Work Text:
Apo stares, as Bek fiddles with the exhaust pipe of the car that she's fixing. Apo has no clue what she's fixing, only that Bek is frowning with concentration, and that the mechanics student had demanded a wrench only a couple moments prior.
They did this often. Bek had an internship at an auto-shop near their apartment, and whenever Apo was bored, she'd tag along. The owners were nice, and given that Apo knew her way around a tool or two, they let her hang out with Bek, as long as they didn't get distracted. Luckily, Bek could talk and fix things at the same time.
Today though, was a little different. Apo couldn't find it within herself to speak. She had been doing some thinking. A lot of it. And after all of that thinking, she had come to the conclusion-
"Bek, we should get a cat." Apo finally says. Bek looks up, confused.
"We can't. I'm allergic. Why?"
"Because clearly nothing else will work out for me," Apo shrugs, as if the admission isn't weighing on her, "so I'm going to get a head start on becoming a cat lady."
"Is this because of Cherri?" Bek stops fiddling with the exhaust for a moment, staring at Apo. The architecture student feels herself wilt under Bek's gaze, and can’t help but to glance away.
"No." The word sounds like a lie, even to Apo.
"Why," Bek says, now continuing her work. "Are you so worried about this all of a sudden? You seemed fine with staying friends with her."
Apo shoots Bek a look. "Okay, maybe fine with it isn't the best way to describe it. But you seemed like you had accepted it. Why are you feeling so worried now?"
"It's nothing." Apo dismisses casually, "Bek, could I live with you and Eloise after graduation? I won't be loud or anything. You won't even know I'm there-"
"Apo!" Bek exclaims, laughing a little, "This is what I mean. You're not acting like yourself, so what's going on? You know I'll listen."
Apo does. So she takes a deep breath, which hurts her chest a little, before responding. "I just… this experience has made me realize that… maybe I'm not cut out for… love."
Bek shoots her a worried glance, and Apo continues quickly. "Not that it's Cherri's fault or anything. She's not interested in me! And that's okay! I'm just not the person for her! Or she was experimenting. Which is- It's fine."
"I'm pretty sure she likes women. Have you asked her?" Bek counters, which makes Apo wilt because she has. But it doesn't matter if Cherri likes women. Because Apo is-
"It doesn't matter. She could like women and just not like me." Apo turns her head away, and Bek gives her a thoughtful look. Apo has half a mind to snap that Bek should focus on the car, so that Apo's luck doesn’t run out, causing her to be banished from the autoshop. But she doesn't, because she's not rude.
"Well, you like her, right?"
The words are painful to say, because it's the first time Apo is admitting it out loud. "Yeah."
A swirl of emotion gets stuck in her throat as she remembers Cherri's glasses, knocked askew. She remembers the feeling of Cherri pulling down on the back of her neck.
"Why did she kiss you, if she doesn't like you?" Bek wonders aloud, and Apo wants to scream about how Bek knows why Cherri kissed her. And Bek knows why Cherri wants to forget about it. Just like Apo does.
"She said it was the atmosphere. She was experimenting, Bek. You know it."
"But she doesn’t need to, Apo. She likes women. Why would she-"
A cloud crosses over Bek's face, and she gives Apo another look. "Apo."
Her voice is warning, begging Apo not to say it. But it's true. "Maybe Cherri doesn't like people like me."
Silence. There's utter silence, and Apo can feel herself shrinking in all the wrong places. It's not something she talks about often, anymore. She just lets it be, usually. Lets people assume what they want.
But the thing crawling just beneath her skin, won't stop insisting that Cherri didn't want her because of the deepness of her voice, or the broadness of her shoulders. That she thought she could love who Apo actually is, but she was wrong. She thought that Apo's voice dropping was handsome. Not beautiful. Thought her broad shoulders were masculine.
Maybe Cherri had been confused. Maybe she had thought she could love a—
"You're still a woman, Apo." Bek says, her voice quiet, and warm. It feels like the world has stopped for a moment, after that. It feels a little like Apo's chest is going to explode, with anger, with protest, with well, what if Cherri doesn't think that?
She huffs, willing the tears back into her chest. She hates how easily she cries when people are genuine with her, and Apo purses her lips, trying to swallow the way her throat hurts, the telltale sign that she's forcing herself not to cry.
"I- I know." Apo stammers, "I know that. Cherri might- She might not- Maybe she-"
It sounds stupid, and Apo knows it does, Cherri wouldn't be someone who would do that. She couldn't be. But the voice nagging in the back of Apo's head is telling her that she won't be alone because of her bad luck with dating. No, it'll be because of how flat her chest is, even still. It'll be her skinny legs and her low tone.
"Apo," Bek stands, making her way towards Apo. She stops a couple feet away, her face searching, soft, and Apo feels like Bek is trying to pry the worry from her soul. "I promise. She doesn't think that about you."
"I just-" Apo's voice is wet with tears now, "Bek, I really wanted it to work out."
Bek softens. "I know. I know you did."
And she opens her arms, then. Bek opens her arms, and Apo surges into them like she hasn't been hugged in years, which might actually be true. Apo wraps her arms around Bek's neck, hugging her tightly, and has never been happier that Bek hugs so firmly. It feels like it's containing all of Apo inside herself. Like a jar of sand threatening to break and spill onto the ground, Bek is the tape covering the cracks.
And Apo cries. She cries, and clutches Bek's shirt. Bek doesn't speak, which Apo appreciates, because her own emotions are already too loud, too loud, too loud.
Apo sucks in a hiccuping breath, and releases Bek, after almost a whole three minutes. She counts, because she allows herself to cry for three minutes, before deciding that it's enough. Bek didn't need her sobbing for hours onto her shoulder, she had to fix that car.
"Thank you, Bek. Seriously. For not being… weirded out when I say stuff like that."
"It's no problem. You're more important to me than that." Bek is too genuine, and Apo gets choked up for a moment, before the mechanics student continues. "Besides, Cherri still… wants to be friends. Right? That's what I got from her message."
A notification makes them both startle, before Apo can reply. Bek pulls out her phone, and makes a face. She types a quick message and puts her phone away, sending an apologetic glance Apo's way. "Sorry. Katie has been bugging me all day."
"Cherri she- She does. Want to be friends, that is." Apo stresses, as Bek continues her work on the car once more.
"So… you just wait," Bek says, like it's the most obvious and easy thing in the world. "Wait until you don't like her anymore. You like her as a friend too, right! Just… wait until that's enough for you."
Yes. That's what Apo will do. She'll wait. She'll wait until Cherri's smile is enough, wait until she doesn't want to kiss it. She'll wait until she feels the way Cherri does too.
At least then, it'll be reciprocated. Just in another way.
"Right." Apo blows out a breath. "Right. That's what I'll do."
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Katie doesn't nag.
That’s something Cherri likes about her. Katie doesn't nag, doesn't hover, doesn't stay or pry where she wasn’t wanted. It was a skill, knowing when to stop, and Katie had it mastered.
Except recently. Recently, Katie had started to nag. Like right now. Cherri stares at the bowl of cereal in front of her, stirring it idly.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Katie nags, like a worried mother. Cherri looks up, watching Katie, who is watching her. From the doorway, phone in hand, where she had previously been texting someone.
"Okay," Cherri drops her spoon with a clatter, "What is with you recently? You've been acting like I'm a depressed teen."
Katie looks utterly guilty, and her eyes flick from Cherri, towards the fridge, avoiding the art student's gaze. "No reason. I'm just wondering if you're alright is all."
Katie stresses her hands in front of her, pulling and fidgeting anxiously at her own fingers.
"Look," Cherri huffs a sigh, "If this is about the party, I-"
"Who said this had anything to do with the party?" Katie interrupts, a nervous laugh bubbling from her chest. Cherri studies her. One thing about her roommate is that she couldn't lie when directly confronted with something.
"No one." Cherri says slowly, "But I am, now."
"Well. It has nothing to do with that. And even less to do with Apo."
Apo. What did Apo have to do with it? Cherri recalls how, around two weeks ago, she had perked up at the mention of the architecture student. Now, she almost shrinks in on herself.
"Well, tell Apo I'm doing just peachy," Cherri spits, "Oh, and while you're at it, maybe try to get her to respond to my fucking message? That would help."
She doesn't mean to sound bitter. Really, she doesn't. But the words rip themselves from her throat. The least Apo could do was tell her if she hated Cherri or not. Then, Cherri could eat three tubs of ice cream, and cry herself to sleep, if that was the case. But no, Apo was choosing to leave her in this in-between state. Which Cherri hated, because she just felt hollow, and nauseous, and scared.
"You're not fine, Cherri. It's 2pm, and you're eating cereal. Did you even have breakfast this morning?" Katie exclaims, her brows furrowed, and her tone worried. Cherri presses her lips into a line, trying to think of an excuse other than I actually just woke up.
"I just woke up. This is breakfast." Katie looks positively mortified at Cherri's words, which she pairs with an uncaring shrug.
"You need to start caring about yourself, Cherri. I don't care if Apo left you hanging." Katie says sternly, "You can't fall apart, Cherri."
She knows. Cherri knows it. She knows that the way she's falling apart isn't healthy. Something about Katie's words hits her, though. And her shoulders sag.
"You're right. I- I just need to get over it, I guess." Cherri says defeatedly. Katie gives her a sympathetic look.
"Hey. That doesn't mean you can't be sad. It just means you can't let your life fall apart while you are sad."
Cherri huffs a sigh, picking at her cereal. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."
But, if Apo wasn't keen to respond to her, Cherri might as well move on. She might as well move on with her life, hopefully find a new crush, and forget about Apo, and her stupid smile, and her stupid amount of intelligence.
Cherri wondered where that intelligence was now. Wondered if Apo was logistically analyzing her possible response.
No, Cherri decides, probably not.
Apo probably had much bigger, and better things to worry about.
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Katie (1:46): how is apo???? I know I keep asking bur im seriously worried
Bek (1:48): not good bro
Bek (1:51): ive been @ the autoshop all day shes here w me
Katie (1:51): really? I cant get cherri out of the house
Bek (1:52): ya shes here
Bek (1:53): im gettibg worried about her though
Katie (1:53): me too
Katie (1:53): why are you worried?
Bek (1:54): shes not doing well katie
Bek (1:54): theres no other way to put it
Katie (1:55): yeah i know
Bek (1:55): ill try to get her to respond to cherri but no promises
Bek (1:56): i really dont wanna push her rn
Katie (1:56): k
Katie (1:57): thank you bek i mean it
Bek (1:58): no prob bob 💪
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Apo (9:53): Cherri, sorry for the late reply. I’d be happy to forget about the events of the part if that’s what you want to do!
Apo (9:56): I promise I’m not mad, and I would love to continue being friends. 🙂