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Buck should have known it was a bad idea when Eddie said yes. Because usually, when Buck suggests something stupid, Eddie stops him. It's a cornerstone of their friendship truly. The system, as he likes to refer to it in his own head.
Buck came up with the chaos, Eddie applied the brakes, and between the two of them they landed somewhere in the middle where nobody got arrested, fired, or otherwise maimed. It was a good system and it worked. Well, most of the time anyway. Tonight though, Eddie didn't stop him. Tonight Eddie just tilted his head, took a sip of beer, and said, “Okay.” He indulged. And Eddie never indulged. At least not in ways that Buck was ever privy to.
They were halfway through a movie on Buck’s couch– some ridiculous rom-com where the main couple was pretending to date because their friends wouldn’t stop insisting they belonged together and they were trying for some sort of joke that Buck was sure was going to backfire in the third act. It had started as background noise during dinner and slowly turned into something they were half-watching and half-mocking. Just something easy to pass the time when neither of them wanted to invest in anything too difficult.
Onscreen, the couple had just kissed dramatically at a party to shock their friends, the reactions priceless as they made everyone around them feel foolish.
Buck pointed at the TV with the mouth of his beer bottle.
“See?” he said. “Exactly that.”
Eddie frowned slightly. “Exactly what?”
“That.” Buck gestured again, more aggressively this time. “The fake dating thing.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow like he didn't quite understand and Buck leaned forward, warming to the idea the way he always did when something chaotic sparked in his brain.
“We should do that.”
Eddie didn’t say anything. So Buck kept going.
“Just for a day,” he said. “April Fools is literally next week. We pretend we’re finally together just to watch everyone lose their minds.”
Still silence.
Buck squinted at him. “You can’t tell me you’re not tired of it.”
“Of what?”
“The comments!” Buck all but yelled. “Chimney making those ‘old married couple’ jokes. Hen looking at us like she’s solving a puzzle every time we sit next to each other. Bobby doing that weird thoughtful nod thing that he does. It's-it’s–we’ve been dealing with this for too long!”
Eddie’s mouth twitched, just slightly. Just enough to be noticed, but it didn't stop the tirade. Once he got going, there really wasn't a way to stop it.
“And Maddie,” Buck continued, “who asked me last week if I’d ever considered that ‘maybe the right person is already in my life.’”
Eddie laughed softly at that.
Buck pointed accusingly. “See?! And don’t even get me started on Christopher.”
That made Eddie fully grin. Because yea, Chris had been the worst offender lately. The fun loving and adorable child that has once graced the Diaz House was now a full blown teenager, with the attitude to match. And he wasn't going easy on his dad or Buck, especially over the last few months.
“You know,” Chris had said two weeks ago at dinner, completely unprompted, “if you and Buck got married, it wouldn't even feel like moving really, we're here enough.”
Buck had choked on a tortilla chip as Eddie reached over the table almost sending the salsa flying. And of course, he'd waited until a 118 family dinner, so the entire team was there to laugh at them.
It had been traumatic to say the least.
“So,” Buck said, spreading his hands. “We give them what they want.”
“Temporarily,” Eddie said slowly.
“Yes!”
“We pretend to date?”
“Exactly.”
“And… that’s supposed to make them…uncomfortable?”
Buck nodded eagerly. “Or confused! Or something! I don’t know, I just want to see Chimney short-circuit. It looks fun in the movie!.”
Eddie leaned back against the couch cushions, considering him. And Buck knew that look. It was the one that said Eddie was actually thinking about it. Not just that he was entertaining Buck for the fun of it or laughing it off like the joke that it was. No, he was contemplating, taking it seriously. And that was where it got dangerous.
“Buck,” Eddie said after a moment, voice quieter now. “You realize fake dating in movies always ends the same way, right?” His eyes flashed back over to the screen where the couple was looking awfully cozy on the couch despite the fact they were alone, with no one to pretend in front of.
Buck snorted. “Yeah, because it’s a movie.”
“They fall in love.”
“We’re already best friends,” Buck said easily. “It’s not like that and we both know it. Not our fault that our friends can't mind their own business.”
Eddie studied him for a long moment, long enough that Buck became suddenly very aware of how close they were sitting. Buck himself lounges across the couch, his legs in Eddie's lap, their bodies almost tangled up together. But that was–that was– normal. This is just how they were. They did this all the time.
It meant nothing.
“Okay,” Eddie said finally after a few moments of silence, setting his beer bottle down in the coffee table.
Buck blinked.
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
“That was way too easy.”
Eddie shrugged. “Could be fun.”
Suspicion prickled at the back of Buck’s brain, but he pushed it down. He couldn't think about it, couldn't let himself entertain even the smallest possibility that maybe, just maybe, there was something that Eddie felt too. So instead he just rolled his eyes and forced out a laugh he hoped didn't sound choked.
“You’re agreeing suspiciously fast.”
“You’re the one who suggested it.”
“Yeah, but usually you stop me.”
Eddie took another sip of beer.
“Maybe,” he said casually, “I want to see Chimney short-circuit too.”
Buck squinted before finally nodding.“Alright,” he said slowly. “Fine. But we need rules.”
—
The rules they came up with during that first late night conversation were simple. They had to be subtle yet convincing. They couldn't tell anyone beforehand, that was the entire point. It was all about the element of surprise. Just turning their normal friendship up a notch until the others really started noticing, coming out that it was all a joke at the end of April. One, big, intense April Fools joke to make their friends and family feel stupid and like they'd overstepped one too many times.
They couldn't overdo it. Too much and Hen would immediately know something was up. Do too little and no one would think anything had changed at all.
They’d just… act like a couple. They decided to start with sitting closer than usual and adding some endearments into their conversations, although hearing Eddie refer to him as anything in Spanish might actually end him, but he doesn't voice that concern. They'd agreed to some subtle touches like a hand on the lower back or an arm around each other's waist.
Then there were the things like stealing food off of each other's plates that they realized wouldn't be as easy as it would for others.
“That's already normal for us,” Eddie had said, passing Buck's phone back to him, that like crossed out in the notes app. “So is carpooling and even you talking about sleeping in the same bed with me. We already do that stuff, it's not going to mean anything.”
“Okay, but we can be more obvious with some things can't we?”
“Define obvious.”
Buck waggled his eyebrows.
Eddie pointed a chip at him. “No fake kissing,” he demanded, and Buck couldn't help but bark out a startled laugh. Because after all that was not where his mind had gone. He was thinking more about some well placed innuendos to make their friends uncomfortable and he tried not to let the shock of Eddie's words bleed between them.
“Whoa, okay.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’d panic halfway through and fall over.”
“That is slander, Edddie!” Buck said as he rolled his eyes, tossing a fistful of popcorn in his best friends direction. “But, fine, no kissing. We want to shock them not disgust them anyway.”
Eddie nodded, satisfied.
“Good.” He glanced back over at the phone again. “I think–this could actually work.”
Buck leaned back against the couch again, feeling oddly giddy.
This was going to be great.
—
The problem started when nobody reacted the way they were supposed to. After all, that was the entire point of this, right? The reaction from their friends. The shock and confusion that they could later use to make the rest of them feel dumb. Except, the reactions were lackluster to say the least.
Buck arrived at the station the morning of April 1st with coffee for himself in one hand and Eddie’s travel mug in the other, filled to the brim with hot coffee exactly the way that Eddie took it. Almost black, with just a splash of the expensive caramel creamer he couldn't force himself to use more of so he didn't run through it within a week.
And so the plan began. It was something normal for them, just turned up a notch. Something that was easy to manipulate and not quite scare them with its intensity. They had the whole month, there was time to dial it up if they needed to. Although something told them both they'd get what they wanted before the big reveal.
“Morning,” Buck said brightly, handing over the mug as Eddie stepped into the kitchen.
The shorter man took it with a sigh, basically folding himself against Buck as he passed it over.
“Thanks, baby.”
Buck almost dropped his own coffee. Sure, he was aware of what was happening, he'd been the one to start the idea after all. He’d been prepared for what the day would bring. They’d even asked each other what endearments were okay, setting rules that they’d both agreed to follow with no questions asked. But, there was something about the tone of voice and Eddie's body tucked against his that made Buck seize up, a shiver traveling down his spine and pooling in his stomach. But as much as it caught him off guard, he pushed the feeling down, just smiling and wrapping Eddie up with a small little “of course” falling easily from his lips.
Behind them, Chimney paused mid-bite of toast and looked at them both, raising an eyebrow.
Buck waited.
This was it.
The moment. The first one of many that would likely be confusion followed by excitement that the tie of them would tear down in just a few weeks time.
But instead of any huge reaction, Buck saw Chim do something that he never thought possible. He simply looked between them both, exhaling into his own coffee cup after a few moments.
“Finally.”
Buck froze.
“What?”
Hen looked up from her phone, letting her eyes linger on the closeness between Buck and Eddie and then over to Chim. “Oh thank God.”
Buck turned slowly toward her.
“What do you mean thank God?”
“You two took forever,” she said with a matter of fact kind of shrug.
“Forever for what?” Eddie intersected, an offended type of tone in his voice.
“To date,” Chimney said like it was obvious. “And now I owe Hen 20 bucks because apparently you two couldn't keep it in your pants for like 6 more weeks. Maddie's gonna be pissed.”
Buck stared at him in horror.
“You had a betting pool?!”
Athena, who had stopped by on her way out on patrol to grab some overdue paperwork from Chim just rolled her eyes.
“Sweetheart,” she said, “the only surprising thing here is that it took this long.”
Buck simply threw his hands in the air and Eddie extracted himself from their standing cuddle pile with a smirk.
Traitor.
This was absolutely not going the way Buck thought it would…and something told him the next few weeks were going to be anything but easy.
—
The whole shift went like the morning. There was no shock or confusion. No cheers or questions. No one cornered them to ask what happened or when things had shifted. There was just…acceptance. As if nothing had changed.
When Buck put his hand on Eddie’s back while they walked into the bay, Ravi barely blinked. When Eddie said “pass the wrench, babe,” Chimney just smirked and rolled his eyes. When Buck stole a fry off Eddie’s plate at lunch between calls Hen simply leaned back in her chair like she’d just watched the final piece of a puzzle click into place.
“This was supposed to confuse you,” Buck said at one point, cornering Hen as she restocked the ambulance. “You were supposed to be surprised.”
Hen had simply looked at him with a smirk. “It's adorable that you think that,” she replied easily, sliding a gauze pack into the last drawer with the ease of someone who had always assumed that Buck and Eddie would one day be buckandeddie.
Adorable.
Buck did not like that word.
He liked it even less when Eddie laughed quietly beside him, checking off a few bags of fluids from the clipboard on the side of the door.
“You’re enjoying this,” Buck accused.
Eddie shrugged. “Little bit.”
Buck simply rolled his eyes. Why was he even surprised?
—--
By mid-shift on their 48 a week later, something strange started to happen and Buck really didn't know how to grapple with it.
Because pretending to date Eddie wasn’t actually hard. It was actually–well Buck didn't want to say it was the easiest thing he's ever done, but, it might be the easiest relationship. Far easier than anyone else, even the simple ‘no strings attached,’ type of flings he's fallen back into since Tommy. And sure there's no kissing, they've stood firm with that rule, and it's not like they'll ever have sex. But, the relationship still has intimacy to it. In some ways Buck actually feels that the simple touches Eddie shares with him are somehow more intimate than the things he's been doing with his body over the last several months.
That was the problem.
It was easy. In fact, it was too easy. It was intimate and simple and routine in ways that Buck longed for. He'd expected that they'd fail within the first week, that they'd never really even make it to actually telling anyone it was a joke, so sure that there'd be awkwardness and overthinking and forced touches to the point that others would sniff them out before they could even get used to it.
Instead it just felt like… them. A little more obvious and open. But the core of it was just the two of them. Like they'd always been. The way Buck automatically leaned into Eddie’s space, or the way Eddie handed him things before he asked. Even the way their hands brushed without either of them pulling away. None of it was truly new.
Which meant one of two things.
Either Buck was extremely good at fake dating.
Or–
Nope.
Not finishing that thought. He really really couldn't let himself go there
—--
The moment things started to truly unravel for buck was something so small, so mundane, that it really shouldn't have been that big of a deal.
The grocery store.
They’d stopped on the way back to Eddie's after shift, intent to grab a few snacks and move on with their night. Chris wasn't home but that didn't matter much these days, even if he was he'd be locked alone in his room playing video games with his friends. They might be graced with his presence for an evening snack but that was about it, especially on nights like this where they wouldn't make it to the Diaz house until after the teenager had already eaten dinner.
Buck was pushing the cart while Eddie grabbed protein bars off a shelf, the act of it all incredibly mundane and incredibly domestic, making his stomach clench a bit at the thought. There was something about the little moments, the ones where they cooked together, cleaned in tandem, or just existed in each other’s orbit that made him feel… they were easy. Simple. An intimacy that he so desperately craved, but not just from anyone. From Eddie specifically.
As quickly as the thought invaded, it left him as he turned with a can of soup in his hands to a woman sliding up to Eddie at the end of the aisle, a confused look and shy smile adorning her face.
She was good looking. Petite with long brown hair and piercing green eyes. She was dressed well, professional, like she was just coming out after some type of high powered corporate meeting. Maybe she was a lawyer, a finance officer, maybe even an entrepreneur. Whatever she was, Buck could tell she had money and class and a whole host of other things that Buck himself didn't have. Mainly, she was a woman. And a very gorgeous woman at that, even Buck couldn’t help but look her up and down despite the fact that he was pretty sure now more than ever that his unattainable best friend may actually be the love of his life.
“Excuse me,” she said as she approached, hand resting lightly on Eddie’s bicep. “Do you know where the cereal is?”
Eddie turned a bit, smile on his face as he pointed. “Next aisle over, although it depends what you’re looking for. The sugary stuff is closer to baking which is in aisle 6, like they’re trying to keep it away from the kids. I approve.”
She smiled again in response, her hand still staying where it was, basket hiked up toward her shoulder. She looked breathless a little when face to face with Eddie. And really, who wouldn’t be? He’s gorgeous. Buck knows this intimately. He’s spent many days memorizing every feature of Eddie’s and most nights fantasizing in ways about him that he can’t ever admit to anyone, especially Eddie himself. But watching as someone flirts shamelessly with him? Buck understands it but he can barely stomach it. They aren’t even really together, and he still feels it like the sharp knife of betrayal the longer his best friend entertains her presence.
“Thanks. And uh–sorry if this is weird, but are you single?”
Buck’s grip tightened on the cart handle instinctively and he doesn't understand why. Well, he does. Because this wasn't weird. People flirted with Eddie all of the time, but now that they're in the middle of this…. Whatever it is they’re doing… It's been harder for Buck to ignore those feelings, the ones that have been bubbling up inside of him for years now, just waiting for a moment to escape. But he knows that he isn’t the only person with eyes for his best friend. Because Eddie is handsome. Nice. Charming when he wanted to be, even if his resting bitch face could make him seem unapproachable. He’s a big softy inside and Buck knows that any woman can sense that from a mile away, and this one feels like she could really be Eddie’s type. She obviously is a career woman, one that looks physically similar to his exes. It’s normal, and Buck needs to prepare himself for the moment he hands over his number and they exchange smiles and then Eddie will–
“Sorry,” Eddie said politely with a smile before gesturing down the aisle to where Buck was standing, making his brains short circuit as he looked directly at him and stated, “My boyfriend’s got the cart.”
Boyfriend.
The woman laughed lightly. “Oh sorry!” She rolled her eyes as she finally dropped her hand from his arm. “Of course the time I try to shoot my shot the guy is gay.”
“No worries.”
She walked away quickly after that, shooting Buck an apologetic glance as she walked in the exact opposite direction of any cereal she may have been looking for. And look, Buck may have felt bad for her if he wasn’t’ busy standing there like someone had unplugged his power sources and he was still waiting to reboot.
Eddie returned to the cart a can of garbanzo beans in his hands. “You good?”
Buck nodded, maybe too fast.
“Yup. Course.”
He was decidedly not good. Not good at all.
—
By lunch a few days later Buck had a real problem. Because since the grocery store he couldn’t stop noticing things. Things like the way Eddie smiled at him from across the table or his hand lingering on against his shoulder blades as he passed by. It was even in the way that Eddie said his name– soft and gentle, overly fond in a way that made it feel like it really meant something to him.
Sure, he’s heard his name from Eddie’s lips thousands of times, but now it was starting to sound different. Or maybe, Buck was just listening differently. Maybe the struggle of The way he said Buck’s name sometimes–soft and fond, almost like it meant something. Something more. Even though he knows it doesn't, that he's on his own with this one. He can't help thinking sometimes that maybe he's not alone, that maybe Eddie is also feeling this, that somehow against all odds it's both of them and they just need to get to the end. Together.
“You’re staring,” Eddie said after a few moments, breaking Buck from his spiraling internal thoughts, burger dripping over his fingers and onto the plate in front of him, only two far too small bites taken from it.
“I am not.”
“You are.”
Buck looked down at his sandwich again, grappling for any purchase he could find.
“You’ve got sauce on your chin,” he said defensively.
Eddie wiped at his chin instinctively, narrowing his eyes when he pulled back a clean hand, the only remnants of sauce existing on the grease filled plate on the table in front of him.
“Liar.”
Buck grinned weakly before going back in for a large bite of his own burger so he wouldn't have to speak.
This was fine.
Totally fine.
—--
It took a few extra days before Hen cracked, finding Buck by the sink and cornering him so he couldn't get away, waiting until he was alone to question him in her form yet motherly way. For Buck, the loving way that she tended to care for him both in and out of the station was as annoying as it was sweet. And usually, Buck would be begging for somebody to see that there was something wrong, that he needed to talk, but not this time. This time he had a charade to keep up and his heart to protect and he knows that if he starts talking he won't stop. Not only will he ruin the game but he's sure that once the floodgates open about how he feels–abkut Eddie– there's no going back.
He doesn't know how to handle that right now, how to accept the possibility of it all falling a part in front of him
“You okay?” The question landed softly and all Buck could do was sigh at it in that deep, exhausted type of way that his coworker knew far too well.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been scrubbing the same plate for two minutes. Anymore and I think there won't be any plate left.”
Buck looked down to see a spotless ceramic staring back. She was right of course, he'd been so distracted by his racing thoughts and the predicament he'd found himself in that he'd simply…lost track of his task, something he hadn't done in a long time. And he wonders if this is yet another side effect of Eddie on him, the way he can be as calming as he is disorienting. Buck doesn't have the words for it.
“Oh.”
All he could do was set the plate aside, reaching his hands back into the sudsy water and pulling out a fork that he turned his attention to. “Just thinking.”
Hen studied him for a moment. She was quiet, like she was waiting for the right time to speak, like she was attempting to find the right words as well. When she finally did speak it was quiet and soft, like she was somehow bringing Buck into a revelation that she knew but he hadn't yet been made privy tom
“You know we’ve been watching you love him for years, right? That we all are happy if you guys are happy…” she trails off for a moment before reaching up to turn Bucks head towards her, forcing him to listen.
Her hand is warm against his face, gentle in its touch and he can sense the worry in the way her thumb glides against his cheek.
“That’s dramatic,” he finally is able to say when his tongue unsticks from the roof of his mouth, dunking the fork into the clean water before letting his hands rest on the edge of the sink, tearing his face out of Hen's grasp and trying to turn from her gaze. It's too stripping, making him feel like she could see right through him and through the charade they were putting up
Except it wasn't truly fake for Buck and he's sure that she can see that too.
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
Hen didn’t look convinced by his words and the shaky tone of voice that accompanied them.
“You’re wrong, Hen,” he said far too quickly.
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
Hen tilted her head before gently letting her hands fully drop to her sides again. “Okay.”
Somehow that answer and the sad look that passed over her face were worse than arguing, and the conversation carried with him the rest of the shift.
Every little moment felt amplified and stretched in front of him in a way that he could barely handle. Every move of Eddie's, although agreed upon previously, felt like a knife through his chest, tearing him open over and over again.
It felt like creating sea glass. A rough around the edges, Buck being smoothed in the most painful way possible. His body metaphorically dredged across the hot, abrasive sand as it turned him into something new, creating a new version of him that barely resembled how he started. It was like every motion of Eddie's created something new in Buck and tumbled him over and over again with barely a warning.
Eddie’s knee bumping his under the table or him saying “careful,” in that honey warm tone of voice as Buck nearly slipped on wet pavement during a call. Even small things like Eddie's hand on his back, large and all- encompassing, guiding him through a doorway, their bodies angled and pressed together in a way that was innocent enough, yet set him on fire all the same.
Now, Buck couldn't help but think of Hen's words, of the fact that the team had been watching him not just fall, but actively love Eddie. Because that wasn't it….right?
Sure, there were feelings there. They were deep and pretending tore him open inside, but that didn't mean that it was true love, that it wasn't anything more than some kind of misplaced infatuation that he could move past if given the chance.
Right?
….Right?
Anything else? Well, Buck couldn't entertain that even if his mind and heart were telling him that things were more than they appeared.
Because if he did it could ruin everything that he'd built and the friendship that he and Eddie had. Piece by piece they'd built some type of makeshift family, one that had Buck looking for Eddie in every crowded room or calling him the moment that something big happened, something life-changing. Even before his sister, he'd always touch base with Eddie.
Eddie was his family. So was Chris.
The thought of not having them, of losing either of them was unfathomable in a way that made panic claw up his throat. It wasnt–he couldn't–
Oh no.
The realization truly hit him then, like a bolt of lightning–and he was intimately familiar with the feeling, don't test him on it. This wasn't a small crush or feelings he could move past. This wasn't some puppy love of a man coming to terms with his sexuality who would easily conform to a new normal.
No, now he's had a taste of what it could mean to be with Eddie, to be Eddie's. And he can't let go of it.
Now that he has it the love inside him has only amplified and he doesn't know what the hell he's supposed to do with that.
—--
He made it to the end of the shift before he finally cracked. The weight of the day and the precious week weighing on him in a way that he just finally couldn't shake.
The locker room was quiet when he entered and Buck stood in front of his locker, staring at his warped reflection in the shiny metal. He didn't recognize himself, not by look and certainly not by feel. His body felt foreign to him with sweaty palms and a racing heart, his brain feeling like static in his head, an ache beginning to form just from the overwhelming thoughts that he just couldn't stop.
All he wanted was Eddie. What he needed was Eddie. And yet, Eddie was the reason he couldn't go to him, couldn't express what was happening inside of him. Because as much as he wanted Eddie…his best friend didn't want him, at least not really. He's agreed to this prank as just that, a prank. A joke. Something fun to do that would annoy their friends and coworkers. He hadn't expected it to do so much to him instead.
He opened his locker on auto pilot, stripping down to a pair of boxers with near clinical efficiency, pulling on his civilian clothes without so much as a misplaced breath. Jeans first then an undershirt. Wet wipe so he didn't have to shower at the station, followed by deodorant. A basic black T-shirt, his legs hoodie thrown over top. It wasn't his best look, but it's comfortable and easy. He goes through the motions, chucking his dirty clothes into the bin by the door and repacking his duffle with ease.
“Buck?”
Eddie’s voice.
Buck closed his locker too hard at the sound. Of course he was selling here. Of course.
“Hey,” Eddie said, stepping closer. “What’s wrong?”
Buck laughed shakily at that. Because what wasn't wrong? What wasn't falling apart around Buck with every passing second?
“This was supposed to be funny.”
Eddie frowned immediately, reaching towards Buck who simply took half a step back, not wanting the touch to come. Not right now. “What happened?”
Buck scrubbed a hand over his face.
“I think I made a mistake.”
“What kind of mistake?”
Buck looked at him then. Really looked. He took in the familiarity of Eddie's face. The lines that had deepened over the last near decade that they'd know each other, the concern in soft hazel eyes and the way he stood, spine straight like he'd never really left the military, the intense stare directly at Buck that he usually craved because it made him feel like the only person in the room. And suddenly he was hit with the feeling of being unable to do it.
He couldn't pretend anymore, even if he wanted to. And there wasn't a bone in his body that wanted to pretend. Not now.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
The words fly out without a second thought and silence follows. It's near immediate and overwhelming and Buck wants to die. He wants to turn around and vomit and then lay down and die. Because that was absolutely not the way he had wanted to say it. Sure, he didn't want to pretend anymore but he hadn't wanted to do that or say it in the middle of the locker room at work.
The silence is deafening until Eddie takes a step forward, Buck's back hitting the locker softly as he tries to back up but unable to as Eddie boxes him in. Then quietly, almost so he can't be heard Eddie whispers,
“I know.”
Buck blinked up at him, body sagging slightly under the weight of it all, knees buckling at the words that were the exact opposite of what he'd expected. He'd expected surprise. Maybe disgust or confusion. He's expected his best friend to take a large step back to our space between them and possibly create a chasm so great in their relationship that it couldn't be repaired. What he hadn't expected…was that.
“What?”
“I know,” Eddie repeated, still quiet but a little more hold than before.
Buck just continued to stare.
“You knew?”
Eddie rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean I had a suspicion.”
“How long?”
Eddie hesitated at that almost like he hadn't thought this far ahead. Which was fair, Buck assumed. It's not everyday your best friend and coworker looks you in the face at your job and tells you they think they love you. Honestly, Buck thinks they're both handling the moment well, all things considered.
“I–the lighting maybe is when I really–when I really knew something was different. But I started–i don't know. I've always known we weren't exactly uh–normal but the well was when I–when I got suspicious of it.”
Buck’s jaw dropped.
“That was years ago Eddie! ”
“Yeah.”
“And you didn’t say anything?!”
Eddie smiled faintly at that almost like he'd thought about this before. Had weighed his options and chosen the safest one. “You weren’t ready.”
“And now?”
Eddie stepped closer again, body pretty much aligned with Bucks, resting fully against him.
“Now you are.”
Buck swallowed.
“And you?”
Eddie’s voice softened. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Buck. I was just–it never felt like the right time and I–”
Buck didn’t think. He just lurched forward, both hands on Eddie's face and kissed him. It wasn't coordinated or anywhere near his best work. It was sloppy and at a weird angle, Eddie's hand in the air until they finally settled against bucks shoulders, a safe place to touch. Eddie made a surprised noise in his throat before kissing back, lips moving against bucks with a type of urgency, precision and mess that was fully intoxicating. It was overwhelming in the type of way where Buck's mind was made up of nothing but Eddie, Eddie Eddie.
Eddie's arms at his shoulders, right hand reaching to run at the back of his neck, playing with the soft curls that rested there. Eddie's body against his, angled in a way that at least gave them some decency but still a warm and comfortable weight blanketed over him.
He pulled back slightly after a moment, sucking in air like a starving man before Eddie chases him, crashing their lips back together. The movement was sharp and sudden causing Buck to forcefully fall against his locker, the metallic clink echoing through the otherwise quiet space. And when they both pulled back again, laughing and staying close despite the need to truly breathe, Buck realized something.
The fake dating and playing pretend? That was never the problem. It was the solution to the years spent pretending that this wasn't an inevitability.
“We,” he said through a weak laugh, puffs of air against Eddie's face, “are so stupid.”
Eddie just huffed a near giggle of his own. “Absolutely.”
Buck leaned his forehead against Eddie’s easily, letting his heart rate return to normal and wrapped himself up in Eddie's arms like it was the easiest thing in the world. And maybe it was. Maybe it could have always been this simple if they had just tried.
“So… what now?”
Eddie smiled softly at him, dropping a small peck to the tip of his nose.
“Now I think we can stop pretending. Maybe come clean about the whole thing.”
From outside the locker room, Chimeney shouted, both of them breaking a part and turning to see him standing with his back to the glass door.
“You two better not be making out in there!”
Buck groaned while Eddie laughed, something full bodied and joyous about it. When they finally allowed themselves to step back into the station, dressed in presentable enough civvies, despite the wrinkles in Buck's hoodie, everything felt simple again. Everything felt like it had fallen back into place.
Buck grabbed at Eddie's hand as they turned towards the team with what he assumed were equally guilty looks on their faces.
“Good news!” Eddie announced with a smirk. “It was a prank “
Groans erupted at that, Hens all knowing eyes falling immediately to Buck's, something soft and a little sad written all over her face.
Then Buck pulled Eddie in and kissed him again, grinning as they pulled a part and looking right at hen as he addressed the station again.
“And then it wasn't.”
Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand like he wasn’t planning on letting go as they were enveloped in the arms of their coworkers and family. And Buck knew he wasn't going to let him go.
Not now.
Not ever.