Work Text:
"Darling, we have to do something about your hair," Dana says. She finishes cleaning the dishes and turns around to see Cassie playing with their daughter.
"Which one of us are you talking to?" Cassie asks, rocking Jane on her lap.
Dana rolls her eyes fondly. "Only one of you has bangs growing like a weed."
"Yeah, the bangs are almost covering my eyes," Cassie concedes.
"I can cut it for you on our next day off. There's no way I can do this at night, relying only on my glasses and the bathroom light."
"Poor eyesight looks very attractive on you," Cassie winks. "But I can cut it myself."
Dana scoffs. "No, you can't. Last time you tried, you ended up looking like that horrible good guy doll."
"Hey! Look, Jane, your mom is saying my bangs are ugly."
"Do not put our daughter in the middle of this, Cassie."
"Mama's bangs are pretty," Jane pets Cassie's hair while Cassie looks smugly at Dana.
"See? Our daughter thinks it's pretty."
"Yeah, only she's four years old and has no concept of ugliness."
"Want my hair like mama's," Jane whines.
"That would be nice, wouldn't it, Jane? You and mama looking like twins," Cassie ruffles Jane's hair. "I'd love to."
"Careful," Dana warns. "You know she adores you. She might go as far as try to give herself bangs if you keep encouraging her."
"We'd be an unstoppable duo. Same hairstyle, same powerful stance," she kisses Jane's cheek.
"Stop putting ideas into her head, Cass. I'm the one who has to deal with the mess after your poor hair decisions. I don't need that with my kid as well," Dana chastises. "Time for us to sleep. I have an early shift tomorrow and Harrison has school to attend."
Cassie helps Jane get ready for bed while Dana looks for Harrison.
All is well at the Evans-McKay home as they all go to sleep.
It's not until morning that Cassie realizes something is terribly wrong.
She blinks a few times, not fully opening her eyes yet. Dana's probably already gone to work, but there's someone by her side. Jane.
She smiles at her daughter. "Good morning, princess."
"Mama and I twins," Jane sounds extremely excited despite how early it still is.
"Huh?" Cassie finally opens her eyes, and she feels like she really shouldn't. "Jane Beatrice Evans-McKay, what did you do?!" her voice is slightly panicked.
"I have pretty hair like mama," Jane says, pointing between the two of them.
Her daughter's hair looks like… Cassie doesn't even have words for it.
"Oh my God," Cassie is fully panicking now.
She gets off the bed and starts pacing around the room until another very pressing matter presents itself. "Jane, how did you do this? With what?"
Cassie and Dana made sure to store some materials — including sharp scissors — in places neither kid could access.
And then Jane takes something from under the bed covers.
The crime weapon. Harrison's school scissors. The one that is supposed to be safe and child-proof. Right.
Cassie is almost crying now. "Why did you do that, Jane?" she already knows the answer and Dana is going to kill her because of that.
"Mama, you said—" Jane looks like she's on the verge of crying. Cassie picks her up.
"I know, baby."
Cassie starts thinking of ways to avoid getting killed by her wife. Should she buy her favorite flowers and book a trip to Italy or Brazil? Dana is always talking about going to those countries; it might be time for Cassie to do something about it.
And then her phone starts ringing. She looks at the caller, praying to all the gods she doesn't really believe in that it's not Dana.
It's someone from the street team. There's a patient in pretty bad shape who keeps asking for Cassie, saying they know each other, and the team wants to know if she can meet them a little earlier.
Great. Now she doesn't even have time to deal with the situation. She needs to get Jane in daycare and Harrison in school.
"Harrison, buddy," with Jane attached to her hip, Cassie goes to Harrison's room to wake him up. "Time to get ready for school."
Cassie's already not-so-great morning gets incredibly worse once Harrison turns to her with wide eyes and asks, "Mom, what happened to your hair?"
She blinks and inhales deeply, a deep-rooted fear growing from the depths of her stomach. "What about it, buddy?"
Harrison blinks, clearly stunned. "I think you should see for yourself."
Cassie does see for herself.
Jane not only cut her own hair, but Cassie's as well. Her bangs are all over the place; they're uneven and so short they barely reach mid-forehead — in some places.
And she has to go to work looking like that.
She doesn't have time to try to fix her hair or Jane's — not that she thinks that problem has a solution. She tries to comb it as best she can, which isn't saying much, but thank god it's cold outside and she has a pretext to use a beanie. She puts one on her daughter as well.
She looks at their reflection in the mirror and, with a deep, grave sigh, she has to admit they really look like twins.
As soon as Cassie arrives at the pitt, she tries to make herself smaller, hoping not to be perceived. It's foolish, of course, because she knows she will have to take the beanie off and face Dana. Worse, she'll have to tell her that Jane is also looking like that.
She's screwed.
Maybe she can work with the beanie on? Could she talk to Dr. Baran privately and explain the situation to her? She'd definitely understand if she saw it.
Cassie sits on the bench in the locker room, dreading the moment she'll have to go outside.
"Hey, hon," Dana's voice fills the space, startling Cassie.
Cassie loves her wife — she really does — but this is the first time in her life that she wishes she could hide from Dana.
"The kids okay?"
"Yeah, I left Harrison at school and Jane at daycare."
"Good. You look beautiful, darling," Dana says, eyeing Cassie up and down. She has no idea what her eyes are about to witness.
"Thanks, D," Cassie responds weakly. "I—hm, I have to show you something."
Dana's brow furrows. "What is it?"
The moment Cassie takes her beanie off, she sees the five stages of grief going through Dana's face in real time.
Until she starts laughing. Which is somehow even more humiliating.
"Please, stop laughing," Cassie pleads, her face burning in embarrassment.
"I'm so sorry, Cass," Dana says in between laughs. "But this—" she gestures towards Cassie's hair.
"I know," Cassie sighs.
"Did you try to give yourself a haircut after I told you not to?"
Cassie looks at her feet, avoiding Dana's eyes until the very last moment. "Not exactly," her voice trails off.
Dana stops laughing. She looks intently at Cassie, eyes narrowing. "Wait," her voice gets low and threatening. "Cassandra, how did this happen?"
Dana knows the answer to that. Cassie knows that she knows.
They stare at each other for about ten seconds, but it feels so much longer.
Dana sighs gravely. "We'll talk when we get home."
+1
Santos created Bangs: an intervention
Santos added you, My beautiful WIFE!!!, Perlah and Princess
you
Santos, what is this?
Santos
exactly what the name says
an intervention
?
Santos
i'm sorry but you can't expect me to keep working as if nothing is happening
Nothing is happening, Santos
Perlah
something is definitely happening
Princess
are you and Dana fighting?
are you trying to get her attention with the bangs thing?
Perlah
D, do I need to kill someone?
I'm right here, you know
Perlah
and why isn't D answering?
My beautiful WIFE!!!
Because I'm working
You know, that thing you all should be doing
Princess
oh she's pissed
Santos
she snapped at Huckleberry twenty minutes ago
he's still shaking
Perlah
McKay, what did you do?
Nothing!
Santos
is Dana single?
Wtf?!
Dana is my wife!
Santos
okay…
is your wife single?
you left the chat
Santos added you
Santos
answer the question and then you can leave!!!
you left the chat
Santos added you
Santos added Dr. Baran and Dr. Robby
Dr. Baran
Dr. McKay, I am a little concerned…
Not you too…
I'M FINE
MY BANGS ARE NOT A CRY FOR HELP
Dr. Baran
Are you sure?
Santos
LOL
this is so entertaining
wait
Javadi has inside info
Santos added Victoria
Victoria
Harrison told me that Jane is responsible for that thing in Dr. McKay's head
Et tu, Victoria?
Santos
damn
Baby Jane be moving around the mcevans household thinking
what if a hairdresser was also a dadaist
Victoria
You'll only hear this from me once, but you're like if a smart person was also really dumb
And mean
Santos
you forgot hot
Mcevans?
Santos
yeah
mckay + evans
like my ship name with Dana is evantos
Victoria
Jeez, you are probably on ao3 writing self-insert fanfiction
It's embarrassing for you
Santos
as if you're not doing the same
My beautiful WIFE!!!
What's ao3?
Perlah
trust me, D, you don't want to know
@Santos Why do you have a ship name with my wife?
Santos
we have one too, don't worry
My beautiful WIFE!!!
You are on thin ice, Santos
Santos
i have a name for our throuple if you'd prefer
mcevantos 👀
My beautiful WIFE!!!
?
?
Dr. Robby
What is all this?
It's only my first day back…
My beautiful WIFE!!!
And look how wonderful things are turning out!
Princess
i'm having the time of my life
love island has nothing on this
Perlah
i wish we could watch this all day
Santos
i think we've strayed from the real reason i've made this gc
which is to make fun of bangs²
HOW DID YOU EVEN TAKE MY PICTURE?
WHEN?
Santos
i asked Huckleberry to take the pic
Princess
you look distressed
BECAUSE I AM!
My beautiful WIFE!!!
I told you so…
Santos
@MybeautifulWIFE!!! are you single?
My beautiful WIFE!!!
I'm thinking about it
Santos
Dana i am free on thursday night if u want to hang out
please read this and then let me know if u want to hang out on thursday night
when i am free
Dr. Robby
@Dr.Baran Is this how you were handling the ED during my sabbatical?
Dr. Baran
Oh, fuck off, Robby
Santos
huh, guys?
bangs is looking at me weird
Victoria
Huh, Santos…?
Santos
yeah?
Princess
you better run