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Remy had been having a bad day.
Rogue had known it from the moment she saw him at breakfast. He was quieter than usual, falling into a murmured conversation with Storm as the rest of the team unfolded their chaos around them. He kept a smile, but she could see the way he held himself tenderly. When even waking up held pain, she knew the rest of the day would wear on him.
By midafternoon, he had stopped pretending quite so hard. She could tell his ribs were hurting again. He kept one arm close to his side and flinched in the little pauses that interrupted his movements.
He finally admitted it when Hank found him sitting in the common room, staring at nothing, trembling in the dark, and after a brief examination, Hank had given him something for the pain and ordered him to take the evening off.
Remy had complained about being ordered around. Hank had ignored him.
So they had spent the evening quietly.
The two of them had fallen into an easy pattern on what they called bad days. They ignored the team and ate together, curled up on opposite ends of the couch while an old movie played in the background. Eventually, Remy had stretched out with his head against the armrest, his eyes growing heavier as the medication eased some of the pain.
Rogue had watched him fall asleep. For once, he had looked peaceful. She had thought perhaps the rest of the night would be easy. Eventually, she woke him gently, and they fell into bed together.
She was wrong. But it wasn’t Remy.
Rogue woke with a scream caught somewhere between her throat and her lungs. For several seconds, she did not know where she was.
The room was dark. Her sheets were twisted around her legs. Her heart was pounding so hard it hurt, and the remnants of the dream clung to her with terrifying clarity.
Remy was gone. She could feel his cold body in her arms and their friends and family around them disappeared in flashes of red beams. Scott, dead. Jean, dead. Logan, Jubilee, Morph, Bishop, Beast, all dead.
“Rogue?”
She turned, blinking.
Remy was already awake. He was pushing himself upright now, gasping quietly as a wave of pain seemed to travel through him. His face was pale in the darkness, his hair mussed from sleep.
“Chère?”
She tried to answer. Nothing came.
Remy twisted in the mattress, trying to face her without touching. The movement was slower than it would have been on a good night. Rogue noticed it immediately. He was still hurting. Whatever Hank had given him had helped, but it had not erased the pain.
He managed it anyway.
“Hey.”
His voice was soft.
Rogue shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
She looked at him. “You should be asleep.”
He only smiled that crooked smile. “I made other plans.”
Her face crumpled. Remy reached toward her, then stopped. Touch was difficult for him now, but it had been years before she could accept touch freely as well.
He did not assume. “Can I?”
Rogue nodded.
He opened his arms and she fell into them. A raw sobbed burned her throat.
Remy caught her carefully, one arm around her shoulders and the other across her back. He held her close without squeezing too tightly.
Rogue buried her face against his chest.
“You died.” The words came out broken.
Remy closed his eyes. “I know.”
“You died.”
“I know, chère.”
“I can’t stop seein’ it.” Everywhere, his death was everywhere. He’d been returned to her by she still felt the grief gnawing at her heart.
His hand moved slowly over her back. “Nightmare?”
She shook her head. “It was real. You were gone, Remy.” Her fingers curled into his shirt. Sobs wracked her body, tears falling down her cheeks. “Why did you do that? Why did you stop me, just to die?”
Remy said nothing. He ran his knuckles up and down her spine in a gentle motion. His cheek was pressed against the top of her head, hers against his chest.
“Because somebody had to,” he said, finally. “They were all going to die, chère. Even you.”
“I don’t care.” Her voice cracked. “Not you. It shouldn’t have been you. You don’t get to decide that you gotta die for everybody else.”
He brushed a tear from her cheek. His thumb was rough, but careful against her skin. “Rogue…”
“Promise me.”
He went still.
She pulled back gently, enough to raise her head and look him in the eyes. “Promise me you won’t ever do that again.”
Remy looked at her. She needed him to say yes. To promise he would never leave her again, that they would stay safe like this forever.
“I can’t.”
A sob escaped her, feeling like it had cracked her chest in two. “Why not?”
“Because I can’t promise you something I don’ know I can keep.”
“You can.”
“I can’t.”
“You can just promise me.”
His voice remained gentle. “Chère, if it was you…” He stopped.
Rogue stared at him.
“If it was you in danger, I’d do it again.”
She shook her head fiercely. “I don’t care. Let everybody else die.”
Rogue knew she did not mean it. Not really. If given the option, she would sacrifice her own life to have her brother back in a heart beat. If the Sentinels would show up once again, she would leap in front of those beams for her family to have a chance at escape.
How could she ask Remy not to do the same? Even if it broke her to pieces all over again. Even if she didn’t think she would survive it a second time.
But that was why she was terrified.
He did not correct her, or call her a hypocrite.
Instead, he held her.
“I ain’t plannin’ on dying again anytime soon, chère.”
“I hate this,” she said, burying her face in his chest again. “I hate that I’m still scared you’re gonna disappear.”
Remy rested his cheek lightly against the top of her head. “I ain’t goin’ looking for trouble.”
She gave a broken laugh through her tears “You always go looking for trouble.”
“Maybe a little.”
“Remy.”
“D’accord.” He pulled back enough to look at her. “I won’t go lookin’ for it.”
She searched his face with tearful eyes. “But if trouble finds me?”
He gave her a small, tired smile. “Then we’ll see what happens.”
“That ain’t a promise.”
“No.”
“It’s not enough.”
“I know.” He gently cupped her face in his palms. “But I’m here. Right now. That gotta be enough for us, chère.”
Her eyes filled again, the tears falling into the palms of Remy’s hands.
“We got now, chère. That more than most.”
She closed her eyes. “And tomorrow?”
“We’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here, non?” He gave her a faint smile. “Maybe tomorrow I’ll be less handsome. You won’t like me as much.”
She laughed despite herself. “That’s impossible.”
“See? Already feelin’ better.”
She hit him lightly on the chest. He winced, jerking back as if he’d been caught by Wolverine’s claws.
Rogue immediately pulled back.
“Oh, God. I’m sorry.”
Remy shook his head. “I’m fine.”
“You’re hurting.”
“Little.”
“It’s been a bad night for you too.” She wiped at her face on the back of her hands, trying to rub away the tears. “You’ve been hurting all day. You finally got some rest, and then I wake you up crying.”
“Chère.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’ be.”
“But you needed sleep.”
“So did you.”
She looked away. He was silent, and he waited until she looked back before speaking again.
“You think we get to schedule this stuff?”
She sniffed. “What?”
“The bad nights.” A faint smile touched his mouth. “Ain’t exactly something we can put on the calendar.”
Rogue gave a small laugh. “Tuesday night, seven o’clock. Emotional breakdown,” she offered.
“Could pencil it in.” But then, Remy’s smile faded and he continued quietly. “Sometimes you gonna have a bad night. Sometimes I will. Sometimes both of us gonna have one.” He reached for her hand. “We get through it.”
“Together?”
“Together.”
He leaned forward, and pulled her into his arms without waiting for her to ask. It was a small movement, but Rogue felt the significance of it immediately. Even in their fragile states, neither of them were pulling away.
She went still against him.
Remy did too.
For a moment, his body seemed to remember every reason he had become cautious about touch. His shoulders tightened. His breath caught.
Then he deliberately relaxed, and he held her. Rogue wrapped her arms around him, and Remy lowered his head and pressed a soft kiss against her temple.
“You don’t gotta be scared tonight.”
She closed her eyes. “I am.”
His hand moved gently along her back. “Gambit right here.”
She tucked herself closer against him. He rested his cheek against her hair.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
Rogue listened to his heartbeat. Slow and steady.
It was the best promise he could offer her.
There would be missions in the future, and there would be danger. There would be days when his body hurt and nights when her dreams dragged her back to the moment she had lost him. There would be things neither of them could control.
But tonight, Remy was alive, and he was holding her. That would have to be enough.