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Liam was having a shitty day. He couldn’t really help it, but when he has a shitty day, he tends to lash out. Lash out as in, raise his voice a bit most of the time and then run away and sob in his room because he felt so bad. And then probably cut himself.
But now he had been clean for a bit and was getting better at giving less of a shit when he slightly broke his mask for two seconds. And he had great foster parents! However, school had really been, well, shit today.
His first period was changed to PE when he had already gotten to school, so he didn’t have deodorant. Then he fucking stunk for the rest of the day, and those “remind your friend to use deodorant” posters felt like they were giving him the thousand yard stare.
And school lunch just had to be pizza that day. The cafeteria at his school made the most disgusting pizza. The cheese was almost separate from the crust and way more oily than it should be. And they didn’t even have an option for pepperoni on the pizza. No toppings at all. Just dry crust and oily cheese that stretched in a way that made Liam want to puke up his insides.
The day felt like a piece of elastic that kept stretching and stretching and stretching. The clock ticking on the wall drove him insane, like a constant reminder of how slowly time was passing and how he was unable to speed it up.
So when three o’clock finally came, he was worn out, sweaty, and if one more thing threw him off he was going to break.
And that’s what he did exactly forty-one minutes later.
“How’s your arm doing?” Dan asked as he unlocked the door to the house, letting Liam enter first. His foster son answered with a thumbs up, dropping his backpack to the floor like it was the heaviest object in the world. He hadn’t cut in four months. He was doing just dandy. It wasn’t like cutting was a good coping mechanism, but it was his only one that actually distracted him from the shit in his life. Not being able to do it was… hard.
Dan smiled at him. “I’m glad you haven’t done it in a while, I’m proud of you.”
Liam held out his drawing– him smiling and holding hands with his Dada in a field of flowers. It was just stickpeople, but he gave them clothes and hair and faces and he really liked it! “Look Dada, it’s us! I drew it all by myself!” He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, grinning from ear to ear as he eagerly awaited his Dad’s opinion.
“Oh wow!” His Dad’s large hand reached out and took the paper before leaning down and kissing Liam’s temple. “This is going right on the fridge. You’ve gotten so good with your art, I’m so proud of you.”
Liam stared at Dan, frozen on the spot. His mind raced and his heart beat. Different emotions battled for first place in his mind, but the fear and grief and anger overtook him the fastest. He snapped, like he always did.
“You’re not my real dad, why do you care?” Dan flinched like he’d been slapped.
“I’m sorry, I was worried, that’s all–” Liam couldn’t look at him. He hurt him. He hurt someone. He was a monster. He rushed past Dan and into his room, breathing quick and shallow. His throat tightened and he muffled a sob behind his hand, trying to blink away the tears. He had fucked up so bad. He had hurt the feelings of the kind man who brought him into his home and kept him alive, who binged sitcoms with him, who watched all the tiktoks Liam sent him.
Just because of Liam’s grief, he set back their whole relationship insanely far. He might never be able to fix it. His thoughts spiraled. He sunk down in a corner of his room, the tears running down his face endlessly as he hid his face in a pillow that didn’t do anything.
Dan paced back and forth as he waited for Phil to pick up the phone. He knew the kid was grieving. He had come on too strong, had tried to be like his real dad who he had only lost six years ago. The wound was practically fresh since he never got to truly grieve in his old home.
He had said he was proud. God, how stupid was he? Dan quickly wiped at the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want to cry right now. If he started he might not be able to stop. Phil picked up just when he was about to give up.
“What is it?” The sound of Phil’s voice felt like a wave washing over Dan’s body, washing away any extra stress. Though it wasn’t all gone.
“I made a big mistake. I asked Liam how his arm was doing, and I said I was proud of him, and I think it triggered him about my dad because he yelled at me that I wasn’t his real dad and I don’t know what to do.” He took a deep breath and gripped the phone even tighter, closing his eyes and waiting for Phil’s advice.
“I’ll be home in thirty minutes, I know we can work this out. He’s a sweet kid.”
“I’m scared, Phil. What if he’s cutting himself right now because of me? He’s been clean for so long now and I don’t know what to do and–”
“Dan, stop spiralling. You will both be okay. And if he relapses we can help him like we always do. I love you.” Dan let out a deep breath. “I love you too Phil.”
The call ended and he sunk against the wall, burying his head in his hands.
Liam quietly emerged from his room as he heard the front door open, making eye contact with Phil as he walked in the door. “Hey kiddo.” Liam waved his hand slightly. “Dan told me what happened, I’m not mad. I just think we should talk, okay?” Liam bit his lip slightly. “And we can watch an episode of the good place together after.”
A smile tugged at Liam’s lips. “It’s a deal.”
They sat at the dinner table, Liam fidgeting with his hands while avoiding eye contact. “I’m not upset with you Dan.” he started. “I just kind of remembered something with my Dad, and…” His voice trailed off. “Being here is kind of scary. Not because of you guys. But because I feel like I’m a part of a family for the first time since my dad died.” His voice cracked a bit. “And It’s scary because I had no idea I could see people as my actual parents after him.” He looked down at his lap, looking up to see Dan place a hand on his shoulder.
“We love you kid, okay?” Liam sniffed and leaned his head on his shoulder. “I know. I, uh, love you guys too. Thanks.” He was crying now. Dan smiled at him and kissed his forehead. “I’m so sorry for earlier. We both love you so much.” Liam let out a watery laugh. “You already said that.”
He turned to Phil and wrapped his arms around him without warning. Dan wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. “Now, how about we watch some TV?”