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Remus is not very interested in this conversation.
"Okay," Janus says, "We've all heard of Pavlov's dogs, haven't we?"
"Oh, come on!" Virgil argues across the room. "You can't seriously be comparing Thomas to a dog, and a hard task to a preverbal dinner bell!"
Remus is not very interested in this conversation, but he was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time, and now he's stuck in this boring moral-dilemma conversation that he wouldn't even have fun causing chaos in, and he loves causing chaos!
"I'm saying that maybe if Thomas gets a sweet little treat after a hard thing," Janus argues, "He'll be more incentivized to do the hard thing in the first place!"
"…Sorry," Patton says timidly, "But I don't know if I remember pav-what's-his-name. What is that, again?"
Janus turns to Patton, and he has his teacher face on, like he's about to go on a long lecture, and Remus fights himself not to groan. It's going to be a long argument, longer than it already has been- over Thomas rewarding himself with a cookie, of all things- and Remus is bo-o-o-reddddd.
"Classical Conditioning is a way of learning where a stimulus that triggers a biological response is paired with a new stimulus that results in the same reaction," Janus explains. "The most famous version of this idea was preformed by Ivan Pavlov in the 1890's. Basically, he gave his dogs food while he repeatedly played a sound- it was actually a metronome and not a bell, Virgil- and then he played the sound without the presence of food, and the dogs still drooled like they were about to receive food. Pavlov had conditioned his dogs to associate the sound with food, and so their biological natural response was to drool when they heard the sound."
"Wait," Remus mumbles to himself, "Why does that sound familiar?"
"Ohhhhhhkay?" Patton says, either ignoring or not hearing Remus. "Okay, I understand that part, but… What does that have to do with us?"
"I'm saying that classical conditioning works," Janus says, his argument getting away from him a little bit. "If Thomas is exited for the cookie, the reward, maybe he'll be more exited- or at least, less loathing of- the task he has to get done before he gets the cookie. Maybe Patton's so called sweet treats can just make us hate our lives a little less, by motivating us."
"But… here me out…" Roman responds, "We could just… eat the cookie… without doing the task!"
"That would defeat the point, Roman," Janus pinches the bride of his nose.
"Boooo," Roman says, "You're no fun!"
"And!Thomas is not a dog!" Virgil argues, still in disbelief that they're having this argument. "He does not need a biscuit every time he gets the mail from the mailbox! Like an adult human man!"
"Remus," Janus addresses him, ignoring Virgil entirely, "It probably sounds familiar because it's a bit from the office. You know, Jim handing Dwight a mint every time he reboots his computer."
It hits Remus then why the concept seems so familiar- not because of the office, that's some nerd shit- but because of Janus mentioning the mints. Also, those two words, Classical Conditioning, had been at the top of the waiver he'd signed, and he thought that he should probably google it later but then forgot. That's why they seemed so familiar.
"Ohhhhh," Remus says, "So that's what Logan's been doing."
Remus is lost in his own thoughts for a second, reclassifying all of the things Logan had been doing these past four months, so he doesn't notice that everyone else in the room had gone silent and were staring at him.
"Exactly what do you mean by that?" Janus asks, suddenly intensely curious, staring at Remus.
"Oh, I mean," Remus says, "I think Logan's been Pavlov-ing me."
Patton, Roman, Virgil, and Janus continue to stare at him for a second in silence.
"Buddy," Janus says, "That did not answer any of my questions."
"Okay, fuck this," Virgil says, before he summons Logan to the conversation.
"Ah, hello," Logan says, closing the book he had been reading. "How can I be of service?"
"Logan," Virgil says, "Remus seems to be under the impression that you are-"
Virgil gestures in the air, like he's not sure how to explain what Remus had explained.
"Pulling a Pavlov," Remus says, shrugging a bit and smiling at Logan.
"That," Virgil says, "Witch obviously you wouldn't do-"
"No, no," Logan says, "He is correct, I have been attempting to recreate classical conditioning with Remus as the test subject."
"What?" Virgil and Janus say at the same time.
"Lo-gan," Patton chastises, "You know the rule! We don't experiment on other people without permission! Even if it's just physiological, especially then!"
"There's a rule for that?" Virgil asks, very concerned and a little hysterical.
"Why do you just automatically assume that I didn't get permission?" Logan asks. "I asked Remus for permission to experiment on him. I had him sign a waiver and everything."
Roman turns to Remus looking at him like well??? Is that true???
Well…
-x-
"I mean, I understand about how people don't like me," Remus says, talking in random circles. "But do they really gotta run away from me? I mean, I do want people to think I'm scary but like, in a quirky way. In a pink-bow-on-Godzilla way. Seriously, like, I don't think I'm that scary, to make little kids cry-"
"Can I experiment on you?" Logan asks abruptly, cutting Remus off in the middle of Remus's rant.
Remus tilts his head to side, not sure how his spiraling rand about everything and nothing and his own gaping self-esteem issues could lead to a question like that.
"Hell yeah," Remus responds almost instantaneously, forgetting whatever he was on about before. "Sounds hot as fuck. We can go down to the lab right now, sexy science man."
Logan chuckles a little.
"While I appreciate the compliment, no," Logan says. "It would be more of a psychological experiment."
"…Oh," Remus says, thinking about for a second. "Yeah, I'm still good with that."
Logan summons a clipboard, before handing it over, also giving Remus a pen.
"Skim this over and sign," Logan says, "I'll re-state all the important bits to you verbally so you don't miss anything, don't worry."
Remus wiggles his eyebrows.
"Oooo, Mr.Grey~" Remus whines in an over-the-top voice, "You want me to sign this sex contract? Of course I will, mister-"
"Shut up," Logan deadpans. "And actually read."
Remus reads the words Classical Conditioning at the top, before he looks for the sign here box at the bottom. He quickly scribes his name at the bottom, shrugging. Why the hell not? It's going to be fun seeing whatever Logan is cooking up, and maybe, if he's lucky, Logan will open him up on his lab table in the end, anyways.
Logan starts to talk about the experiment and what he's going to do, and Remus settles in and attempts to listen.
-x-
"Yeah, he did ask," Remus says, back in the present moment once again. "I thought it sounded hot, so I said yes."
Janus facepalms, and Virgil's mouth drops open in surprise.
"You can't be that stupid," Virgil says, stunned. "Seriously?"
"It's just Logan," Remus says, "I highly doubt he'd fuck me up, unless I asked him to."
Logan looks at him, rasing an eyebrow teasingly. Remus smirks at him, waggling his eyebrows up and down in a wave pattern suggestively.
"…Gross," Roman says after a second.
"I have done nothing sinister," Logan says, not actually smiling but amusement sparking in his eyes. "I promise."
"What exactly have you done?" Janus asks, incredibly curios.
Logan sighs, before he clasps his hand together in front of him.
"The experiment was about wether or not Remus could be conditioned," Logan says in earnest, his voice going monotone like he's giving a report. "My thought process was that Remus is most in tune with Thomas's baser instincts and chaotic side, and I thought that would make him either easier or harder to condition in the first place. That was the point of the experiment- to see how Remus would respond to the conditioning."
Remus snorts. It makes sense, though when Logan frames it like that (baser instinct) it sounds like the intro to a bad porno.
"Though I ran into a road-block almost immediately," Logan said. "I needed two things; something to condition him into doing, a task, and I needed a treat, a reward for doing the task. At first, I thought I should go for something like cleaning up, something unusual for him. But that's too broad. It's not specific enough, and to prove my thesis, I wanted the task to be something easily identifiable and recreatable."
As Logan talks, Remus tilts his head.
"Hey, I don't actually know what the task is," Remus says offhandedly. "I know the reward was mints, but I don't… you just give them to me when we talk."
Logan tilts his head, narrowing his eyes as he looks at Remus.
"You haven't recognized the pattern?" Logan asks, and Remus can almost see the way he's re-arranging information in his head. "I could have sworn that- well, if you don't know what the task is but you're doing it anyways, that just further proves that the conditioning is working, and that's helpful information. Thank you, Remus."
"So, wait," Virgil says, shaking his head, "What is the task?"
"The task is kind words," Logan elaborates, "About himself."
Wait, What???
"And the reward is positive reinforcement, with the mints, yes," Logan continues to say, "But also with immediate physical touch and a change of tone in my voice."
"Immediate physical touch?" Janus repeats.
"Oh, it's nothing so scandalous," Logan says. "A hand on the shoulder, or occasionally in his hair. Something small, paired with some praise. Nothing crazy."
A hand in the hair… oh, so that's why-
-x-
"I don't know," Remus says, "I don't think I'm all that bad. I actually think I'm pretty good. I'm pretty creative! Kinda my thing."
"Yes," Logan beams, suddenly smiling so big and happy. "You're so creative, yes, good."
Logan reaches up, putting a hand in Remus's hair and ruffling, like he's some dog or something. Someone else might find it condescending, but Remus finds himself grinning with pride. It feels good, even though Remus has no idea what he did to deserve that look on Logan's face.
He's not going to ruin it by asking, though.
"Hey," Logan says, still smiling very big, "Would you like a mint?"
"Peppermint?" Remus asks, and Logan nods, before he gives Remus an individually wrapped mint. "Hell yeah, you know it's my favorite."
-x-
One of many instances. Remus still feels like beaming when he thinks of Logan's hand ruffling up his hair like that again, so he must admit that it's a pretty hefty reward for positive self talk.
"You trained him like a dog?" Roman shouts. "My brother?"
"We are sides modeled off of humans," Logan says, "And humans are social creatures. If I make a happy face, or spoke in a happy-go-lucky tone of voice, that usually sends subconscious signals to the people- or sides, whatever- to be happy too. Positive social reinforcements work well in humans because of this. If I really wanted to train him like a dog, I would've clicker trained him."
"And you didn't consider this?" Janus drawls. "Clicker training?"
"Janus!" Patton scolds.
"I did consider it," Logan shrugs, "But I thought it was a bit on the nose."
"Logan," Patton gasped, scandalized. "Don't joke!"
Logan just pressed his lips together in a thin line, as if he wants to say Do I look like I'm joking? Because he's not joking, and the ridiculousness of the situation is just so much that Remus starts to giggle. That giggle quickly turns into a laugh, then a full blown cackle.
"Don't laugh," Patton tells him, but that wants to make Remus laugh even harder. "You're allowed to be mad, Remus, he's treating you like a test subject-"
"I still maintain the fact, that's hot," Remus says, holding his side and trying to catch his breath. "And I totally don't care, I want the reward, so."
Several people in the room gape at him, including Thomas, but Logan… Oh, Logan laughs. It's just a little laugh, but it feels like a drug. The way his eyes crinkle, the way he raises his hand to cover it, and the steady blush that Remus caused…
Remus feels like he could fight the sun with the power of that laugh.
"Hold on, let me get this right," Virgil says, stunned, "You attempted to condition Remus into having a good self esteem?"
"Attempted?" Logan says, raising an eyebrow. "No. I successfully conditioned Remus into having a good self esteem. The experiment ended weeks ago."
"I mean…" Remus tilts his head. "No? Everybody knows I think I'm hot garbage."
Logan pouts at him, just barely, but it's there.
"When was the last time you said something bad about yourself out loud?" Logan asks him.
Simple, right? Remus wracks his brain. Surely something he said today, or maybe yesterday…
"Better yet," Logan smiles, big and genuine, "When was the last time you've had a negative thought about yourself?"
After a few seconds, Remus sputters.
"I- wah- I don't-" Remus sputters, suddenly flame-faced, "I don't remember, exactly but- You can't expect me to catalogue every thought-"
Logan grins, before he turns to Patton and Roman, throwing his hands up as if to say ta-da!
"Wow," Virgil deadpans. "That's… pretty impressive, actually."
A couple hours later, when all of Thomas's filming setup is put away and everyone else has split up and gone to their rooms, Logan and Remus are hanging out in the now-quiet light sides common room. Logan is sitting on the couch, and Remus is laying across the couch with his head in Logan's lap. Logan is gently playing with Remus's hands absentmindedly while he reads.
"Are you going to stop now?" Remus asks, staring up at the ceiling. "Now that I know what you're doing with the experiment?"
Logan pauses, shutting his book entirely and setting it to the side, looking Remus in the eye.
"Do you want me to stop?" Logan questions. "If I made you uncomfortable-"
"No," Remus says, sharp and intense and too-much. He coughs, before he re-adjusts. "I mean, uh, no, you don't make me uncomfortable, and no, I don't want you to stop."
"Good," Logan says, "Because I will stop if you get uncomfortable. But I must admit, I am enjoying myself with it."
Remus giggles, and Logan chuckles in response.
"So If I said something good about myself right now…"
"Well," Logan says, "I suppose you'll have to try it and see. And nothing easy, Remus, you have to actually try and believe it."
Remus thinks about it for a second, really thinks about it.
"I deserve to be in the room when Thomas is making decisions, as much as any other side," Remus says.
Part of him wants to say, even though I totally don't care. Part of him wants to say, even though I'm just me. Part of him wants to say, even thought I'm stupid. But he holds back on all of that, and he lets himself hold firm. He deserves to be in the room, and he actually believes it.
Logan's face breaks into a wide smile, and Remus feels his own face tug up into a smile too. Logan squeezes one of his hands, and with the other hand, Logan runs his fingers though Remus's hair, brushing his bangs back. Logan's nose scrunches up, like it always does when Remus does something he finds cute.
"Yes," Logan says, "Good, baby."
Remus feels his entire body light up in happy exploding sparkles, feeling his face heat up again. He can't even explain it, this feeling of overwhelming pride that overcomes him. He knows it now, how often Logan has done this to him over the past few weeks, and how good it's felt each time.
Logan giggles, and Remus surges up to kiss him.
He doesn't even realize he's kissing Logan until Logan is kissing him back, just as clinging and cloying. And by then, Logan is kissing him back, and so he doesn't think stop until Logan pulls back from the kiss gently, and looks at him.
"Oh my god," Remus says, only then, when he knows what he's done now. "I am so-"
"Do not apologize for kissing me," Logan tells him, and Remus's mouth promptly shuts. "I enjoyed it."
And then they both promptly break into bubbly laughter. Logan leans down once more, brushing their noses together a couple times before kissing him slow, and intense, as sticky-sweet. Both of their smiles slowly grow until they aren't really kissing anymore, just smiling into each other's mouths. Remus pulls back first, but he doesn't go far, pressing their foreheads together.
"You can experiment on me all you want," Remus drawls, "If this is the reward."
Logan giggles.
"Mm," Logan hums, "If we're going to do that I might as well clicker train you…"
Remus throws his head back and groans. He's got the distinct feeling that he's just signed up for a bunch of trouble, but…
Well, it's going to be fun and sexy trouble, at least.