Chapter Text
“Hey, it's Jack again. I just got off shift but work again tonight. Picked up a shift. I know you said you weren't coming back but I got scheduled to keep your position open for another week or so in case you change your mind. I understand I asked a lot of you and that was unfair. Please, please just call me back. We can make this work.” silence and a heavy sigh ”i miss you. “
I had been awake when he called. I had watched his name light up my phone and let it ring out entirely. I held my breath in the moments between the last ring and the ding of voicemail. It was self torture but i listened to every voicemail Jack left me. Read every text. Successfully fighting the urge, exercising my strength of will, to not respond. Each time getting a little easier.
It had been two weeks since I closed the door on Jack and he was still leaving me daily voicemails. I had not even given him a final look before I put the end of our life together nor had I answered a single of his calls. I trusted my resolve to be at an end with him.
The only message he had received was that I was safe back at my Dad’s. I owed him that much. After 22 hours of driving my father did not question when I passed out, forgoing the usual small celebration we would do when I returned from assignment. The 2 days on the road gave me little peace of mind so I laid in bed. Between the tears from mourning Jack and angry at my own foolishness I was tired. My bones ached. “I’ve just over done it” I told my concerned father. Slogging through our religious new year celebrations I was bombarded by well meaning relatives asking how I was, where I had been working, had I met anybody special? I’d answer with the best energy I could.
Fine. Thank you. And yourself?
Up North in Yankee territory. Glad to be back.
No. Nobody special.
Normally between travel assignments I would come back to this house, laying my head once again in my childhood room for a few weeks before jetting off again. Building in time of respite that i knew now I needed more than I realized. I had forgotten how hard it was to go back to work week after week and it had been over a year since I’d been home.
It had been over a year since I met Jack.
Replaying in my head the casual introduction and short exchange we had with Robby playing unintentional match maker made my stomach hurt. Then, Jack just had been another coworker, another physician in the sea of faces I've come in contact with, and without trying he became something else.
I dreamt of what I would have done had I known the pain that was coming by staying at PTMC before I decided to stay. I wanted to say I would have declined Jack's polite offer of breakfast or perhaps just never even stayed on after my contract ended but I knew in my heart that I would have done it all over again. Just as I fought answering his call every time. It was getting easier when I reminded myself of the simple truth.
I loved Jack Abbot but he had not not loved me. Not enough at least.
“Daughter? Its time to prepare for the party. Your sister will be arriving soon with the children.” My father called softly after cracking the door to my room. I had not heard the knock.
“Thank you, Papa. I’ll be down shortly.” I called back to him as I remained still facing the wall, unmoving. My father had been disappointed when I told him Jack was no longer a part of my life, plain on his face but to his credit he didn’t ask what happened or why the split occurred. He just patted my hand and asked if I wanted something to eat. I had declined.
Now I could still feel his presence at the door. Unmoving.
“Daughter?” he said quietly.
“Yes, Papa?” I replied.
“The Word says ‘it is not good for a man to be alone’ but never says anything about a woman on her own. Almighty knows she does just fine that way. You will be fine.”
“I know.” I sat up in bed drawing my knees to my chest. I felt pathetic. Letting this heartbreak drain so much of me. My divorce had nearly left me dead but with a thrill of taking back my life. A feverish rush knowing i had survived took hold then but this, this was just emptiness.
“He is a coward.” my father spat out after a weighted pause. “A coward and a bastard.” he paused for thought. “A coward, a bastard, and an idiot to let you go. He deserves a good thrashing for what he's done and-” With the final decree he stomped his foot like a child. This made my smile seeing my father so indignant, seeing him show emotions. We both normally kept them so well in check.
“Now, Papa, don't get your blood pressure up. You know what your doctor said.” I scolded. He gathered himself. Relaxing his face and smoothing the bit of hair that he still had left on his head.
“Yes, yes. Well, he's still an idiot.” my father reaffirmed with a huff.
“Yes, he is.” I gave a weak smile to him. “I’ll be ok, im just not ok right now.” he gave me a nod of approval. “I love you, Papa.”
“I love you too.” he said, readying to close the door again. “Now put on a pretty dress and come help me wrestle all these children or I really may drop.”
//
The twins' birthday was a great success and now with all the songs sung and cake cut the dozen or so children were let loose onto the lawn to burn off the sugar rush. Us ladies were sat on the porch to watch them. Sara, already swollen in the middle from the newest incoming niece or nephew, lounged miserably in the dying summer's heat.
“Birthing the babies gets easier but never the morning sickness. Oh, thank you.” my sister complained as I handed her some iced mint tea.
“Mint should help settle your stomach. You know, as much as you complain about being pregnant you surely are in such a state often enough.” I teased.
“Careful talk like that and you’ll be next, sister. Fate has an odd way of doing that.”
“That would require a husband first.” I replied.
“Ah, those are easy enough to come by. You just get one that's just a little bit dumber than you are. Keeps you one step ahead of them.” she said as her eyes followed her husband below.
“Chris is an engineer! He is hardly dumb.” I countered, defending my dear brother in law. I felt a pang of jealousy when I looked at my sister. We had been very different growing up, my father hardly knew how to handle us. I had toed the line, was respectful, content with was was given and she was the wild hearted one always pushing boundaries, demanding, and refused to settle for anything but the best. Her seemingly spoiled attitude and sense of entitlement though had seemed to have gotten her the dream we had always shared, whispering about it under the sheets far past when we were supposed to be in bed.
A healthy and whole home.
“No, he is very smart at all but still not as smart as me.” She flipped her hair and cracked a smile. “Nuff about me though. We both know where i’ll be for the foreseeable future,” She patted her softly rounded belly. “Where next for you? Sticking around this time. Staying local. Do please say you'll stay.”
“Uh, no actually. I go back out on Monday. New place in West Virginia.” i replied. Sarah let out a long whistle.
“If states were countries you’d need a new passport by now.” she said in a huff and sipped her tea.
“There are my favorite grand-daughters.” cried our grandmother as she approached us, plates filing her hands. “The children may have even all the cake but I made sure to hide some things for the worker bees.”
“Gran you didnt need to do that!” I called for her to moving to make space between my sister and i for her to sit.
“Speak for yourself, this baby wants to eat.” my sister cried already reaching for the plate. Gran sat and handed us each a large slice of her lemon meringue pie. My heart sank a little. How could even in this simple dish I be reminded of Jack?
Of how his lips tasted. How he would grab me after a shift when we were finally alone and spin me around before peppering me with kisses as he carried me to my bed. Blushing and giggling like we were teenagers in love.
No. Not in love. I had been, still was maybe. Jack though... it didnt matter anymore.
“Thank you, Gran.” I muttered out, doing my best to veil the wave of grief coming over me again.
“Eat, eat my girls. Feed that baby and you-” Gran looked at me pointedly, “feed yourself. Made it special. I know it's your favorite.” she squeezed my knee. Giving me a glance of sympathy. I wanted to run from this house, start for West Virginia early, and not be looked at like a stray dog brought in from the cold. I needed to work. Needed to be unknown again.
I didn't run though. I took a bite of the pie. Swallowing it down then taking a second bite, one after another i devoured the once cherished treat even though now was bitter on my tongue.