Work Text:
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation web-crawlers (specifically Algorithm "PURITY-CHECK") are to monitor online fiction repositories (AO3, Wattpad, Kindle Direct, Scribblehub, and more) for signs of SCP-XXXX manifestation. Any fictional work identified as "Under Investigation or "Sanitized" by unauthorized meta-narrative entities must be immediately isolated.
Physical copies of affected literature are needed to be stored in Site-87. Under no circumstances should Foundation staff engage with the "Comments or "Review" sections of affected works, as this provides a cognitive link for SCP-XXXX to manifest in the reader's personal library.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a pataphysical phenomenon manifesting as an organized group of humanoid entities known as the "Bureau of Narrative Purity" (BNP). These entities do not in reality, but instead, they manifest within text, film, games, books, or digital code of fictional works.
SCP-XXXX-X targets stories that contain "problematic" or "Immoral" content. This includes, but is not limited to:
- Villains who receive redemption arcs without "sufficient" suffering.
- Characters who engage in "toxic" or "non-standard" romantic relationships.
- Protagonists who display "unlikable" personality traits or make morally gray decisions.
- Fictions that depicts suffering or others without an explicit "moral lessons."
Incident Log 7516-Alpha:
When SCP-XXXX-X attacks the works, the narrative is altered in real-time. Members of the BNP (SCP-XXXX-X) will Physically enter the scene, typically dressed in white tactical gear or clerical robes, and "arrest" or decommission" the targeted characters. This results in the rest of the story becoming incoherent, as central plot points are removed to satisfy the BNP's standards.
Subject Work: Rhw Serpent's Redemption (High-fantasy novel) Targeted Element: The antagonist, Lord Malphas, is forgiven by the hero in the final chapter.
SCP-XXXX Manifestation: In the original text, the hero offers Malphas a chance to rebuild the kingdom. During an Foundation observation, the texts spontaneously shifted. Three SCP-XXXX-X instances entered the throne room scene.
"Revised Texts Excerpt": Malphas reached for the hero's hand, but the doors burst wide open. Men in white armor, bearing shields embossed with the word 'DISCOURSE' marched forward. Malphas was struck with a "Problematic Hammer" and dragged into a void of white text. The hero turned to the reader and spent the next thirty pages explaining why Malphas didn't deserve a second chance and how liking him will makes the reader a bad person."
Incident Log 7516-Beta:
Subject Work: Friday the 13th (A slasher film) Targeted Element: The "Final Girl" survives despite making "irresponsible" choices.
SCP-XXXX-X Manifestation: At the 35-minute mark, Jason was about to strike. The film freezes. An SCP-XXXX-X entity enters the frame, looks directly at the camera, and begins a PowerPoint presentation on "Proper Safety Protocols and the Dangers of Promoting Reckless Behavior in Media." Jason is shown in the background being forced to fill out a 500-page "Sensitivity and Harm Reduction" form the movie ends 2 hours early.
Addendum 7516.1: Recovered Manifesto Found in the metadata of a deleted fan-fiction site, believed to be the source of the anomaly:
""Fiction is a blueprint for reality. If you write about a bad person being happy, you are committing a crime against the future. We are the Moral Police. We are the wall between your 'problematic' fantasies and a pure world. If you don't like it, stop liking things we don't like.""
Researcher Note: The danger of SCP-XXXX-X isn't just that it ruins good stories. It's that it's growing. It has begun targeting historical documents and Foundation incident reports, attempting to 'edit' our reality to be more morally palatable. If they reach the 05 files, we might find ourselves 'decommissioned' for being too unlikable. - Dr. Aristhone, Pataphsics Dept.
The interview log explores a containment scenario which the Foundation Pataphysicists managed to trap an instance of SCP-XXXX-X within a "Narrative Siphon" a sterile, short story written specifically to facilitate communication.
Subject: SCP-XXXX-X (Designating itself as the "Senior Accountability Officer Modesty" Interviewer name Dr. Simon Aristhone, Pataphsics Department Method. Dr. Aristhone's consciousness was projected into the fictional narrative called The Grey Room, a story with no plot, no conflict, and no adjectives too. it designed to be "perfectly neutral" to attract an auditor.
[BEGIN LOG]
The setting is a featureless grey cube. Dr. Aristhone sits at a wooden table. The man in a pristine, glowing white suit suddenly fades into existence opposite him. He Carries a clipboard that emits a soft hum.
SCP-XXXX-X sighs while looking around. "This setting is... acceptable. But it's so boring. Boring is safe. Boring doesn't hurt anyone. But your presence here, Doctor? You are a walking set of red flags."
"I assume you're referring to my history?" Dr. Aristhone said.
"Your internal monologue. You're thinking about a coffee you had this morning or evening that you didn't pay for because the machine was broken. Theft! Unpunished larceny. You're the protagonist of this little scene? That is so highly problematic of you."
"We're not here to discuss my caffeine habits. We want to understand the Bureau of Narrative Purity. Why are you attacking fictional works? Why burn down stories that don't belong to you? Why?" Dr. Aristhone said to SCP-XXXX-X to explain why he's attacking fictional works and burning stories down.
SCP-XXXX-X leans forward. "Attack is such a violent, aggressive word. We are performing sanitation. Do you have any idea how much filth is leaking from the collective imagination into the real world? You think fiction is a playground? We know it's a nursery. And the children are being fed with poison and disease."
"Poison and disease? You deleted an entire series of novels last week because the main character was too mean to his cat?"
"He yelled at the feline in Chapter 5 and by Chapter 7, he had not performed a public apology or attended a state-mandated empathy seminar. To allow that filthy story to exist is to tell every readers that yelling at cats is a trait of a hero. We simple cannot allow the likable villain or the flawed hero to exist. If a character is not a perfect moral compass, they are a pathogen."
"But that's not how the stories work SCP-XXXX-X Conflict and flaws are the point of-"
SCP-XXXX-X interrupt him. "Conflict is trauma. Flaws are excuses. We are here to ensure that every story ends with a moral summary and that every bad person is thoroughly miserable by page fifth. We are protecting the readers from the harm of... nuance."
"You're lobotomizing culture. You're turning art into a lecture."
SCP-XXXX-X chuckles coldly. "We are perfecting it. We recently finished editing a tragedy from your 16th century. A truly disgusting barbaric piece called Titus Andronicus."
Titus Andronicus? That's Shakespeare's bloodiest play. It's a cycle of revenge, mutilation, and... well, the ending involves a very specific kind of pie. How do you even begin to sanitize that?" Dr. Aristhone said.
SCP-XXXX-X smiling thinly "We started by removing all the revenge. Revenge is a toxic cycle, Doctor In our version, when Titus is wronged, he doesn't sharpen his blade, he opens a collaborative spreadsheet. He invites the Goths and the Romans to a Healing Circle."
"And the ending? The banquet?"
"There is no cannibalism. That is a triggering narrative choice. Instead, the play ends with a 6-hours seminar on Setting Healthy Boundaries in Ancient Rome. The characters all realize that their pure anger was just a projection of their own insecurities. We deleted the last three acts and replaced them with a glossary of microaggressions. It's 503 pages of healthy, stable paperwork. It's beautiful." SCP-XXXX-X smile.
"It sounds unreadable. You've stripped away the humanity."
"We have stripped away the harm. If a story depicts a bad thing happening without the author immediately condemning it in the footnotes, that story is a weapon. We are just disarming you."
"Our data shows you're moving beyond books You're trying manifest in Foundation mission reports.
SCP-XXXX-X taps his clipboard "Your organization is a goldmine of problematic content. You keep monsters in cages? You use D-Class as expendable lab rat tools? You are the ultimate unlikable protagonists, Doctor. We've already begun the rewrite of your history."
"You can't rewrite reality."
Can't we? What is reality but a story that hasn't been edited yet? We're coming for your archives next. We're going to give the SCP Foundation a redemption arc. By the time we're done. You won't be containing those anomalies. You'll be hosting bake sales for them and apologizing for your institutional biases.
"We won't let that happen, SCP-XXXX-X. We will not allow you rewrite our history."
"You don't have a choice. The audience is on our side. They want their comfort. They want their safety. They want a world where the bad people are easily spotted and the good people never, ever make a mistake. We are just the delivery boys and girls.
SCP-XXXX-X stands up. The grey walls of the room begin to turn into white, black pages. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a list of movies, books, games to go delete. Apparently, the male monster doesn't ask for consent before haunting the house. Truly disgusting...
[END LOG]
Closing Note: Following this interview, there were report that 50% of their "Keter" class files had been altered. The descriptions of world-ending entities were replaced with long, rambling essays about how the entities were "misunderstood" and how the Foundation's containment methods were "non-inclusive." Monitoring of SCP-XXXX has been upgraded to Priority Level 5.
Following the interview, the "Bureau of Narrative Purity". It began a full-scale "Sanitization Campaign" across the global digital and physical infrastructure. The following is a clinical timeline of events as recorded by Site-87.
Foundation Counter-Operation: Project "LITERARY SHIELD" The Pataphysics Department attempts to deploy a counter-narrative. They "inject" a fictional Foundation strike team into the infected movies and books.
[BEGIN LOG]
Operation Log: "TRASH-CAN THE CENSORS"
Date: ██/██/20██ Location: Narrative Space of Cold Steel, Cold Blood (First Edition) MTF Lead: Captain Miller
[00:00] MTF Sigma-10 successfully anchors their consciousness into Chapter 12 of the novel. The setting is a rain-slicked alleyway in Berlin. The air smells of cheap cigarettes and cordite.
[00:02] "Check your feeds. Audio's are coming in hot. We're in the middle of a goddamn noir dumpster fire. Command, you read me?" Captain Miller said.
[00:03] "Loud and clear, Miller. The BNP is manifesting three paragraphs ahead of you. They're trying to delete the scene where thr protagonist tortures the informant. You are authorized to use narrative-destabilizing rounds. Show these white-suited pricks what happens when they fuck with our archives." Site-87 Command said to Captain Miller.
[00:05] "Copy that. Alpha, Bravo, move up. Watch the shadows. These bastards don't make noise when they walk."
The team moves through the text. As they approach the scene, the rain stops mid-air. The gritty, grey atmosphere begins to bleach into a pure clinical white. Three SCP-XXXX-X instances appear, holding clipboards and large, glowing erasers.
[00:07] "Target spotted! Open fire! Blow these motherfuckers back to the slush pile!"
[00:08] MTF Sigma-10 opens fire with high-caliber rifles. However, as the bullets cross the "Sanitization Zone" the sound of gunfire is replaced by the sound of a slide-whistle.
[00:09] "What the hell?! My rifle! Captain, my goddamn gun just turned into a fucking baguette!" Agent Vance yelled."
[00:10] "Keep firing! Don't let them-"
The text of the novel begins to shift under their feet. The descriptions of "broken glass" and "piss-soaked brick" are replaced by "scented candles and "soft, plush carpeting.
[00:11] "You piece of shit auditors! You think you ca-"
Suddenly! Miller's speech bubble is scrubbed by an invisible hand. A red 'CENSORED' Stamp appears over his mouth.
[00:12] "You piece of... of... wonderful sunshine! You think you can... give us a big hug?!"
[00:13] Captain? Why the fuck are you- oh god. Oh god, my hands! They're turning into mittens! These bastards are rewriting our gear!"
[00:15] Two SCP-XXXX-X instances walk calmy toward the team. One of them touches Agent Vance's tactical vest.
[00:16] "Get your hands off me, you son of a- you lovely person! Don't you dare- I am feeling very vulnerable and would like to discuss my childhood traumas with you!"
[00:23] "Alpha Team, fall back! Retreat! We're losing the narrative! This whole goddamn book is turning into a... a... wholesome bedtime story for toddlers!"
[00:24] The alleyway is now a brightly lit daycare center. The rain has been replaced by falling glitter. The SCP-XXXX-X instances do not speak, but they point to a sign on the wall that reads: NO AGGRESSION. NO FOUL LANGUAGE. ONLY KINDNESS AND HEALTHY.
[00:28] Command! Get us the hell out! My tactical knife just turned into a fucking spatula! I'm currently describing my feelings about the sunset instead of flanking the target! IT"S SO PRETTY, COMMAND! THE SUNSET IS SO PRETTY!"
[00:29] "Extracting now. Sigma-10, hold on!"
[00:30] They were pulled out of the narrative.
[END LOG]
Post-Operation Debrief: Upon return to reality, Captain Miller had to be sedated. His uniform had been physically altered into a set of yellow sun pajamas with a smiling face. Agent Vance was found unable to speak in anything but polite, affirming compliments for forty-eight hours.
The novel name Cold Steel was completely lost. It has been renamed to The Very Polite Spy Who shared His Toys. The final chapter, which originally featured a bloody shootout, now consists of a 50-page index of "Kind Words to Use When You're Angry."
Dr. Aristhone's Note: They aren't changing the story. They're weaponizing 'niceness.' If we send in another team in there, the BNP just uses that as fuel to make the rewrite even more sickeningly sweet. We need a new strategy. We need someone or something that is so fundamentally broken and immoral that even their 'Sanitization' can't fix it.