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It hurt.
He hadn't considered, standing unsteadily on the window ledge, that it would hurt. Had that been naive of him? To assume that he was exempt from his own curse? Or that he wouldn't fuck this up like he does everything else?
It all hurt; sharp pain in their chest when they tried to breathe, and all awareness of one leg had been replaced by a burning, screaming mass of pain that made it hard to even think. It was funny, almost; he'd managed to find the one thing that hurt worse than thinking.
And what could he do about it? He'd tried doing something, and it brought him here. Maybe he should just lay here and wait to die; see it through the long way around. Would anyone find him before then? He was all the way up here, out of the way of any normal city business, and who would be looking for him? He'd made sure that there was no one who might seek him out. No one who would feel anything but relief to notice—
"Sidefall?"
He jolted in surprise at the sound. The ball of pain that had taken the place of his body flared to new heights and a horrible, strangled keening noise filled his ears. It took a moment to realize it was coming from him.
Hurried footsteps crunching over rocky ground, and then inhumanly cool fingers probed surprisingly gently at his head and neck as a lilting voice asked urgently, "Sidefall, what has occurred?"
It was too dark to make him out properly, this far from the well-lit city streets, but the voice was unmistakeable: something small in the back of his head supplied Magamemnon, as if he hadn't been trying so hard not to remember everybody's names.
"I fell," he said. It was hard to speak; his breath came in little hiccuping gasps, but still it bubbled up into helpless giggles. "Isn't that funny? I fell."
"I'm afraid I do not see the humor in the current situation," Magamemnon said. His hands withdrew. "Please inform the nearest Chrysalis employee that we are in need of a stretcher."
Which didn't make any sense, until Sidefall noticed the blinking lights of camera drones hanging in the air over Magamemnon's shoulders and realized it wasn't directed at him.
"You told him," he accused them. His chest was so tight, and it hurt, but the words pulled themselves aching from his lungs. "Didn't you? You couldn't—couldn't lose your star so soon, could you! Couldn't—couldn't just—"
Wretched peals of laughter wracked his body, indistinguishable from sobs. It made everything worse, but he couldn't help it. It was just so funny, wasn't it? Wasn't it funny?
"Sidefall." A firm, restraining hand landed on his chest. "Please calm down. You may do further damage to yourself."
Good, they thought viciously. "Just go away!" they snapped. "Leave me alone, you stupid—stupid imposter tin can—"
"I'm afraid I can't do that." Magamemnon's voice was infuriatingly calm. "I am responsible for the well-being of all of Chrysalis's guests." A pause, barely noticeable, and then, "Even you."
Which almost set him off again. "Even me, huh? That's funny. You're funny."
The longer they laid here, with Magamemnon leaning over them and the cameras hovering impassively above, the more an awful feeling built up in the pit of their stomach, a rising panic. They'd come up here to be alone, to distance themself from everyone, and here was Chrysalis, trying to drag him back. Like a cornered animal, they needed to get out, to find some other quiet place to curl up and lick their wounds and wait to die. They tried to roll over and—and crawl away, if they had to, but the movement was aborted by a hand closing on his shoulder and keeping him inexorably in place.
"You—you can't do that," he gasped.
"Please remain still," Magamemnon replied, ignoring him completely. "Help is on the way."
"You can't—you're not allowed to stop me," Sidefall argued. He tried to wrench himself out of Magamemnon's grip and almost screamed as his side lit up in pain. He subsided, gasping, but the panic was still there, under his skin. He needed to get away, to separate himself, he needed to make Magamemnon go away. "You—you have to do what I say," he said, clawing at the hand on his shoulder. "Right? Robot? You're—you're one of those pushovers, right?"
"There may be a misunderstanding of my directives," Magamemnon said. He was still so calm, infuriatingly calm. His voice was pitched low and reassuring, like he was talking to a frightened animal. Well, wasn't he? How else would you describe yourself, Sidefall? "I am here to assist in making your stay with Chrysalis comfortable. However, I am under no obligation to allow you to do further harm to yourself. In fact, doing so would contradict my responsibility to your well-being."
"But have you considered," Sidefall said, fighting for breath as awful laughter tore itself once again from his abused lungs, "That maybe it would make everyone else more comfortable? Huh? Don't—don't you know I hurt people?"
There was a long pause, the still night air filled only with the sound of Sidefall's gasping sobs. Finally, with an odd tone, Magamemnon asked, "Sidefall, how did you come to fall from the windmill?"
He squeezed his eye shut. He didn't want to see the dim shape of Magamemnon leaning over him. And he especially didn't want to see the damning lights of the camera drone still hovering above them.
He wanted to be alone. No, he didn't; he wanted desperately not to be. He wanted his friends, and his sister, and to go home, and for everything to be okay again. But he couldn't have any of that, could he? The only option left to him was loneliness. He just wanted to stop hurting.
"I slipped."
"I see," Magamemnon said quietly.
The sound of footsteps heralded the arrival of two more Chrysalis androids dressed neatly in their uniforms, carrying a stretcher. Sidefall opened their eye and giggled, because one of them had a pair of goggles perched on their head. What a coincidence.
The androids paid him little attention, deferring immediately to Magamemnon's instructions as they laid the stretcher on the ground.
"We're going to move you now, Sidefall," Magamemnon said, finally removing the hand holding them down. "Please refrain from excessive movement. I would hate to have to restrain you and make this experience more unpleasant for the both of us."
"I don't want your—" Sidefall started to argue, but his words devolved into a garbled yelp as the two Chrysalis androids took him under the shoulders and knees and in one swift movement lifted him onto the stretcher. The pain in his leg and side flared, and he subsided into shallow, painful gasps. The androids moved with inhuman grace, and he hardly noticed the motion as they lifted the stretcher and began picking their way back down the mountain.
"It's all right," Magmemnon said, back in that same soothing tone. He kept pace beside them. Sidefall wished he'd just leave, and at the same time was pathetically grateful for even the facsimile of companionship. "Chrysalis has medical supplies and trained staff on site, ready to care for you."
Medical supplies. The medical supplies the Showstoppers were going to investigate, before he…
The dread and misery curled and hardened into a knot in his stomach. He felt sick, feverish; he wanted to throw up, but not here, not surrounded, not watched. He was too vulnerable here, with his soft underbelly exposed, too tired and in pain to keep up the act properly. He didn't care about Magamemnon's promises; they wouldn't fix what was wrong with him.
They tried to roll off the stretcher, to get away, but before he could do more than twitch, Magamemnon's cool, implacable hand landed once again on his chest. He put no pressure on his wounded ribs, only let it rest there, warning restraint.
It was too much; he sobbed, great fat tears blurring his vision and spilling over onto already wet cheeks. He clawed at the hand on his chest and found it immovable and instead clung to it, fingernails digging half-moons into Magamemnon's inhumanly smooth synthetic skin. "Please," he begged, with barely enough breath to get the words out. "Just fix me."
In the dim lanternlight of the path, Sidefall saw Magamemnon's expression flicker.
"I assure you," he said. "Chrysalis can restore you just as you were before your… accident."
He said it like it wasn't a curse. The laughter tangled up with sobs in his throat. "Don't you know?" he hiccuped. "I'm defective. Chrysalis should take my brain apart, stop me from—from feeling. You did it to them!" He flung out a hand, bumping clumsily into the goggles-wearing android at his head. "Now do it to me! And I can be just like you!" Maybe, if he just kept laughing, his ribs would pierce his lungs and the world would be free of him.
Softly, the android said, "Sir, I don't know—"
"It's all right," Magamemnon said, and then, "I'm afraid that's not possible. Chrysalis does not have that capability, nor would they ever impugn upon humanity in such a way."
Or maybe he could cry, instead, and it would work just as well.
Sidefall didn't know how long it took before the stretcher came to a halt. He only noticed when a hand slid under his shoulders to lift his upper body slightly, and a glass bottle was pressed to his lips.
"Drink this, please," Magamemnon said. "It should significantly decrease your pain."
Sidefall hiccuped. "Trying to poison me?" they demanded. Wouldn't that be a twist ending? He never did get to investigate Chrysalis's medical supplies; he'd been too busy ruining what little he had going for him here, before it could ruin everyone else. It would be appropriate, if anything. He giggled and seized the bottle himself, gulping it down. It burned down the back of his throat, acrid and bitter.
Magamemnon, partway through patiently explaining the inefficient use of resources it would be to poison them, cut himself off with a sigh and carefully lowered him back down onto the stretcher.
"You should rest, now," he said. He sounded oddly far away. "Trained Chrysalis experts will tend to your injuries."
They would make another biting comment, but the numbness rapidly spreading through his limbs was too much of a relief, and for once they decided to do as they were told.
—
When Sidefall woke up, he could breathe.
He took a moment to do so, feeling his lungs expand without pain. There was something wrapped around his chest, constricting, and his leg itched. As awareness crept in, so did the all-over ache, like his body had transformed into one singular bruise. He groaned.
"How are you feeling?"
Magamemnon's voice startled them so badly they almost fell off the low cot. Their eye shot open, still blurry with sleep, and he scrubbed at it with a fist until his vision cleared. They were situated in a small room; more like a closet, really, and the lone window suggested they were some ways up in a skyscraper. The light shining through said it was the next day. Their cot was shoved up against one wall; Magamemnon was seated in a chair pushed up against the other, a notebook in his lap closed around his thumb.
"The medication must be wearing off, now; you may be experiencing some disorientation. This is normal. Mild side effects such as headaches and nausea are also common, but can be alleviated with proper rest and hydration."
That sterile, reassuring tone was really starting to get under his skin.
"What are you doing here?" Sidefall demanded, shoving himself upright so fast it made his head spin. Ugh, the stupid robot was right about the headache, too. The full-body bruise feeling was steadily getting worse, although it still hardly compared to the night before. "I have one little trip and fall, and suddenly you wanna be my best friends, huh? Okay, I'll show you best friends!" He lurched forwards, with the vague intent of throwing himself into Magamemnon's face until he got fed up and left him alone, but his stomach lurched and head spun and he stopped short, grabbing hold of the edge of the cot to keep from falling on his face.
"Your injuries were extensive, and moreover you are a danger to yourself," Magamemnon said, infuriatingly matter-of-fact. He didn't even flinch. "I deemed it wise to ensure you did not wake up alone. Are you feeling better?"
Sidefall laughed. His side twinged, but his breath still came more easily than last night. "I'm not a danger to myself," he said. He bared his teeth in a gross facsimile of a smile. "I'm a danger to everybody else, remember? Remember that? I like to hurt people! For fun! So you better stay away, or you'll be next!"
The outburst left him panting for breath, licking helplessly at the spittle on his lips.
Magamemnon gave him a measured look. "I am here to ensure that all guests of Chrysalis have a safe and comfortable stay here in New Star City. If I must keep a close eye on you to perform that duty, then I shall do so."
Sidefall's hands trembled. They licked their lips again. Fear curled in their gut, that familiar dread whenever someone threatened to get too close. "You can't keep me here," they said.
Magamemnon slid the notebook into his jacket and folded his hands into his lap. "You are not a prisoner here, Sidefall," he said. "You are free to go. But you may have some difficulty navigating the city without assistance. Is there someone you would like me to call to help you? Perhaps your sister, or a friend?"
"No," Sidefall said, too fast, before he could say yes instead. Despite himself, he thought about it: about Mia and the Showstoppers piling into this room too small to properly hold them. He wanted it so, so badly. He wanted Shan's infectious giggles, and Cayman's reassuring presence, and even May's complaining. And he wanted his sister so desperately it felt like his chest might cave in for her absence. "No," he repeated, tightening his grip on the edge of the cot until the frame creaked and his knuckles went white. "I don't have a sister. And I don't have friends."
"I see." Magamemnon stood. "If it would be amenable to you, then, I would offer my own assistance, until such time as you can safely traverse the city on your own."
Sidefall opened his mouth to dismiss him, then paused; the thought of hobbling around the city, up and down the endless hills and stairs with a broken leg, helpless and alone, hit him like a punch to the gut.
"We're—we're not friends," he said, desperation bleeding out around the edges of his words.
Something passed over Magamemnon's face, and when he spoke, there was some shade of emotion to his voice—something almost wry. "No," he agreed, and offered his hand. "We are not."
Sidefall stared at it. "You'll regret it," he said, his voice wavering.
It was all right, wasn't it, if neither of them enjoyed it? It didn't count. They didn't care about each other. It would be all right. Just for a day, maybe he could afford not to be alone.
"I do not doubt that I will," Magamemnon said, and his hand stayed where it was.
Sidefall giggled, and took it, and let himself be pulled up.