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Robby took a deep breath, squeezing an ice pack between his hands. Jack was on shift and while he knew he could call him, he didn't want him to worry. He could handle this. He wasn't going to slip, not again. Not so soon after the last time.
-c-
Robby had been broken in the hours following pittfest. The problem was, Jack had to work, so he was alone. He had fought as hard as he could but he still ended up hurting himself. Sitting on the floor of their kitchen with a towel pressed against his bleeding arm wasn't how he had wanted his evening to go. He hadn't meant to relapse, hadn't meant to give in. He definitely hadn't meant for one of the kids to find him
The fact that it was Samira made it easier. Not better, just easier. The fact that she hadn't asked questions, just immediately disappeared down the hall and returned with a suture kit helped.
“Let's get you up, Robby. Table or couch?” She had gone to borrow a book of his, she hadn't expected to find him sobbing on the kitchen floor and bleeding. Samira guided him to the nearest kitchen chair when he didn't answer, gently nudging him into it.
She moved the towel so she could see the wound, grimacing at the depth. “It definitely needs stitches. Let's get the bleeding to stop and I'll take care of it.”
“No.” Robby pulled away slightly, it wasn't her place to take care of him. He was supposed to take care of their residents, not the other way around.
“You need stitches, Robby and soon. It's too deep to leave, even for a couple of hours. If you hit it against something, it will bleed.” Samira stated firmly, applying pressure to the wound again.
“Jack can- Jack can do it.” Robby wasn't sure he even wanted Jack to know but he also knew he couldn't hide it. Jack would find out.
“Do you want to call him?” Samira questioned quietly, studying him for a moment.
“I don't want him to worry.” Robby shook his head, pulling away from the younger woman but he stayed at the table
Samira hesitated, pulling her phone out and scrolling to Jack's contact. “Do you think he would rather know now and know that I am here with you, than come home to this?” The fact that Robby would no longer look at her spoke volumes. She pressed call, putting the phone on speaker. There was a good chance Jack was busy and wouldn't be able to answer.
“Mira? Is everything okay?”
“Hey Jack. I'm sitting with Robby right now. I thought maybe it would help if you talked with him if you have a moment.” Samira answered steadily, eyes focused on Robby.
Jack paused, moving somewhere quieter. He had a bad feeling that something had happened. “Michael?”
“I'm okay “
Jack sighed softly, leaning against the wall. He could hear it in his husband's voice. He was definitely not okay. “Are you hurt?” The silence was answer enough. “Okay love, it's okay. Let Samira take care of you. I'll be home in a few hours and we can talk about it then.”
“Not her responsibility.” Robby huffed, not looking at the younger woman. They had spent most of her R2 year teaching her that she didn't have to take care of everyone. He didn't want to mess that up now.
“This is not up for discussion, Michael. You will let her treat you.” Jack said firmly, ignoring the huff on the other end of the phone. He knew Mike would obey him. Unfortunately he couldn't stay on the phone with them much longer. “I have to go but call me back if you need me. Either of you.”
Samira sighed softly, putting her phone back in her pocket. “Let me help you and then we can cuddle on the couch.” She had a feeling neither of them was sleeping tonight. She opened the suture kit, moving the towel so she could numb his arm. “Little stick.”
Robby watched her stitch with ease. “Good work.” He said softly, voice still rough from the tears. It was still going to scar. It might not be as gnarly of a scar, but it would scar.
Samira tied off her last stitch, dressing the wound and cleaning up the mess before returning to the table and offering Robby her hand. “Let's go to the couch. I could use a cuddle after today.”
He let her pull him to his feet, hugging the younger woman tightly for a moment before moving toward the couch. “You need sleep, Mira.”
She snorted, shaking her head. She hadn't actually been planning on sleeping anyway. Samira had come to borrow a book so she could read. “I wasn't planning on sleeping.” She snagged a blanket from the basket, sinking down onto the couch. It only took a second for Robby to sit down beside her. She curled into his side, relaxing a little when his arm wrapped around her shoulders. “Crappy reality TV or true crime documentary please.”
Robby rolled his eyes, finding the remote and turning the TV on. He didn't feel like watching true crime right noe, he had had enough violence for one night so he settled for turning on Mormon wives, which Jack absolutely hated so he wouldn't be upset they watched without him. He knew he needed to check in with Samira after the horrific day they had had but he didn't really have it in him right now. Having her with him was helping him stay grounded, so he would take it. He knew they still had several hours until Jack would be home. He could wait.
-c-
Jack entered the apartment as silently as he could, pausing in the living room. Samira was sound asleep, curled up against Mike. Mike who was very much wide away, staring blankly at the ‘are you still watching’ screen on the TV. He crouched in front of his partner, resting a hand on his knee. “Let's get you to bed, sweetheart.”
Robby blinked rapidly, staring at Jack for a long moment before leaning forward against him. He didn't want to wake Samira up by moving. But lying in bed beside his husband sounded nice. He carefully extracted himself, letting Jack pull him to his feet, before turning and covering Samira fully with the blanket. “Time?”
“Just after seven. I need to change and then we can sleep for a bit.” Jack answered softly, guiding mike into their bedroom, gently pushing him to sit on the side of the bed. He stripped off his scrubs, tossing them into the hamper before hesitating. They both usually took a shower immediately after work, to wash the germs and the hospital off. But he didn't want to leave Mike alone that long. Jack finally grabbed a pair of pajamas, pulling them on before sitting down beside his husband and carefully removing his leg. “Lay down for me love.”
Robby moved slowly, resting his head on his pillow and letting jack pull away blanket over them. He was pretty sure he wouldn't sleep.
Jack pressed against his husband, moving Mike so his head was on his chest. “You did so much good today, Mikey. You did good.” The soft sniffle didn't surprise him.
“I couldn't save them all.” Robby whispered, turning so his face was buried in Jack's chest. He stopped fighting the tears, letting himself cry softly in his husband's arms. “I fucked up.”
“It's okay love. I got you. We will work through this together this afternoon. Right now, we both need sleep.” Jack rubbed his back, keeping Mike tight against him. It didn't take long for the tears and exhaustion to catch up to him. Jack adjusted the blanket around them, closing his own eyes when Mike had finally fallen asleep. They both needed a couple hours of sleep and then they had a houseful of young adults to talk to.
-c-
Robby had checked on all of their kids, even the ones living in the apartments. He would have to check on the residents that didn't live with them when he went back to work. Right now he was trying very hard not to look at his partner as Jack examined the wound on his upper arm.
Jack had sent Samira to the pharmacy, so he had all the supplies he needed to change the bandage. Samira had done a good job, it would heal nicely. But he had wanted to see it for himself, he needed to see how badly Mike had injured himself. “Do you have any other injuries?”
“Jack-”
“Michael. Did you hurt yourself anywhere else? I will check.” Jack interrupted firmly, studying his partner. Mike knew he would strip him down and check if he had to but he would rather his husband tell him if he was hurt.
Robby took a deep breath, shaking his head. “No sir, just my arm.” He had wanted to, God he had wanted to. But he had stopped himself, brought himself back from dissociation enough to realize he had fucked up. “I fucked up. I couldn't fight it. I’m sorry.”
“Yesterday sucked sweetheart. You slipped, that's all. We will figure this out together so this doesn't become like last time. Starting with an emergency appointment with your therapist tomorrow.” Jack stated quietly, sitting beside his partner on the bed. “I will also make an appointment with my therapist and we will have the kids check in with theirs.” He thought that everyone who worked the MCI needed to talk to someone and Jack was going to bring it up to Caleb or Peter the next time he saw them.
Robby leaned into Jack's side, relaxing when the man wrapped an arm around him. “I won't let this be like last time. I'll talk to Kris and we'll make a plan.”
“Do you need me to go with you?” Jack knew that sometimes it was easier when they went together. It helped him when Mike went to his appointments when he was struggling.
“No, I think I'll be okay.”Robby knew he could always call Jack from his therapist's office if he needed to. He would be okay. He would make a plan and sign the self harm contracts and he would be okay.
-c-
Robby kept squeezing the ice pack, running through his choices in his head. He could harm himself, it would be easy, but he had to be a good example for his girls. He didn't want Trinity or Yolanda thinking it was okay because he fell back into it. He could go into the main house and spend time with his day shift kids. But Mel was at her sister's facility, Victoria was studying for an exam, and he really didn't want to make Samira feel responsible for him.
He had tried the grounding exercises, he currently had ice in his hands, and his therapists office was closed. Robby took a deep breath, transferring the ice to one hand before fishing his phone out of his pocket and video calling one of the few people he knew could help. If Jack didn't answer, he would call Jesse or Dana.
Jack glanced at his phone, stepping out into the ambulance bay before answering the video call. The fact that all he saw was the ceiling was concerning. “Mike?”
He cursed, almost dropping the phone before aiming it at his face. “Sorry to call you at work. I just needed to see you.” Robby said after a moment, setting the ice pack on the counter, meeting his partner's eyes. He knew Jack would understand without him saying anything.
“You can call me anytime sweetheart.” Jack answered quietly, assessing what he could see of Mike. He was fairly certain he hadn't harmed himself and that he had been crying. “Why don't you go watch that nature documentary about sharks? I'll be home in a couple of hours.” Jack wanted to stay on the phone with him, he really did. But the trauma alert was blaring and he could hear sirens approaching. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Robby answered, putting his phone back in his pocket when Jack hung up. He was okay. He was going to take his ice pack and watch trashy TV. Probably not the shark documentary. He thought Love Island or Love is Blind might be better choices. Mindless background noise to help him fall asleep.
Robby was going to keep fighting. Not fighting had never really been a choice. He had residents who needed him, a husband and a partner who loved him. He was going to fight and tonight that looked like watching reruns of Love island in his recliner with the weighted blanket they kept for the kids. Tonight he was strong enough to fight the urges. He would call his therapist and talk about the case tomorrow.