Work Text:
“I’m sorry, who are they?” Doctor Strange turns to give the two children hard looks, “Your wards?”
“Wards?” Tony scoffs, “Who even uses that word anymore?”
“Pick up a book for once.”
“That’s what FRIDAY is for,” Tony says before he gestures vaguely between his sons and the sorcerer, “Kids, meet Wizard - Wizard, meet my kids - and now that introductions are out of the way-“
“If we’re going to be stuck on an alien planet together for an indefinite amount of time; I flat out refuse to be called a Wizard by two middle schoolers,” Doctor Strange huffs.
“I’m 20, geezer,” Harley pipes up.
“I’m 16,” Peter smiles.
“And I’m 45,” Tony rolls his eyes and claps his hands, “Now if we’re done with the icebreakers, can we focus on the grown man too old to have a crystal obsession-?“
“I’m Peter Stark, by the way,” Peter steps forward to shake Doctor Strange’s hands.
Doctor Strange doesn’t acknowledge the outstretched hand, “Doctor-“
“Say your name and we’re gonna be stuck with their mouths going a mile per minute,” Tony raises his brows challengingly at him, “And there’s no off switch, trust me, I’ve looked everywhere.”
“You love us,” Peter smiles cheekily.
“What’s wrong with us knowing his name?” Harley asks with furrowed brows before his eyes widen, “Oh shit, is it like Voldemort?”
“Shh!” Peter immediately hushes him, “You don’t say his name, Harley!” He whispers sternly.
“Voldemort.”
“No!”
“Voldemort, voldemort, voldemort!”
“This is how you get cursed!”
Doctor Strange stares at them for a long moment as they bicker before he turns to Tony, deeply unimpressed, “These are your children?”
Tony sighs fondly, “My little morons.”
“I see they’ve inherited your ability to be easily distracted.”
“Excuse me? Who was the one who suggested dealing with the walking grapefruit? Oh yeah that’s right, me!”
“Because you don’t have the common decency to refer to me by my name.”
“Trust me, me calling you Wizard is a compliment compared to everything else I want to call you.”
“Charming as always,” Doctor Strange rolls his eyes, “I’d prefer if at least your children refer to me by my name - since you’re refusing to set an example for them.”
“My children followed me into space; do you really think they give a damn about the examples I’m setting?” Tony stares at him with an impassive look.
“So are you actually a wizard?” Peter asks Doctor Strange curiously, “How do you do those shield thingies - like this?” He mimics closing his fists in front of him, striking a dramatic pose.
Harley shakes his head, "No, he did differently, it was like this," He says and closes his first, pulling his elbows back.
“What is this?” Doctor Strange asks indifferently, “A QNA?”
“We got bigger fish to fry here, kiddos,” Tony tells them, “We can hire him as entertainment for your next birthday party.”
He pointedly ignores the sorcerer’s staring daggers at him as Harley folds his arms.
“So what is your name?” He asks, staring at Doctor Strange.
“Don’t do it,” Tony whips his head towards the sorcerer.
Doctor Strange glares at Tony, “And unlike everyone else, I don’t mindlessly follow your orders,” He says dismissively before he turns to Harley and Peter, “My name is Doctor Stephen Strange.”
That immediately blows Harley’s eyes wide open.
“Woah woah!” Harley shakes his head at that, taken aback, “Back it all the way up!”
“And you’ve done it,” Tony gives Stephen an annoyed glare.
“Am I supposed to know what’s going on?” Peter asks, glancing between an annoyed Harley and an equally confused Stephen.
Harley scowls at Tony, “You’re telling me that this guy is the one you used to date?”
“Woah!” Peter gasps, eyes darting widely between Stephen and Tony before he frowns, “Wait, how come I didn’t know that?”
“Because I’m entitled to my secrets and shame,” Tony says with a disgruntled frown.
“Shame?” Stephen raises a brow at him.
“Shame; that’s what I said, need a hearing aid, geezer?”
“I’m 3 years older than you.”
“Stalker.”
“Common knowledge.”
“It’s just weird that you just have that knowledge ready right off the top of your head,” Tony remarks and smirks, “Even after all these years, you still can’t stop thinking of me, can you, Strange? I can’t tell if I’m flattered or creeped out.”
Stephen stares at him, unmoved, “I have an eidetic memory.”
“Sorry, I don’t speak voodoo.”
Peter leans over to Harley, keeping his eyes on Tony and Stephen, “Is this flirting?”
Harley, who has been watching with a look of anguish and disgust the entire time, almost gags when he responds, “I think so.”
“Sick,” Peter pulls a face.
“We’re not flirting,” Stephen turns to them sharply, Peter jolting at the sudden attention, “Now, can we please move on to the impending doom of the universe?”
“Literally what I’ve been saying the entire time, but cool, steal my idea,” Tony snarks, causing Stephen to roll his eyes.
“I still have questions,” Peter raises his hand.
“This is not a classroom,” Stephen reminds him.
Harley speaks up, “So you dated this guy, dumped him-”
“Dumped?” Stephen repeats, turning to Tony with an incredulous stare, “Excuse me?”
“What?” Tony folds his arms, glaring, “I’m Tony freaking Stark; I don’t get dumped, I do the dumping.”
“Your ego is outstanding.”
“Thank you.”
“Whatever, who cares about who dumped who?” Harley barks, frustrated and looks at Tony as he points at Stephen, “You dated this guy, broke up and decided to move onto another Steven?”
Peter’s nose scrunches up at that, “Oh, that’s weird.”
“That is weird,” Stephen agrees.
Tony gawks at him, scandalised, “I’m sorry, is that you judging me?”
“Yes.”
“So what?” Harley asks, folding his arms, “Do you just date Stevens who turn out to be assholes, or do you just have bad taste in men?”
Tony glares at him and raises his hand to count his list of arguments, “Okay, first of all, I have dated plenty of other people who weren’t named Stephen, second of all there is a huge difference between Steve and Stephen.”
“Oh?” Stephen’s brows raise with intrigue, “Do tell.”
Tony ignores him, “And third of all, I have great taste in men.”
“Oh yeah?” Harley raises a brow challengingly, “Then where’s our step-dad?” He looks around for show.
Tony points at him sternly, “Keep that up and I’ll get you a step-dad right now.”
“What?” Peter blinks.
“Is that a threat?” Harley taunts.
“What is happening?” Stephen mutters to himself.
“Damn right it is,” Tony snaps and turns to Stephen, poking him hard in the chest, “Congratulates, Merlin, you’re their step-dad now, deal with your son.”
“What?” Stephen’s with wide eyes.
“I thought he was an asshole?” Peter frowns at Harley, glancing at Stephen.
“Better to be an asshole than an attempted murderer,” Stephen blurts out, wincing when he chances a glance at Tony.
Harley eyes Stephen for a moment before nods in approval, impressed, “Touche.”
Tony turns to him, “Oh, so now you like him?”
“That's right, he’s my favourite parent now.”
“That’s it,” Tony scowls and pokes Stephen again, “You’re not their step-dad anymore, I’m revoking your parenting privileges.”
Stephen winces at the sharp jab and steps back, “Would you stop poking me?” He scowls, rubbing his chest, “Can’t you say something without causing harm to someone? Or is that just a speciality of yours?”
“I’ll show you causing harm, Gandolf-”
“Uh, dad?” Peter pipes up.
“Hang on a second, Peter, I gotta give Herminone here a verbal beat down.”
“But dad-”
“What?”
All eyes turn towards Peter who points somewhere behind him.
“Something's coming,” He says with a frown.
Seconds later, a smoke grenade comes rolling in and you know what happens next.