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Isaac sat on the couch of William's basement, as he has a thousand times before. It was late, they had planned for a sleepover. Will's in front of him pacing as he rants, and he can't help but stare at him like a pendulum swaying across his sight.
He paused with expectation- was Isaac supposed to be paying attention? Oh god, was it a question?
"Shit- sorry, what?" He hoped it's not too obvious his mind was elsewhere. He's not exactly focused a lot of the time, so hopefully it's not too out of character for him.
Will didn't seem to mind. "Are you free tomorrow? To check it out, I mean." He paused his pacing for a moment, flicking his mechanical pencil between his fingers, it clicking as it tapped against his rings. "I heard it was north. Like, by the river north." He started moving again, and Isaac's eyes followed. "I don't want to go alone, but Lui's busy and I-…" He trailed off, knowing Isaac knows what he means. "…don't really want to bring Norah out there."
Isaac nodded, understanding. There was another odd pause as he remembered he had to answer out loud. "Yeah, totally."
William lit up, and he kept rambling. Isaac can't help but feel bad for not listening, but there's too much on his mind right now. He watched as Will's smile faded so slightly when he acknowledged whatever lead he has might be dangerous, but his excitement to talk about it shone through despite his worries.
Isaac kept track of the time, how late it is- is the rest of the world asleep yet? Would they hear? He noted the distance between himself, his bag, and the stairs; the line they make towards the door. Just in case anything went too wrong, just in case Will didn't look at him the same. Just in case he fucks up again.
"…Are you sure we should wait until tomorrow? What if it's, like, what if it's urgent?" Maybe if they leave now, he won't act on anything. If they're busy with a flashlight and the woods, maybe he won't ruin things.
Will looked worried for a moment. "It was just a rumor from Lui. Nothing's happened, it's alright. Besides, it's dark already. Good thinking though, could actually be a threat," he continues, but it doesn't seem like they'll be leaving tonight.
Fuck.
Isaac checks the time. 11:42. Will's parents are older, there's a certain chance they're asleep by now. He knows them. They gotta be, right?
He felt a pit in his stomach for even considering that. It's an odd guilt weighing on him, he knows he's not supposed to be here. He left his mom alone just so he can sit here and panic about his best friend to the point of feeling like vomiting.
But Will wouldn't hate him for this, right? Everyone makes mistakes, whatever.
Will's not even talking about the lead anymore, he's moved on to some dumb shit. Dumb shit Isaac would usually be joking about too, instead of just fidgeting with the cold metal cross on his necklace. It's worse than the acid, he thought for a moment. No the fuck it isn't, not by miles, he knows that, but it still sucks.
He slid his hands behind his hair and started fumbling with the clasp on his necklace, hoping maybe if he doesn't have it on, it'll ease the pit in his stomach.
He kept scratching at it, his hands shaky and not getting a good enough grip to open it properly. Flicking it like a dying lighter, his increasing frustration with it making it even more difficult to get off.
"Ow, fuck-" he muttered as it pinched his finger. If he was a more paranoid man, he'd take it as a sign.
"Dude." Will walked closer to Isaac, watching how he flicked his finger as if it'll get rid of the pinched feeling faster. "Dude, let me get it, you're shaking." He crouched in front of him and brought the clasp of the necklace around to the front. It was an odd one he hadn't seen before, one of those extra secure ones as if it's not supposed to come undone. He started examining it and fumbling with it. "We don't have to go tomorrow, I know you don't really-… Like the woods anymore."
"No, it's fine, it's. Not that." He pretended he didn't see the glance Will gave him. Will had stopped pressing much when Isaac was clearly bothered by something. If he wants to talk about it, he'll talk about it. Especially after everything that happened, sometimes talking about it makes it feel more real. They both understand that.
He can't tell if he's glad or not that Will isn't asking. He doesn't want to talk about it, not in a million years. It makes it real, it confirms his feelings. Makes him face the fact that he's a failure. But maybe, if it wasn't him initiating it it could be easier.
"How do you, uh…" Isaac trailed off, and he wished he didn't, because now Will's looking at him, waiting for him to finish talking. "Like, you don't care what people think of you." He glanced at Will's painted nails, gently taking the necklace off him now that he's finally gotten the clasp open. His parents would never let him paint his nails like that. Or wear makeup how he does, and fuck does he want some right now as he feels his face heat up. His dad never let him, at least. Maybe he'd be allowed now. Fucked up, don't think about him like that, don't mean it.
Will shrugged, handing him the necklace. "I mean… I don't want to die having not lived how I wanted."
"…Right." Isaac balled the chain up in his hand around the cross and held it a little too tightly, the pattern of the chain pressing into his skin. He knew the fear way too well. The split second where you wonder what you would've done differently, right before you move on. Will started to back away to return to his path of constant pacing, but Isaac glanced up at him quickly. Something about the look he gave made Will stop.
"Could I-" He paused again, and Will gave him that same look, waiting for him to continue. He couldn't bring himself to look Will in the eyes. "I'm sorry, nevermind, I- fuck-"
"Isaac?" He was trying to be comforting again. It's just making it worse.
"Could I kiss you?"
He meant it when he thought the silence was worse than the acid. Even if it wasn't, he meant it.
The pit in his stomach got worse. Isaac had held the necklace close to his chest, but he slowly lowered it to the couch, almost pressing his hand into it trying to get it further from him, yet still not letting go. He had fucked up, he made it real.
He made the mistake of glancing up at Will, making eye contact for half a second. He stared at Isaac wide eyed, silent.
"I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay?" He stared back at his bag, at the stairs, at the path he made. "We can pretend that didn't happen, I can go home, I-"
"Isaac."
He looked back up at Will, who was glancing at the stairs and the clock. Seemingly for the same reason Isaac was earlier, with the same fear of anyone else hearing.
"My bad, yeah, uh-" He started to get up and move towards his bag, thinking Will's fear was a pretty clear hint he should go. He held his necklace so tightly he was convinced the metal edges of the cross must've been near drawing blood.
Will grabbed his hand, slightly panicked at first but softening to the same gentle touch he had before.
"Dude, are-"
Isaac almost flinched. "I'll go, we don't need to talk about it, I'll go-" He chose to hold the necklace tighter.
He tried to pull away from Will and grab his bag, but Will got a firm grip on his hand. "Dude. Shut- stop talking."
"What?"
Will put his free hand on Isaac's cheek, turning his face towards him, getting him to actually make eye contact. "It's fine, you're fine." He was still a little wide eyed, a little shocked, but he had a small, flustered smile.
"Wh-"
Will cut him off as he kissed him. Isaac's grip on his necklace loosened, just as Will let go of his hand, wrapping his arm behind Isaac's shoulders to hold him closer. Isaac's hands were slightly raised, stunned and unsure. All he knew was that he felt guilty, but any guilt he had didn't matter. Will was there with him, holding him even if it felt like it wasn't allowed. Like he wasn't supposed to be here, just as he wasn't supposed to be skipping church for the last few years, just as he wasn't supposed to be in Will's basement tonight.
Slowly, his shoulders lowered in relaxation, the necklace slipping from his hand and falling to the floor with a clatter.
Will broke the contact for a moment, lightly guiding Isaac to sit back down so he can sit with him, half stumbling into another kiss.
Isaac put his arms around Will, gentle and hesitant for a moment, slow in all his actions. He's scared, still. But he slides his heel forward, tapping it down in front of the necklace and kicking it under the couch in one swift motion. The metal slides against the wood, one of the few sounds in the basement besides the rustling of fabric and small hums. The sound made him painfully aware of where it was, but it was quickly forgotten as Will brought his hands behind Isaac's head, sliding his hair out of its elastic so he can properly run his hands through it.
Isaac noticed himself shaking. He wasn't shaking like this before, it wasn't fear. It was relief, the realization he hadn't ruined anything.
Will pulled back for a moment to look at him, the hand still on Isaac's cheek wiping a small tear he didn't notice fell. "Are you okay? Should I- should I back off?"
Isaac shook his head, pulling him closer, tightly. The shaking didn't quite stop.
"...Alright, yeah." Will gently moved him to lay down, laying on top of him with a comforting weight replacing the guilt heavy in his chest. "You're okay, it's okay," Will assured him, giving him a small kiss on the cheek before Isaac turned, kissing him once more.
He wasn't thinking about the cross anymore, or the time, the stairs, anything. He was safe here, he knew he was. He always has been. Safe from his dad, from the forest, from any god who saw him or any freak trying to mimic one. He was okay here, wholly and truly.
The only threat is Will's shitty flip phone having the loudest ringtone known to man. Isaac raises his arms in a sort of surrender as Will jumps up, tumbling off the side of the couch as he grabs the phone.
"Moshi, moshi! Norah, hey! Uh, it's pretty uh- late- do you need anything? What's up?" He asked, wincing out of embarrassment and glancing at Isaac. He stared back, eyebrows raised, trying to not laugh much.
Norah's voice was crisp on the other side, her phone having seen a lot less damages than Will's. "…Is now a bad time? Sorry, did I wake you?"
"No, no, not at all, I just, um, I was just not expecting a call." He sat up a bit straighter, still on the floor where he had landed.
She got a bit quieter. "Sorry if I'm bothering you at all," she trailed off with an awkward laugh.
"Not at all, I mean it, just a little jumpy." He did the same small laugh she had, a trait they picked up from each other over the years. "What's up?"
"My parents are out of town again, and I can't sleep..? Can I uh, can I come over?" Her voice got a little muffled at the end as she rested her head on a plushie she held in her lap.
He nodded, standing up quickly, but paused to glance toward Isaac for confirmation. Isaac gave him a nod. "Yeah, yeah totally! Don't walk in the dark though, we'll, uh, we'll come pick you up."
Isaac propped himself up on his elbow. "Dude she doesn't know I'm here!" Isaac spoke through closed teeth, just so the phone couldn't pick it up.
Will stared for a moment, realizing it wasn't implied. "Me and Isaac, I mean! Me and Isaac. Because he's staying over too..?"
Isaac gave two thumbs up, starting to get off the couch.
"Oh cool!" Norah's tone was a lot lighter. "Okay, um, see you soon then! Tell him I say hi! I mean, I'll see him, so- whatever, see you soon!" She hung up.
They both stood there for a moment.
Isaac had shoved his hands in his pockets, scratching at his thumb. "So-… we're good? That wasn't-"
"No, yeah, we're uh-… Yeah. We're good." Will nodded, a little flustered again. "Let's go- are you good to go?"
Isaac gave another awkward thumbs up. Just as Will started to walk past him to go out the door, he gently grabbed his hand, ignoring the small indenting still in his palm from the chain. He gave him a small kiss, then let go to get his shoes on and get Norah. Will grinned, but tensed his shoulders a little to sink into his sweater.
Isaac sighed once he got up the steps of the Wisp home. He left the cross downstairs among the dust and who-knows-what-else under the couch. He gently rubbed his palm.
He was okay. The world was asleep, besides everything that matters. And if he is truly a failure, then they're failures together, so it doesn't matter. As long as they're doing it together, it doesn't matter.
He thinks he'll leave the necklace under the couch for a while. Until he forgets about it.