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It’s not their first fight, not by a long shot, Tony tends to bring fights out in people, but it’s no doubt a bad one.
Tony has been kidnapped again, and after his rescue he has yet again refused to go to medical, and only now, a day later, has Sam found out about the broken rips and sprained wrist, all untreated. And he has found out when they were in bed together.
Not a good recipe for a sexy night.
“I don’t understand why you don’t take better care of yourself,” Sam says and whirls around to Tony. “Why is it so hard for you to go down to medical and say ‘Yes, I’m hurt, can you help me’?”
“It’s not that important, Sam,” Tony gives back and Sam eyes narrow.
“How dare you even say that? It’s not important that your ribs are broken, that your wrist is sprained and that you are in constant pain? How is that not important?” he asks and Tony shrugs.
“It just isn’t,” he says, voice carefully level, but Sam doesn’t even notice.
“Why won’t you just go to a doctor with it?” Sam asks again, voice slightly raised and Tony instinctively hunches his shoulders.
“I don’t like doctors, you know that.”
“Then why not come to me?” Sam yells now and Tony takes a step back, already calculating if he could make it past Sam to the door if he has to. “It’s not like I was pararescue,” Sam continues, voice still raised and he throws his hands into the air to make a point.
When he sees how Tony flinches, badly, he feels like everything stops around them.
He slowly lowers his hands and asks “Tony?” voice carefully low and soothing.
“It’s alright, no need to get angry, I’ll go to the doctor,” Tony rushes out, angling himself away from Sam and Sam can almost feel his heart breaking in his chest.
It’s only now that he realizes Tony’s defensive stance, how he has taken a few steps back from Sam, how placating and low his voice is and it all paints a really clear picture to Sam.
“Tony, sweetheart,” Sam starts but he doesn’t know what to say, how to continue and Tony sees a chance he takes.
“In fact, I think I’ll go right now,” he rushes out and makes his way past Sam, keeping a lot of distance between them and not meeting his eyes.
Sam lets him go, he is pretty sure grabbing for him to make him stay is not the right thing to do right now, but that doesn’t mean he likes it.
“Jarvis, can you tell me when he is done with the doctor?” Sam asks, still looking at the door where Tony had vanished.
“I can do that,” Jarvis agrees and Sam nods his thanks.
Time to get his thoughts in order before Tony was done.
Around half an hour later Jarvis announces “Sir is done and on his way to the workshop.”
Of course he was, Sam thinks and quickly gets into the elevator Jarvis summones for him.
Sam had thought about a lot of things to say, but everything seemed unimportant and meaningless and in the end he decides to just wing it. Tony is unpredictable anyway so it is probably best to not have a plan.
His code to the workshop still works, either because Tony didn’t change it, or because Jarvis has a hand in this, but Sam isn’t about to question it now.
He finds Tony at his workbench, but he isn’t doing anything, he is just staring ahead at the empty wall and Sam carefully approaches him, making sure to come from an angle that would allow Tony to spot him.
“Tony?” he asks when he doesn’t react to Sam and now Tony startles.
He gets this frantic look, like he got caught doing something forbidden and he rushes out “I went to the doctor, you can check that over, I got treated, I did what you wanted.”
Sam gets the distinct feeling that he holds back on the words ‘No need to still be angry with me’ and something twists unpleasantly in Sam’s chest.
“I know that, honey,” Sam says and then carefully walks closer to sit on a chair on the other side of the table, giving Tony plenty of space.
Tony scoffs at that. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” he bitterly says and Sam frowns.
“And what am I doing?” Sam asks.
“You’re trying to give me space like I’m some, some hurt animal or something. But I am not.”
“No. You’re a hurt human,” Sam gives back and it apparently catches Tony off guard because he stares at him for a few seconds.
“I’m not weak,” Tony says and Sam immediately shakes his head.
“Of course not. Who said that?”
“You’re thinking it, I know it. Everyone always thinks that when they realize that…that…” he trails off and Sam can’t help but ask “Realize that what, sweetheart?”
“That I let them beat me,” Tony rushes out and pushes away from his table. He gets up so fast the chair topples over and even that sound seems to startle Tony. He quickly looks over at Sam, as if to gauge his reaction and now a lot of the looks Tony always threw around make a lot more sense.
It is only a few seconds later that Sam realizes that Tony has used ‘them’ and not ‘he’ or ‘she’, that it has been multiple people who thought it would be okay to do this to Tony, and he feels rage bubbling up inside, cold and powerful, but he keeps it bottled up inside. It would only hurt Tony further to see Sam angry now.
Sam doesn’t know if it’s okay to ask, he has no experience with this, but he decides he needs to know, and if Tony closes himself up, he will drop the subject.
“Honey, who thought it would be okay to beat you?” Sam gently asks and Tony hunches in on himself once again.
“They were right,” he mumbles and Sam briefly closes his eyes.
“They were not,” he says, making sure that his voice is stable and firm, not letting any doubt creep into it. “It’s never okay.”
“I deserved it,” Tony goes on and Sam needs to take a few deep breaths before he can say something.
“You don’t and you didn’t. No one ever deserves that.”
“I needed to learn. I was…not a very good listener. I wasn’t attentive and I was not a good kid.”
So Howard, most likely, and at least one partner in the past, Sam counts and he continues his deep breaths.
“Come here, love?” Sam asks, careful to make it a question and not an order and Tony comes willingly.
He takes Sam’s outstretched hand and allows him to pull him closer, until Tony stands between Sam’s legs and looks down at him.
“Beating someone is never the right solution. Never,” Sam says with vehemence, but still gently, and then carefully puts his hands on Tony’s hips.
“I know you won’t believe me now, but I will never do that to you. Never. And if I raise my voice, yes, that means I’m angry, and I might even be angry at you or with you, but I would never ever hurt you. You have to remember that.”
“I will,” Tony immediately says and Sam sighs.
Now he will forever question if Tony agrees with something because he really thinks he is right, or if he does it because he is afraid of the consequences.
“Tony, I need to ask you something and you have to tell me the truth, okay?” Sam asks, suddenly hit by a thought.
“Okay,” Tony agrees.
“Did I ever do something to you you didn’t want? Did you ever have the feeling you couldn’t say no to me?”
Tony frowns down upon him and Sam pleads “Be honest, sweetheart, please.”
“You never did something like that. Never. I would have…” he trails off here and Sam can see the realization dawn behind his eyes.
“I wouldn’t have told you,” Tony finishes weakly and Sam nods.
“Was there ever a moment where you wished you could tell me no?” Sam asks again and this time Tony’s answer is immediate.
“No, never, I promise you,” he rushes out and Sam does believe him this time.
“Good,” he says with relieve and Tony hugs him.
“I am sorry I am so messed up that you need to worry about this,” he mumbles into Sam’s hair and Sam tightens his grip on him.
“You are not messed up and it’s not your fault,” he says into Tony’s stomach and Tony chuckles.
“I am a bit messed up,” he says and okay, Sam has to give him that.
“Maybe. Still doesn’t make it your fault,” Sam repeats and Tony pushes him back.
“Are we done with the emotional talks for today? Can we just go to bed now?” he carefully asks, like he isn’t sure this is still something Sam wants and Sam can’t let that stand.
He gets to his feet and gently kisses Tony. “Of course we can. I love you.”
Tony sighs against his lips and mumbles “I love you, too,” before he turns around and leads them back to their bed.