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With the sound of the waves crashing into the shore, mixed with the soft breeze as the sun shone down onto his skin, Eddie felt at ease. The cup and a half of red wine currently in his system probably helped a bit too, honestly.
Buck had picked up an open B shift for some extra money, and of course Eddie had been more than willing to watch Theo for him. Which is how he ended up on the beach, a red solo cup in his hand with Maddie lounging next to him while Chimney helped all the kids make a sandcastle further down the beach.
Theo and Jee were on shell-collecting duty from what Eddie could see, while Chimney helped baby Nash and Chris build the start of the walls.
It was honestly the most relaxed he had felt in a while. What with having a four year old running around his house again, Eddie was remembering just how little sleep he used to get when him and Chris first moved to LA. Not that he regretted it, no, quite the opposite, helping Buck with Theo was one of the most rewarding experiences of his life, save for raising his own kid.
It was just nice to unwind with some wine in a plastic cup and enjoy some small-talk with a friend every once in a while, too.
Speaking of, Maddie leaned over and topped off his cup with the rest of the bottle they had been drinking. It was only half-full when she brought it, but even still, Eddie couldn’t help but laugh seeing the last bit of it drip down into his cup.
“Guess we got carried away.” He said jokingly.
Maddie waved him off. “The kids are gonna knock out as soon as we get home, and you can always crash with us if you need to. Chim can watch Chris and Theo, no problem.” She said, taking a long sip of her wine.
Eddie smiled warmly at her. “Thanks, Maddie.” He said, taking a drink from his own cup.
The sun was set low in the sky now, still warming Eddie’s skin and reflecting off of the endless sand beneath them, but it created a beautiful orange glow on the horizon that had Eddie mesmerized.
“Eddie!” Theo’s voice grabbed Eddie’s attention, his gaze snapping over to see the toddler running toward him at full speed, carrying something in his hands tightly.
“What is it, Theo?” He asked, giving his cup to Maddie to hold as he sat up straighter. “You okay, bud?”
Theo skidded across the sand, halting himself right in front of Eddie as he nodded excitedly. “This is for you!” He said, holding out his hands and revealing the small pink scallop shell he had been holding.
“For me?” Eddie asked, already feeling himself begin to smile as Maddie ooh-ed and aah-ed next to him. He reached out to grab the shell from Theo, admiring it in the glow of the sun. “That’s amazing, buddy. Thank you so much, this is such a thoughtful gift.”
Theo beamed up at him, rocking back and forth on his feet as his arms swung from side-to-side. “Should I find one for Buck, too?” He asked sheepishly. “D’you think he’d like it?”
Eddie pretended to think, inspecting the shell even closer as he hummed. He even turned to Maddie, showing off the shell and raising his eyebrows as if to ask what do you think?
“Well, I think Buck would be very jealous of Eddie’s if you didn’t.” Maddie said.
Eddie nodded in agreement. “She’s right.” He said. “You gotta make sure you find an extra special one for Buck, okay?”
Theo giggled, looking between the two of them for only a moment before shouting out an “Okay!” and running back off toward Chimney and the rest of the kids.
Eddie looked down at the shell in his hand, a small smile creeping onto his lips as he admired it. He almost didn’t notice Maddie trying to give him his cup back, too lost in the dark pink pattern littering the shell’s surface.
“So,” She said once Eddie grabbed it from her. “Got something I’ve been wanting to ask you.”
Eddie side-eyed her. This couldn’t be good, not with the way Maddie was eyeing him overtop of her cup as she took another sip. Eddie mentally braced himself for whatever question she had brewing in her mind as he set the scallop shell on top of his bag.
“The auction.” Maddie stated plainly.
Eddie looked at her suspiciously. “The auction.” He repeated. “What about it? I’m all paid up, last I checked.” He said jokingly, holding his hands up in mock-surrender.
“No, you are, it’s not about that.” She said with a laugh. “Just, uh—I’m curious. You spent close to three grand that night so that you, what, didn’t have to go on one date? It’s not like you were required to marry whoever bid on you.”
Eddie huffed out a laugh, shrugging his shoulders. Truth be told, he wasn’t really sure exactly why he had done it, only that the thought of some random woman winning and taking him out on a date where he’d have to smile and talk sweetly and act interested spiked his anxiety too high, and personally, he thought that three grand was worth every penny. “Just easier.” Is what he landed on saying.
“Just easier.” Maddie repeated, almost exasperated as she shook her head in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
“As a heart attack.” Eddie replied with a chuckle, turning his attention back to the kids out on the shore. Chris and Theo were circling around the area the sandcastle was being built, with Theo peering down at the ground, searching for shells. Each time he found one, he’d hold it up triumphantly to Chris, who would inspect it himself before either nodding or shaking his head. When he nodded, the shell would go into Theo’s pocket, and if he shook his head, Theo would bring the shell over to Jee, who was decorating the walls of the sandcastle with baby Nash and Chim.
“Come on,” Maddie said, gesturing to Eddie, and then out to the beach where the children were playing.
Eddie’s gaze turned to look at her instead. “Come on, what?”
“Just—this.” She said. “You really think that this isn’t part of the reason, too?”
This? What did she mean by this? Christopher? Of course, Chris also played a role in his choosing not to date right now, but Eddie couldn’t exactly see how that had anything to do with anything.
“Yeah,” He said with a nod. “I’m trying to focus more of my attention on Chris, too. Adding a new person to my life would over-complicate things right now.”
Maddie raised an eyebrow as she finished off the wine in her cup. “Complicate things with you and Buck, you mean.” She said pointedly.
Eddie’s neck almost snapped with how fast he whipped his head to fully face Maddie. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked.
“Like you don’t already know.” She said teasingly. “I mean—just look at you guys. Bringing Theo and Chris to the beach for a family day while Buck’s at work?”
“Buck used to watch Chris for me all the time, how does that have to do with anything?” Eddie asked with a laugh.
“That’s what I mean!” Maddie said, exasperated. “You guys already raised one kid together, and now you’re raising a second one? I mean, how would you even explain that to a date?”
Okay, well, Eddie had never really thought about it. It all felt so normal to him, that naturally, he would help Buck with Theo just as much as he had helped Eddie with Chris, since they were both single parents, now.
“It’s just—“ Eddie huffed out a breath as Maddie looked at him expectantly. “You and Chim watch Hen and Karen’s kids all the time.” He changed the subject, pointing a finger at Maddie accusingly as he brought the cup to his lips again, finishing off what he had left.
Maddie grinned, rolling her eyes. “That is so different, Eddie.” She said.
“Oh, yeah?” He said. “How so?”
“Well, for starters, I never had a boyfriend break up with me because of Hen or Karen.” Maddie said casually, leaning over to dig through the cooler and pull out a four pack of individual moscato bottles.
Eddie scoffed, though still took the two bottles offered to him by Maddie. “None of my girlfriends ever broke up with me over Buck. All of those were my fault, thank you very much.” He cracked both bottles open, pouring them into his cup at the same time.
“Wasn’t talking about you.” She said with a shrug, filling her own cup before taking a swig. “Buck never told you about Tommy?”
Eddie raised an eyebrow. Yes, he had, Tommy had broken up with him because he claimed Buck wasn’t ready, or that he was gonna break Tommy’s heart, or something stupid like that. Felt like an excuse to Eddie, frankly, but it was none of his business.
“That wasn’t because of me, Maddie. He was Buck’s first boyfriend, and he just didn’t like that.” Eddie said. Though, truthfully, there was a small part, deep inside of Eddie, that felt smug at the implication that it could’ve been Eddie’s fault. Which, he knows, yeah, that’s not good, he shouldn’t feel pride at the thought of Buck’s boyfriend breaking up with him because of Eddie, but he couldn’t really help it.
“Yeah, that was the first time.” Maddie said with a laugh. “He never told you about the time after you went to El Paso?”
“They got back together?” Eddie asked, his voice wavering a bit. Why hadn’t Buck told him? That he and Tommy not only got back together, but had broken up again? All in the span of him being in Texas? His shoulder slumped a bit as he leaned back on his hands. “It’s not like he owes me anything, Maddie. He doesn’t need to tell me.” He said, though he knew it was a lie. He can’t believe that in all of their daily talks while Eddie was in Texas, that Buck hadn’t mentioned it, not even once. He had to hear about it almost an entire year later, sitting on the beach with Buck’s sister.
“Sure, Eddie.” She said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “And I wouldn’t exactly say they got back together. It was more of, um, a one-night stand? And they broke up in the morning again when Tommy accused Buck of being in love with you.”
What?
Before Eddie had any time to process what Maddie had just told him, Theo came running back up to him with a wide grin plastered on his face.
“Eddie!” He shouted.
“Theo!” Eddie shouted back, placing his cup down on the towel he was sitting on, focusing his attention away from the fact that Tommy accused Buck of being in love with him. “Find a good shell for Buck?”
Theo nodded eagerly. “Me and Chris found a who-ole bunch!” He said, stretching his arms out to emphasize whole. He reached down into his pocket, pulling out a handful of shells as he plopped himself down in front of Eddie and spread them all out. “You gotta help me pick which one to give him!”
Eddie laughed softly, reaching over to ruffle Theo’s hair. “Sure, bud, let’s pick.” He said.
Theo had collected a wide variety—lots of them broken or still a little dirty from the sand, but they were all still beautiful to Eddie. As he looked down between them, his eyes danced from the shells, to Theo’s excited face, and then out to the shore, where Chris was digging a moat for their almost-done sandcastle. He caught Eddie’s gaze and waved, smiling wide.
Eddie gave him a wave back before focusing back down on the shells, and instantly, one caught his eye. It was a moon snail shell, with a striking grey and blue pattern. Out of every shell, it was one of the only ones still perfectly intact.
Eddie picked it out of the bunch, brushing off a few stray pieces of sand and holding it up to the sun. “What about this? Doesn’t it remind you of Buck’s eyes?” He asked.
Theo gasped dramatically, standing on his tip-toes and reaching up to grab the shell from Eddie’s hands. “It does!” He said excitedly. “It’s perfect! You gotta keep it safe, okay Eddie?” Theo said, pointing at Eddie accusingly.
Eddie held up a hand in salute. “Yes, sir!” He said with a smile, taking the shell back from Theo and placing it next to his own, on top of his bag. Theo squeaked out an excited laugh before turning on his heels and sprinting back over to the group, where Chimney caught him mid-run and lifted him up high in the air. Eddie could hear his giggles even from where he was sitting, and it filled his heart with a fuzzy sort of warmth.
“Doesn’t it remind you of Buck’s eyes?” Maddie repeated in disbelief. “It’s like you don’t even hear yourself.” She mumbled.
Eddie turned toward her and held up a finger. “No way, don’t change the subject now.” He said. “What’s this about Tommy and Buck now?”
Maddie rolled her eyes playfully. “Jealous?” She teased.
“Really, what’d he say?” Eddie asked. For some reason, this was really affecting him. The whole not-knowing. The fact that Buck had never told him. Wasn’t this something they could laugh about? As friends, shouldn’t they be able to bring it up to each other if a partner was jealous of their friendship? Not that Tommy was a partner, apparently, only a one-night stand, but still, that should make it even easier to mention. It was funny, wasn’t it?
Except, Eddie cant really recall laughing about it. He can’t recall wanting to, and frankly, now that he thought about it, the picture of Buck in his mind, laughing on the other side of their FaceTime call as he said ”And Tommy thought I was in love with you, I mean, can you even imagine?” made him feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
Which was probably something he needed to unpack.
“If I remember correctly,” Maddie started to say, taking a pause and holding up a finger before chugging down the rest of her newly-filled cup. “Something-something Eddie is straight. Which Tommy laughed at.” She finished.
“Tommy laughed?” Eddie asked, suddenly feeling a bit offended.
Maddie nodded. “But, I mean—“ She started to say, her eyes turning a bit softer as she gazed over at Eddie. “…Are you?” She asked quietly.
Eddie paused. His instinct said of course I am, what kind of question even is that? but somewhere else inside of him, he felt the question pull at him. He had… admittedly given it some thought. Some nights down in El Paso, he’d lay in bed in the early hours of the morning—when he should be sleeping—and he’d let his mind wander to new places. Places that happened to have striking blue eyes and a flushed-pink birthmark.
He looked at Maddie, his eyebrows furrowed. “I—I don’t know.” He mumbled out.
Her bottom lip jutted out into a pout as she reached over to rub Eddie’s shoulder caringly. “It’s okay,” She said, “you don’t have to have all the answers right now.”
And Eddie really wasn’t planning on getting wine-tipsy on the beach and half-coming out to Maddie today, he hadn’t written it on his calendar and he most certainly hadn’t circled it, but Maddie’s presence was comforting, and somehow, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his chest.
“Want me to stop talking about it?” Maddie asked him. “I can talk about something else. Ooh, Linda tried out one of the recipes you had given her, brought some to the dispatch center.” She said, nudging Eddie’s shoulder as she spoke, her lips curling into a small smile.
As much as Eddie actually did want to hear about how the recipe came out, he had already opened the dam, and he wasn’t really quite sure how to close it, now.
“I think I’m in love with Buck.” He stated plainly. He doesn’t remember planning that out before saying it, it was almost on instinct when he opened his mouth to speak. He truly had opened the dam, and there were things inside that even he wasn’t ready for. Wasn’t expecting, either.
But, it’s not as if it was untrue. It only made sense, didn’t it? Buck was the one, Buck had always been the one. For as long as Eddie can remember, now, it’s always been Buck. He’s been not only a constant in Eddie’s own life, but Chris’s too, and without him, Eddie wasn’t sure where he’d be now.
Suddenly, Eddie was hit with an overwhelming surge of yearning, yearning for a man that he’d see in less than twenty-four hours, who would come over to pick up Theo and, like every time Eddie watched him, he was going to offer to cook dinner for them, and he was going to end up spending the night, curled up in Eddie’s bed just like how they slept when Eddie got back from El Paso.
Then, too, Eddie remembers that he would lie awake and stare at his ceiling, his ears focused on listening to the sound of Buck’s even breathing as he slept directly next to Eddie. Some nights, Buck would curl up against Eddie’s arm, and Eddie could feel his pulse point right against his arm. It was the most comfortable he had ever been in that bed. Eddie was yearning for more, now.
“I—oh, God, Maddie, I’m in love with Buck.” He repeated, louder this time.
Maddie couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face. “I know, Eddie.” She said. “Only took this long, huh?” She joked.
Eddie wanted to roll his eyes, but really, looking back, she was right. How had it taken this long for him to realize, truly?
Before Eddie could get lost in thought again, Maddie nudged his shoulder. “Come on, let’s pack up the kids and have Chim drive us home, I think you deserve some ice cream and another glass of wine before the night is over.” She said with a wink.
Eddie cracked a small smile. “That sounds perfect.” He said. “Thank you, Maddie.”
She laughed softly, patting his back comfortingly. “I’m always willing to get wine-drunk with my brother-in-law.” She said with a sly grin.
He rolled his eyes, though couldn’t help the wide smile that stretched across his face. “Direct some of that toward Buck, won’t you? Me and you just had a moment.” He said.
Maddie hummed for a moment. “I can do that.” She said. “Not that I need an excuse to tease Buck.”
She stood then, collecting her own and Eddie’s empty cups and stuffing them in her bag as she called out to Chimney and the kids. Eddie began packing up his own things, shaking out the sand from his towel and folding it up.
Just as he went to put it back in his bag, the two seashells from Theo caught his eye again. They were sitting right on top, side by side, and Eddie chuckled softly to himself as he picked them up. He held them both in his hand, admiring the soft blue of the moon snail shell, and the vibrant pink of the scallop shell, their stark contrasts fitting together so well, making each other stand out and look even more radiant when they were together.
Buck and Eddie, he thought. The perfect match.