Work Text:
Cens 4Eva minus Young and Haasy
Boyle
I can’t do this anymore
Captain
Glad we are all on same page
Chewy
Who knew dating your teammate was a bad idea huh
Hollz
Not me
Chewy
I said dating not husbands
Bood
Should we do an intervention?
Barrett
What the hell
Barrett
No?
Hayz
Maybe it will be okay?
Bergy
the tension at our house is the worst it has ever been
LP
even worse than when i drank the last of haasy’s disgusting protein drink
Dykstra
What even happened between them ??
Bergy
we don’t know!!
LP
we only know it started on friday night
Hollz
it’s been five days then…
Boyle
Do you think they’re breaking up??
Dykstra
oh no what about our gay quota??
Chewy
You can be gay without being in a relationship stupid
Bood
And most importantly we don’t care about a gay quota
Captain
I will resolve the issue
Bood
No
Hollz
No.
Dykstra
please I’m not doing it
Captain
to save evan I will do it
Dykstra
thanks cap
Hollz
you’re not doing that
Barrett
Let’s make a plan? starting with the other rooks maybe
Hayz
I like that idea more
LP
of course you like it, you’re not a rookie 💔
Bergy
Idk if i can do this guys
Dykstra
I volunteer as tribute
Chewy
You rewatched the hunger games dicky dick?
Dykstra
One of these days i’m gonna kill you and I will confess my crime with pleasure nick chouinard
Bood
Boys.
Chewy
Sorry my king
Dykstra
Sorry bood
Hollz
What’s your plan Barrett?
Barrett
Why me ??
Boyle
You’re the one who said to plan something with the rookies
Barrett
That was just an idea !! i don’t have any plan !!
LP
THANK GOD
Bergy
I was literally about to throw up from the anxiety
Captain
Why are you kids so weak?
Bergy
I was sheltered
LP
Stfu you were not
Bergy
I was not
Hayz
Soooo
Hayz
What are we doing? Because I’m actually breaking into cold sweat every time I’m about to enter the locker room
Dykstra
I got an idea
Chewy
No you don’t
Dykstra
I GOT AN IDEA
Chewy
NO YOU DONT
Captain
Chewy can you shut your big mouth and let the man speak
Dykstra
Thanks cap
Captain
Now lets hear this stupid idea evan
Dykstra
I hate this team
LP
Lmaooooo
Hayz
Can we be serious i’m begging
Hollz
I’d like to hear dykstra’s idea
Captain
Ok we listen to the idea
Dykstra
…
Boyle
C’mon dick
Dykstra
What if we locked them in a room together ?
Bergy
I think this is stupid
Captain
Yes
Captain
We knew it was going to be
Chewy
I got one
Bood
Please serious ideas only
Captain
Chewy talk
Chewy
Here’s how it goes
TWEET 1
[Video transcription :
The scene starts in the middle of the Ottawa ice rink. There is a desk and two chairs on one side of the desk, two players sit on them. As only light, a small Flash McQueen light. There is a screech as another player comes onto the rink with a spotlight, it makes a deafening noise and you can hear someone complaining about it loudly, it sounds suspiciously like Zane Boodram. You can see the shadows of the other Ottawa Centaurs getting onto the rink to circle the table. One of them turns the spotlight on, Luca Haas and Alexander Young are the ones on the chairs, they are both blindfolded with earmuffs. The rest of the Centaurs each have a t-shirt with something representing them.
Boodram has ‘’observator’’ written on it, Barrett ‘’bad cop’’, Rozanov ‘’worse cop’’, Hollander ‘’emotional support officer’’, Chouinard ‘’guy who looks at things with magnifying glass’’, LaPointe ‘’lightning technician’’, Hayes ‘’dramatic pause coordinator’’, Boyle ‘’witness protection coordinator’’, Holmberg ‘’witness’’.
It’s Barrett who steps in to take off their blindfolds. “No more joking around now.” Haas rolls his eyes and Young turns his head opposite of Luca. The next second, Rozanov hits the table so hard that everybody jumps, the camera shakes for a second. Both of the rookies look at him wide eyed. “Now the war stops. I cannot focus on being captain of best team when I have to do daycare with two baby.” At the words, Luca and Alex’s eyes shake. Hollander steps in and put two water bottles on the table, “for hydration’’. Chouinard is analysing the bottles with the magnifying glass before giving a thumbs up. Barrett steps in, ‘’it is time to admit your fault. We have a victim.’’ He points at the victim, ‘’look at him, he’s about to cry’’. They both look at Holmberg who’s in Boyle’s arms. LaPointe focuses the light on them for the moment. Young chuckles at the display. ‘’DON’T LAUGH !’’ Everybody jumps again when Rozanov shakes the table.
‘’Can you stop?” Hollander asks, sighing. ‘’Yes, moya lyubov, sorry.
- Stop.’’ Hayes says. They all pause. ‘’You may continue.” Finally, Bood groaned. “What’s going on for real boys ? LP and Berg say the atmosphere is tense at the apartment and it’s not any better on ice. Are you guys,’’ he looked at the camera before whispering, ‘’breaking up ?’’
Haas and Young looked outraged at the accusation. “No!’’ They yelled at the same time. ‘’We just had a big fight and it’s taking a bit more time than usual to solve.” Haas said, Young nodded, both looking guilty. ‘’What happened ?’’ Shane asks softly. The two rookies look at each other and sigh before Young mumbles something. ‘’What ?’’ Barrett asks, everybody is frowning on the ice. The camera gets closer.
‘’He ate my protein bars and didn’t buy me anymore.’’ Hayes puts his hand on the table, ‘’pause.’’ Boodram groans, ‘’you’re kidding, right?’’
‘’You’re fighting because of — protein bars ?!’’ Ilya exclaims. ‘’What the — guys !’’ Holmberg starts. As they all start yelling and fighting, the camera turns to Harris. ‘’We’ll be back after a short break,’’ he says with a big smile.
A black screen appears and the words one hour and lots of yelling later are written. Luca Haas and Alexander Young are still in their chairs, this time, the rest of the team is lined up behind them. LaPointe is fiddling with the spotlight before standing next to it.
‘’Ok guys, say it.’’ Harris says, behind the camera. Alex sighs, ‘’I’m sorry to Luca for eating his protein bars and not compensating the ones I stole. I’m sorry to the team for making them endure our fi–’’ Barrett, who is standing behind him, slap his head, ‘’our childish fight which could have been resolved as adults and not silence. I’m sorry to any and all staff of the Ottawa Centaurs for any misconduct I could have had.’’ Luca nods at that, ‘’your turn, Luca.’’ Harris says. ‘’I’m sorry for staying mad at something that could have been resolved easily. I’m sorry to our team which has only ever been kind to us. I’m sorry to our staff which has had to endure tension in the group. I’m sorry to my mother for the misconduct I brought to her name and–’’ ‘’sucker.’’ ‘’shut the fuck up, Young!’’ Rozanov barks. A second later, the whole team is starting to yell and fight again.
The camera turns to Harris again, ‘’I think the issue is as solved as it can be.’’ He winks at the camera and the screen turns black. We’re sorry to our Centaurs’ fans for Luca Haas and Alexander Young’s stupidity.]
The Sacrifices
Mike
I’ve just watched the centaurs’ vid
Mike
and i think i understand luca
Mike
i would have done the same
Daniil
Shut up
Mike
Let’s be fr now
Brock
i get it but i don’t agree with how it was handled
Brody
in the vid?
Brock
no irl
Haas
Can we please not talk about it?
Young
i’ve not lived through greater humiliations yet
LP
honestly shut up
Holmberg
do u guys know how much time they spent giving eo the cold shoulder?
LP
**and making all of us suffer through it????
Joakim
was it that bad??
LP the worst ever
Loic
you guys wouldn’t survive a week with the MV….
Dalton
Dude we don’t even know how you’re still alive
Loic
Thank hayden pike
Radek
I will thank him after i ridiculize him on ice
Loic
i wished i was traded
Holmberg
You gotta be a little bad to be traded mid season
Colt
Are you safe still??
Colt
I bet we could make something happen with scott
Dalton
Yeah hunter would kidnap u
Dalton
Like he kidnapped colt to the kingfisher
Colt
Shut up i wasn’t kidnapped, i went willingly
Loic
Im safe, im not seeing anybody or trying to pick anyone up anyway
Haas
I think ilya could kidnap you
Radek
He’s russian big boy obviously he could
LP
Do russian small boys not kidnap ?
Radek
Haven’t kidnapped anyone yet
Radek
But i have potential target
Joakim
Huh
Joakim
Idk if he’s fr or not
Mike
I think he’s fr??
Brody
I know someone who’d like to be kidnapped by radek
Brock
I do too
Radek
Lots of people would like i kidnap them
Radek
But only one i want
Young
goddamn
Young
u serious serious
Holmberg
wtv let’s talk ab smth else
Brock
LMAOOOOOOOO
Loic
This is so 😭🤣
LP
“wtv”
Daniil
😭😭 leave the poor boy alone
Daniil
He doesnt know 🤣
Colt
😭😭😭😭