Chapter Text
Sandrone was writing at her desk, filling out yet another report from the stack of papers that, much to the Harbinger's dismay, had continued to grow since the end of the Fontinalia festival. Even though the Tsaritsa had granted her time off after her return, Sandrone doubted that her “vacation” would be relaxing in any way.
She allowed herself a sip of coffee, trying to ignore how lukewarm it was, when a small voice reminded the busy woman that she wasn’t alone.
Sandrone sighed.
She thought their deal was clear. But apparently, not clear enough. Because Columbina was still there, more than three hours after sunrise, wrapped up in blankets, being the lazybones that she was—an insult she bore with appalling pride. Only a few white feathers, quivering with comfort, poked out from under the blankets.
Shame truly was a missing word in Columbina’s dictionary.
What wasn't foreign to the clueless goddess, however, was the knowledge that some words like “Five more minutes”, “Mhmm…” and “But I feel good here, it smells like home” always. Damn. Worked. On Sandrone.
Always.
Urgh. How frustrating.
Sandrone took a deep breath, loosening her grip on her pen.
To be honest, if she had long since stopped taking her frustrations out on Columbina every time she wasn't leaving in time, it was not only because her voice worked like magic on Sandrone. Of course she wasn’t that weak.
No, if she said nothing, it was mainly because Columbina maintained that she had not been feeling well for the past month. Apparently, the kuuvhaki within her was unstable in the morning, which made her feel nauseous. So she preferred not to use her teleportation powers in that state, to use her own words. To tell the truth, Sandrone remained skeptical, at least until the day Columbina would have vomited on her floor if she hadn’t been quick enough to hand her a trash can.
Sandrone sighed. Well, it wasn’t as if the presence of her self-proclaimed roommate was actually interfering with her routine. It was just that, well, Sandrone refused to let the feathered creature be the reason the Harbinger would have to embarrass herself explaining why her bedroom was still serving as Columbina’s second home, even though she had left the Fatui months ago. As long as the other one left Sandrone’s quarters, the puppet would refrain from lecturing her.
But still, it was suspicious.
“I mean, isn’t she supposed to be, what, the most powerful being in all of Teyvat?” Sandrone thought, “How can she even get sick?”
The thought that it might be something more serious made Sandrone’s hand freeze above the paper. She turned to look at Columbina. She was lying on her back, her hand on her stomach, and had apparently taken great pleasure in flinging all the blankets onto the floor. Great. just, great.
Sandrone set down her pen and stood up, already delighted at the thought of having to wash the sheets, which had taken on a new role: dust collectors.
When she bent down to pick them up, she noticed something very strange. Columbina’s belly was slightly… rounded. Sandrone dropped the sheets and crouched down to the right of the bed to examine The Damselette.
She knew it! There was definitely a curve there.
Strange, yet Sandrone didn’t recall her roommate having much of an appetite over the last few months; quite the opposite, in fact… To be clear, it wasn’t because she was used to observing Columbina that she noticed this detail!
Wait… now that Sandrone thought about it, among all the strange things that had happened over the past few months, whether it was the morning sickness or the fact that the other one was sleeping even more than usual, if that was even possible… THE most suspicious thing was undoubtedly that Columbina had lost her primary instinct to stuff herself with Sandrone’s treats during their afternoon tea parties.
Just yesterday, she’d had the nerve to leave the cookies untouched—the ones Sandrone had gone to the trouble of baking between signing two reports. According to her, “the smell didn’t appeal to her.” Hmph, how ungrateful! It was the same recipe as always, her favorite! Sandrone had even double-checked it!
Before her frustration grew so intense that Sandrone began to complain out loud, Fagio appeared to her right.
The robot handed her a document. Oh, her dear hours of sleep were already starting to run away.
After a grumble, she finished gathering up the blankets from the floor and tossed them in a heap onto Columbina. The latter let out a small sound of complaint, still half-asleep. Serves her right. That was the price to pay for abusing Sandrone’s emotional module on a daily basis.
She snatched the stack of papers from Fagio’s hands. Glancing through them quickly, Sandrone realized it was a request for maternity leave that she would have to approve for one of her soldiers.
“A pregnancy…,” she thought.
…
No way.
There was NO. WAY.
Sandrone’s irises slowly drifted toward the sleeping woman just a few centimeters away, a silly smile of happiness on her lips.
No. There was no world in which Columbina—that she—ARGHHH! Sandrone buried her face in her hands, as if visually avoiding contact with the source of her torments would erase all the images popping into her mind without her consent. Despite the incessant clatter of the puppet’s key, Columbina remained blissfully peaceful as if Sandrone wasn't overheating three times the normal amount her coolers were designed for.
After taking a few minutes to calm down—or at least try to—Sandrone knew there was only one thing to do, but…
Oh, may not only the Tsarina, but also all the other Archons, give her strength.
Sandrone sat down on the edge of the bed and tentatively placed a hesitant hand on the shoulder of the sleeping goddess.
“Columbina,” she said.
This attempt resulted in nothing more than a lazy stretch.
“Columbina, wake up!”
This time, Columbina opened her eyes just a little, still heavy with sweet dreams. She rubbed them before smiling.
“Good morning, Sandrone.”
“It’s past ten o’clock,” Sandrone replied, exaggerating the irritation in her voice. She glanced at Columbina’s stomach before looking away. “Get up. We need to talk. ”
Sandrone’s more serious tone proved quite effective, as Columbina complied. She had to stop mid-movement, however, bringing a pale hand to her mouth, her shoulders tense.
“H-Hey, what’s wrong? Are you sick again?” the annoyance in her voice evaporated.
“A little…”
If Columbina wasn’t feeling well then…
“It’s not that urgent anyway,” Sandrone said, “We can always talk about it later if you want…”
“Mmh mh,” Columbina replied, shaking her head. “It sounds pretty important.”
Well. Sandrone couldn’t deny it either.
“All right, then. I have a… question for you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Columbina, h-have you…”
Sandrone could already feel the words piling up in her throat as her face cringed with embarrassment. She should have known that praying to the gods would be about as helpful as Columbina can be when it's time to set the table.
“Columbina, have you… made love in the last few months?”
Sandrone wasn’t even looking at the woman she was speaking to anymore, how could she have?
After an eternally long ten seconds, Columbina finally answered.
“Made… love? I thought love was something you had inside you, or something you received from others. How could I have… made love?”
Oh.
So we were starting from that far away.
Sandrone pinched the bridge of her nose muttering under her breath.
“Columbina…do you know how…what sex is?” Sandrone asked.
“Yes. Why?”
Well. At least.
After taking a deep breath, she looked Columbina in the eyes.
“Listen. I’m going to ask this only ONCE, so you better listen carefully.”
She paused, mentally preparing herself to ask a question she would have preferred never to have to ask so bluntly. How unladylike.
“Columbina” she began slowly, “have you h- hadanysexualrelationsrecently?”
Oh, how Sandrone wished she could be disassembled on the spot. At least then she’d know if anyone had dared to—
“No.”
Uh!?
The confusion must have moved all her synthetic facial muscles, for Columbina confirmed it once more.
“I didn’t have any. But I did touch mysel—”
“Shut up, shut up! Don’t say another word!” Sandrone exclaimed, her hands flailing in front of her. “Archons Columbina, keep this to yourself!”
“Oh, sorry. Asking that question seemed to put a strain on your cooling system, so I figured a clear and precise answer would put your mind at ease. Was I wrong?”
Looking at the woman sitting across from her, whose face wore a subtle but unmistakable expression of triumph, made Sandrone’s right eye twitch. Ugh, what a terribly… accurate instinct. She hated that.
Unfortunately for Sandrone, Columbina had forgotten to be stupid.
“So, why did you ask? Is this something you often want to know about people?”
“Huh? No!” Sandrone replied, outraged. She would have killed anyone else who accused her of being a pervert. “It’s because–because you’ve been feeling sick lately! And I–I was…”
Worried. But she wouldn’t admit it.
Columbina tilted her head.
“Oh, I see, but how is that related to…”
She blinked once. Twice.
“Oh…”
Indeed. Oh.
Finally, Sandrone could forget about that stupid interrogation. Her cooling processor wouldn’t have survived another round.
When Sandrone was able to look at the other woman without fear of exploding, Columbina was gazing at her belly, her eyelids heavy with tenderness. Then she placed a delicate hand on it.
She smiled.
“Mhm, yes, that makes sense. ”
“And may I ask exactly how it makes sense?”
“I’ve been feeling a subtle source of kuuvahki within me for… maybe three months or so.” Columbina explained, her thumb unconsciously brushing across her stomach. “The kuuvhaki print was a bit different from mine, but also similar, so I was wondering what it was. It seems I have the answer.”
“And do you know what might have caused that?” Sandrone asked.
“Not the slightest idea,” the goddess replied immediately, looking almost proud of her ignorance.
Goodness, only Columbina would smile so naively after realizing she was pregnant without having answered all the most important questions… Unbelievable…
No, actually, Sandrone didn't even have to try hard to imagine how Columbina, with her new tri-lunar powers, had ended up creating a new being out of thin air without even realizing it. She must have sneezed a little harder at some point, and boom! A baby!
Okay, fine, Sandrone was exaggerating a little, but still.
It was weird.
Her newfound authority wasn't all that recent, and this had never happened before. Something different must have happened. Some kind of trigger or something like that…
“Too bad,” Sandrone thought to herself. She decided that going back to her machines was a better use of her time than trying to understand some unknown divine power. Besides, she felt she wouldn’t have much time to work on her personal projects over the next few months, so she might as well make the most of it while she could.