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On Wednesday, Baekhyun walks into Calculus ten minutes late with a sword in hand and is promptly kicked out by the professor. Three rows back in the lecture hall, Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and watches Baekhyun retreat through the door for the second time that week.
"What's up with him?" Chanyeol asks, eyebrows raised in something halfway between disbelief and amusement.
Kyungsoo shrugs. They're sitting under the heat vent today, Chanyeol, him and the empty chair Baekhyun would have sat in, and Kyungsoo can feel the warm gusts of air curling around his hair, before settling into the folds of his sweater. The room feels like its pressing in, a stifling enclosure draped within the sluggish atmosphere, and Kyungsoo just wants to sink into its warmth, lecture be damned. Besides him, Chanyeol fidgets slightly, tugging at the collar of his shirt in an attempt to stifle the rising heat flush that's rising in his cheeks.
"You're his roommate. Shouldn't you know?" Chanyeol shoots a furtive whisper in Kyungsoo's direction and Kyungsoo frowns. That's not true. Baekhyun is Kyungsoo's roommate and best friend since age five, but there are times when Kyungsoo still cannot understand all of Baekhyun's idiosyncrasies.
"Shouldn't you be paying attention to class?" Kyungsoo retorts back instead. Baekhyun will definitely come begging for Kyungsoo's notes later that day, and caught between a too hot air draft and Chanyeol's ceaseless twitching, Kyungsoo can't concentrate enough to capture the meaning behind the professor's buzzing drone. He thinks longingly of his warm bed back in his room and the cup of ramen he has stashed underneath his bed where Baekhyun wouldn't be able to sniff it out.
"Kyungsoo, yesterday he came in declaring his love for Kim Taeyeon through a horribly self-composed sonnet. The day before he came in wearing leggings. I'm surprised he didn’t get kicked out just for that. And now he thinks he can just show up brandishing some sword he stole from the costume depart-" Chanyeol pauses, captured in thought, before starting to snigger.
"What?" Kyungsoo blinks, finally shaking away the lethargic haze and flicking an annoyed gaze in Chanyeol's direction.
"The drama department's doing Romeo and Juliet this year."
Kyungsoo chokes. "Romeo and Juliet?"
Chanyeol stops to rummage through his bag, before pulling out a crumpled up flier as the heater above hums into overdrive. "I'm guessing your boy's going for Romeo's role." There's a barely-veiled grin on his face as he slides the paper across the table to Kyungsoo.
With a sinking feeling, Kyungsoo looks down at the ghoulish smile plastered across Romeo's face in the flier. There's no way he's going to be condemned to Baekhyun rehearsing sonnets for the next couple of months.
Chanyeol leans in with a smirk. "I heard it's going to be a musical too."
---
When Kyungsoo gets back to the dorms at night in a foul mood, Baekhyun is already in the shower, belting out what must be the last few bars of the musical. Over the sound of the running water, Kyungsoo hears him finish off with a tremulous warble, and winces. Six more months until opening night. Dealing with Baekhyun singing at odd hours in the morning is bad enough. Dealing with Baekhyun singing at odd hours into the evening is going to be even worse.
Being friends with Baekhyun for as long as he can remember had not spared his eardrums from the constant noise that seems to follow Baekhyun around, but it's something Kyungsoo figures he's learned how to deal with. After all, he remembers them throughout the years, spanning from preschool to senior year of high school: Baekhyun at age seven, understudy in Broadway's Annie, musical genius; Baekhyun at age twelve, star in their town's production of West Side Story, still talented but not prodigious; And finally Baekhyun at age eighteen, lead in their school's Chicago musical, struggling to catch the eye of a recruiter. Gradually, Kyungsoo, captivated by Baekhyun's voice, had transformed from unwilling companion to reluctant audience.
Which is probably how he'd been able to put up with Baekhyun for so long.
"If you don't get out of the shower in ten minutes, I'm burning all my math notes," Kyungsoo shouts over the noise, banging at the door where Baekhyun has moved on to crooning the soundtrack of Fiddler on the Roof. The water shuts off abruptly and before Kyungsoo can move, the door jerks open and Baekhyun's head peaks out, still wet and foamy. Kyungsoo thinks that Baekhyun has no business dripping water onto their shared fluffy carpet when Kyungsoo is the one who does ninety percent of the cleaning anyways. But before he can protest, Baekhyun frowns.
"You need them too," he protests forlornly and Kyungsoo just raises an eyebrow.
"Try me."
"Kyungsooo…"
Kyungsoo's heard the same whine, the same tone too many times to give in this time. Though somehow, Baekhyun, ten years too old to even think that Kyungsoo will fall for it this time, can still manage to sound like a cross between a kicked puppy and a sulky toddler. Kyungsoo crosses his arms and waves a copy of his notes threateningly. "Ten minutes."
With a grumble, Baekhyun withdraws into the bathroom and Kyungsoo can hear him banging around on the other side of the door. When he finally reemerges from the bathroom, one towel wrapped around his torso and another wrapped around his head like a turban, he blinks at Kyungsoo sourly before throwing himself on the bed opposite of Kyungsoo's.
"I don't know why you're so grumpy tonight."
Kyungsoo tries not to cringe at the wet trail that stretches from the bathroom door to Baekhyun's bed. "You've been in the shower for half an hour now. What took you so long?"
"Sehun said he could dye my hair brown." Baekhyun throws himself into his pillow and the words come out muffled.
"Sehun?" Kyungsoo echoes, unable to connect the dots. He has no idea how Chanyeol's roommate even got involved with all this.
"Yea, he said he could make my hair brown. Like Romeo's luscious locks."
There's a migraine making its way towards the front of Kyungsoo's head and he shuts his eyes and massages at his forehead with a sharp inhale. "So why were you in the shower for such a long time?" Sometimes he loves Baekhyun's wit and vigor. Other times, he wants to strangle him. Like now.
Baekhyun rolls off the pillow to flop on his back, staring at the ceiling vacantly. Petulant. Like a child, Kyungsoo thinks again, vainly trying to suppress memories of eight year old Baekhyun. "He said he would make it brown."
"So?"
"Does this look brown to you?" Baekhyun asks, sitting up to jerk the towel wrapped around his head off.
Under the yellow lighting, Kyungsoo gapes, taking in Baekhyun's newly dyed hair, and blinks. Then tries desperately not to laugh.
Frustrated, Baekhyun whips the towel at Kyungsoo and crosses his arms sulkily. "Don't laugh. It's hideous." Baekhyun's hair is still damp from the shower, but when Baekhyun curls up into a fetal position on his bed, hair catching the light as it does so, there's no mistaking the blonde strands that peak out under his arms. They glimmer when Baekhyun tries to bury his head under the pillow and Kyungsoo snorts. He kind of wants to point out that Baekhyun looks more like the fair Juliet than Romeo, but then decides he'd rather not prompt Baekhyun into whining again.
"It's not bad," he offers weakly instead, turning away so that Baekhyun can't see the twitch of his lips.
"Liar." Baekhyun bangs his head into his pillow several more times before he rolls onto the floor with a frustrated grunt. When Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun's finally blown off all the steam when suddenly, he perks up again. "Do you think Taeyeon will fall for me now? I heard she has a thing for blonds."
Exasperated, Kyungsoo picks up his bag and heads for the door to meet up with Junmyeon at the library. But just before the door closes behind him, he can't resist tormenting Baekhyun one more time. "I take back what I said before. You look hideous." And the door swings close, cutting off Baekhyun's wail.
Later at night, after everyone else has gone to bed, Kyungsoo creeps into the dorms under the cool moonlight, setting his bag down with a quiet rustle. There's a lump curled up in Baekhyun's bed and something fond pricks in his heart, silent but warm. And against his will, his feet carry him over to Baekhyun's bed. He pulls up Baekhyun's blanket from where it had been pooled at his feet and unplugs the headphones wrapped around Baekhyun's head, because Baekhyun always falls asleep, forgetting to take them off. He must have jostled the bed though, because as he moves to set Baekhyun's headphones on the desk by the bed, Baekhyun's voice sounds from the dark, rough from sleep yet affectionate, like drinking cocoa on a winter day. "It's not actually that hideous, right?"
Kyungsoo just hums. Baekhyun can figure it out. He always has. And he does.
---
"So it's started? How have you been holding up?"
Junmyeon is a good friend, Kyungsoo thinks as they study in the library. Sympathetic when needed, always willing to listen.
"Jongin's doing the musical too, although I think he's going for a dance role. He's always been good at ballet," Junmyeon continues, stopping his writing to peek over the top of textbook pensively. Kyungsoo thinks about Jongin, Junmyeon's roommate, doing ballet in a tutu, and then decides he'd rather not ask. "I'm guessing Baekhyun is going for Romeo."
"He's been practicing the past week," Kyungsoo groans, tapping idly at the table, "I haven't been able to sleep past seven every morning because he's always up at the ass crack of dawn singing. I like Shakespeare, but there's only so many times I can hear Romeo's monologue outside of Juliet's balcony before wanting to throw myself out the window too. It's like hearing him practice for his first musical all over again."
"Freshman year?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head and shudders, remembering how much of a disaster that had been. Baekhyun had crashed the punch bowl at the cast party and Kyungsoo practically had to carry him home after. The morning afterwards had not been fun for either of them.
"Preschool, actually," he remembers. "It was a local production of fairy tales. Baekhyun got one of the leads as Prince Charming. He made me play Cinderella so he could practice his lines. Then he cried when he realized he only appeared in the first act."
"And you've been friends ever since?" Junmyeon asks, eyebrows raised. His hand grips the pencil, poised to write, but when he looks at Kyungsoo, it looks like he wants to say something else instead. For a minute, Kyungsoo thinks he's going to say it, but then the moment passes and Junmyeon's fingers relax again and he smiles serenely. "I can't imagine you two being best buddies. I still don't know how you two put up with each other half the time."
Shrugging, Kyungsoo looks down at the page of equations he's been working on then back at Junmyeon who is now scrutinizing him with an unreadable expression. "I hated him at first," he confesses, "Our parents were friends though and I could never get away." His faces scrunches up as he remembers Baekhyun chasing him around with a sparkly dress. Like the sleeping princess, Baekhyun had yelled, voice only spurring Kyungsoo to run away faster. Gross. "He's not as bad now. He's clingy and loud and unbearable at times. But he's not too bad once you really get to know him. He just doesn't know when to let up sometimes."
Junmyeon makes a face and Kyungsoo remembers when Baekhyun had convinced Jongin to swap out Junmyeon's shampoo for hair dye. "Most of the times," Kyungsoo amends hastily. "You get used to him after a while."
"Get used to who?"
Kyungsoo looks up to see Baekhyun grinning down at them, jacket thrown over his shoulder with an easy grace, face still flushed from the cold sting outside. Speak of the devil. He looks at Junmyeon, but Junmyeon only looks amused, as if he's waiting for Kyungsoo to say something.
"None of your business," Kyungsoo deadpans. But it's half-hearted at the most. He knows what will happen next as if it's written on the back of his hand.
Baekhyun scrunches his nose, but throws his jacket on the table and slides into the seat next to Kyungsoo, pulling out his laptop as he does so. He tosses a pen to Kyungsoo who catches it instinctively. "So," he says, his voice slicing through the quiet noise of the library. "I was hoping you could help me with the math homework. I still can't figure out this math derivative and I asked Chanyeol too, but he just laughed in my face and told me to ask you."
Junmyeon attempts to shush him, but Kyungsoo can see from the look on his face that he knows he has already lost this battle. In three minutes, Junmyeon will give up on his and Kyungsoo's study session and make a tactical retreat back into his dorm room - most likely to drink some tea and do whatever he does when he's stressed. Thirty seconds after that, Baekhyun will take over Junmyeon's empty seat as well, somehow rambling his way from math to physics to the new dress Kim Taeyeon is wearing, and wow did Kyungsoo see how great she looked in those shoes? It's become a routine by now, as if ordained by the stars, and Kyungsoo has long given up on trying to kick Baekhyun out.
Although, if he's honest, he kind of likes this, letting Baekhyun's voice wash over him -- a welcome break from all the equations he's been trying to drill into his head. It reminds him of when Kyungsoo would sneak over to Baekhyun's house to help him with his science homework and Baekhyun's mother would bake them all cinnamon cookies. It doesn't help that Baekhyun faintly smells like cinnamon whenever Kyungsoo leans in close enough. The scent curls around him, and Kyungsoo won't ever admit it, but when he first moved into his room and felt homesick, he would stick a little closer to Baekhyun and breathe him in.
"I should probably get going now."
Both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's heads snap up and Kyungsoo realizes he had forgotten Junmyeon was still there. Shifting almost tentatively, Junmyeon collects his books quickly and stands up.
"Leaving already?" Baekhyun asks, draping an arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders that Kyungsoo shrugs off immediately.
"Jongin's gonna be getting back soon and he wants me to help him practice for his audition," Junmyeon explains apologetically. He moves to leave, but then stops, as if remembering something. "He's not going to have time tonight Yixing's having a party at his apartment, by the way. If any of you want to stop by. He told me to tell you guys, but I forgot."
Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say no thanks, that he has other plans, like curling up in bed with a warm mug of tea and watching a movie, but Baekhyun moves quicker than him, already lighting up at the prospect of a party. "We'll be there," he laughs and ignores the sharp jab Kyungsoo sends his way.
After Junmyeon leaves however, Kyungsoo shoots Baekhyun a dirty look. "We'll be there?"
But Baekhyun merely leans in, cocks an eyebrow that is impish, dangerous almost, and Kyungsoo can make out the smudge of shadow under his eyes that stem from late nights studying and restudying the musical script. "You haven't been out in like, forever. I swear if you stay in our dorm room all the time, one day you're going to grow mold and fuse to the desk. Then who would make me tea every morning?" He dodges a flick from Kyungsoo and then smiles, bright and easy. "Besides, we haven't gone out together in a while. I talked to Yixing this morning and he says he's inviting some of his friends too. You should go and meet some new people."
When Kyungsoo still looks hesitant, Baekhyun continues to push ahead, nudging Kyungsoo's shoulder. "I'll even clean the bathroom for the next week. I promise. You do really need to get out, Soo."
"I do get out," Kyungsoo mutters, but he can feel himself giving in already. Baekhyun's always been good at this - wheedling and coaxing until Kyungsoo gives in. Kyungsoo chalks it up to years of experience. "I'll do it. But only if you do the dishes too for the next three days too."
"Done.
Kyungsoo frowns. That had been easier than he thought and he kind of wishes he pushed more chores onto Baekhyun now. It's too late now, though, and he instead condemns himself with a sigh to spending a night handling a very drunk Baekhyun.
---
Chanyeol is there too, and he latches onto Baekhyun as soon as they walk through the door, leaving Kyungsoo behind, watching as they immediately make their way to the drinks table. The party's just getting started and he can see Junmyeon through the crowd of people, talking to another boy by the pool table. As if he can feel Kyungsoo's gaze, Junmyeon looks up and winks, before saying something to the other boy and heading Kyungsoo's way.
"I didn’t think you'd come," Junmyeon says, half-shouting over the din. There's a red cup clutched in his hand, but he looks sober as ever.
"I didn't think you'd come either," Kyungsoo smiles. Parties had never been Junmyeon's thing. They'd never really been Kyungsoo's thing either. He'd always preferred smaller group settings: watching movies late at night, going out to eat at restaurants. There's something about large, crowded places that makes him feel uncomfortably small - insignificant almost.
Junmyeon just shrugs. "Jongin dragged me here. Told me he would lock me out of our dorm until I came. He says he wanted a break from preparing for the musical since the audition is in two days. Isn't that why Baekhyun's here to?"
Kyungsoo looks over to where Baekhyun is laughing with Chanyeol, surrounded by a small group of girls. The music in the background pounds so loud that Kyungsoo can barely make out the sound of his own heartbeat over the noise, but he thinks he can hear Baekhyun's laugh loud and clear.
"Nah, like he would stop partying for the musical. He probably came here to get wrecked," Kyungsoo dismisses, like Baekhyun hadn't been up until two in the morning every night, practicing for the audition, like Kyungsoo hadn't seen him religiously drinking the honey lemon tea Kyungsoo prepares for him to stave off a possible sore throat. "Nothing short of the apocalypse could stop him from coming. Where is Jongin by the way?"
For a moment, alarm flashes across Junmyeon's face before he catches sight of something off to Kyungsoo's right and he relaxes slightly again. "Over there, trying to drink Chanyeol under the table," his tone is resigned, but there's a gentle, teasing quirk to his lips. "Now if you would excuse me, I should probably collect him before he makes an ass out of himself again." He turns to go, but before he can leave, a girl taps him on the shoulder, tipsily sloshing beer onto the carpet below.
"Are you Junmyeon? Yixing's been looking for you. Says he wants to tell you something" Kyungsoo cringes at the slur in her voice.
"Yea, alright. Kyungsoo could you -?" Junmyeon jerks his chin in Jongin's direction and Kyungsoo understands.
They part, Junmyeon leaving to find Yixing, and Kyungsoo to stop Jongin on his drunken mission. It's easier said than done though, as Jongin moves away instinctively when he catches sight of Kyungsoo approaching.
"Hyung," he whines and Kyungsoo sighs before pulling away the red cup clutched in Jongin's grabby fingers. Jongin's a clingy drunk and Kyungsoo lets him pat Kyungsoo's face before finally acquiescing and pulling away from where Chanyeol is now in hysterics. He stumbles slightly, but immediately throws his full weight onto Kyungsoo, who staggers under the sudden shift. "Did Junmyeon send you over? He never lets me have any fun."
"Yup," Kyungsoo pauses to ruffle Jongin's hair before tugging him forwards. "We should probably get you back to him."
Instead of following Kyungsoo however, Jongin just buries his head in the crook of Kyungsoo's shoulder and mutters something sleepily. In the roar of the music, it's lost to the noise however and Kyungsoo has to shake Jongin into repeating what he said. "I don't think he'll miss me much. Yixing's finally made a move," Jongin says again, this time, he pauses to sniff at Kyungsoo's ear, hand rubbing small circles against the back of Kyungsoo's neck.
Kyungsoo blinks. What. He looks over to see Junmyeon sucking faces with Yixing by the door and for a moment, he doesn't know what to say but "oh."
Jongin nods knowingly, self-satisfied almost, and Kyungsoo suddenly remembers what Junmyeon had said before, Jongin dragged me here. "Yixing's been pining for him forever. That's why he has these parties, you know, to see if Junmyeon would come. Junmyeon never comes though, even though he secretly likes Yixing too." Jongin shakes his head disapprovingly, "People in love are so dumb sometimes."
"Wait, Junmyeon liked Yixing?" Kyungsoo asks incredulously. He knew that Junmyeon and Yixing had been friends before, but Junmyeon had never mentioned anything to Kyungsoo. "Since when?"
"Since like. Forever," Jongin says, interest already fading in the conversation. He looks around distractedly, before standing up slowly to pull Kyungsoo towards the couch. "They've been friends for years, although Yixing had a girlfriend before. Even after they broke up, neither of them wanted to say anything. It's kind of like you and Baekhyun, right?"
"We're not like that," Kyungsoo immediately reproaches Jongin. But Jongin just hums, arm loping around Kyungsoo's shoulders.
"Hyung, you guys are practically married. You let him wear your sweaters. Last time Junmyeon wore one by accident, you almost took his head off."
"I don't let him wear them," Kyungsoo corrects, "he just takes them himself.
"What about the time he was sick so you took off from class to take care of him? You don't even take off of class when you're sick. And remember the time there were no more seats in the lecture hall and he insisted on sitting on your lap?"
"Jongin, he's like my oldest friend," Kyungsoo says irritably when Jongin shakes his head disapprovingly again and mutters something like why I am surrounded by dumb idiots. "He just has no concept of personal space." And it's true. He's known Baekhyun forever, and he's long accepted that the touch, the extra attention that comes with that. Baekhyun's always been a little clingy under all his confidence and self-assured independence and Kyungsoo's always been better with words than with actions. Baekhyun and his bravado, after all, was who Kyungsoo, as a child, had looked to for reassurance when feeling upset.
Jongin looks like he wants to say something else, but thankfully bites his tongue instead. For a moment, Kyungsoo relaxes, thinking the subject has been dropped, but instead, Jongin lights up, winding an arm around Kyungsoo's waist, before swaying slightly. He suddenly looks a lot drunker than he was a few seconds ago and Kyungsoo pauses to look at him suspiciously before Jongin calls out.
"Hey Baekhyun."
"Are you stealing my roommate, Jongin?" Baekhyun jokes and Kyungsoo realizes that Baekhyun had been on his phone besides them. He smells of alcohol and he'd lost one of his sweaters in the fray, but when he looks at them, his eyes are surprisingly lucid. Kyungsoo briefly wonders how much Baekhyun had heard because there's an unreadable expression behind the placid smile on his face. It almost makes him feel slightly guilty, like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Nah, we've just been having fun," Jongin laughs, giving Kyungsoo one last squeeze before letting go and stepping away. Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun catches the motion with a subconscious quirk of the eyebrow. "I should probably go find Junmyeon." He slips away before Kyungsoo and Baekhyun can reply, leaving them standing alone.
There's an awkward beat between them, before Baekhyun speaks again, as if scrambling to regain their easy amity again. "I didn't know you were friend with Jongin," he says, shifting slightly on the balls of his feet.
"Not really," Kyungsoo says, feeling weirdly careful as he searches for a reply. "He's Junmyeon's roommate and Junmyeon asked me to watch over him for a little," he settles upon at last, as if that explains everything.
Baekhyun nods, expression relaxing, before handing Kyungsoo a cup with a smile. "Here, I got this for you. I figured you would need some loosening up. How long has it been since you came to one of these?"
Kyungsoo thinks back, counts the months and shrugs haplessly. He accepts the cup with a proffered grin, downing it in one gulp as if that could dispel the prickling apprehension. He crinkles his nose as it goes down, but he reaches out for Baekhyun to refill the cup.
"Now that you're properly tipsy," Baekhyun whispers in his ear, almost intimately, as he drags Kyungsoo somewhere under the heavy bass of the music, "Karaoke?"
---
The next morning, Kyungsoo wakes up to the sound of Baekhyun whooping in his ear. Reaching out blindly, he makes contact with something squishy and pushes it away, ignoring Baekhyun's whine in complaint. When he sits up, it's colder than it's ever been, and he almost wants to wrap himself back up in the blanket and go back to sleep, but Baekhyun's scrabbling at his bed again, weight shifting the mattress around uncomfortably like an overeager dog.
"Kyungsoo," he croons, like neither of them have a fucking hangover, and sticks his cold hands under the blankets so they make contact with Kyungsoo's back. At the icy touch, Kyungsoo curses, before flinging off the blankets in a rage that sends Baekhyun running away with a peal of laughter. His head throbs at the noise and he drops back down with a muffled groan. He looks at the alarm clock by his bed. 6:30. The sun isn't fully up yet, but through the curtains on the window, Kyungsoo can barely make out the streaks of color heralding the beginning of a day.
"You woke up me on Saturday at 6:30?" Kyungsoo doesn't even bother keeping the annoyance out of his voice, rough with sleep as it is. "Do you know how much I want to strangle you right now?" he asks, feeling slightly betrayed because goddammit they had an agreement not to wake up early on Saturdays.
"But Kyungsoo," Baekhyun says, no whines, "it's snowing." He offers Kyungsoo a couple of pills to ease his splitting headache and a glass of that water that Kyungsoo takes gratefully.
At the realization, the last vestiges of sleep clear away and Kyungsoo leaps out of bed to look out the window. The window pane is cold underneath his fingers and it fogs up as he presses his face to it to look outside, but he rubs it away as he takes in the white frosted ground outside. Overnight, snow had coated the ground in a blanket half-a-foot thick, and it lay there, unblemished under the rising sun. There's euphoric feeling that bubbles in his chest, that combats the cold that nips at his bare toes, because he knows what the snow means.
Baekhyun is already rushing outside, bundled in a thick jacket and wrapped in a fluffy scarf. "I've called everyone already. I'll meet you out there, loser," he cackles, "You're hot chocolate is on the counter, by the way."
It's the first snow. Which also means it's also their first annual snowball fight. And outside, Kyungsoo can already hear Chanyeol's loud yell and Sehun's high-pitched snicker. There's a loud splat that rattles the window and Kyungsoo pokes his head, before immediately withdrawing into the safety of the room - just barely missing another snowball thwacking where his head had been a couple seconds ago
"You're getting old, Soo," Baekhyun yells, bending down to make another snowball, "Hurry up and come down." Sehun, seeing the opportunity, takes the chance to shove snow down the collar of his jacket and Kyungsoo watches in amusement as Baekhyun howls. In the distance, he can see Jongin and Junmyeon making their way to the snowball fight as well. Peeking out one last time, Kyungsoo flips Baekhyun the finger to the sound of Chanyeol's delighted guffaw, and gets ready to go outside.
The chocolate is almost scalding hot, but Kyungsoo savors the explosion of flavor in his mouth. It's definitely Baekhyun's recipe and as he looks down at the table, there's a crumpled sticky note left hanging off the edge.
To Baekhyun in the morning,
Don't forget to make Soo hot chocolate (with love <3) before the snowball fight!
-Baekhyun from the night before
A warm feeling creeps up in Kyungsoo's chest (it's like love and marshmallows and everything warm) and he makes sure Baekhyun is still occupied outside before tucking the note into his pocket. And it sits there, slightly heavier than usual as he makes his way outside.
---
"I heard audition results were coming out today," Chanyeol says. They're back in class again, although Baekhyun is auspiciously missing again. "Jongin's been on edge the entire day and he's making Junmyeon frazzled too."
Kyungsoo thinks back to how jumpy Baekhyun had been in the morning too, forgetting even his jacket as he left the dorm. The night before, he had practiced until Kyungsoo had threatened to shut him up and kick him out. He'll be fine, though, Kyungsoo knows. Baekhyun's been getting lead roles in the musical for years. This year won't be any different. If not Romeo, Baekhyun will get another lead role for sure. Kyungsoo would probably have to deal with Baekhyun sulking for a week or so, but just as Kyungsoo has learned to become self-sufficient over the years, Baekhyun too, has become versed with failure. Kyungsoo bets that within a week, Baekhyun would be back at it, rehearsing harder than ever, because they both know that success is something to be sought, not to be given.
"Baekhyun will be fine," Kyungsoo repeats, this time out loud, half-certain and half for reassurance. "Jongin, too," he adds, because anyone with a brain could see how well Jongin danced.
Chanyeol lowers his head slightly to glance down at Kyungsoo briefly. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look a little nervous too."
Kyungsoo shrugs, resting his chin on his hands. "I want him to do well, too. But he'll be fine."
And everything is fine, except Baekhyun doesn't get the part. He doesn't even get another lead role. Outside the stage, Kyungsoo has to triple-check the casting list, before finding Baekhyun's name, next to Count Paris of all things. Blind-sided, he tries calling Baekhyun, but is only directed to the voicemail before hanging up frustrated.
Their room is empty too, with no signs that Baekhyun had been there since the morning. Kyungsoo can only wait until Baekhyun returns, but as the hours trickle by, Baekhyun still doesn't appear, and Kyungsoo can feel the gnawing worry begin to rise. Baekhyun's never been gone for so long and even though Kyungsoo knows that Baekhyun can take care of himself, he can't help but imagine everything that could go wrong in the span of time.
Finally, at midnight, when Kyungsoo is half-asleep, hunched his physics homework, his cellphone rings, jolting him out of his reverie. He doesn't have to look at the caller ID to know who it is and he answers it immediately.
"Where the fuck are you?"
"Can you come get me?"
Kyungsoo's tired and upset and he doesn't want to deal with Baekhyun's shit anymore, but the misery in Baekhyun's voice thaws some of the anger and he instead sighs, burying his head in his hands.
"Where are you?" he asks calmly instead, like he hasn't been imaging Baekhyun lying dead in a ditch for the past hour. Like his heart hadn't leaped out of his chest when Baekhyun finally called and all Kyungsoo could think was that he was safe. Baekhyun can take care of himself, but no matter how hard Kyungsoo tries, he can't help but worry.
Baekhyun gives him the address and Kyungsoo grabs the jacket Baekhyun had left behind the morning before he leaves. The address turns out to be a convenience store in the middle of the town twenty minutes away. It's one of those small stores open 24/7, lights gleaming in the midst of darkness, and Kyungsoo finds Baekhyun wandering somewhere between the frozen foods aisle and the snacks aisle. His eyes are red, like he's been crying, and he turns away when he catches sight of Kyungsoo. Under the harsh fluorescent lights, he looks horrible.
Kyungsoo wordlessly hands him a jacket and waits. At first, Baekhyun just wraps the jacket around himself and stares back, as if daring Kyungsoo to stay something. When Kyungsoo remains still, Baekhyun offers a wan smile that droops as quickly as it came.
"I'm sorry," he says at last, looking down. And his voice is a broken sort of whispery-hoarse that make Kyungsoo wince.
"For what?"
"For leaving. For making you come and pick me up. For not getting the role," Baekhyun says. His eyes are watering again and he turns away to wipe them off. "I ran out of money to take the bus home."
"And you didn't think to answer my calls?" An icy rage grips Kyungsoo now, and it clashes with the tinge of sympathy that roots itself in his heart, making his head hurt. He doesn't know what to feel, what to say, because this is different. In all the ways their relationship has played out, this is new. They've fought before and they've both gone through ups and downs. That's something inevitable given their personalities, but Baekhyun's never left before. It feels like Baekhyun's running away and it feels wrong after so many years of knowing him. "I was worried for you," he spits out, the words clawing their way out before he can hold them back.
Something flashes in Baekhyun's eyes and he whips around. "I'm sorry, okay? Why can't you just leave me be? I'm tired of this."
The words hit Kyungsoo like a slap and he recoils instantly. And immediately, Baekhyun's face is awash with regret. "Tired of what?" Kyungsoo asks, his voice is soft, but even Baekhyun can recognize the dangerous lilt coiled within his words.
"I didn't mean that," Baekhyun tries to backpedal, but it's too late, Kyungsoo tosses Baekhyun a handful of bills - just enough for him to take the bus back to the dorms - and storms out the door. Anger stings at his eyes as he heads back. Two hours waiting for Baekhyun to come back and this is what he gets. It's stifling and Kyungsoo forces himself to take a walk around the campus before returning back to the room.
He knows that Baekhyun is probably back by now, but he doesn't want to see him yet. The wound's still too fresh and he knows he would snap off Baekhyun's head before he even gave him a chance to speak. Only when it becomes too cold for him to stay outside does he head back, hoping that Baekhyun would be asleep by then.
Baekhyun's not asleep though, there's the warm glow of light seeping out from underneath the door when Kyungsoo pauses outside their room. For a second, he considers saying fuck it and ditching to go sleep in Junmyeon's room instead, but eventually figures he'll have to face Baekhyun at some point. Taking a deep breath, he steels himself and opens the door.
"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun calls out, startled, when he sees him. And he leaps to his foot, looking even more of a wreck than when Kyungsoo had last seen him. There's a mug of hot chocolate lying on the nightstand by his bed, still steaming, and Kyungsoo knows it’s an apology of sorts. His smarting pride doesn't allow him to take it, however, and he ignores Baekhyun in favor of hanging his coat up.
"Don't," he says shortly, when Baekhyun attempts to reach out and touch his shoulder. It's two in the morning and he has class tomorrow morning. And though he thought he could deal with Baekhyun, seeing him makes the anger flare up again.
"Can you just hear me out?" Baekhyun pleads, as Kyungsoo throws himself onto his bed. "I'm sorry for what I said. It was wrong and I was just so angry - not at you, but myself. It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't make things right. I couldn't get the role and I couldn't even accept your help without driving you away." He laughs bitterly, before sitting on his bed, across from Kyungsoo, burying his head in his hands. "It's my last year doing the musical and I wanted to get the lead role so bad, but when I went to audition, my voice was gone. I'd shot it practicing so much. The director knew me before so she put me as understudy to Romeo, but she told me that I'd really fucked my chances up."
Kyungsoo doesn't want to talk. He doesn't even want to look at Baekhyun, but years of friendship make the words slip out of his mouth no matter how hard he tries to hold them back. "Why didn't you tell me?"
There's a long silence and Kyungsoo thinks that Baekhyun might not even answer, but when he looks up, Baekhyun's sat back up, staring at him through bloodshot eyes. "I didn't want to talk to anyone after," he confesses at last. "I blew off everyone and wandered into town after. And then you came. I thought you wouldn't come after I ignored all your calls. But you did. And I didn't know what to do. You've always been to nice to me. Even when I'm being a brat."
"I've put up with you ever since you were five. What makes you think I would stop now?"
"It's different," Baekhyun shakes his head. And he looks almost terrified. "You've always been there for me and sometimes I wonder why when I annoy you so much sometimes." He takes a shuddering breath and looks into Kyungsoo's eyes. "You know I've always been afraid that I would drive you away." And Kyungsoo thinks he understands. Why Baekhyun's always been so clingy, so desperate to get Kyungsoo's attention. It doesn't excuse Baekhyun's actions, but the understanding drives away some of the lingering fury.
"Then what's different now? You've never run away before." He asks, recalling Baekhyun's words, feeling drained.
"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun says and he look as tired as Kyungsoo is. "I -" He leans forward, so that Kyungsoo can see every fluttering breath he takes, can almost feel the hammering pulse at his neck. And Kyungsoo suddenly remembers what Jongin had said before. People in love are dumb. The realization stuns him and he feels as if the world has dropped below his feet. He's not ready for this.
"Never mind," he says hastily, "You don't have to explain." If they can pretend nothing happened, then nothing will change.
Baekhyun's head snaps up in shock and understanding dawns on his face too. It's not quite a rejection, but both of them understand that it's close enough. Heartbreak crashes across his face for an instant before he closes it off. "Alright," he nods voice tripping slightly before smoothing out, and then as if Kyungsoo doesn't feel bad enough, he bows his head and whispers a small thank you. When he gets up to go to the bathroom in one swift, fluid motion, he looks as composed as he'd ever been.
Watching the bathroom door close behind Baekhyun, Kyungsoo sits, head spinning, throat closing up, not sure if the torrent of emotions is regret or relief.
---
As if by mutual agreement, neither of them mention the night. In the day, Baekhyun finally starts attending class and he jokes with Chanyeol while Kyungsoo makes light-hearted jabs at both. At night, Baekhyun practices for the musical while Kyungsoo meets up with Junmyeon to study in the library. He expects to feel relief of some sort, but the wrench in his stomach never fully goes away. Both of them go on with their lives, as if that night never happened and Kyungsoo begins to uneasily settle down into their new daily routine. Wake up, go to class, drop off tea where Baekhyun is practicing, go to the library and then sleep.
Two weeks in, the singer playing Romeo, Jongdae, trips over Juliet's coffin and sprains his ankle, rendering him immobile for the next two months. As understudy, Baekhyun takes his place, though Baekhyun isn't as exuberant as Kyungsoo had thought he would be.
"It doesn't feel right," Baekhyun explains somberly to him one night. "I wanted to make it here on my own. Not because fortune happened to fall in my favor. "
"Are you going to give the role up then?" Kyungsoo had asked. Baekhyun's changed as well, he thought, clutching the phone in his hand.
There's a small chuckle on the other end of the night and Kyungsoo could practically see Baekhyun ducking his head on the other end of the line. "Nah, I'm just going to work my butt off to make sure this didn't happen in vain. It's like I have to prove to myself too, that I deserve this role. Not just because Jongdae broke his ankle. Not just because I knew the director and got to be understudy to Romeo. But because I can do it."
And that had been that.
The weeks fly by. Kyungsoo passes his final exams with flying colors. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, not so much. But they all manage to scrape by. Christmas is approaching now, though. And even Junmyeon, caught up in his new relationship with Yixing is infected by the contagious festivity.
The week before the musical plays, Baekhyun brings back to their room a small Christmas tree to decorate and Kyungsoo hears him humming every day again, this time Christmas songs that he doesn’t quite know all the words to. They decorate it together and gradually Kyungsoo forgets. Until he drops off a cup of tea for Baekhyun the night before their dress rehearsal at least.
Junmyeon had had to leave early and meet Yixing so Kyungsoo had arrived a little earlier than usual. He didn't mind though, wandering the rows of empty seats in the auditorium while the actors practiced onstage. It was always nice watching Baekhyun sing again.
They're practicing the final death scene, today, and Kyungsoo watches in fascination as Baekhyun, drenched in stage lights warbles out a final line before sinking to the ground dramatically in death. He looks best here, as if he could grasp the world with his fingers, powerfully charismatic even when dressed in a tunic and tights.
"He's good, isn't he?"
Kyungsoo jumps, and turns to Jongdae on his crutches, head tilted to watch Baekhyun as well.
"Jongdae," he acknowledges, not sure what to say, because my best friend just got your role because you got took out by a coffin is probably not the best thing to say under the circumstances.
Luckily, Jongdae just smiles, dimples showing. "If he hadn't lost his voice, he probably would have given me a run for my money. I'm glad it's him out of all the others that gets the role though."
"You're not mad?"
"Oh, I was," there's a glint in Jongdae's eyes, but he waves off Kyungsoo's question airily. "I got over it though. Shit happens. And at least I get free seats to the musical. I was looking for you though."
When Kyungsoo merely quirks his eyebrow, Jongdae plows on. "I don't know what happened between you two, but you have to figure it out."
"Why do you think something happened between us?"
Jongdae sighs, massaging his forehead. "Look, he's a brilliant performer and he blows us all away at rehearsals, but after you bring him coffee or whatever it is, he loses it, forgets his lines, goes off-pitch. You name it. And whenever we ask him about it, he shuts down. It's getting really bad lately and we really need him for the show in two days. Can you just sort out whatever is going on between you guys?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Shrugging, Jongdae turns to look at Kyungsoo again. "I got him alone after rehearsal yesterday and made him confess. He rambled something about how he can't blow it with his best friend again - which I'm sure is you, by the away," Jongdae sends him a meaningful glance, "and I've been friends with Yixing long enough to know what that meant. I swore I heard that same spiel thirty times before he finally got together with Junmyeon."
Kyungsoo's minds stutters, not sure how to process the information, and when he doesn't reply, Jongdae just groans, frustrated. "Look, I can't tell you what to do, but I'm pretty sure he likes you. Whatever you choose to do, just do it soon because he's been increasingly distracted. And if you choose to reject him, at least do it gently, yeah? I don't want to deal with a mopey Romeo the night before the show."
Kyungsoo thinks about confronting Baekhyun and breaking off things for good. Jongdae was right that they had to end the guise they entered, but his heart clenched at the thought of ending their years of friendship. "And if I can't? Reject him, I mean?"
Jongdae looks at him thoughtfully. "Why not give it a try then? What is there to lose?"
Their shared camaraderie, Kyungsoo wants to say. Waking up at six in the morning for snowball fights, long nights marathoning Disney movies, drinking hot chocolate at two in the morning. He can't give those up. And he can't give Baekhyun up either. In a way, he realizes, he'd been running from this all these weeks and now he finally can't escape, though deep down, he thinks he'd known all along that it would come to this, since the first time Baekhyun had offered his hand to him when they were five and Baekhyun was learning how to sing and Kyungsoo was learning how to ride his bike.
He's still terrified of what will happen next, but now at the end of the tracks, he know he has to choose. Neither of them can keep going on like this.
"Just think about it," Jongdae says finally, but Kyungsoo already knows the answer.
---
"You're coming tomorrow, right?" Baekhyun says, lounging on his bed while looking over his script one more time.
Kyungsoo looks up from his computer and blinks. "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"
"Just making sure," Baekhyun hums. "you've been quiet ever since we got back."
"I talked to Jongdae," Kyungsoo blurts out. "He told me."
Baekhyun pauses, heading whipping towards the door as if searching for possible routes of escape. "What did he say?" he asks cautiously, carefully disinterested, though his eyes are boring into the spot on the wall above Kyungsoo's head. He's slowly getting up, like he's about to make a run and Kyungsoo covertly gets up to block the door so that Baekhyun can't leave.
"About what you said. That you didn't want to blow it again."
"Oh," Baekhyun laughs nervously. "Yeah I'm still sorry about last time. I really do want to keep you around, Soo. Please don't go," he jokes, but it falls flat.
"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo says, "he told me everything."
There's a sharp inhale of breath and Kyungsoo desperately wills Baekhyun to say something. Baekhyun looks absolutely crushed. He runs his fingers through his hair, looking like a deer caught in headlights, and Kyungsoo finally takes pity.
"You still like me," he says. It feels relieving to say it out loud, as if he's releasing a secret that's been struggling for air. "And you don't want to mess it up so you've been hiding it."
"Are you going to leave?" Baekhyun whispers, hair glinting golden under the light. "I know you don't want this and I'm sorry." He swallows hard, eyes flickering to meet Kyungsoo's, testing for a reaction. " I can work past it. I just a little more time." The plea tugs at Kyungsoo's heart, pitiful yet devastating.
"No." Kyungsoo shakes his head. "I want to give it a try." He's been thinking about this too. How he might just like Baekhyun too. It's a foreign idea, changing his perception of one of the few people that's been a constant in his life. The more he had thought about it though, the easier it became to accept. It could be easy loving Baekhyun, he thinks, or very hard. But Baekhyun already makes him smile, makes him warm, like drinking hot chocolate by the crackling fireplace and he knows now that he never wants to let him go.
In a flash, Baekhyun is off the bed and hurtling himself at Kyungsoo, who only has a split second to react and catch him. "Do you mean it?" he asks, voice tickling Kyungsoo's ear. Kyungsoo doesn't have to look down at him to know there's a smile spreading across his face. His heart is thrumming his chest and he wonders if Baekhyun can feel it as well, Baekhyun who is so solid and warm and real, hands reaching out as if to wrap him up and never let go.
And Kyungsoo knows he doesn't have to answer that.
---
"I told you not to hang mistletoe in our room," Kyungsoo says exasperatedly as Baekhyun tears apart the present Kyungsoo got him with voracious ease. They're still in their pajamas and sunlight is spilling through the window. It's Christmas morning and Kyungsoo can feel love bubbling up, making the world spin, centered around them both.
"Don't you want my Christmas present though?" Baekhyun blinks up innocently, though there's a shit-eating grin on his face. He clambers up to his feet and meets Kyungsoo underneath the mistletoe Baekhyun had surreptitiously hung up the night before. "Kiss me," he demands, fingers weaving into Kyungsoo's hair and pulling him in.
Laughing, Kyungsoo does.