Chapter Text
“Caine, I already told you, you are not babysitting him.”
“But you said no to all of the NPCs I suggested! Who else is there?” Caine whines as Jax thumps his foot against the ground, lightly bouncing Ace against his shoulder. He'd come to hate the idea of anyone else looking after him from practically the moment after he'd first suggested it.
“Me, obviously,” Jax replies with a roll of his eyes. He feels a nudge in his side, glancing down at Pomni as she gives him a look. “Okay, and Pomni, but I’m staying either way.”
“But it’s already been a week, Jax!” Caine complains loudly. The others offer Jax and Pomni sympathetic looks from their seats on the couches, having heard this argument every single day since Ace was introduced to everyone. “How are you supposed to go on adventures if you won’t accept any of my suggestions?!”
“That’s not my problem, Caine. You haven’t suggested anyone I’d wanna leave him with,” Jax groans, irritation fading for a moment as Ace lets out an unhappy squeak. “Shhh, you’re okay, Pea,” he whispers. “Caine’s just being annoying again.”
“Wh-what?! I most certainly am not!” Caine exclaims, crossing his arms and pouting.
“Maybe we could take it in turns watching him, Jax?” Pomni suggests. “It’ll give you a break from–”
“I’m not doing it, Pomni!” Jax practically growls, turning to look back at Caine. “All your ideas have sucked, Caine. You’ll just have to keep doing adventures without me.”
“I see...” Caine mutters under his breath, stroking his lower jaw. A shimmer of a glitch ripples through him, over as quick as it began. “I suppose I’ll just have to find a different solution...” A shudder rushes through Jax’s spine as the AI disappears. He didn’t like that one bit.
Zooble sighs from one of the couches. “Thank [BLOINK!] for that. I don’t know how you two are putting up with him lately.”
“It’s not by choice,” Jax grumbles. “I swear, I’m too tired for this [BLOINK!].”
“You two look like you could do with a rest,” Ragatha speaks up. “We could watch Ace while you–”
“No, it’s fine.” Jax holds Ace a little tighter. “He needs a nap anyway.” He heads off without another word, Pomni following close behind. She doesn’t say anything until she closes the door of his room behind her.
“Jax?” she begins apprehensively, watching him sit down on the bed, still holding the kit. He’s not a fan of leaving Ace in the bassinet, she’s noticed. “Do you...not trust me?” His eyes snap to her, the picture of surprise and confusion.
“What does that mean?” he asks defensively. Pomni lets out a heavy breath.
“I can take care of Ace. You don’t have to skip every adventure.” She steps forward, wanting more than anything to understand him. “I just...it feels like you don’t trust me with him.” His eyes widen in response, pupils shrinking.
“Is that what you...?” He looks genuinely hurt. “Of course I trust you, Pom, I just...” He looks away, frowning. He’s still struggling to be more open and honest, but she hopes it’s getting easier for him. “I can’t be away from Ace right now,” he admits quietly. “Just thinking about it makes me feel like I can't breathe.” He looks down at his sleepy baby, watching him as he lets out a tiny yawn, barely staying awake.
“That’s...” Pomni starts, before hesitating. There’s a lot she wants to say about that, but she refrains. She takes a seat next to him on the bed, placing a reassuring hand on his arm, giving him a warm smile. “Thank you for being honest.”
He smiles tiredly. “What can I say? You and Ace have really done a number on me.” She leans against him, and Jax soaks in the quiet. Caine’s words continue to linger in his head though, giving him a feeling of unease he can’t quite shake.
“When Ace wakes up, let’s take a walk around the circus grounds,” Pomni suggests quietly, snuggling further into his shoulder.
“Yeah...that sounds nice.”
The walk is just what Jax needed, the digital equivalent of fresh air breathing a bit more life into him. It’s no secret to Pomni that he hasn’t had the best time sleeping lately, attentive to any sound his baby makes at all hours of the night, even when he should be getting some much needed rest.
Pomni holds Ace for a while during the walk, as the two of them point out various things on their walk to the bunny, sharing stories and watching his delight at the sights, even if he doesn’t understand what any of it means yet. They sit by the lake, musing about bringing a picnic with them next time, the looped birdsong adding to the peaceful ambience.
As they return to the tent, it’s getting late, and Jax is struggling to keep his eyes open by the time they get back to his room. He’s soon fast asleep, Ace by his side. Pomni looks at them fondly, carefully picking Ace up and laying him in the bassinet, before getting into bed and joining Jax in sleep.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Jax opens his eyes, feeling weirdly well rested. The first thing he notices is that Pomni’s not there. He sits up when he realizes Ace isn’t tucked beside him either. He looks over to the bassinet. “Did she put you over there again, Pea?” he remarks, getting to his feet and walking over.
It’s empty.
Anxiety surges through him at the sight as he pops back into his overalls, heading out the door and towards the common area. Pomni must have taken him out of the room to give him a break or something. He wishes she’d actually told him that, but he can appreciate the sentiment. As he approaches the main area, he halts, his whole body going cold.
Pomni is crying.
He sprints forward, fear gripping his chest as he sees Pomni, fallen to her knees, Caine hovering over her. “Pomni?!” he calls out, and he hates how it feels like an eternity to get to her.
“J-Jax!” Pomni can barely speak as she hyperventilates. “I-I’m s-sorry, I c-couldn’t stop him! H-he...” She’s overcome by powerful sobs. Jax feels like the floor is crumbling beneath him, dread overwhelming him.
“Pom, what happened?” he asks, trying hard not to panic. “Where is Ace?” A sorrowful yell escapes her as she curls over herself, tears streaming down her face. He fears the answer more than anything.
“There was no other way, Jax.” He looks up at Caine, whose voice is eerily monotone. “You wouldn’t accept my solutions, so I removed the problem.”
No. No, he didn’t! “A-Ace is...?” Jax sees confetti on the floor, and the world around him stops. He can’t breathe, his skin tingling with static, brain and body shutting down at the realization that they’ve lost their son. Pomni cries endless apologies, as if it’s her fault. Her voice grows staticky, matching his own glitching breaths, and all he can think to do is hold her tightly as their avatars distort and warp in a mess of black spikes and neon eyes–
Jax nearly screams as he jolts awake, the sound lodged painfully in his throat. He gasps for air, immediately looking for Ace beside him. When he can’t see his baby, he scrambles off the bed, heading over to the bassinet, the knot in his chest loosening at the sight of the sleeping kit before him. Tears fall before he can stop them, and he picks Ace up carefully, holding him close. “You’re okay, Pea. I swear you’re okay.” He whispers to soothe himself more than the bunny, nuzzling against his son’s head while trying to calm his thundering heart. Small limbs fidget against his chest as Ace wakes up, quickly calmed in Jax’s hold. The relief he feels at the movements sends a sob through his body. He breathes deeply, trying to keep quiet.
“...Jax?” He quickly wipes his eyes, looking over to Pomni as she watches him sleepily.
“Pea got a little fussy,” Jax lies. “Go back to sleep, I’ll join you soon.”
“‘Kay. Just...take it easy,” Pomni says, voice thick with sleep. “Wake me up if you need me.”
“Yeah, ‘course.”
Pomni lets out a small hum as she drifts off once more.
He doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night, but she doesn’t need to know that.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
The following morning, the usual argument with Caine doesn’t happen, much to Pomni’s relief. The change in routine only sets Jax more on edge, though, that nightmare still far too fresh in his mind. Pomni’s cries still echo in his ears; he leans against her as they sit on the couch, holding Ace a little bit tighter.
“Is there...no adventure today?” Gangle asks timidly, looking up and around herself for any sign of Caine.
“Hopefully not,” Zooble replies. “I could honestly do with a break, Caine’s still planning adventures like all six of us are going.”
“Now you know how we feel every time you skip, Zoob,” Jax comments. “Don’t tell me you’re on his side with all this?”
“Of course not, relax,” they grumble. Jax gives them a long, unreadable look, before his focus returns to Ace.
“There’s no time for relaxing!” Caine’s voice booms out around them. Jax flinches, shushing Ace when he starts to fuss at the noise. “Because it’s time for...ADVENTURE!” The AI pops in with confetti and a chorus of cartoon sound effects.
The baby bunny practically shrieks at the commotion. Jax strokes his head gently, just about ready to shove a pile of confetti down Caine’s non-existent throat until he chokes. Caine looks down at the crying child, freezing like he’s buffering.
“Oh. Right.” He says, sounding weirdly dismissive. “No adventure for you.” He snaps his fingers and the next thing Jax knows, he’s back in his room, Ace still held firmly in his arms.
“...What?” he wonders aloud. He immediately heads back for the door, but pauses. If he goes back out there, Caine might decide to drag him into whatever adventure he’s got planned after all. And what if Ace is brought along too? Or what if he’s not?
Both of those outcomes sound awful, so he decides to stay in his room for now, passing the time by talking to his son, getting his thoughts out as he paces around the room. Minutes pass, maybe hours, as he’s caught in his own stream of thought.
“...and I woke up, and you weren’t there, and–” He stops in his tracks midway through recounting his nightmare, realizing what he’s about to say out loud, that he had a dream of his own child’s death. He can feel his hands shake at the thought, taking a deep breath and walking over to the bed, sitting down heavily. “You’re okay. You’re not going anywhere.” His foot thumps against the floor as he repeats the words over and over. Eventually he lays down, Ace snuggled up against his chest, tiredness creeping in from sleeping so little the night before. “I’ll keep you safe, Ace,” he says quietly. “I promise.”
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
It starts small at first. Jax stays up a little longer every time he goes to check on Ace during the night, just seeing for himself that his son is there, alive, wiggling up a storm in his arms. He doesn’t miss that sensation inside of him, that’s for sure. But he was safe then, nothing could harm him. He’s not sure what to do now that’s no longer the case.
So he goes out for a midnight walk, just to the kitchen area. Rummaging through the cupboards and refrigerator is a bit trickier while holding a baby, but he manages to tip some chips into a bowl, sitting at the breakfast table and lazily munching on them while Ace sleeps soundly against him. He loses track of time as he sits there, staring at nothing in particular, eventually heading back just before a new day begins in the circus.
By the time Pomni wakes up, he tells her Ace woke him up not too long ago.
He does try to sleep, but that’s when his anxiety starts getting the better of him, visions of Caine turning his baby into confetti haunting him whenever he closes his eyes, sending him across the room to the bassinet to make sure it didn’t really happen. After it happens a handful of times in the space of one night, sleep loses what little appeal it had left to him. He pretends to fall asleep, just to stop Pomni worrying, but spends most of his time sitting with Ace, either by the bassinet or with the kit in his arms.
“He’s been awfully fussy lately,” Pomni comments one night, half asleep as she paces over to where Jax is sat cradling Ace once more. “You should let me know when he wakes you up, it’s not fair for you to do it all by yourself.”
“It’s fine, Pom,” Jax tries to reassure. “Besides, Pea’s more settled when he’s with me.” He boops Ace’s non-existent nose. “Isn’t that right, kiddo?”
“He really is a daddy’s boy, isn’t he?” Pomni chuckles, stroking the kit’s head softly.
“With everything he put me through, he better be,” Jax says fondly. When he looks at Pomni again, he sees her worried expression.
“Please, Jax. Let me handle some of it,” she says, voice firm but gentle. “You look tired.”
“And you worry too much.” He leans forward to kiss her, then gets to his feet. “Come on, let’s get back to bed.” He brings Ace with him as they settle down. Sleep calls to him, but all he can do is watch Pomni and Ace.
He can’t lose this. That thought scares him more than anything.
After a few nights of barely allowing himself to sleep, he’s starting to feel its effects pulling in the back of his mind, exhaustion rearing its ugly head in waves. His son’s presence is the only thing giving him some much needed energy.
Caine hasn’t argued with him about adventures in days, merely sending him back to his room every time an adventure’s about to start. He should be happy about it, but the fear won’t leave him that his son is just one snap away from...
He can’t even let himself finish the thought, the sight of Ace sleeping in the bassinet blurring before him. Treacherous tears slide down his cheeks; he grimaces as he wipes them away. He’s fine, Ace is fine. He’s panicking over nothing.
So why can’t he stop?
He wasn’t supposed to get attached to anyone ever again. It was a mistake before; something he never intended to repeat.
Then again, he wasn’t expecting to get pregnant, was he? Having a baby kind of complicates things. While before he was happy to burn any bridges he could, now he has something he can’t afford to lose.
He looks over at Pomni’s as she sleeps soundly, her cries still ringing in his head. He won’t let that become a reality, no matter what.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
“I really hope Caine doesn’t send us into the jungle again anytime soon,” Pomni sighs as she pops into her jester outfit. “Yesterday I had to deal with piranhas, Jax. Piranhas!” She looks over to Jax, who sits on the bed, staring blankly at Ace. “Jax?”
He blinks, looking up at her. “...Huh?”
“Are you...okay?” she asks, stepping closer. “You seem kind of spacey lately.”
“Never better, Pom,” he replies, plastering a grin on his face. Pomni’s seen enough to know he’s forcing it. She can tell he’s not being honest, but Caine’s going to call them soon, and she really doesn’t want to go into an adventure with an argument hanging between them.
“Well, tonight I’m on ‘Ace watch’,” she declares. “You need sleep, Jax. You look like [BLOINK!].”
“Wow, love you too,” he mumbles with a roll of his eyes, standing up. He stands still for a moment, blinking a few times before popping into his overalls, adjusting his hold on Ace and joining Pomni out of the door. She watches him cautiously the entire time.
The walk to the common area is fine at first, but after a minute or so Jax can feel that something is wrong. The hallway before him is swaying when it very much shouldn’t, his vision a little hazy. He draws in a deep breath, carrying on in silence as Pomni talks about...something. Her words are kind of buzzy right now, it sounds weird. Should he tell her she sounds weird, or is that rude? He really doesn’t want to see her off on an adventure while she’s in a bad mood with him.
The bright lights of the main area don’t help the weird feeling he has; his limbs feel heavy and light at the same time. He focuses on holding onto Ace. That’s the most important thing, right? As long as he holds onto Ace, he can...
He stumbles. Just a little. Pomni’s weird sounding voice fights through his thoughts, and he can hear the worry in her voice as she asks him what’s wrong.
He can’t keep a hold of Ace, it doesn’t feel safe. “Take him a sec,” he mumbles, handing the kit over to Pomni’s waiting arms. Okay, that’s good, Pomni can keep him safe while he tries to figure out what’s wrong.
His vision fizzles, a feeling of weightlessness washing over him.
He feels like he’s underwater. It sounds like it, anyway. A muffled din of words that he can’t make out. Heat prickles at his skin, making him shiver from the sudden intensity. Did Caine throw him in hot water or something? Is that his punishment for missing so many adventures lately?
Distressed squeaks ring in his ears, and something in him startles. Squeaking’s important. Squeaking means Ace. Is he okay? He needs to go to him.
Opening his eyes is difficult, a blurry haze before him as Pomni’s blue and red outfit stands out against the other colors, with a little blob of white tucked against her chest. Ace...
Despite his burning limbs, Jax tries to reach out, but passes out once more.
“I-I don’t get what happened,” Pomni says shakily, pacing around Jax’s room. Ragatha watches her for a moment, before turning to look at Jax, currently lying unconscious in bed, brows pinched in discomfort with an ice cold cloth on his forehead. “Yeah, he was kind of zoned out, but he just handed Ace over and collapsed?!”
“He’ll be okay, Pomni,” Ragatha tries her best to reassure her. “Caine said he must have just overexerted himself; that’s why his fever’s back.”
“I knew something was wrong,” Pomni continues, lost in her own thoughts. “Every single night! Every time I woke up he was already awake! Why didn’t I see it?!” She drags her hands down her face, sucking in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “I...I’m sorry, Ragatha. I just...don’t know what to do.”
“Talk to him when you can,” Ragatha suggests calmly. “If he’s going to talk to anyone, it’s going to be you.” She steps over to the bassinet, looking down at Ace. The bunny is still distressed by what happened, fidgeting and squeaking, demanding his dad. “I can take Ace for a little while. You need a break. I’ll just be in my room, so he won’t be far.”
“...Okay,” Pomni agrees quietly, watching silently as Ragatha picks up the baby, stepping out of the room. Without Ace’s little noises, Pomni focuses on Jax’s strained breaths, his body once more fighting off a bad fever. She wants to be furious right now, but when she sees how pained he looks, she can’t bring herself to be.
She hops up onto the bed, using the cloth to wipe some of the sweat from his face, before placing it back on his forehead. A million thoughts fly through her head, most of them blaming herself for not speaking up sooner. But it wouldn’t have made a difference, anyway. If Jax didn’t want her to know something was wrong, then he would deflect until the topic was dropped. The thought makes her stomach twist, that even after everything, he’s still struggling to truly be honest with her, even when it’s important.
A low groan snaps her out of her thoughts as her attention is immediately back on Jax, watching as he forces his eyes open a little. “Pom...?” he barely manages to say. “‘m I...oven...?”
Pomni laughs, despite herself. “Your fever came back,” she explains simply.
“Oh...” He tries to lift his head to look around the room. “Where’s Ace?”
“With Ragatha. He’ll be fine. You need to focus on yourself right now, okay?” Jax doesn’t look happy at Pomni’s words, but seems unable to keep his eyes open, drifting off once more.
Pomni sighs heavily. She may have some free time since Caine cancelled the day’s adventure, but that talk is definitely going to have to wait.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Jax feels like he’s on fire. Everything hurts. His brain snaps back to barely even two weeks ago, his body overloading as his baby fights desperately to separate from his coding. Was everything after all a dream? Is he still in labor?
He can barely open his eyes as his hand fumbles for his stomach, gripping at the material of his overalls, no bump to be found. Where is his baby? Where is Ace?!
“Jax! Slow down!”
He’s pushed back down onto the bed, not realizing he’d even tried sitting up. His hand tightens around his overalls.
“Where...” he barely manages to say, panting as his skin burns. “He’s not....where is...?”
“He’s safe, Jax, I promise,” he manages to hear Pomni say. “Your fever’s spiking, I’ll call for Caine–”
“No...not Caine...” he whines, closing his eyes, jaw tight. “Can’t...lose him...”
He feels something placed on his head, cold and blissful, sinking into his pillow at the soothing sensation. “Sleep, okay?”
He tries to fight it, but exhaustion wins in the end.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
His sleep is a haze of anxiety-ridden dreams, fact and fiction fusing together into one confusing mess.
Something cold against his head halts his brain for a blissful moment, and he opens his eyes blearily, Pomni’s hazy outline looking over him. “Back with me?” she asks. He lets out a low hum, staring at her as he tries to piece together what’s real or not. She’s not crying. That’s a good sign.
“Ace...?” he asks, voice croaky.
“The others are looking after him for now,” she responds quickly, like it’s been said many times before. He doesn’t like the idea of Ace being away from him one bit. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
He thinks for a long moment, blinking rapidly as his eyes flit around the room, trying to recall. “Think I was...walkin’ with you...an’ Ace?” he mumbles. “Handed him to you, and...” And that’s when the assault of ‘what ifs’ began in his brain, all fuelled by this newfound fear of his new life being torn apart. “...I dunno.”
“Okay, that’s fine,” Pomni replies, placing a hand on his cheek. “You’ve had a really bad fever. Your coding’s still repairing itself after the birth, and you made yourself sick.” She gives him a long look. “You really scared me, Jax. I didn’t know what to do.” Her voice cracks, tears in her eyes and his heart twists. He clumsily shifts himself to sit upright, pulling her into a hug.
“‘M sorry.” He buries his head into her shoulder, the cold cloth falling onto the bedcovers. “Didn’t mean to...”
Pomni lets out a teary laugh. “But you’re so good at it,” she says with so much affection in her voice it makes Jax want to flee. But he won’t. He can’t. He’s nearly run himself into the ground because he doesn’t want to lose this. He has to fight that fear.
“All that worrying,” Jax says, pulling away to look at her, smiling sleepily. “But you’re still here with me.”
“Yep,” Pomni smiles in return. “I’m still here with you.”
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
“Thanks so much for this, Ragatha.”
“Not a problem, Pomni. I’m glad I can help.”
Pomni passes Ace to her, stroking his head when he lets out a few upset squeaks, and waving the doll off as she leaves the room. She turns around, looking at Jax, who sits propped up on some pillows, sweaty nightwear clinging to him. “Stop glaring, Jax.”
“Have you just been handing our child out to everyone lately?” Jax snips, eyes narrowing further. Pomni narrows her eyes in return.
“And you wanted me to leave him on his own while I was making sure you didn’t burst into flames?” she asks, really not wanting to do this right now, but it looks like Jax isn’t giving her much of a choice.
“He wanted me,” Jax insists, like he hasn’t spent most of the past three days barely conscious. “He was crying.”
“And can you blame him for being so upset?” she asks. “He saw his dad collapse in front of him; he has no idea what’s going on!” Jax’s hands tense around his bedcovers as he looks away. He may want to sulk, but she needs answers. “Whatever’s going on with you, it needs to stop. You haven’t even recovered from the birth yet, you’re going to cause some serious damage!”
Jax dramatically rolls his eyes, blinking a few times when it makes him a little dizzy. “You’re so dramatic, Pom,” he groans. “Gimme a couple of days, I’ll be fine.”
“And then what?” Pomni asks. Jax considers her with a suspicious look.
“And then we don’t have to deal with everyone else taking Ace away because you think I can’t look after our son,” he replies, voice laced with venom.
Pomni tenses, ready to yell, but forces herself to take a deep breath, eyes closed, trying to drain the anger from her body. “I know what you’re trying to do, Jax, and god, I wanna punch you so badly right now. But I am not fetching Ace back until you stop deflecting and talk to me.”
Jax goes silent, staring down at his bedcovers, mouth pressed into a thin line. Pomni can still see a sheen of sweat on his face, only serving to remind her that he’s pushed himself too far. Her face softens.
“You said you trust me, right?”
His eyes snap up at Pomni’s words, pupils trembling with anxiety. She so badly wants to know what’s happened to cause that look in his eyes. His gaze slowly drifts down again, and he looks so lost; Pomni approaches the bed, taking a seat near him and placing a hand over his. There’s a long silence, and she gives him time to figure his thoughts out.
“...I know I can’t keep doing this,” he eventually mumbles, fidgeting with the covers pooled in his lap with his free hand. “But I dunno how to stop, either. It’s so...”
“...Stupid?” Pomni finishes with a sad smile. Jax nods, letting out a small ‘tch’. “You’ve said a lot of things are stupid, Jax. One of them being that you were carrying our child. So I’m not so sure I believe you, sorry.”
Jax huffs out a tired laugh. “Okay, you got me there.” His mouth moves silently as he tries to find the words. “I just...I’m...” He pulls his hand free from Pomni’s, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t stop thinking about how I’m gonna lose him.”
“Ace?” Pomni asks, surprised. “Jax, he’s fine, he’s not going anywhere–”
“You don’t know that!” Jax snaps, his breaths rough as his body continues to fight off the fever. He deflates a little, staring back down at his lap. “I’m on thin ice, Pomni. Skipping adventures, turning down Caine’s ideas... How long can I keep pushing my luck before he’s had enough? Before he decides the only way to fix it is to...” He still can’t say it; his stomach twists at even the thought of saying it. Treacherous tears form, and he doesn’t have the energy to wipe them away.
“All those nights, when I woke up and saw you with him...” Pomni says quietly, the pieces fitting together. “You weren’t sleeping because you thought Caine would delete him?”
Jax flinches at the words like he’s been struck, breaths quickening as he keeps his eyes down. “I can’t do this, Pomni,” he forces out. “I can’t have this; it’s too much.” His hands shake as he tries and fails to gather his thoughts. “I’m scared...what if I wake up and he’s gone? I don’t know what to do, I–” He gasps for air, pupils dissolving into scribbles, and Pomni launches forward, wrapping her arms tightly around him, shushing him softly.
“Breathe, Jax,” she says quietly. “It’s okay. I swear it’s okay.” Trembling arms wrap around her in turn as he sobs into her shoulder, days of refusing sleep combined with building anxiety releasing all at once.
As he calms, his arms fall slack by his sides and Pomni moves back a little, as he keeps his head low, refusing to look at her. She cups his face in her hands, tilting his head up so their eyes meet.
“I know it’s hard,” Pomni begins. “But I really need to understand. You seemed fine after our talk before. What happened?”
She can see the tension in his body at the question, eyes flitting with an internal debate going on in his mind. She waits, as always, her hands lowering to hold his once more. He sucks in a deep shaky breath, and finally begins to talk.
He tells her about what Caine had said, about the nightmare, about how anxiety clawed at him until all he could do was force himself to stay awake, because sleeping was so much worse than any exhaustion he felt. Pomni listens attentively, no comments or judgements, just letting him pour his thoughts out to her. A part of her wants to speak up; to get angry that he let it get this bad, that he couldn’t just talk to her, but she shoves it deep down. There’ll be time to discuss that later.
It’s silent for a while after he’s finished, save for Jax’s wheezy breaths. He looks so tired he could pass out at any second. “...Can I see him?” he eventually asks, hesitation in his voice. Pomni perks up at the request, smiling sweetly.
“Of course,” she replies, hopping off the bed and heading to the door. She can tell how much he needs this. “I’ll just be a moment.”
She knocks on Ragatha’s door, the doll answering after a few seconds. “Hey,” Ragatha greets softly. “How goes?”
“Well...we talked,” Pomni answers vaguely, rubbing her arm. “I came to get Ace. Is he okay?”
Ragatha motions for Pomni to follow her, and as she does, she sees the kit sleeping on Ragatha’s bed. “It took a little while for him to settle, so he may still be a bit grumpy,” she says with a nervous laugh, picking Ace up.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Pomni smiles fondly at the bunny as she takes him from Ragatha. His eyes peek open a little, wriggling around and squeaking in discontent at being moved around. “Aww, I’m sorry, Ace,” she coos, before looking back up at Ragatha. “Thank you so much for all of this. I don’t know how we can ever repay you.”
“Oh, there’s no need for that.” Ragatha waves her hands dismissively at Pomni. “I’m always happy to help. I know this whole thing has been a lot for the both of you.”
“Still, though...” Pomni mutters, before flashing a grin at the doll. “I’ll think of something.”
They part ways, and Pomni doesn’t miss the way Jax sits up a little more at the sight of his son once she steps back into the room.
“See? All good,” she says with a chuckle, handing him to Jax, who immediately fusses over the baby, his squeaks quieting as he relaxes almost instantly.
“Told you he wanted me,” Jax says, an air of pride in his tired voice. Pomni joins him on the bed, leaning against him.
“Ugh, we gotta find you a shower or something,” she comments, equal parts amused and revolted. “You feel gross.”
“Wow Pom, you’re gonna come after me for being sick while I’m having a moment with my child?” he asks, pretending to be offended. She nudges him playfully, watching Ace as he looks between them both with fascination. Quiet hangs over them for a few minutes.
“So...I want to talk to Caine,” Pomni says calmly. “Now.” Jax flinches against her at the suddenness of the request. “You can’t keep having this eating away at you; you’re just hurting yourself. Ace needs you, Jax.”
“I know, I know...” Jax sighs, anxiety rising in his voice once more. “I don’t...” He huffs out a sharp breath. “I dunno if I can deal with him right now.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle it,” Pomni smirks confidently at him. “I just need you to hear it.”
“Okay, fine,” he huffs, shifting his hold on Ace so his head rests on his shoulder, hands securely around the kit.
Pomni keeps her eyes on him for a couple of seconds longer, before looking out across the room. “Caine?” she calls. After a few seconds, the AI appears.
“Aaaand what can I do for you two, then?” he asks boisterously.
“I need to hear something from you Caine,” Pomni begins. “And I need you to be honest, okay?”
“Of course, Pomni! What would you like to know?” He twirls his cane enthusiastically, completely oblivious to Jax’s discomfort with him being there.
“Ace is safe, right?” she asks bluntly.
“What? Of course he is, the little tyke is right there!” He gestures towards Jax, who holds onto the baby a little tighter, eyeing him suspiciously.
“No, I mean...nothing will happen to him, right?” She tries to be sensitive with her words, but it’s pretty clear it’s not working. “I’ve seen what you do with NPCs who enter the circus. We need to know that the same thing isn’t going to happen to Ace.”
“Why, of course not!” Caine responds, comically wagging his finger at them. “Those were completely different circumstances; this little guy is completely circus-grown, nothing like my NPCs! He’s not going anywhere!”
“And what about me skipping adventures?” Jax asks suddenly, surprising Pomni. She looks at him, eyes wide as he stares up at Caine. “You’ve been hanging that over my head for days. Just tell me what [BLOINK!] you’re scheming instead of snapping me back to my room everyday!”
Tension grows thick as Caine floats there, silent, staring at them, like his digital brain is lagging. A glitch pulses through him before he snaps back to his usual self. “Oh! I remember now! Gosh, I’d completely forgotten about that.” He scratches the side of his upper jaw sheepishly. “I...kind of figured if you were going to refuse all of my amazing suggestions, then I’d just simply remove you from the equation and snap you away! All those arguments were causing far too much hostility from everyone lately.” He taps his fingers together. “I...hope you’ll be able to join us soon though, Jax.”
When Jax doesn’t respond, Pomni decides to speak up again. “Thanks for answering, Caine. We’ll...see you later, I guess.”
“Well, if that’s all then, bye!” He vanishes, and Pomni looks back at Jax, seeing him staring at Ace with wide eyes.
“Jax...?” Pomni asks cautiously, reaching a hand to his shoulder. A small chuckle escapes him. Then another, rising into laughter verging on manic. Ace whines, startled at the sound as Jax heaves for air, laughing uncontrollably. Pomni moves to be in front of him. “Jax!” she calls to him, hands on his shoulders.
“[BLOINK!]” he gasps out, tears sliding down his face. “I just can’t stop, can I?” His breath hitches.
“Jax...” Pomni moves to take Ace off him, seeing the kit’s growing distress. Jax must be really in his own head if he hasn’t noticed. He flashes her a panicked look as she pulls the bunny towards herself, forcing herself to be calm as she looks at him. “Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” he snaps. “Ruin everything good I’ve ever had in my life because all I’m good at is making myself miserable?! He wasn’t even going to do anything, Pomni! What the [BLOINK!] was all this for?!”
A squeaky wail breaks him out of his anger, staring at Ace as he cries. Pomni shushes him, bouncing him gently against her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Pea,” she whispers. “It’s okay.”
The atmosphere is heavy between them, Ace’s small whimpers the only thing anyone can focus on.
“...I-I’m sorry.” She looks back up at Jax, but his eyes are locked onto his hands as they tense around the bedcovers. “I told you...I shouldn’t have this. I was stupid to think I could.”
Pomni glances back down at Ace, tiny body shaking with small sniffles. She hands him back to Jax, watching his surprised expression, but not taking him. He looks up at her, like he’s waiting for permission, hesitating as he reaches forward, holding him close, watching him with sad eyes.
“You’ve come a long way, y’know,” Pomni says, moving to sit back next to him. “There’s still a long way to go; these past few days kind of prove it, but I’m really proud of you. I can see how hard you’ve been trying.”
“Glad you can,” Jax replies bitterly.
“Just rest for now. I won’t move Ace to the bassinet this time.” Pomni leans against him. “And tomorrow we’re discussing you taking breaks and letting me handle Ace too, okay?”
“You’re really not letting me get out of this, are you?” Jax groans, closing his eyes.
“Nope. Also, I’m banning you from having any opinions about your life until you’ve had enough sleep,” she adds with a smirk. Jax lets out a breathy laugh.
“Good luck with that one, Pom-Pom,” he mutters, exhaustion taking over as he drifts off to sleep. Pomni stays awake, reaching a hand out to Ace, petting his head gently as he also falls to sleep.
They’ve got a long way to go with all of this, with more difficult discussions to have. But she knows how much Jax wants this, and how much she wants this. They can make it work. Somehow.