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Barely a month later and he was already back in a skyscraper. Which was, in Alfred opinion, far too soon. But the host Nation just had to try and show off. As he set his things down in Ivan’s room, he already felt his heart race at the mere idea of going up there tomorrow.
He got to the room before Ivan, having time to collect himself. The hotel was manageable, being only a few stories tall. Too unimportant to be a threat, not as much steel and concrete above him compared to — stop it. He’s a Nation, tragedies happen, even if he happened to be in this one, trapped under the rubble holding up part of the structure to save what he thought were alive and suffering humans around him. At least their remains were in tact enough their families could identify them, even after he spent hours calling out to them in hopes one would be alive as his voice grew hoarse.
When was Ivan getting here again?
He started pacing between the notes he brought and the window that faced the building he would have to go into. He told Bush that he would be okay and could work again, he can’t take that back now. Probably. Maybe he could say he needed an extra day or two and just go to the next conference that wasn’t in a god damn skyscraper. Could he handle all the looks the other Nations would give him? Or even get through the presentation? The embassy was close by, maybe —
The door to the room opened and Alfred immediately drew his gun and took aim.
“Don’t move,” The intruder went still at his command.
“I see you are coping well a month in,” Ivan’s voice came from the dark doorway, “May I move now?” Alfred lowered the gun and eyed Ivan as he came into the main room. He didn’t resist when Ivan carefully pried his fingers loose and set the gun on the table. He pulled Alfred into him with a hug and he felt his stress melt away for a moment.
“You can still go home,” Ivan whispered, “They will understand,”
“No, I — “ Ivan was right. He could just go home and go back on his word. Then everyone would see how weak he was as a hegemon and start to undermine him. He can’t let that happen, “I’ll be fine,”
“You pointed your gun at me,”
“I remember you liking that sometimes,” Ivan gave a small sigh and started petting his hair in a way that always made him tired, “Why’d it have to be in a fucking skyscraper?”
“You could call and ask them to move it,”
“Sure, but I don’t know how they’ll react to that. What if it’s a big conspiracy to make me look stupid?”
“…You’re cute sometimes, do you know that?” Ivan gave him a quick kiss and walked away to unpack his things. Alfred wandered to the kitchen and started munching on the lunch he prepared in hopes it would settle his stomach. Despite Ivan’s hand in his hair making him groggy moments before, he didn’t really want to sleep. Everything was still too recent that it wouldn’t be restful anyway, which Ivan would then use to argue he shouldn’t be here yet.
Without anything to do, he followed Ivan like a duckling and watched him get sorted. Given it was only a few days for the meeting it didn’t take very long and Alfred was stuck again.
“You should get some sleep,” Ivan finally suggested after a brief staring contest.
“Don’t wanna,” Fuck, he sounded like such a damn child. This sort of shit just happens when you’re a Nation, it was part of life. Why couldn’t they be born with a natural immunity to trauma?
“You will panic less if you have more sleep,” Ivan argued and…he was technically right. If he got any sleep at all, that is. Even with his hesitation though, Alfred let him undo the buttons of his dress shirt.
“We can still do stuff around the city?” Alfred offered. He didn’t know where they would go, and walking between all the skyscrapers would make him feel worse, but it wasn’t sleeping.
“You’ve been overworking yourself helping with the cleanup. I know you need to sleep. What if it’s better now that I’m here?” With a sigh, Alfred tugged off the rest of his clothes and finished getting ready. Ivan had a stupid grin in his face since he “won” the argument. Asshole. It still made his heart flutter a bit seeing it.
“I still think it would be easier if you skipped. I skipped maybe a hundred meetings the past decade just because I was trapped in bed or actively dying, and no one cared,” Ivan said.
Fuck.
He said it so casually, like it hadn’t been the worst decade of his life. Like he wasn’t draining himself dry every time to find him and the heart. Like it was just a bad day and not…not…
Yet another reason to hate skyscrapers. They were only two and a half years out from Ivan’s last jump; what if the height from the windows tomorrow reignited that idea in him? It felt like he was moving through molasses as he got ready, seeing his body from above. His heart didn’t feel real anymore despite how hard it was probably pounding in his chest. Ivan’s mouth was moving before his face twisted with confusion and then understanding. He felt something cold in his arm and let Ivan take care of everything from there.
Alfred couldn’t sleep.
He had gotten ready for bed somehow, but the dissociated haze had faded and he was left watching the ceiling pattern shift and move at midnight. He just…wasn’t tired. And even if he did fall asleep, he’d probably just have another nightmare.
It felt like he was vibrating out of his skin as he turned to cling to Ivan instead. He tried to match his breathing or study Ivan, anything to get him to focus on something besides the idea of chemical-filled smoke choking him again.
Alfred stayed awake, watching the crack under the curtains slowly brighten. Only now did he feel his eyelids grow heavy. Maybe a little nap wouldn’t give him a nightmare…
As soon as he closed his eyes, the alarm clock went off at full volume and Alfred shot up like he was shocked again. Any exhaustion left his body and he frantically checked for his gun.
Still under the pillow. Still there, still safe. They were fine, he watched the door.
“Did you sleep at all?” Ivan asked after the alarm was off, his voice still rough with sleep. Alfred’s brain felt like it was three steps behind, his hand still on the handle of the gun.
“…What?”
“So the answer is no,” Alfred fell onto the pillow and his body started to sink into the mattress. Ivan put a hand in his hair and gently mused with the strands.
“Just stay here and sleep. They will understand. And you need it,” Ivan whispered.
“No, I should…” Alfred strained to push himself upright and Ivan sighed. He knew today would be a disaster and he would probably freak the fuck out and embarrass himself, but he had to try. If not for his reputation, then for himself.
He moved through the room like he was in a dream. Maybe if he just disassociated for the day he would breeze through the presentation and not realize he was in a skyscraper again. Did anyone actually update the security yet? How were they sure this meeting location was safe? If someone targeted the meeting, it would show they could do it again in such a short period of time and that they knew about one of the best kept secrets across every government. They shouldn’t go up there. Ivan especially shouldn’t go up there because the height from the top would —
“Alfred, I’m going to lock you in here,” Ivan said, grabbing his shoulders, “Decide before I do,” Alfred looked down and saw that he was still in what he slept in, just staring into the closet.
“I’m…I’m going,” He got breakfast from the fridge to distract from the clothes, the food tasting like ash on his palette. Ash and asbestos like what the walls turned into when they came crumbling down and story after story pancaked on top of each other and then on top of him. He had to go. They would be higher up, so a longer fall but less weight.
Ivan left first, Alfred didn’t notice him go for the door until the room fell completely silent.
The first set of clothing tore to shreds as he forgot his strength. He looked at the ripped fabric in his hands and had to throw it to the ground as he remembered the bits of burned clothing that rained all over the city. It was a month ago. Relax.
It was only a month ago.
The elevator of the hotel was rickety, as if it was under the strain of steel and fire raining down on top of it — it’s just old, nothing more. Things could be old. He was old, sort of. Compared to humans at least.
The elevator in the new building was smoother, but went much, much higher. At least he was alone so he didn’t have to pretend yet. How many elevators had Ivan ridden to get to the top every time he jumped?
Of course it stopped at the 91st floor. Alfred forced himself out the door and ran to the nearest bathroom to empty his stomach of breakfast. The scent of his own bile filled his nose and he vomited again, shaky hands making cracks in the porcelain. Even without windows, he still felt how high up he was, how far he’d fall from, the layout of the structure beneath him. He got up carefully, as if one wrong move would send everything crumbling. He said he would do it, so he would.
Alfred popped in a breath mint and ran his hands under the water, willing them to stop shaking. The door opened and his held his breath when Ludwig walked in.
“Ah, Alfred. I’m surprised you’re here,” He said, stopping at the sinks.
“Work never stops, y’know?” Alfred said, haphazardly shoving a mental mask on his face. He didn’t fully face him, knowing the mint wouldn’t completely seal away scent of him retching.
“It can sometimes. Ivan did not appear for a long time when his disasters the last decade started. I know I already left a voicemail, but I wanted to say in person that I’m sorry for what happened,” Don’t remind him of that time, please. Either time. Not right now. Not when he’s already at the top. Did the elevator give rooftop access? Was Ivan still in the meeting room? The last two or three conferences went okay, but would this one change his mind?
Without a response, Ludwig continued on his quest to the restroom. Alfred turned off the water and tried to control his breathing as quietly as possible. He’s survived much worse, he’ll be fine.
Alfred couldn’t sit still for the life of him.
Which wasn’t particularly unusual, but his heart typically wasn’t a part of it. Every fiber of his being was screaming to run and and get out of the building before it collapsed, or to get to the bottom to catch Ivan.
Because it would collapse. He was near certain of it.
The steel kept settling, his ears picking up every slight shift, even over the voices of his peers. It’s a new building; should it really be moving this much? Was it a design flaw? A deliberate design flaw, ready to be triggered whenever? No, that’s stupid — the humans that knew them knew they couldn’t die.
It was still moving under his feet though. He could feel it.
It was well before his time to present when there was a crack loud enough that Kuwait stopped talking as all the Nations looked toward the ceiling. It sounded like steel grinding on steel and Alfred could imagine the sparks flying. Everyone stood still for a moment before continuing with the talks.
Which was stupid of them, because they should be evacuating the building.
Alfred had to be the trendsetter as always, so he carefully got up and walked to the exit, leaving his things behind. A mad rush was how they would end up hurting each other, and Ivan hated crowds. It was still upright for the moment, so the elevator might be okay. If it broke on the way down, he would be able to force the doors open or survive the fall so the others wouldn’t have to.
In the back of his mind, he registered it as odd that he didn’t have a group of Nations on his tail. There could only be so many times the elevator would move until the fuel of another attack ran down the sides of the shaft and burned anyone else coming down. Hopefully by that point they would know to take the stairs.
His lungs felt heavy as the doors closed, fuck. The smoke must be getting into the elevator somehow, which means molten metal would follow. He had barely made it halfway down before he was already spamming the button to let him out.
It still worked somehow and exited, the floor in front of him seemingly abandoned. The scent of burnt flesh came and went as the elevator closed and he couldn't tell if the metallic slam was the door closing or the cables snapping from the heat.
There was another blast of hot air as he entered the stairwell. He looked down the center, the bottom so far away it was a pitch black point. Where was everybody? Did they make it down faster? His lungs burned as he raced down the endless stairway, the smoke having followed him and filled the corridor. He couldn’t breathe but he had to keep running.
There was a distant bang and Alfred’s heart stopped with the realization that he wouldn’t make it down. A human should’ve kept going, or called to tell the firefighters where they were. He didn’t want to almost kill another one, so he crouched in the corner and braced for the wreckage. He could survive this, unlike his people.
Ivan wasn’t worried exactly. Alfred was a grown Nation after all; but he did feel guilty for not noticing until the meeting let out that he had left. The Nations next to Alfred said he had snuck out hours ago. He wasn’t picking up his phone either.
“I am looking for someone, would you be able to help?” Ivan asked the reception desk.
“Depends on the request,“
“I was supposed to meet with someone, but I don't know if he already left. Blond, glasses, cowlick — “
“One of the fitness guys that always takes the stairs said there was someone with those features curled up on a section of the stairwell. You know him?”
“Yes. What floor?” Ivan ran to the elevator as soon as he could after that. Had he really been in that state since this morning? He should’ve pushed harder.
Ivan slowly opened the door of the stairwell, careful to not make it slam shut in case Alfred reacted badly. His partner was a small ball in the turn of the stairs, and even from the door half a floor up he could hear how fast he was breathing. Ivan crept downstairs and crouched to enclose him and Alfred’s head poked out from his arms.
“Is everyone out?” He asked between gasps.
“…Yes. I offered to come back for you. Let’s go,” Ivan lied. Alfred rose and followed him, holding his hand in an iron grip. He led them back up the stairs to the elevator and his arm was almost pulled out of the socket when Alfred stopped short at the sight of it.
“Wait — it could be collapsed, or could about to. It’s not safe,” Alfred said.
“They stabilized this one so they could get people out,” The lie flew off his tongue before he could think about it. Alfred took in another shaky breath and followed him in.
Ivan only relaxed once Alfred was back in their hotel room and hiding in a cabinet. He flopped onto the bed and ran his hands down his face with a sigh.
He’s locking him in the damn room tomorrow.
Alfred had a scowl as he read the newspaper the next morning.
“Why exactly did you decide to not tell me I was seeing things?” He asked, “Everyone probably thinks I’m a fucking moron,”
“No one said anything besides sympathy after the few of us noticed. I’m sorry I didn’t get you out sooner,”
“So I looked weak enough to elicit that,”
“…Alfred, almost 3,000 of your people died. You yourself were literally underneath it and surrounded by corpses. Being the hegemon doesn’t mean being perfect. No one would be after that,” Ivan could say that now that he wasn’t on top anymore. Perfection was the expectation. He won the war, now he had to lead what was left. And he couldn’t do that if he was imagining fire everywhere he went.
Despite knowing all that and what he had to do…the idea of going back up there again terrified him.
“Are you like, okay going to the conference on your own? Just as a general question, obviously,” Alfred asked, hoping by holding his coffee with two hands now it would hide the shaking.
“I did it for centuries before we got together, so yes,” That’s not what he meant. It would be the first time in two and a half years he was unsupervised on a skyscraper. Some part of his hesitation must’ve shown on his face the way Ivan rounded the table and brought Alfred’s head against his torso. Alfred took in a deep breath and tried to calm his heart.
“Do you want me to stay here? I can think of an excuse,” Ivan whispered while carding through his hair.
“…I’ll be fine; we can’t risk both skipping. Have fun,” Alfred settled on. Ivan bent down to give one last kiss and walked out the door.
As soon as it closed, Alfred immediately got to his phone and called, hoping to get this done before Ivan got down to the meeting.
“Hello,” Natalya said, “Why did you disappear yesterday?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not coming in today either. Did Ivan indicate he wanted to jump at all yesterday since we were so high up?”
“Not to me, no. He didn’t even look out the windows,”
“Could you — “
“I will,”
“Thanks,”
Alfred let the phone drop to his lap and crawled back into bed, wishing he could turn back time.