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It’s the first time Sethos has traveled outside of Sumeru, and he is not looking forward to the airplane ride.
The TSA had already confiscated several artifacts from the Temple of Silence – who knew you couldn’t bring magical relics on an airline, huh – and navigating the crowded airport was worse than navigating the desert. Even the scorching sun and sudden sandstorms had nothing on the crowds of people in a hurry to get somewhere, none of whom seemed to care that Sethos was in their way.
None of the directions to get anywhere made sense. Sethos prides himself on his sense of direction – he works as a tour guide in Sumeru’s deserts, after all – but the airport is a different beast entirely. When he finally makes it to his terminal (five confiscated artifacts and entirely too much mora spent on an overpriced airport shawarma later), he’s frustrated, confused, and the shawarma wasn’t even good.
As Sethos boards the plane, he can hear the pilots arguing in the cockpit. One, a tall man with longer blonde hair pinned back by a series of red clips, jabs a finger into the chest of his silver-haired co-pilot, who seems unfazed.
Sethos lingers for a moment longer than he should, but is quickly pushed onwards by the crowd, eager to get to their seats.
Whatever. He makes his way to his own seat, tucking his carry-on close to his body as the plane slowly fills up. The pre-flight announcement crackles over the radio, the voice Sethos recognizes as belonging to the silver-haired pilot speaking. In a dry monotone, he informs the passengers that they will be taking off in five minutes and will reach Natlan around midnight.
The speech seems to be standard airline routine, and the pilot seems to be entirely disinterested in what he’s saying. Reminders to fasten their seatbelts, secure their baggage in the overhead compartments, keep their tray tables up during takeoff, and refrain from smoking.
Which is when the other pilot interrupts.
“That was the driest pre-flight announcement you could have given,” he huffs over the speakers, irritation evident in his tone. “No ‘thank you for choosing Buer Airlines’? No ‘have a nice flight’? Let me do the announcement next time, Alhaitham.”
Sethos blinks. Maybe there’s going to be more to this airplane ride than hours upon hours of boredom and potential nausea.
“Apologies for the interruption,” ‘Alhaitham’ says. “That is my assistant pilot, Kaveh–”
“CO-pilot,” ‘Kaveh’ hisses, audio crackling. “This isn’t your plane, asshole!”
Now this is interesting. Sethos had been considering putting his airpods in so he could watch a movie, but whatever beef the pilots have seems far more entertaining.
Unfortunately, that’s the moment the mic is turned off, and the bickering ceases.
<><><>
Sethos doesn’t get to hear the pilots again until the plane is well in the air – a shame, really – and he pauses his reading (thank the archons that in-flight wifi allowed him to access ao3) to listen.
“This is your captain speaking,” Kaveh is saying over the speakers, voice now cheerful. “I hope everyone is having a great day so far! We’re currently at an altitude of 10,000 meters at an airspeed of about 900 kilometers per hour. The weather is currently pleasant, and if you look out the window on the left side of the plane you should see some absolutely fascinating cloud formations. In fact–”
Alhaitham’s voice crackles over the announcement system. “The passengers aren’t going to care about that, Kaveh.”
Kaveh makes an indignant gasp, or what Sethos thinks is an indignant gasp with the way the microphone distorts their voices. “Excuse you? I’m sure our passengers will have a discerning eye for cloud shapes. I’m sorry that you seem to be incapable of appreciating the artistry of the world around you, but–”
“The cabin crew will be moving down the aisle shortly,” Alhaitham interrupts, voice carrying a slight teasing lilt. “Buer Airlines offers complimentary snacks and beverages. We apologize for the lack of coffee on today’s flight, as my co-pilot happened to drink it all before takeoff.”
“I did NOT!” Kaveh shouts, and the radio crackles. “That– it would be physically impossible for me to do so!”
Sethos can practically hear the smirk in Alhaitham’s tone as his voice comes through the loudspeakers. “And yet you managed to anyway. Quite impressive, senior.”
Senior, huh? What exactly is the relationship between these two pilots? Sethos finds himself leaning forwards in his seat, and he’s not the only one. Several other passengers appear to be listening in rapt attention to what their pilots are saying.
Kaveh groans over the speakers. “Oh, fuck you, Alhaitham.”
Alhaitham chuckles, the sound masked by another crackle of the radio. “You can do that once we’ve landed. The mic is still on, by the way.”
“I– YOU– WE ARE NOT– TURN THE FUCKING MIC OFF!”
<><><>
It seems the pilots can’t stay silent after that.
“As a reminder for our passengers, we have an in-flight menu,” Alhaitham is saying over the announcement system. “This includes food and drink, including alcoholic beverages. Your ID will be checked before purchase, and we additionally ask the co-pilot to refrain from consumption of alcohol for the duration of the flight.”
“HEY!” Kaveh’s voice nearly shouts, and a clattering sound echoes over the announcement system that Sethos tries to not worry about. “I had ONE SIP before we left! ONE SIP! Do not– do not roll your eyes at me!”
Alhaitham huffs. “Half the bottle in one swig is quite generous for ‘one sip’, in that case.”
“It was a small bottle!” Kaveh insists. “Passengers of this airline. I want you to know that it was a small bottle and it was consumed the night before takeoff! My current BAC is within airline regulations!”
“One wonders why you were having alcohol at all the night before takeoff.”
Kaveh practically growls through the mic. “I was stressed, okay? It had been a long day, and I needed something to take the edge off! Surely you can understand that, right?”
“Would you like to change the conversation, or would you like to inform the whole airline about your struggles with alcohol?”
There’s a pause, and Kaveh’s voice turns panicked. “Do you mean the mic is still on??”
Sethos assumes the resulting silence is some form of nonverbal confirmation from Alhaitham. “HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME??” Kaveh is shouting the next moment. “This is why it’s so fucking frustrating to work with you! Archons!”
“...I’m turning the mic off now,” Alhaitham says, a strange note of… hurt? in his voice.
There is a click, and then silence.
<><><>
Sethos goes back to ao3 after that – he’s found quite the intriguing story, a friends-to-enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers fic set in an AU with elemental magic and no technology – until the plane begins to descend, and the pilot’s voices crackle over the speakers once more.
“We’ll be beginning our descent in approximately thirty minutes,” Kaveh is saying, his voice still cheerful but sounding slightly strained in a way that makes Sethos wonder if they were having another argument while the mic was off. “Please remain in your seats, keep your tray tables up, and your seats in the upright position. When we land, someone please remind Alhaitham that it's his turn to make dinner. Tell him to actually go grocery shopping, too.”
“I am more than capable of remembering that myself,” Alhaitham snipes back. “And I thought you were the one who didn’t want people to know we were living together?”
Sethos gasps. They live together? Oh, they are definitely dating. If their… other comments didn’t confirm it before.
“I–” Kaveh’s audio crackles as he recovers, his composure quickly slipping. “That doesn’t matter right now. Help me land this plane safely, you ass. We’re approaching some slight turbulence, and I’m sure with the way we’ve been arguing everyone is sure this plane is going to crash.”
A low, melodic sound – a hum? – echoes through the speakers before Alhaitham speaks. “You’re an extremely competent pilot. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Don’t offer me your back-handed compliments right now,” Kaveh hisses. “I’m sure I could land this plane fine without you if you decided to be useless like usual again – someone remind me why I’m still working with you? – but you’re getting paid for this–”
“I’ll help,” Alhaitham says, and the mic is shut off once more.
<><><>
The plane – miraculously – lands safely. Sethos is one of the last to leave the plane, and he lingers behind, hoping to catch a final glimpse of Kaveh and Alhaitham.
A minute later, his patience is rewarded. Sethos watches the pilots exit the plane, and in the moment before they disappear from view, he sees Kaveh’s arm curl around Alhaitham’s shoulder, tugging him in the other direction. Their hips brush.
He can worry about getting back the artifacts later. For now, Sethos can’t keep his mind from buzzing with ideas of just what exactly the two pilots are going to get up to after this. Maybe he’ll write a little something once he’s settled in his hotel.
Sethos is definitely going to travel with this airline again.