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It doesn't really hit her until a full day after the actual marriage.
During the moment itself, Jemilla is too caught up in it all- the singing, the dancing, the both of them proposing to each other- to really think it through. Even back when she initially agreed to it, it was more of a test to see how far Zazzalil was willing to go. Evidently, she was willing to go very far indeed.
She's married to Zazzalil. Zazzalil is her wife.
What the fuck?
In the immediate aftermath, Jemilla has no time to think about who she just married- there really is a lot of work to do. She has a tribe to look after and everything she'd normally rely on is nonexistent- the water poisoned, the mammoths likely extinct, the village a charred ruin.
“Now that everything’s okay again, it's time to get back to work, right gang?” She begins, slipping back into her role as easy as breathing. “I think we should begin by-”
“Uh, babe?” Zazzalil interrupts.
“Yes?”
“Remember all those morals we just learned? You know, how I should think about consequences more and how you should think about them less?”
“Uh... I'm not sure that's the most accurate summary of what this was all about but, yes, I remember the morals. Why?”
“Maybe somebody else has a good idea! You won't know until you ask…” Zazzalil’s smile is uncharacteristically encouraging and earnest, and it genuinely gives her pause.
“That's… very true. Thank you, Zazzalil. Does anyone have any suggestions?” It feels almost alien to be asking that question, but there's no point in going through an intense musical journey if you don't get some personal growth by the end.
Of course, everyone’s suggestions are useless, and she has to remind them all that eating babies is bad more than once, but it's a start. Besides, all of it pales into insignificance next to the pride she can see in Zazzalil's eyes.
Jemilla thinks she could get used to that.
In a few short days they have already have several huts constructed. One of them belongs to Zazzalil and Jemilla.
Zazzalil's absolutely thrilled about them getting their own hut- she goes on and on about privacy, and not having to be around loads of other people all the time. Jemilla's not so sure. What if it's awkward? What if they have nothing to talk about, and have to lay for hours in painful and terrifying silence?
For the first few nights, it is awkward, slightly. With nobody else around Zazzalil's far quieter and less exuberant, making Jemilla wonder how much of her bright hyperactivity in everyday life is just for show. They sleep together on the same patch of ground but don't touch, a respectful distance between them.
Then, one night, Jemilla wakes up to the sound of Zazzalil crying.
“Zazz?” She whispers into the dark. “Are… are you okay?”
After a few muffled sobs, finally, a response: “N-not really.”
“Hey, listen, c’mere.” She holds out her arms, and it takes barely seconds before she's cuddling a crying Zazzalil. “What is it? Would you like to talk about it?”
“It's- it's stupid, really.”
“Come on, I'm sure it's not.” She strokes Zazzalil's hair as she speaks, too tired to really think about what she's doing. “This is what wives are for.”
“Well… well okay, um, so, you know how we got shown all of human history by Chorn?”
Jemilla nods, trusting that Zazzalil can feel it and that speech will not be necessary, despite the darkness.
“It's just… it's just being able to see it all, and yet knowing I'll never be able to experience any of it, you know? I mean, did you see electricity? And the internet? And books? And aeroplanes? And space?” As she continues to speak, Jemilla can hear her getting more and more upset, and it's awful. “I wish Chorn had never shown us! Ignorance is bliss, or whatever that future saying was-”
“Hey, hey Zazzy, listen to me, listen, it's okay. Don't you remember all the shit stuff as well? I mean, World War 1? World War 2? That Third World War that's going to wipe out everything with crazy bombs and cause the nuclear apocalypse? That orange guy with the stupid hair? Seems to me we’re pretty lucky.”
“Yeah but… but space!”
“It's still there! It's right above us… or, below us, or something… right now! We just can't get to it. And think of it this way- it exists, but we're the only tribe who knows it exists, which is pretty cool in itself.”
“...I suppose you're right.”
“It's like we all said, after everything: we’ve got to make the most of our time here-”
“Make the most of it!” Zazzalil sings quietly, completing the line.
“Exactly. We might not have all this incredible technology that humans will have one day, but we have fire, and food, and, and each other.”
“...That's true.” She calms down a little- Jemilla can feel her relaxing. “Thanks, Jemmy.”
Jemilla waits for Zazzalil to move away, but she doesn't. They stay together like that, cuddling, until they both fall asleep.
After a solid week of hard work, the people of the tribe are starting to flag.
“Jemilla…” Smelly Balls groans, elongating her name in an intensely annoying way. “Can't we have a day off? We're all so tired…”
Busy with the boring but necessary task of collecting sticks, Jemilla shakes her head. “I'm really sorry guys, but we're so close to finishing, we can't just stop n-”
“Jemilla, I think a day off might be a good idea,” Zazzalil says. “People are really tired.”
“Oh no. Have you forgotten what happened when you let everyone stop working?”
As soon as she says it she regrets it, Zazzalil momentarily looking hurt before regaining composure.
“And have you forgotten what happened when you didn't listen to anyone?”
Jemilla’s conscious of the fact that everyone else has stopped work to watch them, and hurriedly tries to regain control of the situation. “Zazzalil, can we go and discuss this in our hut? Please?”
For a moment, she thinks Zazzalil will refuse. Fortunately, she angrily nods and turns, walking into their hut. Jemilla follows.
“Jeez, I seriously thought you were getting better at listening to people!” Zazzalil says as soon as they enter. She sighs in exasperation. “You said you'd ‘always give my way a try’ so why stop? Sometimes people need breaks!”
“Yes but not for full days! We can't afford to stop for a whole day!”
“Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen? So we get our village a little later than we would otherwise! Big deal! Nobody's going to d-”
“Wait…” She abruptly grabs Zazzalil’s arm. “Zaz, you are a genius!”
“...I am?”
“Yes! Everyone needs breaks but we can't stop for a full day. Why don't we all take turns working?”
“Babe… that’s brilliant! Why have I never thought of that before, that's so obvious! We could have some people work in the morning, some in the afternoon... we have to go and tell the tribe!”
As Zazzalil practically sprints out of the hut, her hair flying behind her, Jemilla stops to watch, just for a second. For a marriage that began as a bribe, she thinks, they're doing remarkably well.
There are some perks, Jemilla decides after a few weeks, to having someone lead the tribe with you. A different perspective can be very helpful, and people are happier now than they were under either her or Zazzalil’s rule.
The system they've created, where half the tribe works for the morning and then half for the afternoon, has been incredibly successful. People are happier and better rested and they're still getting everything done! It's amazing!
She says as much to Zazzalil as they sit together on one of their breaks. “That's what you get when you team up with me!” she replies, her voice laced with mischief, her eyes glowing like the fire they sit next to.
Is that what they've done? Teamed up? It's the first time Jemilla's ever thought of marriage like that, as a partnership. It was never like that with Schwoopsie, or with Clark’s tribe: those had been superficial connections, based on tradition and physical beauty only. A relationship based on balance and trust sounds a lot better.
“Oh and uh, by the way, Jem?” Zazzalil says, much more softly this time, interrupting her thoughts.
“Yes?”
“It's just, uh, I wanted to say that, well…” Jemilla turns around to face her wife- she's never seen her this nervous before. “I… I love you.”
Jemilla opens her mouth, then closes it again, her eyes wide. A few torturous moments of silence later, she replies: “I love you too Zaz. I really do.”
Zazzalil's smile- more to herself than anyone else- could light up a cave, Jemilla thinks, as she reaches over to give her hand a squeeze. They've haven't said they love each other before, but she's felt it simmering, like the water they decided to put above a fire the other day for fun, for a while now. Finally saying it out loud is beyond wonderful.
She holds Zazzalil’s hand, feels the warmth of the fire on her skin, and smiles.
Without anyone really noticing, life goes on.
They build their village, and it's even better than the one that burned down. There's a few minor crises and several major triumphs in the months that follow, and Jemilla and Zazzalil face all of them together.
Chorn reappears one day without warning, back in human form and babbling about how its gift of knowledge to the tribe has brought it under fire from the Higher Council of Chorn, and how it needs to go into hiding. Zazzalil immediately agrees to let it back into their tribe (“I mean, can you even imagine how useful an alien’s going to be?!”), and Jemilla springs into action, starting work on a new hut for Chorn in the blink of an eye.
Around a year after the discovery of fire, everything grows very cold for several months. Jemilla freaks out, worrying for days and sleepless nights that the first Ice Age, the one they all saw courtesy of Chorn, is beginning. Only after Zazzalil points out that according to the Knowledge humans can survive Ice Ages (plus they have fire) does Jemilla calm down. She even begins to enjoy the snow, for the short time it's there.
A year and a half after, Emberly and Grunt finally decide to get married. Jemilla becomes almost more excited than the happy couple, using what they'd all seen from Chorn to plan a wedding for them far ahead of it's time- she creates crowns from flowers, a white dress for Emberly from feathers, and even writes them a song to be played after the marriage. Watching from afar, Zazzalil can see how much Jemilla would have loved a wedding like this, and secretly begins planning a celebration, to be held on Jemilla’s birthday, of her own.
As time ticks steadily into the future, the tribe have no idea what is to come. Despite having been given an overview of all of human history, they have no way of knowing that many wonderful and sometimes terrible things will happen to the tribe in future: that metal tools will be created; that Emberly and Grunt will one day have a child (and not eat it); that one of their own will marry permanently into Clark’s tribe, creating a perpetual alliance; that Molag will die on the two year anniversary of the discovery of fire; that, one day, they will discover that Chorn is capable of creating a child from any two people’s DNA, that Jemilla and Zazzalil will use this discovery to have a daughter of their own, and that this girl will inadvertently cause farming and the wheel to be invented.
But long before all of that happens, only two days after their marriage, Jemilla kisses Zazzalil for the first time, and realises that what she has, right now, is enough.