Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

1996

Shane Hollander was five years old, and he could write his whole name easy without any help even with remembering how many ells there were in Hollander, and he could recite the phone number for his house where he lived with his mama and his daddy and Grumpy Gretsky their pussy cat, and he knew that if he was lost he was supposed to find a mama looking person, or someone in a uniform that was not a school uniform, and tell them his name and that he was lost and could someone please call his home for him, and he could say this in English and in French.

And none of that mattered right now because everyone here was speaking Russian, and he had told his mama that he couldn't speak Russian and she had said it would be okay because they were staying with their friends and family and they would be speaking English and Japanese, and Shane could speak some Japanese, and it would be all okay, and they would put a tag in Russian on his jacket in the airport so if he got lost it would be fine, it had all the information needed to get him un-lost, and that was good, but he wasn't in the airport now and he didn't have a tag with all the un-losting writing on it and he had gone four days this week with a gold star every day for not getting upset and making the loud noise his daddy called the Shaney alarm, and he was worried he was going to start making the loud noise now and he wouldn't get his gold star and then the whole week would be ruined.

Hatsu, his cousin who wasn't his cousin but who was like his cousin because his mama said his mama was like her sister, hadn't wanted to take Shane with him and his friend Alyosha but his mama had said he had to, because Shane was too little to go to the park by himself, and Hatsu was such a grown up boy who could be responsible, and so Shane had followed Hatsu and Alyosha down a weird wobbly sort of street, and then down another one and then another one and he had asked where the park was and if they were close and if there would be ducks and then Hatsu and Alyosha had started to speed up a little and giggle and he had sped up too and then they had opened a gate and held it for him and he had run up to it and they pushed him through the gate and closed it behind him and they left and he couldn't reach the latch of the gate to open it and anyway you were supposed to stay where you were when you were lost unless it was in water or on fire or other dangerous things and then you were supposed to stay close to the spot you got lost in and -

He was making the loud noise, it was coming out of his mouth very loudly, and it was knocking on the doors and windows and walls and stones around him until they were all shaking a lot and shaking him and he was sitting down on his butt on the path made of lots of different coloured stones and it was cold which helped but the noise kept happening.

While Hatsu and Alyosha ran off down the streets they knew, towards the park that did in fact have ducks, Shane sat in the courtyard of Alyosha's babushka's house, and did not at first notice the door to the house opening. Stayed balled up and weeping over being lost and losing his gold star, and didn't hear the footsteps.

Alyosha's mama crouched down next to him, careful not to overbalance with her protruding stomach, her mama watching from the doorway. She did not reach out to touch Shane, kept her hands on her knees as she spoke softly.

She tried in Russian first, a very simple, hello. "Privet."

He startled, his head jolting up to look at her, and then he froze, wide eyed and wet faced, like a little wild creature trying not to be seen. His arms were locked tight around his knees. He did not say anything, so she tried again, asked if he was okay.

"Ty v poryadke, mal'chik?"

He stayed very still, only sucking his lower lip into his mouth, and blinking wetly at her. She gave him another moment to work up to speech, and it helped.

"No one talked me to talk Russian," he said, all of his words coming out small and even like each one was thought about hard before being spoken. "Sorry."

She smiled at him. Her English was not as good as she would like, but she thought maybe it was good enough to speak at a - she couldn't quite tell how old he was. She thought probably her Ilyushenka's age, but this boy was much smaller.

"Is okay," she told him. "I will speak English with you, hm? You are okay?"

His whole face brightened up, and he offered her a very small smile. "I am lost," he said, and then, in the manner of one reciting something long remembered, he began; "My name is Shane Hollander with two ells and my mama's name is Yuna Hollander with two ells, and I - oh no." His face fell again, chin trembling. The rest of his spiel was useless here, his mama and daddy were also in Russia, not at home with their phone, and he didn't have his airport tag.

"Oh, mal'chik," she said, one hand darting out, pausing, and then cupping his face. "Is okay," she told him again. "You say your mama is Yuna?Is she here for big party?"

He chewed on his lower lip again, thinking hard, and then nodded. She nodded as well, used her thumb to wipe away some of the drying tears on his cheek.

"She is staying with Mona and Hatsu?" She asked, and he nodded again, much more vigorously. "Ah, will all be okay, then," she told him with a big smile. "We are so close, yes? You want I take you?" A third nod. "Okay, good. You will walk? Ah? I carry you?"

She clasped her arms together like an embrace and rocked them, and he smiled and shook his head, released his legs and stood up. She stood up slower, heavy stomach, sore legs. Looked to the doorway. Her mama had gone back to the sewing, sitting hunched over the heavy table just inside, the lamp tipped low. In her place in the doorway was Ilyushenka, peering out at her and at Shane.

"Ah," she said, "moy mal'chik, eto Sheyn. Shane, this is my baby boy, Ilyushenka."

Ilyushenka looked at Shane, and then at his mama, frowned. Her boy could be solemn sometimes. She held her hand out to him, and he came, his eyes suspicious on Shane. She held her other hand to Shane, and Shane took it.

It was a quick walk, two houses down, little easily loop-able alleyways sliding between houses and real streets. While they walked, Shane and Ilyushenka darted solemnly suspicious looks at each other around her legs, and said nothing at all.

-

Mona and Yuna were discussing decoration when Irina knocked on the door. They had gone in circles about it all morning, because Mona's soon to be husband kept changing his mind about how traditional he was willing to go, and Mona kept changing her mind about how against her soon to be husband's wishes she was willing to go. Yuna had every so often been gently reminding her that even so close to the date, a wedding could be postponed, if, perhaps, there were more problems than just decor to be ironed out.

Her own husband, David, had been tasked with being a man with the other men, and was on a mission in a very rugged looking van to pick up several folding tables without wobbly legs, and she wished she had asked him to be relegated to be here with her, maybe making cups of tea and giving her calming looks so she wouldn't outright tell Mona to leave her fiance just because Yuna was a little miffed with his decision making skills.

She had been hoping it might be David at the door when she went to go answer it, and was taken aback to have her legs immediately run into, her son wrapping his arms around her like he had been away all day rather than all of ten minutes.

Her hand went automatically to Shane's head, her palm curving around it as she looked at the woman in the doorway. There was a blonde haired child wrapped around her legs as well.

"Privet," the woman said, "hello. I am Irina, you are Yuna, yes?"

Yuna nodded, darted her eyes down to Shane, who had sniffed once, and then been quiet. "I am, yes," she said. "Shane was supposed to be with his cousin Hatsu, and his friend Alyosha, what happened?"

"Ah," Irina said, her eyes closing briefly, expression washing over with understanding, annoyance, and then acceptance, all very quickly. "Alyosha is my older boy," she said. "Shane, ah, I found him in my mama's back yard. I do not know how."

"Shane?" Yuna asked, stroked her hand over his soft hair, and then cupped the back of his head to encourage him to look up at her. "What happened, baby?"

Shane's shoulders lifted minutely in a shrug, and he blinked up at his mama, guilt pooling in his stomach as he remembered how he had cried. "They shut gate," he said, "and leaved. I cried. Sorry mama."

"Oh, baby," Yuna soothed, reaching with her other hand to stroke Shane's damp cheek, and then to cup it as she crouched down in front of him so she could press a kiss to his forehead. "You were scared? It's okay."

He nodded, and then turned his head a little to glance back at Irina and her son, darting his eyes away quickly when Irina smiled at him, ducking his head.

"Thank you, Irina, was it? You know Mona?" Yuna asked, kissed Shane again and stood back up straight, "You should come in and have a cup of tea and some cake."

Shane's mama and Hatsu's mama, and the mama who had found and saved Shane were all sitting together drinking tea and talking, and Shane and the other boy Shenka were sitting next to each other between their mama's and were allowed to have one slice each of the little sweet loaf from the table and Shane had already finished his one slice and his fingers were a little sticky and Shenka kept making his eyes really wide at him so Shane kept making his eyes really wide back at him and when Shenka laughed he still had slice in his mouth and he laughed some right out onto Shane's arm which was very yucky and Shenka's mama sighed and Shane's mama sighed, and they were both sent to the wash room to wipe his shirt and Shenka's face.

"Mne zhal'," Shenka said in the little wash room, the first words Shane had heard from him, and Shane didn't know what they meant except that Shenka was pouting when he said it, his head ducked down even while his eyes were looking up at Shane, watching as Shane grabbed the wash cloth from where it was hanging over a rail on the wall and then turning the tap on just a little so it drip dripped slowly onto the cloth making it damp not wet.

"Alyosha is your big brother?" Shane asked Shenka, because he had been running the question around in his head because he was sure it was right but not sure enough to say it to his mama or Shenka's mama, but he wanted to know so he could know if Shenka might also shut him behind a gate and run away from him, and if he needed to be careful to make sure to leave the wash room first so he wouldn't get shut in because Hatsu had shut him in here just yesterday and it hadn't even been locked but he had slid a towel in the sliding part of the door from the outside and it had been blocked and Shane didn't have muscles big enough for that and he had had to wait until someone else needed the wash room to be found.

Shenka frowned at Shane, or, at Shane's words, and watched as Shane wiped at his sleeve with the cloth and then re-wet it under the drip drip drip of the tap again and began to wipe at Shenka's face where he had smeared loaf crumbs across his cheek all gross with the back of his hand and when he wiped at Shenka's face, Shenka made his eyes go all big again with his eyebrows up really high and Shane giggled, and Shenka giggled, and there was a big spot on Shenka's face that Shane had thought was a crumb but wasn't so he had wiped at it a few times trying to clean it off before Shenka batted his hand away with another laugh and turned them both towards the mirror, pointing at his own face.

"Rodinka," he said, pointing at the spot, and then moving his hand to point at another spot that looked similar on the other side of his face, "rodinka," he said again, and then moved his hand so it poked Shane's cheeks "vesnushki," he said, and Shane could see in the mirror that Shenka was looking at Shane's face now, eyes gone all squinting as he moved his finger poke, poke, poke, each poke landing on one of Shane's freckles, and Shenka said again; "vesnushki."

"Freckles," Shane said, pleased to be understanding what Shenka was saying to him, "freckles are vesnushki," he said, laying it out, before frowning because if vesnushki was freckles he still didn't know what rodinka was except it was like bigger freckles and Shenka had them and Shane didn't have them, and they weren't big loaf crumbs but maybe Shane didn't know the word in English because there wasn't a word in English, so it was good there was a word in Russian, and he turned away from the mirror so he could see Shenka properly and lifted his own hand to touch the rodinka he hadn't tried to wipe off, and said; "rodinka, I do not have rodinkas, but you have freckles, here -" he trailed his finger down to the bridge of Shenka's nose and Shenka tipped his head back and pretended to bite at Shane's fingers so Shane squealed and pulled his hand away and they both laughed.

When they came back to the mamas, Shane not getting trapped in the bathroom, Shane was going to ask his mama what a rodinka was and if there was an English word for it and why didn't Shane know what it was, and maybe was there a French word for it too, and what was that, but he got distracted right away because his mama and Shenka's mama were talking just the two of them, his Oba Mona gone somewhere else, and his mama was saying something about hockey, and Shane loved hockey so much and he had been sad he would not get to play hockey for a whole week and a bit while they were here in Russia because his mama and daddy had said there probably wouldn't be time, and they didn't know about rinks in the town, and so no they were not going to pack his skates because they were heavy and they needed the room in the luggage for Mona's wedding gift, but now his mama was saying hockey!

Mona had gone to answer the phone in the other room, and upon answering had immediately dropped into another argument, so Yuna was reasonably certain it was her fiance on the line. She turned back to Irina, and they smiled a little awkwardly at each other, now their mutual connection was gone and getting both louder and quieter as the argument ramped up and she went further away, closing doors behind her.

"Well," Yuna said. "Ah, so, I think I've finally worked it out - your mother - Eugenia - is the one who's sewing the dresses, isn't she?"

"Yes," Irina smiled at her, "she was to only do wedding dress, but I was able to come stay, so together we do all."

"That's lovely you could do that. I suppose we'll be seeing much more of you in the next few days then, I'm supposed to be getting my fitting tomorrow, according to Mona. So long as plans aren't changed again," she added, and then blushed slightly, knowing she should keep her mouth shut about her uncertainty about the ceremony. She shook her head, and asked, quick so neither of them could dwell on her impropriety; "Did you have to travel far to be here?"

"We are in Moscow," Irina said, fiddled with the delicate handle of her tea cup. "We took train here. Was long, but good trip."

"Was it just you and your two boys?" Yuna asked, "They must be a handful on a train, especially with a bump like that," she nodded at Irina's stomach, at the ballooned stretch of pregnancy in which you could almost always be correct about it being pregnancy and not a social blunder.

Irina's hand landed softly on the top of her bump, and she rubbed her thumb over the cloth, face pensive for a moment before returning to a smile. "Just us," she said. "The boys' papa is, ah, away on work. Could not come."

Yuna nodded, hoped she hadn't overstepped, and she was mis-reading the wary look under Irina's smile. "That's a pity," she said. "You're braver than me! My husband, David, and I had Shane on the plane and had our hands full enough with just him. He has a lot of energy, and sitting still for so long disagrees with him."

Irina was nodding along, face very focused as she took in Yuna's words, a reminder of the translation occurring silently. "Yes," she said, a short time after Yuna had finished speaking, and Irina had figured out the gist of everything she had said. "Ilyushenka and Alyosha are full of bouncing. On train they ran in, ah," she held up her hands, parallel to each other, "seats," she said, and then flicked her thumbs forwards between her palms. "Boys."

"Between the seats?" Yuna asked.

"Yes, I think yes," Irina said with a short laugh, a nod. "Noisy, many complaints. What can I do? Already I told them all my stories and said to them be quiet."

"It's a tough job," Yuna agreed, "I think a lot of people really don't realise that we only have so much control of our children. I can tell Shane to have quiet hands as much as I want and he will still wave them around everywhere, or that it's time to sit down, but if he still has energy he will still start running in circles until he collapses or I hold him still."

Yuna had been speaking slower, but she could still see Irina was struggling a little with following her speech, so she sat on the rest of her words and waited for Irina to catch up, give her a chance to lead the conversation. From the wash room they could hear loud giggling, which was a very good thing. She hadn't heard Shane giggle since they had arrived here, even when David had done all the voices in his story last night.

"So much running," Irina said, "my boys run much, nicer running here, less busy streets. For best energy, they do, ahhh, on ice. Blades. Khokkey."

Yuna grinned, "Ice skating," she said, "and hockey! Yes, my Shaney loves hockey so much. He would be in his skates all day every day if we let him. He was very sad when we said there would be no hockey while we are here."

Irina's face brightened again with this new connection, and she nodded along, rolling her eyes with understanding. "Ilyushenka is same," she said. "I was skater, before," she waved her hand at herself, her stomach, the direction of the giggling in the bathroom. "I taught my boys to skate. Alyosha is big fan of…hockey, Ilyushenka, yes, likes too, but most he loves skate fast and - ah - spin?"

"So lovely," Yuna replied, "oh, it's a pity Hatsu and Alyosha don't want to spend time with Shane, he would have loved to play hockey with them. Do you think Alyosha might be willing to try again with Shane, for hockey?"

Padding footsteps down the hall indicated their boys coming back to them, intermittent giggles as well, and both Yuna and Irina smiled at the doorway, and then at each other.

"Maybe," Irina said, "I will ask. Maybe, Shane and Ilyushenka would like to go on ice together? Hockey maybe, or only skating?"

"Shane would certainly prefer to play hockey," Yuna said, as Shane stepped into the room, his eyes going suddenly bright when she glanced at him as the word hockey left her mouth. Sometimes she thought it was like having a little puppy hearing the word walk. "Little hockey fanatic, seriously. But just ice time would be nice for him. Oh, damn, I just remembered…Sadly, we left his hockey skates at home. We didn't think there would be any opportunity to use them. He did try to pack them."

"Hockey?" Shane asked, still standing in the doorway, his whole body vibrating a little, "I can have hockey?"

"Khokkey?" Ilyushenka asked, small blonde brows furrowed as he looked first to Shane, and then to his mama.

"Po-angliyski eto hockey," Irina said to her son, "Oni zvuchat pokhozhe, hm?"

"Da," Ilyushenka said, then looked back to Shane. "Hockey?"

Shane's face shifted from enthused to ecstatic, and he grinned hugely, gap-toothed, at Ilyushenka, his hands squeezing into tight fists over and over again but staying very politely down by his thighs. "I love hockey!" He said to Ilyushenka, "I play hockey at home all the times and I am real good and I can make goals lots and my coach says I'm small but so speedy fast so maybe that will make up for my being small when I'm older."

Ilyushenka blinked, very obviously taking in little, if any of Shane's words, except for hockey.

"Quiet hands, please, Shaney," Yuna said softly, and then, "Ilyushenka and his big brother Alyosha do ice skating, and hockey sometimes too, but we didn't bring your skates, remember? Maybe we could ask to go watch them skate?"

Shane's hands opened and closed twice more, and then froze. He closed his mouth and made it very small, his lower lip sucked entirely in and bitten down on. He nodded. Ilyushenka frowned from Shane to Yuna to his mama.

"Ah," Irina said, reached out to touch Yuna's arm lightly. "We have, maybe, my mama's house skates? Old, but still good. Maybe right size."

"Oh, well, that would be so lovely," Yuna replied, smiling gratefully at Irina. "If they were the right size, I know Shane would really like to borrow them, wouldn't you, Shaney?"

Shane had his hands behind his back now, fingers gripping at each other tightly and twisting. He nodded.

-

Mona was still arguing, so Yuna popped her head into the argument room just briefly to let her know she was going quickly to Irina's mother's house, and she'd be back soon. The boys were waiting by the front door, apparently both excited about maybe going skating together, and were pulling faces at each other again, giggling between each new expression.

Eugenia was still at the sewing table when they arrived, and Irina spoke to her in a quick flurry of Russian before Eugenia looked up at Yuna and Shane and smiled.

"Sheyn," she said, "Yuna. Nice to meet."

"Mama is not knowing English much," Irina said, once Yuna had smiled and nodded back at Eugenia. "She think maybe older skates in shoe chest, so we go look?"

The shoe chest was in the other side of the house, a room crammed with boxes, and books, and Yuna, Shane, and Ilyushenka all helped move several stacks of both from on top of the long chest before it could be opened. Yuna waving away Irina's attempts at bending and lifting any of it, and Irina pausing, smiling, and stepping back.

The skates were found under a pair of chunky wading boots, Ilyushenka spotting them with a yell, and grabbing them out quickly to thrust into Shane's hands, and they all watched as Shane sat down thunk on the floor and began taking his shoes off. Irina eyed up the socks Shane was wearing, and the size of his feet, and then the skates, and turned to her son.

"Odolzhi yemu svoi noski?" She asked him, adding, with a glance to Yuna, "Bigger socks maybe help?"

He nodded, and ran full pelt out of the room, slamming into the wall to turn the corner. His babushka yelling out a warning, him an apology, and running a little slower the rest of the way. He was back again by the time both of Shane's shoes were off and he dropped the thicker socks in Shane's lap. Shane picked them up, not confused for a moment, and pulled them on over his quickly before reaching for the skates.

Yuna had only just stopped lacing them up for him, and only because he insisted he could do it by himself, and she was proud of his little bits of independence. Still missed it, a little, holding his baby foot in her lap and tightening his laces. He did it himself, a tiny bit clumsy, slower than she would, but still all by himself, and when it was done, he held his foot out to Yuna in a silent bid for approval.

"Very good," she told him. "How does it feel on your foot? Squishy or loose?"

"Good," he said, "good with socks. Thank you Shenka," he added in a rush, turning to Ilyushenka, wide eyed, and then smiling.

Irina laughed when Ilyushenka smiled back at Shane and then looked to her, a questioning expression on his face.

"Spasibo," she said to both the boys. "Shane, in Russian is spasibo."

"Spasibo Shenka," Shane repeated politely.

"Pozhaluysta," Ilyushenka mumbled back, and then shot the same look as before at his mama.

"He is saying, ah, you are welcome," Irina said to Shane. "Pozhaluysta. Is also for please, good word for knowing."

Shane repeated the word, and she repeated it again, slower. Shane's next attempt sounded better, and she smiled, and smiled wider when Shane spoke again.

"Spasibo," he said.

"Pozhaluysta," she replied, "fast learning."

-

There could be no immediate skating, Yuna had to go back to Mona's to try and get the decor conversation back on track before they really ran out of time, and Irina had to go back to helping her mama with the sewing. After a moment of hesitation, Yuna suggested that when David got home, maybe he could take the boys to the rink, and until then, if they would like, Ilyushenka could come play with Shane at Mona's house, seeing as Irina and Eugenia had much more intricate and hands on tasks than Yuna or Mona. Irina suggested it to Ilyushenka, who looked between his mama and Shane sadly taking off the skates again, and seemed unsure until Irina reminded him how at Mona and Hatsu's house they had a little football goal in the backyard. Irina checked with Yuna, Yuna checked with Shane, football was agreed upon.

Hatsu had been using the goal in the back of his garden to park his bike in, and also his scooter, and his skate board, so Shane and Shenka had to move all of them first and they got dirt on their hands but that was okay because they would probably have gotten dirt on their hands soon anyway and it was fun to get dirty when you were allowed to and he was allowed to because his mama had said they could play football outside and she would have made Shane change if he wasn't allowed to get his clothes dirty so it was all okay, and Shane wasn't very good at football because he wasn't used to the way the ball felt against his feet but he had asked Hatsu if he wanted to play the other day and Hatsu had said he didn't even like football anymore because he was learning tennis and Shane had asked if Hatsu wanted to play tennis with him and Hatsu had said that he only played with kids his own age, so that was okay and made sense but it still made Shane feel a bit sad.

But now he and Shenka were playing together and it didn't even matter that talking was all jumbly between them because they were doing words with their feet and the ball instead and it was easy to say you wanted a turn being the goalie when you just had to go stand in the goal and grin and then the other person knew what you wanted and would try and kick the ball in and they could talk by laughing and laughing and by making silly faces, and Shenka didn't seem to care that Shane was smaller, and when Shane caught the ball with his face and it made his nose run and feel all hot and too big and his eyes watered a lot and he made a little noise in his throat Shenka didn't even laugh at him about it he just came and crouched next to Shane in the goal and peered at Shane with such a worried face that eventually Shane had to giggle about it which made Shenka giggle about it and made Shane forget his nose even hurt very much.

When they were both tired for now of kicking and running and chasing they both lay down under the netting in the goal and Shenka was holding the ball in both hands holding it above their heads and making chirping noises like it was a big fat bird, and then zooming noises like it was a plane, and then it slipped in his hands and he dropped it on his face thwonk like that and he made a squawk noise and Shane grabbed the ball and they looked at each other and Shenka's nose had a big smear of dirt on it and was turning pink and his eyes went all watery from the shock and then Shenka laughed big and loud and Shane laughed too because he was relieved and because Shenka looked so funny and surprised when it had happened.

Shenka sat up then, maybe so he couldn't accidentally drop the ball on his face again, and so Shane sat up as well, pulling his legs criss-crossed and bouncing his knees up and down up and down so they looked like butterfly wings flapping, and Shenka held the ball up in his hands again and looked at Shane and then he nodded at the ball and said; "myach," and Shane scrunched his face up and made his knees be still and Shenka said myach again, this time holding the ball with one hand and tapping it with the other and Shane nodded and reached out to tap the ball as well and to say myach, and then he followed that up by saying; "ball," and Shenka repeated that a few times while Shane repeated in Russian, so they were sitting there saying to each other myach ball myach ball myach ball until that was too funny and they were giggling again.

Shane's mama had them come inside after that and wash up again and them come to eat some lunch and Hatsu and Alyosha were back and when Alyosha and Shenka saw each other they stuck their tongues out and Alyosha said things to Shenka that Shane didn't understand but made Hatsu laugh and it wasn't fair that Hatsu could speak Russian and English and Japanese and Shane couldn't speak Russian and so it made him feel little and silly again and he knew he was pouting but he couldn't make his face stop doing it which made him feel sillier and littler and he sat at the table next to Shenka with his head down so low it almost hit the table top so he wouldn't have to see if any of the words he didn't know were being said meanly to him because when they were Hatsu always looked right at him with a big smile on his face and when Shane saw the smile it always made him feel angry and sad in a squirmy way that felt like it would make a loud noise if he kept feeling it and he didn't think he had actually lost his gold star this morning because his mama hadn't said he had, but if he made the loud noise here at the table he would.

"Vesnushki," Shenka whispered to him underneath the clamour of Hatsu and Alyosha, and the lower calmer hum of Shane's mama and his Oba Mona talking to each other at the head of the table, he had reached out and tapped Shane's knee, and when Shane looked up sideways at Shenka, Shenka darted his eyes at the boys on the other side of the table and then pulled a silly face, and Shane smiled a little, so Shenka made another silly face and Shane smiled more, and Shenka smiled back at him, and then pointed at his plate, and Shane sat up a bit straighter and began eating his lunch properly, and he wiggled his leg until he could kick Shenka's calf lightly and Shenka made an oof sort of noise and then kicked Shane's calf back and it was okay again.

David, the other men, and the non-wobbly-legged tables arrived home shortly after lunch, and after the tables had been unpacked and the men fed, he had been more than happy to do a rink trip. The trip now involved Hatsu and Alyosha as well as Ilyushenka and Shane, and when he took this group of boys down the street to Eugenia's house to check in with Irina this was okay, Irina said she would come with him so there would be at least one hand per child.

Yuna had filled him in on the adventures of the morning, and he wasn't surprised to see how Shane kept placing himself on the other side of David to his sort of cousin, and his sort of cousin's friend, Alyosha. He was surprised to see the way Shane was walking side by side with Alyosha's younger brother, Ilyushenka. Not because Shane was not a friendly boy with other children, when he wanted to be, but because he was often too shy at first to be comfortable being friendly, and it usually took a few meetings, or a much more prolonged exposure before any kid got that amount of smiles out of him.

When he had been introduced by Yuna and Mona to Alyosha and Ilyushenka, both of the boys had called him sir, which made him amused at first, and then uncomfortable, and he'd asked them both to call him David, which in turn appeared to amuse and discomfort them. He felt like there was a good chance neither boy would address him at all, to get around this conundrum.

At the rink, he and Irina watched the boys get their footing and then zip off in their two separate pairs. Hatsu and Alyosha had appeared a puck out of nowhere, and collected sticks on their way in, apparently both familiar with how and where to get them, and were already off passing puck stick to stick. He could see Shane staring longingly after them, but still choosing to follow Ilyushenka to the other side of the ice.

"Yuna said you are also a skater?" he asked Irina, who had brought some sewing with her, and already had it in her lap, needle pinched between her lips while she arranged fabric.

She took the needle from her mouth and shrugged a little. "Was," she said. "Almost good. Figure skating," she added, and then before he had a chance to comment on it, "you also? Skate?"

"I played hockey all my life," David replied easily, "not professionally, unless you count university, but I like skating a lot. I think Shane is already better than I ever was, though!" he laughed and nodded at their sons. "Your Ilyushenka has great form, too, does he have lessons?"

Irina smiled, watching Ilya twirl on the ice, and then stop and watch Shane attempt the same movement before repeating it for Shane to see again. "He started, ah, soon ago. Only skating with me before. Alyosha is in hockey, and their papa wants Ilyushenka in hockey too."

"Do they like it, then?" David asked. "Alyosha looks to be having fun."

"Alyosha likes having sport with his friends," Irina said, smiling now at her older son, at the way he and Hatsu were still only passing the puck to each other, chatting all the while. "Ilyushenka, ah, he is - he likes, yes, he is more -" she trailed off, her face pinching with annoyance at not having the words to express herself properly.

"Free spirited?" David suggested.

She laughed, nodded. "Free spirit," she repeated, wistful sounding. "He is good, strong learner," she said after a few moments of sewing filled silence. "Already he is good with hockey. Your Shane, also?"

"Yes," David laughed now. "Our little Shaney, he's very good. He really likes it, too, which is nice. Sometimes he has trouble having fun."

"Trouble having fun," Irina repeated, almost under her breath, as if it was a riddle to solve. "Yes, me also," she said after a moment. "Fun is, ah, can be scary. Yes?"

Across the ice, Ilyushenka and Shane were crouched down low on the ice now, holding each others hands in front of them, beginning to turn in circles. David could imagine them picking up some real speed, spinning around like a two headed top.

"I guess I've never really thought of it like that," he said. "I'm not sure I fully understand, but… yeah. I think sometimes Shaney thinks he needs permission to enjoy himself, and just… won't, until it's given."

He looked at Irina, whose eyes kept focusing to and from the ice and the small stitches she kept pulling through, somehow invisible in the buttery soft fabric collected in her lap.

"What do you do for fun, then?" he asked.

She flicked him a glance between her gaze's journey from ice to cloth. "I skated," she said, "was my best fun. Ah, this is nice," she nodded at the sewing in her hands. "I read, lots and lots, not so much now. Only books for my boys."

David winced. Yuna had said to him that Irina had seemed… sad, she'd said, or withdrawn. Maybe overworked. Had recounted the train trip with two boys and a heavy pregnancy by herself, and nodded when David had whistled in disbelief over it. He supposed it was dangerous to skate while you were pregnant, only if you fell over, but it wasn't like you could be sure you wouldn't fall, even if you were as good as he imagined Irina must be.

"I feel like I have read more Winnie the Pooh in the last year than I have read anything else in my entire life," he said, attempting understanding. "And I like Winnie the Pooh, and I don't mind doing the voices, but I miss the days I had the brain space left over to read a good mystery for myself."

She smiled, and nodded, and said nothing. Kept sewing. Kept watching the boys. He watched as well. Startled when she spoke again, a few minutes later.

"Where do you find your fun?" She asked, "if not in reading misties?"

"Um, well," he paused, turned his life around in his head to look at it from an outside perspective. "I mean, I play hockey still, just in a beer league with some guys from work, but I have fun with that. It's very casual. And I enjoy my job. I love cooking, which is useful, because Yuna can cook but doesn't enjoy it, and Shane can be very picky about food."

"Ah," she said, "I wish my husband would love cooking, I also do not enjoy so much. A little, but not so much I am not tired of it every day. Lucky for me, I think, my boys will eat anything and say is still good."

"Good boys," David laughed, "I once put a plate of something new in front of Shane and he didn't like the look of it so much he just refused to eat anything that night at all, even when I pulled out his favourite snacks. He's better at eating now, but still sometimes he has… trouble."

Irina glanced at him, away. Almost surreptitious. She spoke to her sewing. "You send him to bed with no food?"

"Oh, no," David shook his head. "We tried very hard to send him to bed with food. I even offered to make him mashed potatoes, he just wouldn't eat. He was very hungry in the morning, though, we were very relieved he was eating again."

"Ah, yes, okay," Irina nodded. Cleared her throat. "Growing babies need food."

It kept being difficult for David to work out how much of their conversation was tonally changed accidentally by translation, and how much was intentional, Slavic bluntness.

"Yes, absolutely," he said. "And, uh, when is your little one due?"

"Hm?" She frowned at him, not understanding.

He tried again, gestured to his own stomach, and then at her. "When is the new baby coming?"

"Ah," she huffed out a half laugh with understanding. "Two months more," she said, "hoping. My boys came late. She will maybe come early, for, ah, to make fun."

David laughed. "Arriving early to show up her brothers," he said, "that would be funny. You and your husband must be excited?"

Irina's smile came out a little more grimace than anything else, but she nodded anyway. "Da," she said, eyes back on the ice, away from David. Her hands were stilled in her lap, needle pinched tight between two fingers. "He is very pleased we will have girl. Says I will treat our boys like boys when I have girl."

"Hm," David said, unsure how to proceed. He followed her gaze out to the ice. Alyosha and Hatsu were hitting each other cheerfully with their sticks now, and Shane and Ilyushenka were racing each other up and down the side of the rink, cheeks pink, hair flying. "And what do you think?" he asked.

Irina did not look back at him. "I think I will love baby like I love my first babies. Best I can."

"That's all any of us can do," David said. Picked up a dropped thread from earlier that he hoped would stop Irina's face from falling into the grimace of a forced smile she had on now. "Tell me about the books you like to read?"

Staying with Oba Mona and Hatsu was much more fun now that Shane could go skating and could play with Shenka instead of tagging along behind Hatsu and Alyosha and feeling silly and unwanted, and instead he could get dressed in the morning and eat breakfast and he was allowed to walk down the path by himself and knock at the front door of Shenka's babushka's house and then he and Shenka could play and sometimes they played at Shenka's babushka's, in the room Shenka was sharing with his big brother and there were old yellowing paged books in the pretty writing that meant it was in Russian and it was okay that Shane couldn't figure out how to read it, he could just look at the pictures and sometimes Shenka would point at a picture and say a word and Shane would repeat the word and then he would say the word it was in English and Shenka would say it in English as well and they did that with all sorts of things until they had a net of Russian and English Shane and Shenka words between them, tossing words to each other and filling in gaps with grins and shoves and playing.

Every day Shane's daddy would take them to the rink, Shane and Shenka, sometimes Hatsu and Alyosha would come as well, but mostly it was just just Shane and Shenka which Shane liked best and he liked it extra best because it meant he and Shenka could take the sticks and the puck without Hatsu or Alyosha bothering them about it and Shane could practice his passing with Shenka and they could both practice their shots, and his daddy would help as well by doing the puck drop for them and acting like a ref except he was always too funny about it and making jokes but it was okay because they were just playing so Shane didn't need to be upset about it being wrong and Shenka was having fun too and Shane liked it best when they were playing hockey or playing twirling or just playing and Shenka was grinning at him so big it was like his smile was in Shane's chest making him smiling as well.

Sometimes Shenka's mama would come to the rink with them too, with Shane's daddy, or just her bringing them because Shane's daddy was busy with doing things Oba Mona asked him to do, there was a lot of things to do right now and Oba Mona had lots of instructions to give and more and more people kept coming and crowding into the kitchen at breakfast time and Shane didn't like a crowded house so he was extra pleased he could go to the rink or to Shenka's, and he liked Shenka's mama because she always smiled so nice at him and she would give him and Shenka big hugs against her soft hard soft big tummy where she said there was a baby girl a devochka a little sister mladshaya sestra for Shenka and Alyosha, and she had a pretty necklace that she let Shane touch to see how it felt in his fingers, and she gave them sweet pastries that Shenka's babushka made and they were so yummy Shane didn't even care that he didn't know what they were.

Alyosha and Hatsu let Shane and Shenka play hockey with them on the fifth day, and Shane's mama, and Hatsu's mama, and Shenka and Alyosha's mama all came to watch and first the mamas put them Shenka and Alyosha against Hatsu and Shane because they said it was fairest that way for size and language and Shane huffed but did his best even though he didn't think Hatsu was doing his best and the first game was all turned over and upside down because Alyosha and Shenka had a fight after Shane got his first goal and Hatsu started skating circles around the rink blowing raspberries, so when everything got soothed down Shane and Shenka got to be on one side together and Hatsu and Alyosha on the other and it was much much much more fun and Hatsu and Alyosha were big boys but Shane and Shenka had their Shane and Shenka language and Shenka could do slippery swirly twirls away from hockey sticks trying to poke out the puck from his stick, and Shane could feel Shenka's big grin like a spotlight so it was so easy to send a pass or catch the puck because he always knew exactly where Shenka was like Shenka was his arm or his leg or something like that and all the mamas were cheering and Shane's mama was smiling so pleased with him, but then when Shane and Shenka had two goals and the bigger boys had no goals, Alyosha knocked Shenka down and started another fight, and Hatsu yelled at them all, and the mamas decided no more hockey today.

By the time the day of the actual wedding arrived, Yuna was mostly relieved rather than excited, because it meant there could be no more last minute changes, unless either the bride or groom got cold feet. She understood the pull to have a large, fancy, intricate wedding, but she and David had gotten married in their local park and had a barbeque pot luck afterwards, and that had been perfect. Mona had always liked more, all through their high school and university years she had striven for that extra pizzaz that Yuna didn't see the point of. She liked pizzaz plenty, when it was a good amount of pizzaz. Pizzaz was easy to over do.

Shane had been a little sad he wouldn't get to sit with her during the ceremony, and then sad again when he had been told he also couldn't sit with Shenka during the ceremony, because Mona had assigned seating, and the pew David and Shane were going to sit in was far removed from where Eugenia, Irina, Ilyushenka, and Alyosha would sit.

She had been spending more time with Irina over the last few days, some of it being pinned into her dress by Irina herself, some of it over cups of strong tea, coffee, wine, and some at the rink. She enjoyed the way they both had to be blunter with each other to get their meanings across, and the little smirk that would light up Irina's face when they were sharing a joke. She knew Irina and David had been discussing books, working out which ones they might have in common, and then discussing how they thought the plot had failed. Mona had told Yuna the first night they had met Irina that she had heard things were rocky between her and her husband, and that Mona thought probably she was staying here with her mother to try to begin separating. Mona hadn't met Irina's husband, but she said Alyosha talked about him nicely enough, so he couldn't be that bad.

Yuna kept her thoughts about it to herself.

The ceremony passed much quicker than the dragging dredge of the planning and lead up to it had, barely feeling worth it to Yuna. Not that it was hers to judge the worth, of course, and Mona looked pleased. There were so many relatives to greet - none that were actually Yuna's relatives, of course, but plenty who felt like she may as well be theirs for how long they had known her and Mona as a package deal. They hadn't been a package deal for years now, Mona moving to Russia to follow her then boyfriend, now husband, and their communications happening mostly via letters, and then emails, and occasional phone calls. A few visits back to Canada over the years, but Yuna and Mona both had changed, and they didn't fit into the same roles they had assigned to each other. The love was still there, though, so they ignored the package and let it be how it was.

How it was right now was that Shane was clinging to the back of David's suit pants, his little face getting crinklier and crinklier as more and more people from Yuna's youth discovered him and cooed at him over looking just like his mama, and let me squeeze your little cheek. She was busy with her maid of honour duties, couldn't slide out of the squeeze of tasks and people to intervene. David was good and solid, but he also sometimes reacted slowly, noticing the problem and then not knowing what to do about it, so just…doing nothing until his brain came to a conclusion.

She watched from between the press of Mona and the rest of Mona's bride's maids, smiling and laughing for the photographer, as Ilyushenka crept between suited and frocked bodies and slid into the small space beside Shane, his hand tugging at Shane's elbow. Watched, keeping her camera smile fixed on her face, as Shane looked up at David, saying something, and then disappearing into the crowd, hand in hand with Ilyushenka. David turning to watch them go.

By the time Yuna could make her way out of everything and get to her husband, he was standing outside the church with Irina and Eugenia, watching Ilyushenka and Shane race each other up and down the long side of the church. The two of them crouching, setting positions, yelling to start, sprinting, tumbling into the grass at the end, wrestling and laughing. She probably would have stepped in if this was the first time the tumbling and wrestling had occurred, trying to keep Shane's clothing clean, but because it was obviously too late for that, she let it rest. Looped her arm through David's and leaned against him. Spoke past his chest.

"I am so impressed, Genia, Irina, with your dressmaking abilities. I feel so…regal in my dress."

Irina smiled, then repeated - probably - what Yuna had said to Eugenia, who also smiled, and then nodded at Yuna, waving one hand as if it were no big deal.

"Thank you," Irina replied to Yuna. She had both hands gripping her stomach, one on the top curve of the bump, the other pushing on the lower curve, as if trying to work a muscle pain. "My mama made all our clothing when we were young. She is very talented, I am very lucky to have learning from her."

"Oh, absolutely," Yuna said, sighed, "my mama made me some clothing as a child, but she was not as skilled as your mama. I always felt like a potato."

"Ah," Irina shook her head, "but potatoes are so good, yes?"

"The best," David said, let out a happy sigh. "I'm getting hungry. I didn't dare risk the the finger food, they're so small I thought if I had one I'd end up having an entire table full, and I don't think that's a good look."

"A compliment to cook," Irina offered, shaking her head. She winced suddenly, and then smoothed her face clean of pain, and smiled again. "But dinner soon, will be big and good."

"If you need to head home, to get some rest," Yuna said, "we can make sure Ilyushenka and Alyosha get back safely. We'll keep an eye on them."

Eugenia said something, and Irina murmured something in reply, shaking her head, hands still on her stomach. Eugenia responded, and this time Irina nodded, and then turned back to Yuna and David.

"Is just cramping. I saw doctor yesterday and he says is fine. But yes, I will go rest. If you are true good with my boys?"

"Yes, of course," Yuna said immediately, David nodding alongside her. "Go rest up."

Shenka and Alyosha stayed the night after the wedding, Oba Mona and her husband gone off and away for a sweet holiday, leaving Hatsu with Shane's mama and daddy in charge, and it was very exciting that one of the first things they did with being in charge was to say yes to a sleep over and Alyosha and Hatsu got to build a fort in Hatsu's bedroom which looked really cool but wasn't as cool as Shane and Shenka getting to top and tail together because his bed looked really funny made up on both ends with a pillow like both ends were the head end and they were both the head end and the thought of there being only head ends made him giggle and Shane giggling made Shenka giggle and it had been a long day with a lot of people and Shane had been so tired and so grumpy but he wasn't tired and grumpy anymore even though it was bed time and he was full of things that were like dumplings, and meat, and yummy sauces, and cake, because he and Shenka were both at the head end of one bed and their feets were kicking at each others' feets, and if they put the bottoms of their feet together they could do leg wrestling and Shenka won lots but sometimes Shane won which made him very happy because he was strong even though he was little and then they were giggling and whispering in their Shane and Shenka words and then Shane was asleep.

When Shane woke up, Shenka had gone sideways in the bed so they were like a big x marks the spot together, his head hanging off the side of the mattress, and Shane had giggled and poked at Shenka's side until Shenka had woken up and when he spoke his voice was all snotty sounding from being upside down and he sniffed really noisy and gross and funny and sat up and then flopped back down next to Shane and they added more words into their Shane and Shenka net, podushka pillow, hand ruka, kolenka, knee, and so on until their tummies (zhivotiki) growled, and they tumbled out of the bed and into the kitchen where Shane's mama and daddy made them breakfast and they sat eating while Alyosha and Hatsu came in as well, all yawning and tummy grumbling, and they got breakfast as well, and Shane asked if they could go to the rink today because they hadn't gone yesterday and Shane's daddy had said they would see, and Shane asked what they had to see, and his daddy said they had to see if they had time today, and Shane asked when they would know if they had time today, and his mama had said he had to be patient, and to remember to keep quiet hands and watch out for his cup on the table so he sat on his hands until Shenka tugged one of his hands out and tugged him back to his bedroom so they could get dressed for outside.

And then when they were dressed Shenka showed Shane a funny clapping hand game where they did lots of quick little clap smacks and chanted words that Shenka made sound good but came out all a little crooked from Shane's mouth and it didn't matter that they were crooked because Shenka did his grin at Shane so it was okay and the hand clap game was fun and good because it was playing and okay and not having noisy-Shaney-hands because that was a different thing, and then his daddy came in and asked if they would like to watch a movie with Alyosha and Hatsu because they were going to put one on in the lounge soon, and Shenka nodded so Shane nodded as well, and they couldn't do the hand clap game while watching a movie but Shenka knew another hand game where you had to trap each others' thumb while you had your fingers curled into each others' fingers like you were making a big fist together, or like holding hands except you were fighting about who was holding the hardest.

After lunch Shane's daddy took them to the rink, and he was making his face smile but it wasn't working very well, and Shane's mama had given Shane a kiss on the forehead and gone to Shenka's babushka's house instead of coming to the rink, and when Shenka said he wanted to go home to see his mama, using careful Shane and Shenka words to tell this to Shane so Shane could say it to his daddy, his daddy said that Shenka's mama was feeling a bit sick today, and she was having a doctor come see her, but maybe after their rink time, and Shenka had frowned very tight, his eyes getting all shiny and wet, and Alyosha had looked a little worried about his mama, but when Hatsu saw Shenka's sad face he laughed and so Alyosha just laughed instead as well and said some words that Shane recognised but mostly words Shane didn't , and Shenka's face had gotten tighter and meaner, and Shane had taken his hand, and his daddy had crouched down between the brothers and said words all slow about being nice to each other, and Shane didn't think Shenka understood most of the words, and he didn't know how much Alyosha knew in English because he didn't really talk to Shane, and he and Hatsu talked in Russian to each other.

Shane and Shenka skated laps and laps and laps of the rink, Shenka's face all tight for lots of the laps, even when Hatsu tripped himself up on his stick, so Shane tried doing the twirling movements Shenka had shown him and when Shane had fumbled the same one three times Shenka's face got less tight and became all funny frowny instead and he showed Shane how to do it for real again and again until Shane could do it all smooth instead of crunchy and then there was a big bug on the ice and they helped it off carefully, crawling on their knees off the rink to protect the blades, and showing it to Shane's daddy before they crawled back onto the ice barking at each other because now they were puppies, and puppies didn't know how to walk on ice so they made their hands and knees slip and slide all over the place and yelped and pawed at the ice and each other until they were a pile of yelping laughter and somehow it was funny enough for Hatsu and Alyosha to join in and then they were all big dogs racing each other on the ice, and Hatsu and Shane howled with each other and they all laughed and woofed and barked until Shane's daddy called them all a wolf pack and said it was time to come off so they could get warm and dry and eat some food.

Shane's mama was back at the house and she smiled at them when they came in but her smile was all wobbly and weird and she shook her head a little at Shane's daddy the way she did when she wanted daddy to come to the kitchen with her to talk in quiet voices and so they both went off to the kitchen and they told Shane and Shenka and Alyosha and Hatsu to get changed and cleaned up and that they would get dinner on the table so chop chop and Shenkas's chin went wobbly and he grabbed onto Shane's sleeve and they went into the washroom near the lounge and not the bigger one Hatsu and Alyosha were in.

Yuna didn't know why Eugenia had called and asked for her to come, her, who could not speak Russian anymore than Eugenia could speak English, or French, or Japanese. Irina had said her mother spoke Greek, but that was not useful. She especially did not know why she had been asked for when she wasn't even legally allowed to drive in Russia, surely, and that was what Eugenia was asking her to do, putting the car keys in her hand and ushering her into the front seat of the little blue car. Yuna let herself be ushered and put in place because she had seen the blood on the floor, the trail of it, and the tears on the old woman's face, and because she wanted to help in anyway she could.

It was easier than she had expected, following Eugenia's gestured directions, and she would just have to really hope that if they got pulled over, Eugenia would be able to talk them out of trouble. Yuna had some money on her, which might help as well, but she wasn't going to think about bribing anyone unless she had to.

They parked outside what she had thought was going to be a hospital, but looked more like a large clinic, and she wondered how far away the nearest big hospital was, and how people got to it when needed. Followed Eugenia through the carpark and in through big swinging doors, down corridors, pausing only to check a sign or two before nodding to herself. Yuna trusted that Eugenia wouldn't be above asking for directions if she had needed them.

They ended up in a small room with a few chairs, and a bored looking woman at a desk. She and Eugenia talked for a few moments in rapid Russian that Yuna couldn't even begin attempting to follow, and then Eugenia pointed at Yuna and said some more things, and the woman sighed a little and nodded, gestured to Yuna.

"No Russian?" She asked, and when Yuna shook her head she sighed again, and continued. "Ok. Eh, she has… beremenn - pregnant problem. Inside. Platsenty, platsenty, is uh -"

"Placenta?" Yuna guessed.

The woman nodded. She held up both her hands now, one in a fist, the other wrapped around the fist. She wiggled the fingers of her wrapped hand and said; "Inside stomach," and then tapped her fist, and said; "placenty," before dragging her fist away from the palm of her other hand. "Otsloyka platsenty," she said, "placenta…off."

"Oh," Yuna said, staring at the hand marked as the placenta, sitting in a loose fist on the top of the desk now. "Is Irina - is she okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Big lost blood," the woman said, "she is having new blood. She is to be okay."

Yuna nodded. Glanced back at Eugenia, who had sat down on one of the chairs, and had her head bowed, her hand moving fluid and quick in repetitive movements of prayer.

"And," Yuna prompted. "The baby?"

The woman's nose scrunched a little, and she shook her head. "Too long with placenty broke. doctor take baby out, already gone."

Oh. Yuna said something to the nurse, and moved on slow feet to sit next to Eugenia. She held her hand out, and Eugenia took it, gripping to her tightly, head still bowed, the sign of the cross still repeating. Irina was to be okay, the woman had said, but Yuna didn't think that was true. She didn't think Irina had been okay before this. She had enjoyed spending time with Irina, even with the short comings of their shared language, but she had been all too aware of the underlying heaviness Irina had seemed to carry beneath even her brightest smile. Yuna hadn't known how to address it, literally didn't know the right words to even try. She had just tried to be a friend.

She had lost three babies before Shane. None of them this far along, not even close. Two in the first trimester, one in the second. All three had been devastating, painful, physically and mentally. They had agreed on Shane being their last attempt, and they had been on tenterhooks the entire pregnancy. She didn't know how she would have handled it to have gotten to seven months and to lose him. She'd done so much reading about pregnancy over the years of trying and losing, and trying and finally keeping, and she knew that losing a baby this late was no longer considered a miscarriage, but instead a still birth. She didn't know how much the distinction mattered, personally, in the end, if you had already imagined the thing inside you as your baby. If there was a name picked out, maybe.

Time passed oddly, perhaps slow, perhaps not, Yuna did not know. At some point, a man came in to the room and spoke to the woman at the desk, and then the woman came over to them and spoke to Eugenia, who nodded, relieved, and then she spoke to Yuna.

"Blood stopped. Irina asleep. Okay now."

A while after this, another woman came in to the room, spoke soft and gentle to Eugenia, and Eugenia nodded, and then, without letting go of Yuna's hand, stood, and allowed the both of them to be walked down a new corridor, and then another, and then into an even smaller room, cool air, a small blue body cleaned and swaddled. The woman left them in there, and Eugenia approached the small crib/casket/thing.

"Ah, Ludmila," Eugenia sighed. She reached out and touched the bundle, hand soft and curving around the small shape.

-
Yuna drove Eugenia home after she had been let in to see Irina - Yuna waiting outside this time. Walked Eugenia inside and made her a tea while Eugenia got the phone from its hook on the wall and sat at the table with it for a few long moments before picking the receiver up from the cradle and dialling a number slowly.

She spoke slow and sharp on the phone to whoever it was on the other side, and patted Yuna's hand when Yuna put the tea in front of her, held on. Yuna sat next to her. Was kind of expecting it when after a few more sharp words, Eugenia handed the phone to her.

"Hello," Yuna said, tried to speak clear and slow, unsure how much English this new person would have. "This is Yuna speaking."

"Grigori," the voice on the other side replied, curt. "My mother in law asks to ask you to keep my sons another night while I travel. You are okay with this?"

"Oh, yes," Yuna said quickly, "of course, is there anything -"

"Thank you. Goodbye." The phone clicked as he hung up, and then beeped. Oh.

"He hung up," Yuna said, put the phone down, feeling it clunk back into place. She looked at Eugenia, who looked unsurprised at the call being ended. "I- Ilyushenka and Alyosha will stay with us tonight," she said, speaking slowly in case some of the words were familiar enough for Eugenia to understand the meaning.

Eugenia nodded. Patted Yuna's arm. "Spasibo," she said.

-

Yuna went back to Mona's house with a note Eugenia had written, Alyosha's name written on the front. She only knew this because Eugenia had written it and said Alyosha very clearly as she did so.

She wasn't sure when and how to give the note to Alyosha. Certainly not when all the boys arrived home, damp and noisy. She and David sent the boys to clean up and went into the kitchen to start dinner and talk. She filled him in on the hospital, and the details she managed to pick up, and the details she didn't know, and the way Irina's husband had sounded on the phone. They agreed to have dinner before giving Alyosha the note. Let them all be fed and warm. She didn't know what the note said, but she doubted it was all hugs and kisses.

Over dinner, without the wedding hanging busy over them all, she noticed properly for the first time that Shane and Ilyushenka were actually speaking with each other now, rather than interacting with gestures and play only. Small mouthfuls of words, and a lot of hand waving to get the point across - more gestural than the way Shane would so often flap his hands, or squeeze them into repetitive fists, so she didn't need to tell him to have quiet hands over it. It was always a little awe inspiring to see how malleable small minds were. The way her five year old and Irina's five year old had met just over a week ago and were already sharing a language and a friendship that seemed both more knowledgeable and deeper than the one she had made with Irina. God. Irina. She hadn't wanted to leave Eugenia by herself, but she had waved Yuna off, and she was pretty sure Eugenia was packing a bag to go back to the hospital and stay with Irina over night.

After dinner, while Shane and Ilyushenka helped David wash up in the kitchen, Yuna sat Hatsu and Alyosha down at the table. Hatsu so he could help translate, and so Alyosha wouldn't feel so alone. She was basically a stranger to him. She explained in simple terms to Hatsu that Alyosha's mama was in the hospital, that she was okay, but she needed to be looked after, and that his babushka was with her, and had given her a note for him. That Alyosha's papa was on the way. Hatsu had looked very serious about this, and repeated it hopefully accurately in stumbling words to Alyosha, who looked struck, his eyes blinking hard. He looked to Yuna, and she gave him the note. He was about ten, she thought. That was how old Hatsu was. He still read slowly, though, eyes moving over the letters, face screwing up, crumpled. Hatsu looked away. Yuna put her hand tentatively on Alyosha's shoulder. He wrinkled the paper in his hand and leaned into her hug, sniffed hard.

After a long moment of quiet, he spoke, English clumsy in his mouth. "Papa come," he said. Cleared his throat. "we go home."

"Yes," Yuna said, "da."

Alyosha and Shenka were having a talk in the kitchen with Shane's mama after dinner and dishes and Shane didn't know what they were talking about except that Shane's daddy took Shane and Hatsu into the lounge with some books and they sat on the couch on either side of him while he read to them about rabbits with fun names and scary thoughts and when Shenka and Alyosha came into the lounge Alyosha had a weird face and Shenka had a wobbly lip and they both climbed onto the couch and Shane's mama looked at the book Shane's daddy was holding and shook her head and she put a video tape in and the TV played a cartoon that looked very funny even though Shane couldn't understand most of what was said, and Shenka pressed up against his side like they were being a two headed creature.

When they went back to their top and tail bed after TV time, Shenka wiggled around until they both had their heads on one pillow and he trailed his finger over Shane's freckles, and counted aloud, slow, in Russian, and Shane counted, slower, in wobbly Russian, and then Shane held up his fingers in front of their faces and he counted them in English, putting a finger down for each number, and Shenka repeated after him and then Shenka put his face in the pillow and chewed at the side of his hand and looked at Shane and said in a stumble of English and Russian that his mama was sick and the devochka was gone and he didn't know where and his papa was coming to get him soon and he didn't want to leave and he wanted his mama, and some of the words Shane didn't understand very well but he figured out most of it and Shenka was crying so he was crying too.

Morning time was very quiet when Shane woke up, Shenka was awake too, fiddling with the frayed bit on Shane's sleeve where he chewed it sometimes when he couldn't sleep, and the bed was kind of wet and Shenka's face looked very sorry and sad so Shane patted his cheek the way his mama did to him sometimes just to say hello everything is okay baby, and then he got them both up out of the bed and even though his mama or his daddy usually did shower time with him he was big enough and tall enough to know how to turn it on and he said to Shenka to not take of his pyjamas and they both got in with their pjs on at first so they both had wet pants and shirts and not just Shenka's pants were wet, because this felt like one of the times when the way the big boys would say to Shane not to snitch was actually a good idea because it was for being nice not for being mean, and they left their soggy pjs on the shower floor and Shane tried to wrap Shenka up in his towel the way his daddy wrapped him up, all tight like he was a sushi roll.

Shenka didn't have any clean clothes to get dressed in, so Shane gave him one of his outfits to wear and the clothes were a little small but they were okay and Shane got dressed as well and they pulled the sheets and blankets off the bed and bundled them into the laundry and then they tiptoed into the room Shane's parents were sleeping in and Shenka stood in the doorway while Shane shook his daddy's arm and when his daddy woke up he said that someone peed the bed last night but it was okay because they already washed and put the sheets in the laundry and so no one needed to be in trouble, right, and his daddy had blinked at him and then said no one was in trouble and he got out of bed and picked Shane up and when they got to Shenka in the doorway Shane's daddy offered an arm to him as well and Shenka put his arms up so they were both carried by Shane's daddy, one hip and one arm each and he took them to the kitchen and asked what they would like to eat for breakfast and he let them stand on the same chair together to help stir the pot on the stove.

There was rain hitting the windows so hard the glass looked all smeared and spotty so they weren't going outside today, and Shane's mama got up and said it was still very early but that was okay if they were awake they were awake and did they want to do some crafting and Shane said yes so she got out pens and pencils and markers and paper and Shane went and got some of the special smooth stones he had found while he was here and he brought them out to the rest of the supplies and he told Shenka about how he had heard or maybe read or maybe seen people having pet rocks, and how they were cool because you could take them everywhere and they wouldn't die, and Shenka nodded along even though Shane knew sometimes he didn't understand everything Shane was saying even though Shane was trying very hard to use as many of their Shane and Shenka words only as possible and he must have done a good enough job because Shenka said to him; "you draw for me?", and Shane had nodded, and so they both sat and drew on the special stones and Shane gave his stone a big smile and his freckles because Shenka liked them a lot, and Shenka's stone had big eyes and a little smile and a crooked little heart and Shane liked it so much and when Shane asked what the stones were called Shenka said the one Shane did for him was called freckles, and the one he did for Shane was called Rodinka.

Grigori arrived at Mona's house at half past three, the rain still pouring outside, the boys all equally restless and lethargic from being stuck inside and from not knowing how their mama was. Yuna wasn't sure what exactly Eugenia had clarified in her note, if they knew about their baby sister, or just that their mama was sick.

He did not come in. Stood in the entrance with his face taut and his arms folded and thanked David stiffly for watching his children. Yuna supposed it was fair, he must be grieving, must be worried sick for his wife. She wished he would at least lend some comfort to his boys, though. He was older than she had expected, enough so that she wouldn't have been too surprised if he had said he was Eugenia's husband, or maybe, younger brother. Irina was… Yuna didn't know for sure, but she had been assuming she and her were around the same age. She seemed like she could be so vibrant.

Alyosha joined him first, thanking both David and Yuna in his clearest English, and then doing a complicated hand movement/shake with Hatsu, before going to stand beside his father, shoulder bag held by the strap in one hand. His father patted his shoulder once, and Alyosha slung the bag over his shoulder instead, like the pat had been instructional not comforting. Ilyushenka had lingered. He had not smiled when Yuna had come into the lounge where all four of them were flopped in various poses of quiet-ish activity. Reading, drawing, playing thumb war. He had nodded and gone to collect his bag, and Shane had gone with him. Grigori looked tense as they continued to wait, and Yuna supposed he must have come straight here to pick the boys up and was dying to go see Irina. She told him she would go see what the hold up was and went back inside, past David who was doing his best to look normal, and Hatsu who was miming something at Alyosha.

Shane and Ilyushenka were hugging in the bedroom, bag on the floor. Both of them saying words at each other in very serious little voices, so muddled together it was hard to tell who said what.

Vesnushki, freckles. vesnushki, freckles, vesnushki, freckles

-

Shane was quiet and grumpy the rest of the day. The mattress which he had so sweetly obfuscated about was still damp by bedtime, so she let him come sleep between her and David, and he lay there like a little log, arms crossed and brow furrowed until he fell asleep like that. If Yuna wasn't also feeling bereft and confused she would have giggled about it with David, and they would have gotten out the camera and taken a photo of the sweetest, smallest, grumpiest baby that existed.

Instead, she and David whispered about it all over Shane's sleeping head, and got no further than I wonders and what ifs.

The next day they had to clean up and pack. The plan had always been to go meet Mona and her husband at their honeymoon destination today, to drop Hatsu off with them so he felt included more in the wedding. It would have been sad leaving Irina and her boys, either way, but this was was so much worse.

She had walked to Eugenia's house in the morning, and knocked, and knocked, and no one had come, so she assumed they must all be at the hospital. When she went back at noon, it was the same. And just after lunch, when they were putting the final things in the entrance, and the cab had been called, she darted down again and found the house still empty. Left a note in the letterbox, weighed down with a small stone.

2008

Shane was a grown man (almost, kind of, he played a sport like a grown man), and he talked to people who were ostensibly much more intimidating, like refs, and GMs, and coaches, and interviewers, lots of adults who could have a hand in his entire future, so this should not have been scary at all. This, being the opportunity finally to say hello and introduce himself to Ilya Rozanov, alone, without the peer pressure of team mates or coaches to act on this weird assumed rivalry people were talking into existence just because he and Rozanov were the most promising players around. That was why he so badly wanted to say hello. Because it was true about them being the most promising, the two of them in a league of their own among their peers, both of them playing really, really good hockey in a way that Shane wanted to get to talk about with someone who understood it.

So he pulled himself together, because his mother had not spent years speech and media training him just for him to chicken out of a simple meet and greet that he had been hoping for, which it appeared fate had now provided him. He'd even done a little homework for this, that was how much he had wanted it to happen.

Ilya Rozanov was leaning against a wall outside, attempting to light a cigarette, which wasn't the most auspicious of beginnings, but he could overlook the smoking for the insane fluidity of his skating.

"Ilya Rozanov? Privet," he said, hoping his accent wasn't too off, held his hand out. "Menya zovut Shane Hollander," he added, though he hoped Rozanov would know who he was, too.

Rozanov had startled slightly at Shane's greeting, and taking the cigarette out of his mouth, he turned to look at Shane with his eyebrows drawn down low, like he was annoyed, or confused maybe. Had Shane fumbled his introduction so badly? He wasn't very confident in his Russian, the words he felt he was best at weren't very conversational, and he hadn't used them for years, so they probably weren't actually good either.

Eventually Rozanov did take Shane's outstretched hand, shook it once, eyebrows still furrowed, and then dropped it.

"Um," Shane said, "you're an awesome player to watch." He had considered trying this in Russian as well, but he was glad he hadn't even attempted to put it together now, because he was already embarrassed by how badly he must have fumbled his first attempts.

"Yes," Rozanov said, his eyes darting across Shane's face. "Okay."

Okay. Shane nodded. Should go. Should leave. Fuck. It was so awkward. But he had worked himself up for this and he didn't want it to be just this. He wanted to try. Fuck. He turned in a circle that felt awkward as he did it, and leaned against the wall next to Rozanov, who continued to watch him like maybe Shane was a blow fly he was trying to decide whether it was worth it to get up and shoo out.

"You speak more Russian?" Rozanov asked, surprising Shane enough that he jerked a little against the wall. "Or only hellos?"

"Um," Shane said, "mostly only hellos. Some other words," he could stop there, "um, ruka, kolenka, myach, krovat', vesnushki, -" he could absolutely stop there, except his brain had finally answered a question he had years ago and never got around to answering before, his eyes catching on Rozanov's moles - "rodinka!" he finished, a little too triumphant, and also pointing at Rozanov's face.

He lowered his hand quickly, flushing. Couldn't believe how badly this was all going so far. He should have left it alone. He should have admired Rozanov from a distance. Should not have come out here and given him an abundance of chirping material. Apparently Rozanov was known for his creative chirping, and Shane had thought it would be fine because he was probably only so good at chirping in Russian, but now he would know bilingual ways to chirp Shane, and Shane was an idiot.

Rozanov blinked at him, one hand moving slowly up to his face, brushing against a mole on his cheek, his eyebrows still making him look intense, though maybe not as angry as Shane had first assumed.

"Sorry," Shane tried, sucked his cheek in and bit it once before releasing it and continuing. "I didn't mean to point. That was rude. Sorry."

"Many sorries," Rozanov said, his hand dropping from his cheek. "No need for them." He lifted his hand again and pointed at Shane's face, eyebrows raising. "Vesnushki," he drawled, and then raised his pointed hand palm up, shrugged, as if to say see? "You are needing sorry now?"

Shane snorted, shook his head. "No," he said, "sorry."

Rozanov made a squawk sort of a noise, and shook his head. "Sorry again?" he demanded, "Why?"

"I don't knowwww," Shane groaned, resisting the urge to apologise again.

Rozanov laughed, once, bark like. "Thank me instead," he instructed with a smirk, "for being sooo awesome to watch, hm?"

"Shut up," Shane rolled his eyes, but then did it anyway. "Spasibo," he said.

Rozanov grinned at him, all his teeth showing. He had a fake one already, but his real teeth were a little squished, a little sharp looking, wolfy. It was a good grin, even if Shane thought it was probably a grin at his expense.

"Pozhaluysta," Rozanov replied, sweet even through his sharp teeth. "So polite. All Canadians like this?"

"Probably," Shane shrugged, "I'm not special."

Rozanov laughed at this as well, shaking his head. "Oh, so humble, Hollander," he said. "I hear all day is how Hollander is one to watch for, Hollander made many points, blah, blah."

"I'm not specially polite," Shane retorted with a grin, "I am special at hockey, and I am the one to watch for. The one you should watch for."

Rozanov's grin changed shape, still wide and smug, but somehow softer, more real. "I will," he said, "you will not be so, ah, brave, when we beat you."

Shane laughed again, couldn't help it, it felt like it was bubbling in his chest. He ducked his head. "That's not going to happen," he said. "But if it somehow does, I'll only come back stronger next time."

"Is deal then," Rozanov said, eyebrows raised. He stuck his hand out, offering another handshake. "We will both watch out, and we will both be winners."

Shane tilted his head to the side, as if contemplating not taking the proffered hand, and then shook on it. They grinned at each other, and then Shane's phone beeped loud in his pocket. Almost definitely his mother.

"Oh, I've gotta go," he said, dropping Rozanov's hand, "they're waiting for me."

"Okay," Rozanov said, took a step back. "I will see you on ice then."

"Yeah," Shane agreed. Shoved his hands in his pockets. Didn't move. "Bye. Rodinka."

Rozanov's face twisted oddly, and then he grinned again, "do svidaniya, vesnushki."

-

In the car, driving back to their hotel for the night, Shane waited for his mother to finish talking about the way she thought the zamboni for the rink wasn't working correctly, or the driver was doing something wrong, somehow, because there was something off with the end result, and then he took the hoodie cord out of his mouth so she wouldn't catch him chewing on it when he spoke.

"Remember when we went to Russia for Oba Mona's wedding?" he asked.

Yuna glanced at him. "Yes," she said. "Of course. Why?"

"I was just thinking about it," Shane said. "I, um, I spoke to Rozanov earlier. I guess, I tried saying hi in Russian, and I guess it reminded me."

"Oh, how was Rozanov?" She glanced at him again, eyebrows raised.

"Kind of a dick," Shane said, grinned, "but funny."

"You've got to be funny if you're also kind of a dick," his mother agreed, "or else even your own room will hate you."

"I've heard he's really good in the room," Shane said, and while he did kind of want to keep talking about Rozanov, for some reason he didn't want to do it with his mother, and also, he had other questions to ask. "Do you remember, um, the family who lived down the street from Oba Mona's? The boy my age. Shenka."

"Yes, of course," his mother frowned slightly, whether at the end of discussing Rozanov, or at the new subject, Shane didn't know. "It was Eugenia's house. She was the woman who Mona hired to make the wedding dress and the bride's maids' dresses. Her daughter Irina was staying with her, helping with the dresses, with her two sons. Alyosha, and - was it Shenka?"

"Yeah," Shane frowned back at her, "I mean. I know that's what I called him, and he didn't correct me."

"Okay," she shot a smile at him, eyebrows furrowed, somewhat diminishing the smile. "You two really hit it off."

"I remember," Shane nodded. "Like, not a lot of details, but… bits and pieces, and I remember, um, missing him. Why didn't we stay in touch? I mean, I'm sure I must have asked if I could, like, call him. Maybe?"

"You did," Yuna said. "And, well. I left my email at Eugenia's, and didn't hear anything. It was kind of… messy. When we left."

Shane tried to recall anything more than the general sense of unease he felt when he thought about the end of their Russia trip.

"Shenka and Alyosha stayed with us, for, um, a couple of nights?" Shane asked, "I remember, like, leg wrestling with Shenka."

"Mm, yes," she nodded, seemed distracted, "yes. Irina - their mama - she had to go to the hospital, and her mama was staying with her, so we looked after the boys."

He hadn't thought about any of this for so long, talking about it now felt like trying to recall a dream out loud, catching onto memories and trying to discern if they were real. "She was pregnant, right?" he asked. "Something happened? Um, early labour?"

"I don't have all the details," his mother said. They paused at some lights, and she looked over at him again with a sombre expression. "She lost the baby," she said. "Late term losses like that can be… well, fatal for both the baby and the mother. She lived, but that's the most Mona could tell me for sure, except that they had all gone back to Moscow, Eugenia as well."

"Oh," Shane said. Some little cog in his brain whirred and unlocked a box of half buried memories and feelings, knocked them all over the front of his mind. "Devochka," he mumbled, "the baby was a girl. Shenka said her name was Ludmila."

"Yes," his mother looked surprised, opened her mouth to say something, saw the light had turned green, swore instead, and drove forwards, through the intersection before speaking again. "Eugenia said that as well. So sad."

"Yeah," Shane frowned, looked away from his mother, out the window, blinked hard. "Um. Shenka. I don't - did something else happen?"

"I don't think so," Yuna said, "apart from the hospital. Irina's husband came from Moscow to pick the boys up. We dropped Hatsu off with his parents. Then we flew home."

Shane knocked his head lightly against the car window, and then sat up to wipe the glass with his hoodie sleeve because this was a rental car and he was paranoid. Tried to think. It made sense that the memories around the end of the trip made him feel sad, now he remembered a little about the hospital and had more context around it. But he had a niggling feeling that there was something else as well.

"Do you still have that pet stone?" his mother asked. "You carried it around with you for months after we got home. Rodney?"

"Rodinka," Shane mumbled.