Actions

Work Header

Which Yuri? Me or Him?

Summary:

A one-shot with all of the GPF Finalists, who love spreading craziness wherever they end up. It wasn’t really a great idea to let them stay in the same floor with their rooms just right beside one another.
They were given a special offer from the hotel so they get to stay in Spain for a little longer. And a day before they separate ways to go back to their home countries, Yuuri and Yurio actually agreed over something. The GPF Finalists should have seen this coming when they pranked the two.

 

So the two proceeded on pranking their friends and responding simultaneously and obtusely whenever anyone called one of them; the reactions they receive are hilarious. It was, after all, time to extract revenge.

 

[Sequel of 'Wait, what? Which Yuri?' although this could also be a standalone.]

Notes:

Another one shot? Why not? I really need a life. It’s literally 2017 already.

This is the sequel for my other one-shot titled: ‘Wait, what? Which Yuri?’ since there were some people who requested for it. Although, I believe, this could be read as a standalone.

I dunno how long this will be or if it will be as funny as its’ prequel but I’ll try my hardest.

OOCness train on its’ way, please ignore it!

I hope you enjoy whatever the shit this is, hahahaha~

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Yuuri opened his eyes and patted the place right beside him. It was empty and cold. Frowning, he patted next for his glasses, which seemed to dodge his hand whenever he felt like he got hold of the handles. After few moments of blindly smacking his hand beside his pillow, he finally succeeded on grabbing his blasted eyeglasses –he almost slammed them broken—and put them on before sitting up. “…Eh? Victor?” He called out after blinking thrice.

He winced when his head throbbed and that was when memories of last night flooded his mind. And he wasn’t dreaming at all. He thought he was still back at home and was dreaming all along all about it – the Cup of China, their kiss on live international television, the Rostelecom Cup, their heartfelt reunion in the airport after, his qualification for the GPF again by hair’s breath, their engagement and exchange of rings, his performance in the Barcelona’s GPF stadium, their little argument about retirement, him breaking Victor’s world record in Free Skate, him winning silver in this year’s GPF, their astounding pair skating in his Gala Exhibition, the wild banquet last night.

“I W-W-W-WASN’T DREAMING?” He shrieked and then buried his flushing face on his pillow which kind of still smelled like his fiancé. Squealing, he hugged his pillow tightly in happiness because he couldn’t believe that all of those happened and he actually got engaged to his long-time idol and figure skating living legend Victor Nikiforov. He seemed to be just absorbing these facts now, and was feeling overwhelmed.

The banquet nights before was a blast. He managed to remember everything even though Phichit and Chris shoved flutes after flutes of champagne to him, which he got to refuse for few rounds until Phichit practically kissed him just to get him to drink. He shrieked with his best friend’s antics and finally gave in. And then gave in and gave in and gave in. He drank six flutes and started to be an idiot with Victor’s permission. They, the GPF Finalists, technically brought life to the boring party and owned the night. No one complained. Yurio shouted for a dance off rematch and this time practically almost everyone participated with Yakov, who was forced, judged. The winner got to bring home a homemade trophy made from miscellaneous things which was signed and autographed by every skater in the room. They break-danced, Phichit and Yuuri were tied. He did pole dancing again but with clothes on. Others tried and failed. Chris won. They even sang to some song and Victor won. He couldn’t recall who had brought the trophy home. It was a night to remember.

With that, he prepared for another day. A special offer was given to them from the hotel owner, very cheap price for their hotel rooms for today so that they could enjoy Barcelona for one more day. They availed the offer after relentless begging to their coaches – Yuuri didn’t have a problem, Yurio and Victor did though. Anyway, with that, they were given this day as ‘free’ rein day. They’d go ice skating later still, because why not?

Last night, they went out and had another bar hopping. It was a fun day of being normal teenagers and not well-known figure skaters. They, of course, just snuck out from their coaches and the others received an earful. He, on the other hand, gave Victor an earful since the Russian drank tons of vodka and got wasted which caused Yuuri to carry his fiancé back to their hotel.

It was also a night to bring headaches and hungover. He opened his phone and looked at his Instragram feed. There, he found photos of his already-awake friends. Phichit took a selfie while he was fixing his eyeliner. Yurio with his newly bought tiger-patterned black shirt. JJ kissing his bronze medal—he was tempted to unfollow the Canadian but thought against it. Chris on his robe while sunbathing on the rooftop’s swimming pool. Victor was at the swimming pool with Chris again – he posted a photo of him imitating a duckling. It was so funny, Yuuri actually wondered why he got engaged with the Russian. He liked every post.

He jumped from where he sat on his bed when his phone buzzed and buzzed with notification. He took it and opened it. The Messenger Bubbly popped up. He reluctantly pressed it open.

 

Phichit Chu has changed the groupchat name into SquadGoals

Phichit Chu changed his nickname to ConquerorOfIG

ConquerorofIG: GUD MORNING WORLD! THAT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LYF! I SLAMMED MY HEAD ON THE CUPBOARD BECAUSE OF HUNGOVER HEADACHE! IT HEALED! TRY IT! ITS EFFECTIVE!

 

Yuuri was about to reply with his best friend’s first chat for the day at their GC when another name popped up. He raised an eyebrow when he realized that it was Yurio. He clicked it open.

 

Yuri: Oi, katsudon!!!

Yuuri: Gud morning Yurio!

Yuri: They’re starting to chat in a GC again, ryt?

Yuuri: …Yeah? Y?

Yuri: …

Yuri: Remember that prank they pulled at us wherein they called us by our first names and both of us replied and they were just pertaining to either you or me?

Yuuri: Yeah I remember. I wanted to consider divorcing Victor by then.

Yuri: U should have

Yuuri: Im pretty sure the consequences wouldn’t be pretty

Yuri: Whatever. Anyway, I have an idea

Yuuri: Let me guess. Time to extract revenge to out dear friends?

Yuri: HOW DID U KNOW? R U A PSYCHIC?

Yuuri: XD No. I’m not. I just always wanted to avenge us but I didn’t know how to approach the topic w/ u. I thought u had let it go.

Yuri: NEVER. Okay, here’s the plan. And, don’t be mistaken, piggy. I just want to take avenge of my humiliated butt before. Don’t think we’re not rivals anymore

Yuuri: Got it, got it~

 

Yuuri and Yurio exchanged ideas after ideas until they managed to formulate an absurd, hilarious and annoying-enough revenge towards their co-GPF Finalists and Victor.

He laughed and then backread in the SquadGoals Groupchat. Yurio would be the first one to make the move between them after all. He suggested that they do this all day just for the heck of it. He received a: ‘FUCK YEAH. SURE!’

 

Christophe Giacometti changed his nickname to godofsexiness

godofsexiness: ITS FUCKING COLD UP HERE!!!

Victor: That’s because ur not wearing anything under that robe!

Godofsexiness: Oh, BTW, GUD MORNING!

Godofsexiness: U cant talk. At least I have a robe while ur just wearing ur boxers and have a towel around ur waist~ Tho no complaints. Sexy bod, Victor, BTW

Victor: U didn’t me shudder. U didnt

Jean Jacques Leroy changed his nickname to KING JJ

KING JJ: GUD MORNING PEOPLE! CHRIS, WHY DIDN’T YOU INVITE ME TO THE SWIMMING POOL?? I WANTED TO SWIM TOO.

Godofsexiness: You’ll contaminate the pool.

KING JJ: Excuse me, I bathe twice a day. I am as clean as a newborn baby!

Godofsexiness: I am not taking chances. I love this hotel’s swimming pool, I don’t want them to ban us just because of u.

KING JJ: Y r u guys so cruel to me?

KING JJ: Wat did I do?

Otabek: I have no doubt the one crying in the room beside mine is JJ.

Victor Nikiforov changed his nickname to Rayofsunshine

Rayofsunshine: You existed. That’s the kindest reply I can give

KING JJ: EVEN YOU, VICTOR? I THOUGHT YOU’D BE IN MY SIDE

Rayofsunshine: I never said I was and stop typing in Caps Lock! Is ur phone broken or smth???

Otabek Altin changed his nickname to WhyAmIHere

WhyAmIHere: Newborn baby? Aren’t newborn baby covered with all sorts of fluids right after being born and before they’re washed clean?

KING JJ: Wat r u implying Otabek?

WhyAmIHere: I am implying that you’re stupid.

KING JJ: -turns to stone-

ConquerorofIG: BURN! CALL THE AMBULANCE! I HEAR SOMEONE BURNING.

Yuri Plisetsky changed his nickname to Yuri

Yuri: Otabek, I have never been prouder to be your friend. That was the greatest burn anyone ever did.

WhyAmIHere: Thank u.

Yuuri Katsuki changed his nickname to Yuri

Yuri: Gud morning everyone! It’s a very fine morning isn’t it? Where would u like to meet so that we could go practice?

RayofSunshine: Wait, was that you, my Yuuri?

Yuri: Wat do u mean?

KING JJ: Who sent that previous message? Yuri or Yuuri?

Yuri: Me.

ConquerorofIG: Im confused! O.O

ConquerorofIG: SUPER CONFUSED.

Yuri: It was me.

KING JJ: Who’s ME?

Yuri: You?

RayOfSunshine: Oh my god. My head hurts.

Godofsexiness: I am literally crossing my eyes just to figure out who is who

PhichitChu: Does it help?

Godofsexiness: Try it

ConquerorofIG: …

ConquerorofIG: I just did. Im currently trying to bring theym buck tu norml

ConquerorofIG: DEY GUT STUCKKKK

Godofsexiness: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am. Sorry, Phichit

WhyAmIhERE: I thought Yuri has only 1 ‘u’ and Yuuri has 2 ‘u’s?

Yuri: Yes, but I can also be addressed with only 1 ‘u.’

RayofSunshine: Is that my Yuuri?

Yuri: Wat? No, you dumbass

RayofSUnshine: Yup, that’s not my Yuuri. He rarely cusses

RayofSUnshine: Except when we’re making love

Godofsexiness: Oh, do tell

Rayofsunshine: I am ryt beside u

Godofsexiness: Doesn’t matter

RayofSunshine: Oh, he cusses a LOT when we make love. Everytime I pull out and then slam back in.

godofsexiness: I can hear someone screaming even tho we’re already in the elevator.

Yuri: It was me!

Yuri: Me too!

Yuri: THAT WAS TOO MUCH DETAIL

Yuri: VICTOR STOP SPREADING GOSSIPS ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE! /////

WhyAmIHere: Who is who? I am so confused right now.

KING JJ: Who r u??????

ConquerorofIG: For the love of god. Who ARE u?

Yuri: Yuri

RayofSunshine: I AM LITERALLY RUNNING BACK TO OUR ROOM JUST TO FIND OUT WHO IS WHO!!!!

Yuri: Grab my phone away from me Victor and I will toss this ring outside

RayOfSunshine: BUT YUURI! MY HEAD HURTS WITH THESE CONFUSING NICKNAMES

ConquerorofIG: CHANGE THEM!

ConquerorofIG: CHANGE THEM! I BEG U! I MESSED UP MY EYELINER SQUINTING TO FIND OUT WHO IS WHO!

KING JJ: Phichit, is that u wailing?

ConquerorofIG: My head hurts!!! DON’T JUDGE ME.

WhyAmIHere: Why Am I Here?

Yuri changed his nickname to Yuri#1

Yuri#1: FINE HERE YOU GO

WhyAmIHere: This is Yuri, right?

Yuri#1: Yeah.

Yuri changed his nickname to Yuri#2

Yuri#2: Is this better?

RayOfSunshine: And this is my beloved fiancé? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT???

Yuri#2: >///< Yes.

KING JJ: Better!

Yuri#2: Yuri, can we please exchange nicknames?

Yuri#1: HUH? WHY?

Yuri#2: It hurts me to see #2 in my name TT.TT

Yuri#1: I was the golden medallist. -_-

Yuri#2: Exactly, so can u humor me and exchange nicknames? A little consolation since I won just silver? >.<

ConquerorofIG: NOOOOO OMG. NOOOOO. OTZ PLEASE NO.

Godofsexiness: That was okay! Don’t exchange. I beg u orz

Godofsexiness: Wait, Phichit, mine is OTZ

ConquerorofIG: What? NO. That’s my begging pose

Godofsexiness: I have BIGGER buns than u do

ConquerorofIG: I’m pretty sure I do, Chris

Godofsexiness: Care to read my nickname?

ConquerorofIG: Sexiness doesn’t always pertain to one’s butt as well.

Godofsexiness: Come fight me Chulanont

ConquerorofIG: FINE. 6PM. ROOFTOP. SKINNY DIPPING CONTEST

KING JJ: COUNT ME IN

ConquerorofIG: NO.

Godofsexiness: NO.

KING JJ: WHY?

ConquerorofIG: You’ll contaminate the pool.

Godofsexiness: You’ll contaminate our minds

Yuri#1 changed his nickname to Yuri#2

Yuri#2: YAY!

RayofSunshine: Chris, u also have contaminated us

Godofsexiness: ;) U love it.

KING JJ: No we donttt

Yuri#2 changed his nickname to Yuri#1

RayofSunshine: WAIT WAT? WHO? WHAT?

RayofSunshine: YUURI, IM RIGHT BESIDE U!!!

RayOfSunshine: YUURI! DON’T RUN AWAY FROM ME! YUURI, WHO IS WHO? YUURIIII

ConquerorofIG: WHOS SHRIEKING? STOP SHRIEKING! IT SHOULD BE ME WHOS SHRIEKING

Godofsexiness: ME!!!! MY HEAD HURTS WITH COZ OF THIS CONVO!!! I AM FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW!

KING JJ: WHO IS WHO?

WhyAmIHere: …

WhyAmIHere: Yuri, please turn your nickname to Yuri again.

Yuri#2: Which Yuri?

Yuri#1: Me or Him?

Yuri#1: Thank you!

Yuri#2: Ugh. I hate seeing #2 in my name as well.

Yuri#2 changed his nickname to Yuri

Yuri#1: I feel guilty for making u feel that so

Yuri#1 changed his nickname to Yuri

ConquerorofIG: I CANNOT. I JUST CANNOT. OMG. Victor, stop Yuuri! Grab his phone! Shove a pillow at him! Draw the shades! Pin him to the bed and smash ur lips onto his! WHATEVER!

KING JJ: This is not what I signed up for!!!

Gofofsexiness: If I throw up because of this dizziness you two are bringing, I’ll kill uuuuuu by nutting

Yuri: What the fuck?

WhyAmIHere: That’s Yuri.

Yuri: Yeah, Chris. What the fuck?

ConquerorofIG: And is that Yuuri? He cusses too, you know.

RayOfSunshine: I’m sobbing here. I HATE YOU TWO

RayOfSunshine left the conversation

Godofsexiness left the conversation

KING JJ left the conversation

WhyAmIHere: I’m sorry

WhyAmIHere left the conversation

ConquerorofIG: TT.TT Add us back when u two have known ur mistake

ConquerorofIG left the conversation

Yuri changed his nickname to Katsudon

Yuri changed his nickname to RussianPunk

Katsudon: Oops?

RussianPunk: AHAHAHAHAHA

 

Yuuri looked up and found Victor glaring at him from the other bed which was just an inch away since they pushed their beds together so they could sleep beside each other. He turned off his phone and approached the Russian.

Victor pouted, crossed his arms and looked away. Yuuri flinched and then wrapped his fiancé with his arms. The Russian was rigid in his arms for few moments before melting and hugging him back. Victor buried his face in Yuuri’s stomach and grunted, “My head hurts because of you two.”

Oh, we’re not done yet.

Chuckling, he patted his coach’s head and planted a kiss on the crown of Victor’s head. “Sorry,” He murmured.

Victor looked up and leaned. He smiled shyly and leaned down. He yelped when Victor flipped him off the bed and pinned his wrists with one of Victor’s own. “V-V-Victor, you’re freezing!”

The Russian smirked and said, “Warm me up then.”

“I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW! IF I HEAR ONE MOAN OR GROAN, I’LL GRAB A KNIFE AND STAB YOU!” Yurio, who was staying next door, yelled.

Victor fell beside Yuuri, laughing and then gestured for the him to be silent. The silver-head took a deep breath and stage-groaned, “Oh my god, Yuuri~ Ah, ah~”

His cheeks burned with what his fiance was doing, it didn’t really help that Victor was clinging so tightly onto him.

“Oh! Yes! Right there, right the—“

They both jumped when their hotel room door slammed open and a fork almost took Victor’s life if he didn’t dodge quickly. “Where the heck did you get this silverware?” Victor breathed.

Yurio screamed, “FUCK YOU!”

Yuuri had hidden under beside his bed and didn’t come out until the war had subsided.

 

Yuuri and Yurio caught each other’s eyes when they entered their practice ice rink. He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling and Yurio huffed and hid his face with his face mask.

The second stage of their plan was now commencing. When no one was looking, they nodded at each other and quickly started resumed their prank.

He walked ahead of Victor and fell right beside Yurio. When he felt like everyone was eyeing them suspiciously, he rapidly started the conversation, “Y-Yurio, I heard Mila won the Singles Women’s division. I didn’t hear what her theme was, tell me?”

Yurio looked up at him and shrugged. “It was ‘Beauty.’ I was the one suggested…” He pretended to have not noticed that the blond dropped his towel.

“Yuri! You dropped your towel~” Chris called out.

They fought their laughter and turned at the same time. It was no accident that Yuuri hid his own towel in his bag. “Thanks—“ He started and they bent and reached for the towel in synchronization.

He turned towards the Swiss. “Which Yuri?”

“Ah…” Chris faltered, confused, as well.

Yurio squinted at his towel and grumbled, “It’s mine!”

“Ah, no, I think that’s mine. It’s white.”

Yurio rolled his eyes. “I also use white, you know!”

He blinked in an innocent way. “I thought black is the color of your soul?”

“It fucking is but that doesn’t mean my towel is black as well.”

“Fine, it’s yours then.”

“It fucking really is! Thank you!” With that, Yurio stomped towards the ice rink.

He tried his hardest not to smile when Chris rubbed the back of his head and laughed shakily.

 

“Yuri! I saw that~ You over-rotated,” JJ called out with a mocking voice.

He and Yurio stopped and turned.

They pointed at each other. “Me or Him?”

“Uh, Yuri.”

They now pointed at themselves. “Me or Him?”

JJ looked at Yuuri and then Yurio and then back at Yuuri. He blinked and held onto his head. “You know what? Forget what I said because I forgot about it too.” He begun sliding towards the board muttering, “What was I saying? Who was I talking to? Who am I?”

They shrugged and turned away, hiding their laughter behind their water bottles.

 

Phichit grabbed his phone and opened his camera for last day commemoration pictures and posts. “Yuuri~ Make a pose!” He shouted.

Yuuri and Yurio caught each other’s eyes and both did a pose.

“Which Yuri, Chulanont?” Victor asked from the opposite side of the rink.

The Thai gulped and froze on his place. “I…uh…” He trailed off. “Yuuri?” He answered in a question and pointed Yuuri.

Yurio huffed and crossed his arms. “Well, you should have said his name clearer.”

Phichit pouted and grumbled, “I did! I said, Yu-u-ri!”

“No, you didn’t, you said Yu-ri,” Yuuri countered with a smile.

“Eh? Why did you respond then?”

“Because you called my name. It’s still my name after all~” The Japanese replied gently.

“So which Yuri?” The two Yuri’s asked and then pointed at each other. “Me or Him?”

“You!” Phichit yelled, flailing his arms.

Yuuri and Yurio pointed at themselves again. “Me or Him?”

“Fuck it! I’m taking a selfie!” Phichit complained and stormed off.

They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

 

Otabek glided on the ice and stopped in his tracks when Yurio’s phone sounded with pop-up chat. “Yuri, you have a message.”

“Which Yuri?” They replied simultaneously.

The Kazakh blinked and hesitated on pointing between them. “…I don’t know.”

“Which direction did you hear it from?”

Yuuri pointed the east. Yurio pointed the west. “There?” They asked at the same time.

They were currently in the center of the ice. And since they were sliding on the ice as they conversed, the general direction where the sound came from became quite confusing. “East or west?” They asked at the same time.

Otabek looked at the east side and then the west side. “…I don’t know?”

“Was the sound quiet?”

“Or loud?”

The Kazakh turned his back. “Just both check your phones. I don’t want to end up with a headache again.”

They ended up gawking again because this was a lot better than they had expected.

 

They didn’t get to prank Victor because the silver-head outwitted them and called Yuuri with ‘my Yuuri’ and Yuri as ‘Yurio,’ just to make sure they couldn’t use the same antics at him.

They decided the way Victor almost growled in frustration in the groupchat was good enough for the both of them.

 

Chris held up his hands while swaying dangerously. “I get it. This was revenge for the prank we pulled on you. I get it. Please stop confusing the hell out of me. I don’t want to miss my flight tomorrow.”

Otabek bowed. “I shall never prank you both again. I am dizzy right now and have learned my lesson. Please spare me.”

JJ was spinning round and round. “I’m dizzy as hell so I’m spinning in case reverse psychology could take effect. Oh, that was a great prank, you two! I cannot remember the last time I got to be as confused as this.”

“I hope he collapses,” Yurio grunted under his breath.

“Same,” Chris agreed.

“Same,” Otabek added.

Phichit just laughed loudly and hugged Yuuri. “And that is why Yuuri is my best friend! He’s learned pranking for me, after all.”

Yuuri laughed and placed a hand over his best friend’s arms. “Phichit-kun, don’t squeeze too hard.”

“Is that something to be proud of?” Yurio growled, crossing his arms.

“It is!” The Thai defended enthusiastically.

Victor sighed and shook his head with an exasperated smile. “I wonder what will happen with Yakov and Lilia with two Yuri’s in Russia sooner or later.”

“Early death due to anger probably,” Yurio filled in.

“Hah. Same cause as your death then,” JJ teased.

“No, my death will be because of persecution due to me stabbing you soon enough,” The smaller Russian hissed.

JJ ran for his life.

The other laughed. Victor lunged towards his fiancé and hugged him tightly. He purred and peppered the Japanese’s face with kisses. Because this was the happiest he has ever been after a competition, after a GPF and happy because of such a simple thing or a simple prank. He knew having Yuuri by his side changed his life 180 degrees. He had no regrets.

“I am so happy I met you,” He murmured in Yuuri’s ear and pressed his cheek on the brunet’s face.

 

RussianPunk named the groupchat conversation as Fucking Squad Goals

Katsudon added Victor Nikiforov to the conversation

Katsudon added Phichit Chulanont to the conversation

RussianPunk added Otabek Altin to the conversation

Victor Nikiforov added Christophe Giacometti to the conversation

 

Katsudon: Should I also add JJ back?

RussianPunk: No.

Victor: No.

Christophe: No.

Phichit: No.

Otabek: No.

 

Notes:

I have lost my touch.

This wasn't funny at all.

I'm sorry if it didn't meet your expectations.

I know. Not enough fluff, cuteness and then innuendo. I'll try better next time.

I tried my best. I wanted to do this sequel justice so I typed it down. Got stuck and ta-dah! I dunno what happened.

I, myself, got a headache writing this, hahahaha. I lost track of who was who and went along with whatever~

Thanks for the read! Yell at me on Tumblr @ lovefadesminehas021

And on Twitter @ LFMH021

KUDOS AND COMMENTS SUPER DUPER APPRECIATED! :D [I will try better with my next one-shot, sorry.]