Work Text:
Chapter 2 of Project Hail Astro : Solarballs x Project Hail Mary au
Astrodude rubs his half shaved face as he eats beef strongnoff . His hands are shaky and he can barely coordinate his hand while holding a fork towards his mouth.He gets himself dirty.
Motor functions aren't fully recovered yet. Processed with the feeding help. - said Ei.Sar as his two robot claws shoot out from his head to help the helpless astronaut.
Ei.Sar feeds astrodude like a newborn. It's kinda embarrassing for an astrodude to be fed like that but what can he do? He's too weak despite not having a muscule atrophy .
jdifogj! Please stop!! - said Astrodude
Request denied . What's your name?? - says Ei.Sar repeating himself over and over again.
(Seriously ?? Give me a break you spawn of annoyance. I don't remember my name!! I want to sleep but I need to hang on. I don't want this creepy robot invading my privacy again.)- thought Astrodude.
Ei.Sar finished feeding Astrodude . Then he left to clean up and disinfect the dishes. Astrodude seeing the opportunity came up with the plan to climb up the 10 foot ladder . He tried to stand up but fell to the ground .
(How am I so weak but have a build like a pro body builder. Shouldn't I be a spindly mess?? And why was I in a coma ?? was I pantient zero of some new lethal disease ?? Those memories reminded me that I do have a kid and wife or two kids and a wife. ) - thought Astrodude
Astrodude tries to stand up again with great difficulty. His legs wubble and he gasps.
(That's more evidence that I was in a coma. My constant physical struggle and lack of memories. This robot is designed to manage long term coma. I have no idea what my endgame is. I feel like trash)-Astrodude thought
Astrodude wants to nod off to sleep but he resists. He NEEDS to climb up that ladder. He uses his arms for support. Ei.Sar comes back and uses his robotic claws to try to reach Astrodude but he stays out of reach.Astrodude pants and wheezes.
(I … feel … like I run a marathon.Maybe I have tuberculosis or I'm in isolation for my own insanity) - Thought Astrodude
He finally stumbles to the ladder and grabs one of the rungs .
How am I going to climb a 10 foot long ladder??Wait I think in imperial units that's a clue.I'm American!!-said Astrodude
Astodude takes a deep breath . He hangs onto a ladder with both of his arms. It's a shaky process but he gets it done. He climbs the ladder slowly .
(I feel like my body is made out of stone. Everything takes so much effort . Good thing that robot … thing gave me a break finally.)- thought Astrodude
He pulls himself up . Astrodude is already exhausted then he trips and falls off the ladder. To his unfortunate suprise Ei.Sar catches him and puts him to bed.Like a mother putting their child to sleep.
(Well this is fine. I'm being treated like a clueless baby but I'm tired at this point. The rocking this robot thing is giving me is comforting)- thought Astrodude
Ei.Sar plays a lullabay for Astrodude and puts him in his hybernation chamber.
Astronout comfy ?? Should take eight hours of healthy human sleep . - said Ei.Sar
Something bugs me about HOW I fell off the ladder - said Astrodude
He then replays the event of him falling in his head . It's the wrongness of it.He drifts off to eepy sleepy land. Hours later he is suddenly awoken.
EAT!- says EI.Sar
Huh!?-says Astrodude in confusion
EAT!!-Ei.Sar says again.
Astrodude lifts the tube it's labeled : day one , meal one.
What the heck is this ?? - said Astrodude
EAT!!!- says Ei.Sar
He unscrews the cap . He smells something savioury . His mouth waters at the smell of this and only now he realizes how hungry he is . Astrodude squeeze the tube and disgusting looking grey sludge comes out.
EAT!!- says Ei.Sar again
(Repeating the same things my robotic overlord eh??)- thinks Astrodude
He licks the substance
Oh my Alvaro !! it's good!! It's sooo good!! It's like a thick gravy but not too thick. - Astrodude says as he squeezes more into my mouth and saviours it.
I swear it's better than sex. I don't know what's going on here. But people do say hunger is the best seasoning. - says Astrodude
Good job!! You get to not die for a while . - says Ei.Sar
Th…thanks for the words of encouragement i guess??-says Astrodude
(Wait… the peaces started to fall into place . If I was in a coma for a loooooong time. I.. I must have been getting fed. I did have that abdominal tube when I woke up. It's the least invasive way to feed a patient who can't eat on his own but has a healthy digesting system. It's best to remove the tube if the patient is still unconscious.WHY DO I KNOW THAT!! Am I a floating hand Doctor?!?)- thought Astrodude.
Astrodude panics
Oh my Alvaro …. DO I HAVE SENTIENT ORGANS!?!? - Astrodude says.
He squeezes another shot of grey sludge from the tube. Astrodude gobbles it down . Soon the tube is empty and Astrodude holds it up.
More of this!! - says Astrodude
Meal complete - says Ei.Sar
I'm still hungry give me another tube.-said Astrodude
Too bad … food allowment for this meal has been reached. Suck it up- says Ei.Sar
(Makes sense besides that little bit of beef strongnoff I had last day . I can't eat that much. I will probably get sick.The drone is doing the right thing but still) - Astrodude thinks
GIVE ME MORE FOOD- demands Astrodude
Nu uh! - says Ei.Sar
BAAAA!!- says Astrodude
Astrodude rolls out of his hybernation chamber . Ready to make a break for it…. but to his surprise Ei.Sar doesn't chase him. Guess he's allowed to be out of his hybernation chamber since he proved he can eat normally and without any shaky hands now.
Oh!! I forgot I had that suit when I woke up. Guess It's time to change into something more normal I guess.Hey uhhh creepy robot spider drone thing…. bring me some clothes. - said Astrodude
No response … Ei.Sar just stares blankly
Alright …. FINE !! I WILL DO IT MYSELF. - says Astrodude.
He pulls a bed sheet out of his hybernation chamber and wraps it around himself. Instant toga for Astrodude.
Self Ambulation detected. What's your name??- says Ei.Sar
I am Saint Emperor Comatose the first of pure stupidity … kneel before me. - says Astrodude
Ei.Sar facepalms
Incorrect-said Ei.Sar
(Time to see what's up that ladder.I'm not wobbly anymore and I don't need walls or anything to cling onto … I'm on my own two feet) - thinks Astrodude then he climbs up the ladder and turns the crank three full rotations and he opens the hatch. It falls open suspended by it's hefty hinge.
I'm free!!-said Astrodude
But beyond the hatch there's just darkness.
(A little intimidating but it's progress nonetheless) -thinks Astrodude
He reaches into a new room and pulls himself up to the floor . The lights turn on. The room seems to be the exact same shape and size as the one Astrodude has left. One large lab table and three lab stools are mounted nearby. Everything is bolted to either walls or a floor.
It seems like the floor is ready for a catastrophic earthquake-says Astrodude
A ladder on the floor leads to another hatch on the ceiling.
Huh… I'm in a well stocked lab. Since when did isolation wards lead pantient into the lab??And this lab doesn't look like a medical lab … what the frick is going on?!? Frick really ?? Maybe I do have really young kids or a kid . Maybe I'm deeply religious??-says Astrodude
He stands to have a better look at things. The lab has smaller equipment bolted on the table. He has seen it countless times throughout his life on Earth.
Wait there's a microscope , an autoclave , a bank of test tubes , a sets of supply drawers, a sample fridge, a furnace , pipets ….. Wait a minute …. why do I know all those terms?? and there is a 3d printer I know what everything is !! Well almost everything.. I'm a scientist of sorts … the robot called me an astronaut . SOOO I'm a scientist of space?? - says Astrodude
(Alright time to come up with a miracle!! Genius brain of mine do something!!…) - thought Astrodude
(Me hungry ) - says Astrodude's brain
(You have failed me … brain)-thought Astrodude
Astrodude tries to climb another 10 feet ladder to another floor.
Good lord I'm heavy-says Astrodude
Astodude sits on the uncomortable rungs of the ladder but the hatch doesn't budge.
To unlock the hatch please state your name.-says Ei.Sar through the speaker being downloaded to the ship's system.
But I don't know my name.-says Astroude
incorrect-states Ei.Sar
Mooo!!Well this will have to wait. Maybe I will remember it or find my name written on it somewhere.- says Astrodude
He descends down but he steps awkwardly on the lower rung and loses the grip on the hatch handle aaaannnnd Astrodude falls like an idiot. He flails on the floor like an angry cat and knocks a bunch of chemical supplies onto his shin.
OH!! mother of fluffer!! Where is that stupid robot where I need him??- said Astordude.
He grabs the test tube and tosses it into the air and it comes back down. The same feeling of wrongness strikes him. He dusts himself off but there's no dust since the lab is sterile.
Everything in this lab looks brand new ….. everything looks brand new. I have everything I need to work with . Maybe … wait how the gravity is off … how come?? Let's test that - says Astrodude
Astrodude tosses a ball that falls slower than he expected. He doesn't like the answer.
(0.7 seconds to touch the ground that's suspicious. I hope my own reaction time isn't scewing the results… mmmm) - Astrodude thinks and notes the results on his arm with a random sharpie he just found.
He then repeats the test
0.33 seconds mmm - said Astrodude
He does that twenty times total to minimize the effects of his error margin.
And the total is … 0.348 seconds on average . My arm looks like a chalk board of insanity. Maybe I am going co co crazy from all this loneliness. Well that's ok that was bound to happen … me. Distance equals one half acceleration times … times squared soooo acceleration equals two times distance over time square. That was easy … just who am I really ?? I'm skilled in physics.-says Astrodude
The gravity in this room is TOO HIGH for me…. it's 15 meters per second when it should be 9.8 . That's why it's JUST WRONG. - says astrodude then he whispers
(Things in this room are falling too fast. That's why I'm way too weak it's just things weight much more than they should. It's way too high for me.)- Astordude thinks
Astordude goes down to this ''bedroom''
What's your name-Ei.Sar says cutely
I'm a philosopher pendulus . MOOO!! - says Astrodude clearly being fed up with the robot.
Incorrect-says Ei.Sar
(flashback)
After Astrodude came back to Earth under the demands of Houston. He reunites with his family in his house but he isn't exactly back … back.
Honey !! you came back !! Aww me and Junior missed you so much.- says Astrowife.
Astroson is hugging his dad super strong … tears streaming down his face. He didn't see his father in four years.
Hello son you must have missed your old men a bunch don't you?? Such a shame it's not for long. - says Astrodude
Astroson's heart stops.
Wait Sir what do you mean not for long ?? This doesn't make sense . My friend missed you so much. That news is just heartbreaking and me and my friend wanted to hear all those awesome stories of adventures you had in space Sir. That's why I came here.-says Playerdude
Yeah Rotsar sent you back home but it's not permanently?? Why??- says Astrowife
Well you see they badly need my help with the Sun dimming problem. All tho I told them repeatedly that I'm not a scientist I'm an astronaut but I just couldn't resist seeing my family again. - says Astrodude`
Astroson clings onto Astrodude's suit as he doesn't want to lose his dad again and not see him for years.
Then after that you're going back to space?? But honey we missed dearly why can't you just stay.-says Astrowife
Fae darling…. I wished that too but if we don't figure the solution to this problem all life on Earth will go extinct.-said Astrodude
The Sun cooling will cause global temperatures to drop to dangerously low levels. How many years until we all go extinct ??- says Playerdude
Wow you are pretty smart for someone your age PD!! cough It will take like 30 years for the Earth to cool down. I think over a year the Earth will begin to slowly cool down the degree after the degree of Farenheit. Most of life will die. - says Astrodude
Astroson and Playerdude are shocked and scared.
So it's a slow cold apocalypse??Also stop scaring the kid honey.-says Astrowife
Sorry being alone in space does weird things to your psyche-says Astordude
Anyway we prepared a welcome dinner for you . Something light and not too explosive on the flavour side of things.
They all go and eat dinner. As they eat Houston suddenly barges in.
Astrodude!! We need to talk.- said Houston
Sir!! For Alvaro's sake please knock we are having wholesome time together at the dinner table and please stop dragging me back to work when I just came back to see my family after a loong time.-says Astrodude
First of all we need to talk about your life collage thesis.- says Houston
Uh this was that one time Sir and I was made fun of from theorizing that life doesn't require water to live and thrive.This was years ago.- says Astrodude while taking another bite of his dinner.
Sir get out of our house . Couldn't you just call my husband ?? I'm going to call the cops on you. - says Astrowife
No can do Missy hissy . This is an important thing and your husband is needed to help us figure out the Sun dimming crisis and there's no but. - says Houston
ughhh can we at least come with him??- says Astrowife annoyed
OH!! Us too!! - says Playerdude explains that he and Astroson want to go to Rotsar too.
Astroson nods happly
What is this ?? A family friend trip or get your kids and nagging wife to workday !?!? - said Houston.
Nagging!?!? - says Astrowife
Fae calm down …. Sir please!! - says Astrodude
Houston just rolls his eyes
Alright fine whatever makes you happy. Come on the car is waiting . The probe telescopes just came back with the results. We need to hurry. - says Houston
(Later at Rotsar's laboratory )
Sir … so I wear this hazmat suit and you all just stare at me like I'm in some sort of quarantine from a distance as I examine this …. thing?? - said Astrodude
Yes this is necessary for biological security reasons. We have all the best scientists and doctors here so don't worry . - says Houston
You can do this sweety !! - says Astrowife
Umm well thanks honey. So let's get started- said Astrodude
Astrodude takes a small sample of the unknown space substance that is eating the Sun alive and put it in the patri dish . Just a small amount and put it under a microscope.
Wow !! you guys wouldn't believe it!! - says Astrodude
Everyone suddenly lit up with hope
It's a thing and it's alive!!- said Astrodude
OH !! - says everyone with slight irritation
Astrodude be serious for once. - says Houston
Sure sure I'm just trying to lighten up the mood - says Astrodude
I love you sweety but can you stop goofing off when the entire solar system is at stake??-says Astrowife
Astrodude analyses if this substance reacts to different wavelengths of electromagnetic rediation . It reacts to infrared and then he switches to uv reditation and gamma rays…. the black dots pops .
ANNNND it pop. - says Astrodude
What do you mean??- says Houston
Well life doesn't like radiation all that much and I subjected it THING to the amount of readiation enough to kill something like this.
So it's some kind of life form that is feeding off a Star?? Then why did it latch onto Venus and make the Petrova line from the planet all the way to the Sun??Life can't survive in the vacuum of space. Especially near the Sun. - Playerdude wonders
You are right … kid . It doesn't make sense . We have to figure that also but first we need to figure out the chemical composition of this thing.
Astrodude performs a spectrometry imaging on this space organism. It turns out to be made out of water.
NO no no NO! Damn it!! it's made out of water!! Damn it!! - says Astrodude in anger while trashing the laboratory.
Alright he lost it . Take him under control- said Houston
(One hour later Astrodude sits under the bridge defeated )
Hey astrodude did you calm down ??-says Houston
Astrodude sighs
Yes sir I'm sorry for what happened earlier. Turns out I'm a clown to the scientific community for suggesting my theory.-said Astrodude
Well you did kinda help us with furthering our search for a solution to this cosmic problem we are having so you are not entirely a clown. - says Houston
Well at least there's that. By the way I decided to name this cosmic thing , astophage meaning star eater . This is quite fitting for that phenomena. You have quite a lot of other scientists . Send me back up into space for my non return mission. You can do it without me either way. -says Astrodude
Houston just sighs.