Chapter Text
At least the cantina wasn’t the worst place she’d ever been.
Jyn winced at the stickiness of the stool she was seated on, but she didn’t move. Her eyes roamed the bar, passing over each person who occupied it. All she had to go on was a name and a flat-holo currently crumpled up in her pocket, and she’d been out of work for too long. She couldn’t afford to miss this one just because she was too busy wiping down her stool, no matter how disgusting it probably was.
When she thought about it, she probably wasn’t even old enough to be in the cantina. She could barely remember what planet she was on, let alone what their laws on underage drinking were. The bartender thankfully hadn’t seemed to care, however, serving her whatever drink she asked for. She often didn’t drink at all – it made it way too easy to be susceptible – but she knew that the man she was hoping to work for was looking for a very specific profile, and she had to match it. Jyn held up her glass casually, pretending to sip and hoping that it didn’t look like she was trying to use it as a mirror. Damn, she definitely should have done something more with her hair.
People came and went. This cantina was clearly one of the more popular ones in the city, and the bartenders were all run off their feet. She watched faces with clinical appraisal, before moving onto the next one. She’d been waiting over an hour, now.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Someone dropped down into the stool next to her. The first thing she saw was a tanned hand signalling one of the bartenders, the arm clad in dark leather. She followed the arm up to the man it was attached to and snorted when the bartender closest to them ignored him completely.
“I wouldn’t hold your breath,” she found herself saying.
“I’m sorry?” the man turned to her.
“Have you seen this place?” Jyn pointed out, gesturing around them. “You’re not getting a drink for another half hour at least, ‘specially since you don’t have a pretty girl on your arm.”
The man regarded her a moment and immediately, she wished she hadn’t said anything at all. Her words were true – she had been watching closely, and no one ever got served unless you were female or whatever the equivalent gender on your home planet was (Jyn was surprised with her hair that she ever got served at all) – but the man next to her was looking at her, noticing her, and she suddenly wanted to hide.
“Well, then,” he said. He met her eyes, before reaching out and offering her an arm. “help me out?”
She should say no. She should slide off her stool, leave behind her drink and walk away. Her potential boss hadn’t specified a particular place inside the cantina to wait for him, after all, she should go outside where she could keep a better look out. Nothing about the man next to her screamed Imperial or serial killer, but he was still an unknown, a variable, and yes, she should be getting as far away from him as possible.
But she placed a hand on his arm and called out to the bartender.
The man requested something she’d never heard of before, so she pretended she knew what she was asking for. The alcohol was strong, she was certain of that, at least. The fumes made her head swim. The lights reflecting off the bar were edging into blurriness and the man’s eyes next to her were making her chest pound.
“What’s your name?” the man asked.
She took a sip of the drink he’d ordered and forced back a cough. “What, are you with the Empire? This an interrogation?”
The man chuckled a little. “I can’t know your name?”
“Can’t be too careful. Hey, if you are an Imperial, long live Vader, or whatever.”
“I’m not too sure the Empire would appreciate you just casually tossing out your loyalties like that.”
“I’m a loyal girl. What else could they want?”
“Who’s side are you even on?”
“The side that doesn’t get me killed.” It was how she’d lived the last three years since Saw Gerrera had abandoned her. Through the alcohol, the music, the chatter of the cantina, she felt the doors blocking that dark place in her head strain against the chains, slightly. Don’t go there, Jyn. You don’t want to go there. Maybe her answer wasn’t what a lot of people wanted to hear (you’re either for the Empire or you’re not, there’s no in between allowed) but when the Alliance had also done nothing but cause you pain, she ceased to give a damn.
The man was studying her, almost like a painting. It was more than uncomfortable, but she didn’t turn away. He had to be older than her, probably by a few years or more. He looked dangerous in leather, guarded with the scruff around his face, and Jyn didn’t care for closeness or emotion (it did nothing but hurt) but she could appreciate a face well enough. “I’d ask what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this, but I think I already know the answer,” he said.
Jyn just raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
“Well, maybe not. Sometimes I’m wrong. Don’t tell me just yet, maybe I’ll change my mind.”
“What makes you think I’ll ever tell you?”
The man laughed. “My name’s Cassian. No, I’m not with the Empire.”
He was offering up a lot. Cassian. She sorted through the thousands of names in her head, contacts and people she’d met along the way, and came up short. From what she knew, he at the very least wasn’t a bounty hunter or one of Saw’s rebels. He spoke in an accented basic and from what she’d seen of the locals here so far, this couldn’t possibly be home for him. Where did he come from?
She wasn’t sure when she’d become this girl, the one who sat in bars, talking to strangers. She was ready to flirt with a contact she was hoping to eventually work for (if they ever showed up) and now, she wondered about the home planets of strange men that she met. At 16, she never would have been this girl. At 16, Jyn Erso was a warrior, a fighter. She didn’t stop, she didn’t slow down, she didn’t use games and words, she used instincts and a good blaster.
But three years had the ability to harden you. Jyn Erso might still be a fighter, but she had also watched herself do whatever she needed to survive. If that meant lying, if that meant flirting, if that meant making allies and reaching out, she would. But if anything, it meant that she had kept those doors inside her mind locked even harder. She told herself it was out of protection, guarding herself and her emotions so that she wasn’t burned again. If she didn’t let someone get to know her, then she couldn’t get hurt. It had worked, so far.
When was the last time she’d ever spoken to someone like this?
“Cassian,” she savoured the name. “I’m Liana.”
“And where are you from, Liana?”
“A lot of places. You?”
“Far away from here,” Cassian said to his drink. She watched, almost impressed, as he took a large gulp. In a tone that was a bit drier, he added, “We’re doing such a good job at this, aren’t we?”
“At what?”
“Getting to know each other,” Cassian said. “Isn’t that what people do? Come to bars and try and get to know people well enough to take them home?”
Bit hard when you don’t have a home to take them to. “Maybe that’s not why I’m here.”
Cassian laughed, a throaty sound that made her ache a little. She hadn’t heard a laugh in a long time. “Then why are you here? No, sorry,” he cut himself off before she could even speak. “I think I’m learning, we don’t ask questions like that. What if I asked you where do you want to go, instead?”
Where does she want to go? A lot of places.
“Honestly?” she said, glancing up at him. “I want to go home.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Depends where home is,” Jyn said. “but I suppose. Do you want to go home?”
“I’m kind of ok with where I am now, actually.”
She was about to look away from him, but that was when Cassian met her eyes and she suddenly couldn’t. Slight smile still on his face, he tipped back his glass and finished off the last of his drink. She swallowed, tearing her eyes away from his throat as he slammed the glass back down on the bar. “You gonna finish yours?” he asked.
She shoved the glass towards him.
“Not your drink?”
“You take it strong,” she noted.
“Sorry, should’ve thought. What do you want? I’ll buy–”
She should say no. Should, should, should. So many shoulds, yet she gave him an answer anyway, the same drink she had ordered before him, because it was the only drink she actually knew of. She hadn’t realised how easy it was to retreat, to hide inside herself, until the moments she didn’t want to anymore hit her. The years had made her hard, but she hadn’t always been that way. She’d once been a girl who played in the fields outside her home, a girl who hugged her mama and giggled when Papa tickled her. She was only going to get hurt again doing this, but she was accepting another drink from Cassian anyway.
It might hurt less, but the world was also emptier when you detached from it.
“If you’re not with the Empire,” she asked, talking to her drink. “Does that mean you’re with the Alliance?”
“Most people would assume that,” Cassian answered. “but then again, you prove most people wrong. Opposing one side doesn’t always mean you back the other.”
“But for you, it does.”
“How can you tell?”
“That jacket came from somewhere,” Jyn pointed out the soft leather. “Credits, clearly, which are hard to come by on this planet. You're either with the Alliance, or into something illegal, so.”
“And you didn’t immediately guess something illegal?”
“Admittedly, it was kind of a hunch.”
“Well, now," Cassian eyed her. "With that kind of scrutiny, we could use you.”
“Ok,” she scoffed.
“No, really,” Cassian reached out, nudged her leg with his own. “I can tell you’re tough, you’ve got no love for the Empire. I’ve got contacts, if you wanted.”
“I don’t do well with authority.”
“I didn’t either,” Cassian mentioned.
“Is this why you’re here?” Jyn demanded. “To try and coerce people?”
“It’s only coercion if I forced you,” Cassian pointed out. “and let’s face it, I think we both know that I couldn’t force you to do anything. But, no, that’s not why I’m here, although sometimes it is. In all honesty, I’m actually here waiting for a contact.”
“Hmm,” she hummed into her glass. “maybe we’re not as different as I thought.”
“You’re waiting for someone, too?” Cassian asked.
“Isn’t everyone?” Jyn was tempted to nudge him back like he had done to her. Just a small touch. A knee to his … maybe graze his arm. “It seems all we ever do is wait.”
“You never give me a straight answer, Liana, I’ve noticed.”
“Fine, I’m waiting for someone too,” Jyn shot him a look. “No, I’m not saying why. Yes, you can buy me another drink. That enough answers for you?”
Cassian blinked a little, but apparently yes, it was. “If I buy you enough drinks, will you stop waiting for whoever it is?”
“Not on your life.”
“I’ll use my time wisely then,” Cassian offered the last of his drink to her and she knocked it back without hesitation.
It became apparent that Cassian wasn’t something to figure out. They spoke, back and forth as the bartender finally dropped off more drinks in exchange for the card Cassian handed over, and it was clear that he wasn't holding back. He had nothing to hide from her. He spoke openly of the Alliance, told her stories that admittedly made her wistful. His story-telling skills were charming, made her smile, made her almost hope that she could disappear with him instead of waiting in this ugly cantina. But as much as she feared capture, as much as she feared being found by the Empire, she feared being burned more. She refused to look too deeply into this soldier’s eyes.
Still. No one had surely ever shown this much interest in her before. He didn’t seem to even care that she gave away almost nothing, spoke of mundane things in return, boring things, that no doubt would have anyone else giving up on her. She felt warm and content sitting next to him, their knees now overlapping as they faced each other.
She didn’t think she’d felt like this in a long time.
“Ok, ok, I lied before,” Cassian was saying, leaning into her maybe a little too much. “I’m not exactly waiting for a contact, I’m more waiting for a target.”
“So you ARE a hit man.”
“Intelligence officer.”
“We both know that’s just a nice term for ‘spy’.”
Cassian shoved her arm slightly, nearly making her spill her drink. She gasped as the liquid spilled over their legs. “I’m just mean – don’t worry, I’ll buy you another – we’ve had several new recruits go missing recently, and we think we’ve tracked down what’s been happening. Seriously, you look fine!” he added, since she was still grumbling over the stain on her clothes. “There’s a pretty big trafficking ring that runs through this city, and we’ve had more than one recruit now go missing from this area. This guy I’ve set up a meeting with, I’m pretty sure he runs the ring, but he hasn’t shown yet.”
Jyn was about to answer (in what way, exactly, do I look fine?), when suddenly, someone new stepped inside the cantina. She almost cursed out loud, as it appeared that her job contact had finally shown. She wasn’t sure when that had suddenly become a bad thing, but there was disappointment now running through her. The man matched the holo she’d been given – human, big and beefy and with probably a little something else in him that produced the small dark horns that curled from his head. But it meant she had to explain to Cassian that she abruptly had to go. As she turned, she saw that Cassian had noticed the man too. The look on his face said enough.
Oh, hell.
“Please tell me that's not your target?” Jyn asked, partially in horror.
“Wait, that’s your contact?” Cassian asked back in confusion.
A slow, sinking feeling filled her once more, only this time it was to do with her dashed hopes. If this man was someone Cassian was supposed to confront about a supposed trafficking ring, then it was clear that Jyn might not have been so much as ‘hired’ as ‘captured and eventually sold’. A shudder ripped through her as she thought about how close she might have come. “How did he get your name?” Cassian’s tone had suddenly hardened in light of this new information. His back was ram-rod straight as he peered over the bar at the man, watching his movements as Jyn watched from behind her glass.
It wasn’t the time for holding back. “Someone in the street. Said they had jobs going in a bar, set up the interview for me.”
“And you believed them?” Cassian said in indignation.
“I don't exactly have many other options!”
Cassian sighed as he rubbed his forehead a moment, muttering under his breath in a language she didn’t understand. “Someone from the Empire must be funding the ring, paying them to intercept our recruit lists and take anyone who might have joined us.”
“What do we do?” Jyn asked at once, eyes narrowing as she zeroed in on the man who more than likely would have kidnapped her.
“You don’t do anything,” Cassian was reaching inside his jacket and that was when she noticed that there had to be a blaster hidden in there. She inwardly kicked herself for not realising. This was why she should have said no to the first drink, she was losing her touch. “Stay here, don’t move, I’m going to–”
“That man would have had to kill me before he could sell me,” Jyn barked a laugh at Cassian’s vain attempts to protect her. “I have a blaster too.”
“Of course you do,” Cassian shot her a look. “Oh, I’m going to regret this, but come on then.”
It naturally went about as well as one would think. The man had been expecting Jyn, of course, but not exactly the armed and dangerous Rebel Intelligence Officer she’d brought with her. The cantina was suddenly bursting with screams and the crashing of glass as the blasters quickly came out. Jyn dove behind the closest table, covering Cassian as he fired down on the trafficker. He was good in a fight. His shots were precise, clear, and she heard the yelp as the trafficker was hit. She ducked around the tables, pushing aside panicking, yelling patrons until she reached Cassian’s side once more, the two of them using the bar as cover.
“Do we kill him?” she asked.
“No, we need him to find where they’re keeping our recruits,” Cassian said, his eyes never straying from their target.
“You’re a good shot.”
“You are too,” Cassian tossed back at her. She realised that she hadn’t needed him to tell her anything during their brief firefight. They had barely communicated at all, yet Jyn had still seemed to know what he needed from her. She almost knew what the next words out of his mouth were going to be, and that regret from earlier at the bar was biting through her even more.
She liked this man. She didn't mean to, but she did.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang and someone yelled. Cassian swore loudly in that other language he seemed to be fluent in, before crying out, “– he isn’t completely down, come on!”
They burst out of the cantina doors in a flurry of leather and blaster fire. Jyn managed to hit the trafficker as he frantically tried to escape and she ended up blowing out what looked like his knee cap. He wasn’t going anywhere fast. Cassian grabbed at her wrist with his free hand and tugged, yelling, “Let’s get him–”
But she dug her heels in.
“Cassian, I’ve got to get out of here.”
“But–” Cassian’s eyes moved frantically between the man and her face. “Liana–”
“You must know Liana isn’t my real name,” she almost laughed. “Look, my life here has clearly been compromised, I have to get off this planet–”
“Come with me.”
“No,” Jyn bit back anything inside her that wanted to say yes (it might have been a big part).
Cassian stared her down.
“I’m never going to see you again, am I?” he said.
Jyn could stay as apathetic and detached as much as she liked, but she knew that it wouldn’t ever make a difference. She didn’t need anyone else, she didn’t rely on anyone but herself but damn it, Cassian’s gaze bore into hers and she craved it. She didn’t need it, but she wanted it, and badly. He held her wrist that was holding the blaster, so she was free to use the other. Jyn reached up and snatched at his collar, dragging his face to hers.
She didn’t care that it was a bad idea, she didn’t care at all. She just wanted to feel his lips against hers. He was rough and she closed her eyes. It was all fire, that warmth she had felt sitting at the bar igniting inside of her, and she honestly didn’t know what she was doing. They didn’t have time for this. She couldn’t move closer, she couldn’t press deeper. This was the stupidest thing she’d ever done.
But for just three seconds, she let herself feel.
“Maybe one day,” she whispered against his lips, before pulling away. She pushed on his chest, breaking his hold on her wrist. “Go!” she said. “Go get him!”
Cassian gave her a look that she wasn’t likely to forget soon, before he turned and ran after the trafficker. Every bone in her screamed go with him. Her heart was pounding so hard, she was starting to think she could understand why people died of heartache.
Maybe one day.
She turned in the opposite direction and ran.