forgetting what you were just about to do.
“You sure? You don’t exactly look like you’re in the best shape for driving.” Abbot remarks, raising an eyebrow at you disapprovingly.
“Like you have room to talk,” Slips out of your mouth before you can stop it. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that,” You bite the inside of your cheeks instinctively feeling a pool of shame sink into the depths of your stomach. A surprised laugh comes from Abbot as he’s a bit taken aback by your initial attitude.
“That’s more than enough to convince me to drive you home,” He smirks, shaking his head at you, his grin growing wider as you look at him bewildered.
“What? No, you really don’t have to do that, plus I walk to work.” You shake your head, clearing a bit of the haze, albeit not much. He raises his eyebrow at you once again, unsure of how he didn’t know this about you, especially considering you usually show up to work before he does.
“Even more the reason, we both just worked a twelve hour shift and might as well be dead on our feet. I want to make sure you get home safe.” He says, his resolve not easily shaken; it’s clear that once his mind has been made up there’s no changing it. You sigh but nod, feeling the haze settle deeper into your bones.
Neither of you speak as you make your way to his car, not wanting to break the fragile silence that befell you both. Abbot points out where his car is before unlocking it, thankfully it wasn’t too far from the main ER doors as he has handicap parking perks. Quietly, you climb into the passenger side, placing your bag at your feet before buckling up. Upon sitting you finally begin to take notice of your chronic pain building, it’d been easier to ignore earlier but now it was blaring, agitated that you hadn’t sat down till now. Wincing, you shuffle in your seat to try and get more comfortable as Abbot starts the car, offering you a small glance as he does. Deciding not to comment on it till later he instead asks you a different question.
“What’s your address?”
“Hm?” You look at him confused, having spaced out while thinking of how you were going to get your pain down and also how you were going to try and ground yourself back into your body at the same time. You’d think that dissociating and having chronic pain wouldn’t be a bad mix, but unfortunately, some pain you can’t dissociate away, emotional pain? Hell yeah. Physical pain on the other hand? Not really.
“Your address.” He repeats, a small look of concern showing on his face.
“Right, sorry,” You nod before reciting your address to him, careful to not mix it up with previous addresses you’ve lived at. Between having lived in Philly his whole life (aside from his time serving) and his time volunteering in SWAT, he knows the city like the back of his hand; i.e. why he often refuses to use GPS.
“You know you don’t have to apologize, right?” He says to you as he starts backing up, putting a hand behind your headrest to try and get a better view of the parking lot behind him. Another apology nearly tumbles off of your tongue but you’re quick to catch it before it does, you simply nod and formulate a sentence void of any sorrys.
“Yes, I will keep that in mind,” You state in an oddly professional manner, especially considering neither of you were on the clock still. Abbot twists his mouth to the side, contemplating speaking but ultimately deciding against it as he turns out of the hospital parking lot.
The drive was mostly silent, aside from the sounds of the engine and turn signals from the car. A few blocks away from your place is when the silence is finally broken.
“You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, or anything at all really, I’m here for you.” Abbot says softly, briefly taking his eyes off of the road to look at you. Blinking a few times, you let your brain process his words, albeit a bit slowly. Not knowing how to respond, you simply offer a small nod once again, mumbling a small thanks after a few seconds realizing you probably should thank him for his offer. Silence falls between you too once more, that is until he pulls up to your apartment complex, parking in an empty spot. Looking over to you, Abbot observes as you gingerly gather your backpack from up off the floor and undo your seatbelt.
“Are you in pain right now?” He asks, voice softer than usual. You pause in your seat, letting your backpack rest in your lap.
“Huh?” You hum confused, unsure if you had heard him right as no one had ever noticed before.
“Are you hurting right now, physically?” He asks again, rephrasing his question in hopes of making himself more clear. You stammer a bit, making nonsensical noises before responding.
“Uh, yeah, why?” You question, timorous as to what gave you away.
“You’ve been shifting uncomfortably in your seat for most of the ride and you’ve also been grimacing every so often.” Abbot answers, pointing out the tells that you were not aware you were doing. Typically you were better about masking but after a long ass shift things fell through the cracks easier.
“Oh.” Is all that leaves your mouth as you bite the inside of your lip awkwardly, fidgeting with the grab handle of your backpack, not sure what to do with your hands.
“Does Robby know?” He questions you back.
“Uhhhh, no…”
“Were you ever going to tell one of us?” Abbot continues, quickly reading into your hesitance to answer. Your face flushes, causing you to look down at your lap. An unpleasant silence befalls the both of you, you shift again in your seat. Had you both not just gotten off of a twelve hour shift he would’ve asked further questions but he figured he wouldn’t get anywhere with them at this point.
“Thank you for the ride Dr. Abbot,” You say, your voice coming out quieter than you would’ve preferred.
“Jack.”
“What?”
“You can call me Jack, we’re not at work right now.”
“Oh.” You nod, thankful to have moved away from the previous conversation. “Well, thank you for the ride Jack,”
The car door pops open as you steadily scoot out of the car.
“Anytime. I mean it.” He nods, leaning forward a bit in his seat towards you to try and make eye contact with you, something you expertly avoid.
“Thanks, goodnight Jack.” You say to him, despite the sun shining in the sky behind you.
“Goodnight,” He says, offering you a small smile, pulling back into his seat correctly as you shut the car door. His eyes follow your every move, observing how you move, favoring one leg over the other, a move he was all too familiar with. Frowning, he sighs to himself, knowing there’s nothing he can do without your willingness and want for help. Jack doesn’t shift his car into reverse until he can no longer see your figure, making sure you got inside your apartment complex safely.
Maybe another day you’d open up to him, let him in behind your walls. Let someone take care of you, worry about you. Just not today.