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Buck and Eddie are babysitting Jee-Yun. Well, no, scratch that - Buck is babysitting, Eddie showed up uninvited (by the Buckley-Hans, but definitely invited by Buck), and subsequently got dragged into playing tea parties. So, here they are. Buck is making real tea for them, and some mini cupcakes, while Eddie is sitting with Jee and begrudgingly allowing her to put some of that cute kiddie eyeshadow on his face; it can't do any harm. Right?
Well.
Give a kid an inch, she'll take a mile.
She insists on princess dresses next.
"Eddie!" She giggles, "daddy always dresses up with me!"
How could he say no to that adorable little face?
That's how he and Buck end up hunched around a child-sized table, Buck in his apron, while Jee and Eddie wear matching pink dresses (one clearly meant to be chimney's size).
"You make a very pretty princess, Eddie," Buck teases, but its so soft, it almost sounds genuine. It makes his stomach flip hard.
--
Maddie is beautiful. Chim knows it, but it always strikes him when she gets dolled up like this. They're in Buck's flat, while she gets ready for the wedding. He has a shift, is picking Buck up in fact, but they don't have to leave for a while. So he's watching his wife get ready - sue him, he loves her.
Buck is watching too. Helping, really. Curling Maddie's hair just how she likes it. It's gotten so long recently.
Eddie is here too. He's watching, just like Chimney. Its not certain whether he's watching Buck or Maddie, though. Chim isn't certain, anyway. Not until Eddie speaks up.
"why are you wearing red eyeliner?" Eddie asks, frowning slightly.
"It's burgundy," Maddie corrects easily, rubbing the pencil over her waterline, "and it makes my eyes pop. You wanna try?"
The offer is so easy, so effortless and normal-sounding, that Eddie agrees with a still-confused "sure?" without overthinking too much.
That's how he ends up sitting in front of Maddie, her careful hands on his face while she lines one of his eyes with her burgundy liner.
"See?" She holds up the mirror for him, "your eyes look brighter! Here, let me do the other one, you're not gonna get it off."
Eddie cant help but stare in the mirror for another moment. He's been put in makeup a lot recently, huh.
"Let me see," Buck says with a cheeky grin, so of course, Eddie turns to him. He'll always turn to Buck. "Looks great, Eds. Really pretty."
There's that word again.
--
The same day, during their shift, they're called to some bar downtown. There are a lot of men there. Eddie pays them no mind; he has a patient to work on. A man in his forties, maybe, greying and tall, who's managed to get his arm stuck in a table.
While the others work on the table, Eddie takes the man's vitals, making polite conversation to make sure he's coherent.
"You're real pretty," the man smirks, tilting his head slightly. Eddie recognises it for the flirting it is, though he's not sure how to respond.
"Uh- thank you?" While he's had a lot of women hit on him on the job, it's not every day it comes from a man. A man in what is now very obviously a gay bar.
"The makeup," the guy continues. "Could knock a guy flat with those big brown eyes."
"My uh, my buddy's sister put it on me this morning," Eddie says, not really meaning to do more than shut the flirting down like always, but this.. it feels.. different. "I didnt know how to get it off."
"Well, i count myself real lucky you didn't," the man grins.
Eddie can feel his cheeks starting to burn, just a little, so he ducks his head and focuses on checking the guys arm.
"He was flirting with you, you know," Buck says when they're headed back to the station. He sounds inexplicably annoyed. "You shouldn't just let random- people, flirt with you, they'll get ideas, Eddie."
"He was just being nice. Complimenting the eyeliner, i guess. Said it was pretty."
"He said you were pretty. Very different things."
"It's fine, Buck."
--
Eddie doesn't understand why it's been making him feel so weird. When people call him pretty. When Buck calls him pretty. Surely it doesn't mean anything. Surely.
--
Buck has noticed. The way Eddie has been acting since that guy flirted with him. Since Buck called him pretty, even. He starts paying more attention to things; how Eddie has been more open to femininity lately, wearing makeup or letting one of the kids paint his nails bright colours, how he's stopped cutting his hair quite so short so it's started to curl a little at the base of his neck. Buck says it's nice, once. Eddie looks almost hopeful, gives a soft, 'really?', so testing, Buck confirms with a gentle, "yeah, Eds. 'S pretty." And he can't help but revel in the blush Eddie gives for days.
--
"How did you know you were trans?" Eddie asks as he walks through Buck's front door.
"Hi, Buck, how are you, Buck," Buck replies drily.
"Hi, Buck. How did you know you were trans?"
Eddie looks.. anxious. Uncomfortable, maybe.
"Why are you asking?"
"I just- i wanna know how you knew that you felt connected to manhood, or whatever. Or how you knew you didnt, with- with womanhood. How did you know?"
"I'm not sure, it's been a long time," Buck starts, guiding him wordlessly to the sofa. "I guess it just kind of felt.. wrong, to be called a girl, or lumped in with them."
"And it felt right? To be called a guy?" Eddie probes, and for once he's the one fidgeting.
"Yeah, that's right. Whats going on, Eddie? What's wrong?" Buck asks gently, taking one of Eddie's hands in his own, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently.
"..i dont.. I don't know. I just- is it always when youre young? That people figure that stuff out?"
"No, not always. Some people dont know until their thirties, or fifties, or even their eighties. Or even later. I can't help you if i don't know what you're thinking, bud." His thumb runs over the back of Eddie's knuckles. Its soothing.
"...i don't.. think that I'm a man," Eddie says cautiously. They know he wont care, they just dont want to say the wrong thing and offend Buck.
"Okay," Buck accepts immediately. "That's okay, Eddie. Do you mean that- you feel like you're a woman? Or?"
"Mm, no," Eddie relaxes immediately under the acceptance, shifting to settle into the sofa. "It doesn't necessarily make me feel bad, when im seen as a man. It just... makes me feel good when im not, necessarily? Like- when you kept.. calling me pretty, i guess?"
"Yeah, that makes sense," Buck confirms. "For some people it's more about euphoria than dysphoria. Thats the good feeling, rather than the bad."
"..okay, yeah. That.. sounds right. But- is there such thing as, like, in between? Not quite one or the other?" Eddie asks, their voice softening into something more vulnerable as they cant help but wonder if Buck will poke fun.
"Yeah, there is."
"Yeah?"
Buck spends the evening showing Eddie so many labels their head feels like it's about to explode. Then they move onto new names, which Eddie definitely doesn't want. Then it's pronouns.
"This is a lot, Buck," Eddie says, staring down at the huge list on the website open on Buck's phone.
"Well, we can start with the basics. You liked non binary, as a label, yeah? Well, a lot of non binary people use they/them pronouns. Like; this is my friend Eddie, they're a firefighter. Yeah?"
And that feels... warm. Instantly, just.. right.
"Yeah," they confirm softly.
"And some non binary people still use binary pronouns, you wanna try them too?"
Eddie nods
"Obviously there's he/him, like, 'this is Eddie, he's the best friend i've ever had', which, youve always used," Buck continues, brushing over he/him quickly. "Then, there's she/her. Like, um.. 'Eddie's the coolest, she's got a silver star.' How do they feel?"
Eddie has to chew on those a little longer. Neither of them are bad; in fact, the 'she' was.. nice. Not as nice as being referred to as 'they', but. Nice.
"They're both alright," they say quietly.
"But you preferred they/them?" Buck guesses, getting a nod in return. "Would you like people using the other two? Or?"
"I wouldn't. Um. Mind?" Eddie hesitates, cheeks flushing, "I liked, um.. I liked the 'she' a little more than.. but they're pretty much the same, so.."
"You're allowed to like she/her, Eddie. I'm not gonna judge you," Buck murmurs, rubbing a thumb over Eddie's cheekbone.
"..i liked it," she confirms softly. "I did, um. Like they/them better, though?"
"From what I've seen, people tend to say their pronouns in order of preference. So you could just say they/she, if asked." Buck gently scratches over their scalp, rubbing fingers through her hair in a soothing motion that'll hopefully chase away the tension.
Eddie just nods, melting into his side.
"So. Eddie Diaz, my non binary best friend," Buck teases gently.
"What's the gender neutral term for boyfriend?" They ask idly
"Mm, i dunno. Why?"
"I'd rather be that."
"...what?"
"Instead of your non binary best friend."
"..i-i mean. Um. If you like more feminine terms, you could always just use girlfriend? Or-"
"Mm. Yeah, ok." Eddie grins before he can go on a ramble. "Girlfriend."