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Jesper wasn't really thinking. He'd just been looking over to the gorgeous man tucked into his arms and suddenly he was reaching over for the coin. It was a spontaneous decision, but one that felt right the second he said “What if it did feel more like home?” and pulled out the key.
“Oh, what's this?” “Is.. is that a coat hook?” Replied Wylan. He knew what it was, he had to know. Which meant his answer was clear enough.
Take it back. Jesper pulled away. “Ah forget it, forget it”
Take it back. Putting distance between them by standing at the end of the bed.
“Oh, it was a key” So maybe he did know.
“Yes”
“What does it open?” And maybe he was just being careful. After all, despite the extensive gaps in his past Jesper had still to fill out, one thing he was sure of, Wylan was Kerch. The way he spoke, his manners and his very appearance gave that much away. But that meant if Ketterdam had never felt like home, then he might have never had a home at all.
So with even more determination now, jesper said “this room”
The way Wylan looked up at him in that moment would have been enough to render any man useless. There wasn't another person in the world who could look at you with the intensity Wylan did, and in that moment, his eyes were full of hope. “That is the.. the kindest thing that anyone's ever done for me”
And the way he spoke. Saints one of these days Jesper was going to find whoever was responsible for how unfamiliar Wylan was to affection and he was going to make them pay. But for now “So. Is that a yes?”
“Yes. YES. Yes, I will. I will move in with you.”
“Oh uh- Move in. Uh- that suddenly sounds very official. And now that you've said that I- Im not so su”
Before he could even finish getting the words out Wylan had grabbed his face and leaned in to kiss him. He pulled back just to whisper “Shut up” against Jesper's lips before leaning back in and letting himself fall back on the bed. Jesper could only laugh as he followed him down and let himself be lost in the calm that always surrounded him when he kissed Wylan Hendricks.
“You know, we might not have thought this through. It's a good thing you don't have that much stuff” Jesper said looking around at the messy and very crowded room.
“Jesper fahey, are you saying you regret asking me to move in with you?”
“Never love. But we might have to commit to a life of minimalism unless we happen upon a few more impossible odds high reward jobs soon”
Wylan looked away to hide his laugh. One of these days I'll get him to stop hiding that beautiful smile of his.
“We could always go back to the lab, set up there,” said Wylan reluctantly.
Jesper came up and grabbed his boyfriend by the waist with one hand, while using the other to caress his check and make him look up. “Sweetheart, the point was to give you a place that finally felt like home, somewhere to put down roots. We are not going to build our lives out of kaz's hand me downs.” He'd expected a shy smile in response or maybe a quick deflection but instead-
*
Suddenly, Wylan couldn't breathe. What am I doing here? He couldn't do this. What am I doing here? He couldn't look Jesper in the eye everyday knowing he was still hiding so much about himself. Here Wylan was moving into the man's room and he didn't even know his real name.
At that moment Wylan knew. He knew he had to leave. He had to leave. He had to leave.
Or he could tell him the truth.
Gezhen, the thought terrified him, but this was Jesper. The person he felt safest with, who Wylan knew cared for him. The only person in the world that knew of his incompetence, the truth about his reading abilities and hadn't thought any less of Wylan for it. Almost like it didn't matter, maybe it didn't. Wylan couldn't hide forever. Not from everyone. And maybe what he'd found with Jesper was worth the leap of faith.
“Wy?” … ‘Wylan, you okay?”
Deep breaths. “I- I need to tell you something. I can't do this. Move in here, be with you or- or think about a future between us until you know everything about me. Until you hear everything and decide for yourself if you still want any of it. If you still want me.”
*
Jesper was frankly lost. And very confused. He wanted to make a joke, get rid of the tension and make his boyfriend smile. But Wylan clearly thought whatever he was about to say was bad enough Jesper might decide he no longer wanted anything to do with him once he heard. Which was ridiculous, because Jesper wasn't the type of person to settle down or commit to anything. A couple months ago he would have laughed at anyone who even suggested he'd find something, better yet someone, who he wouldn't mind imagining keeping around for a long time. But he had. Because Wylan was stunning. And brilliant. And selfless. And kind. And a million other things people in the barrel weren't, not after they'd been there for a while. And Jesper cared about him more than he'd ever let himself care for anyone else, Saints Jesper might actually be in love with him, might have been half in love with him ever since he first remembered those wide eyes under the rat carriage all those weeks ago. So instead he just said “okay, im listening” and sat down on the bed to wait.
It took a minute for Wylan to gather up the courage to start speaking, and then another to decide what to say, but once he started it just all came out. He talked about his childhood first. About being six and memorizing dozens of texts and stories because even then he knew he was supposed to be able to understand them. About being eight and no longer able to hide it, learning for the first time what a cruel man his father could be. About learning of his mothers passing only a few months later, there one day and gone the next, never getting to say goodbye, never really understanding what had happened. About being ten, twelve, and fourteen. Still not able to find sense to the words on the page, his father growing increasingly frustrated with every method, doctor, strategy and motivation that produced no results. And then he talked about being fifteen, left alone for a while. How he had started to believe his father had given up on trying. Then, the morning that had changed everything. Being told he'd be going away to music school, far away where he could no longer disgrace the family name. But also somewhere he might finally be happy, spend his days looking at notes on a page instead of letters. And finally, between choked words and as summarized as possible he spoke of the boat, of the men who had escorted him, about that hand around his neck and the desperate swim back to shore. Putting the pieces together and realizing what his father had intended to do.
Once he'd finished speaking it only took a second for Jesper to gather Wylan into his arms. “It's okay Wy. You're okay, you're safe here” he said hoping to calm him down. Jesper's heart physically hurt from all the information he'd just received along with watching his lover fall apart slowly in front of him, but he was even more confused now. Why would learning about any of that make him think any less of Wylan. How could any of it possibly make him want to walk away. “Love I would never think any less of you just because your father was a horrible person” he said in an attempt to reassure him but all it seemed to do was agitate the other even more.
Wylan tore himself out of Jesper's embrace with so much force it pushed him back onto the bed. He faced away from him, standing in the corner of the room in an attempt to put as much space as possible between them without actually leaving. And after a few moments of silence he spoke.
“My name.” Deep breath. “My real name isn't Wylan Hendricks. It's Wylan Van Eck.”
That name, he knew that name.
“Consulman Jan Van Eck is my father.”
For a moment neither of them moved, it was almost like they'd both been frozen in place. Wylan couldn't decide if he should try to explain himself and apologize or walk away and give his boyfriend time to think about everything he'd just learned. For his part, Jesper felt like he'd been thrown for a loop. One moment he'd been moving boxes and thinking about how different his life would be going forward and then, for a moment, it felt like all of it had begun to fall apart around him. He'd wanted to be mad, demand answers. Why didn't you tell me before? Do you not trust me? How could you hide so much if you really wanted to make this work? But then again, Wylan had looked so broken. And so, so scared. And suddenly he was talking about running for his life. From his own father. His own blood. So maybe Jesper was hurt at finding out there was so much to this person he hadn't known about. But maybe it didn't matter. Because how could he expect someone to go through something like that and come out trusting. He couldn't, and yet here Wylan was, volunteering all this information because he wanted Jesper to have all the facts before committing to them. To him.
So, after closing his eyes and taking a breath Jesper got up and walked towards Wylan.
“Wy, Love. Look at me.”
He didn't touch him, didn't try to guide his eyes like he might have any other time. Instead he stood there and waited for Wylan to look back. Once he did, eyes still glassy, expression guarded and terrified, Jesper offered his hand and waited for it to be taken. “Wylan Van Eck” That might take some getting used to.
“You are the most intelligent, resilient, beautiful and determined person I have ever met. I might not be thrilled about you waiting until now to tell me. But I also understand why you did. I get why this must be so incredibly hard for you. So it's okay, we're okay. But Wy, I need you to know. Truly understand that I would never hurt you. And that there isn't a single part of you that could ever make me think any less of you, now or ever.”
He barely had time to finish speaking before two arms were making their way around his waist and some ruffled hair was being buried into his neck.
“No more secrets. From now on you know me entirely. Always.”
“Same, Merchling”
Turns out, adjusting to the new revelations about Wylan's past hadn't been as taxing for their relationship as either of them might have expected it to be. Jesper had slipped up a few times and said Hendricks instead of Van Eck but Wylan hadn't seemed to mind. “It's my moms last name, so yeah, very much still me” he'd said when Jesper had questioned him about it. This had also led to them finally discussing the one thing about their past they had in common, a topic neither found particularly easy to discuss. Their mothers.
As it happens they had both lost their mothers young, almost at the exact same age. And while the fallout from their passing had been very different for the two boys, it'd also been very similar in how their paths ahead had been shaped by it. Wylan's father hadn't implemented the use of more extreme methods of study until his wife was no longer there to question his decisions, until Wylan had no one left to stand up for him. And Jesper's dad had developed his resentment towards zowa and their powers only after using the so-called blessing had resulted in his wife losing her life to a disease that should have never been hers to face.
In a moment of braveness and a show of trust Jesper had even started to open up about his gambling addiction. How he had quickly gone from a promising university student to the most famous sharpshooter in Ketterdam and Dirtyhands right hand man. He even mentioned a big debt he owed. Though he couldn't bring himself to say where exactly the money he'd gambled away had come from.
Wylan and Jesper had both meant what they'd promised the day they moved in together. And now, countless conversations later it felt like no one had ever known them better than they now did each other. Just about two months of being together, if you counted the time before they'd officially labeled the relationship, all the way back to that kiss in the tannery. But to them it felt like a lifetime, honestly, it felt like the start to forever.
Despite Wylan feeling safer than he had in any other place he had stayed in during his time in the barrel, it only took nine days for the first letter to arrive. Faster than usual, but then again he'd been hanging around at the slat for weeks before moving in so maybe that explained it. He'd given some thought to what he would do about the letters, how to hide them, keep his secrets but no plan seemed solid enough. In the end, thankfully, it had been Jesper who found the first letter, left on the front steps of the building in the middle of the night.
Wylan had already been tucked into bed, half asleep but wanting to make sure his lover was home and safe before allowing himself to rest. So, when Jesper had come back, he didn't notice the envelope at first.
“Welcom ack” he mumbled into the pillow.
Jesper clucked softly and sat next to him on the bed, leaning over to leave a soft kiss in his rumbled hair. “Hey darling” He pushed some hair out of Wylan's eyes and caressed his cheek for a second before continuing. “Listen, I um- I found something outside”
“Mhm?”
“A letter, for you.”
Wylan was fully awake in a second, without missing a moment he sat up and reached over to grab the letter out of Jesper hands. And as he turned it over, there it was. The Van Eck seal, still hunting him after all this time.
“Wy?”
“It usually takes longer,” he whispered.
“What does?” Asked Jesper. He was very confused. The letter was clearly from his father. The seal and fancy paper gave that away. But why would a man who had so clearly wanted nothing to do with his son still be sending correspondence? Especially one who knew the recipient couldn't even- oh, that asshole. “Sweetheart, can I?”
Wylan finally looked up at that. He looked into his boyfriend's eyes for a minute, expression clearly apprehensive “it's probably nothing good, ive never..” read them “well, you know” but eventually he did hand it over.
Jesper opened the enveloped slowly and read outloud:
“Wylan,
If you're reading this, then you know how much I wish to have you home.
Not a day goes by without hope for you to see reason in my letters.
I pray that you read these words and think of all you've left behind.
Your loving father,
Jan.”
Wylan chuckled softly. “Yeah, just about what I thought”
He'd expected a sense of relief, to find some peace in finally knowing what was in the letters he'd spent the past few years trying to ignore. But none of it came. He gained no new information beyond the confirmation his father was still as horrible as always. Months and months later still taking time out of his days just to ensure that wherever Wylan was, he knew he still wasn't welcomed, his father still did not love him, and he remained as much a failure and disappointment as he'd always been.
Not too long ago, all those confirmations might have hit him deep. But for the first time since his mothers death, it felt like he belonged somewhere, he belonged with someone. And as he looked over to Jesper, who was looking back with equal parts fondness and worry. He thought, for the first time, that his father might not have been entirely correct about him.
So he smiled, bright and contagious. Jesper smiled back, “Why are we smiling?”
“Mhm?, oh. I'm happy”
Jesper's face was suddenly in absolute disbelief. “Not that I don't love that but you've completely lost me.”
“Hahhaha, I've not gone mad. It's just, for ones I think the love I have might actually outweigh his hate.”
And how was a man supposed to respond to that if not by tackling his boyfriend onto the bed and showing him just how loved he truly was. Wylan hadn't said I love you, neither of them had, not in so many words. But Jesper was almost certain the feeling was there. Strong, burning, passionate and most certainly reciprocated. So until it came time to say it out loud he'd just have to continue showing it in every other way.
“What do you think he wants?”
“I find it's easier to not even bother wondering. Just show up and listen”
“Mhm”
“Though, I am hoping it's nothing too time consuming” Jesper spun around and began walking backwards to look Wylan in the eyes, simultaneously reaching out to grab his hands. “How do you feel about waffles afterwards?”
Wylan blushed, turning away to hide his smile against his own shoulder. “Is now really the time to be thinking about a date?”
“Bold of you to assume I ever stop thinking about it”
Wylan's laughing was interrupted by Jesper leaning in and kissing him. Jesper's hands moved up to hold the other's face and deepen the kiss, while Wylans found their way to his coat, pulling him closer.
“Have I ever told you your laugh is my favorite sound in the world?”
“All the time”
“Well” he shrugged “the truth bears repeating” Jesper put his arm back around his boyfriend's shoulder as they took the last few steps to the slat and walked inside.
“You're early,” was the first thing Nina said to them.
“Were on time” Wylan replayed, rolling his eyes.
“Exactly, early”
“I'm afraid someone's,” said Jesper looking over at his boyfriend “habits might be rubbing off on me a little” before dramatically falling into a chair and pulling Wylan down with him.
Nina rolled her eyes, already quite used to Jespers over the top personality and the seeming need to never go a second without flaunting his, admittedly gorgeous, boyfriend. Still, she could never resist an opportunity to tease. “You're both insufferable, you know that?”
Instead of answering, the two looked at each other, shared a smile and at the same time, almost as one, lined in for a kiss.
“Why I put up with you both I will never know” Nina said rolling her eyes. And then, after waiting a moment “You know I could always just cut off your breaths so you had to pull away, right?”
That got them to stop. Both burst out laughing, Wylan leaning onto Jesper's chest as the other circled his arms around his waist and rested his chin atop his head. But before anything else could be said the distinct clicking of a cane announced Kaz had arrived.
“You three,” he said as he walked in “an opportunity has presented itself. The most lucrative job we've ever taken.
Immediately, everyone stopped to pay attention. With just those words Kaz had made the job sound incredibly enticing to them but even more so, the look on his face made them all the more curious. The man known for his stoicisms, looked almost gleeful. Certainly more emotion than he'd shown at least since the wraith had skipped town, probably ever.
“Theres a new weapon about to hit the market. If it does, it could make the destruction of the shadowfold seem like a spring picnic. Every corner of the world would feel the effects.”
“It's a drug called jurda parem. Highly addictive. And if grisha take it, their power is amplified a thousand times over. The chemist who created it fled to Kerch once he realized what he'd done. But the fjerdans caught him. He now awaits trial. If the fjerdans weaponize this drug the consequences would be unimaginable. Everything we've ever known, every strength we've relied upon, shattered. Any questions?”
The other three all turned to look at each other, no one really knowing what to say. For his part, Wylan could think of a few dozen things Kaz could elaborate on. But, like Jesper had said just earlier, it was easier not to wonder with him. So in the end he lowered his hand and the silence continued.
“Great. Nina, we are going to need some insider help for this.”
“You mean..?”
“It's time to break your fjerdan out of prison.”
Nina scoffed. “He won't help you. Not with this.” Matthias was a drüskelle, fjerdans most fierce warriors, and the most loyal tool. No matter how long he'd been away or any conflicting feelings he might have developed due to a certain heartrender he would not betray his country.
“And anyway” said Jesper “what exactly do we need a guide for? Sneaking around Fjerda can't be harder than the fold”
“Fjerda no. The Ice Court, yes.”
“Oh you've actually gone mad this time.” Nina said, scoffing “The ice court is a death sentence, Kaz. The fold, healgate, even the little palace are nothing compared to this”
“Hence, most lucrative job.”
“Speaking of, just how much money are we talking about?” Said Jesper, as always most concerned about the how and how much of the payment when it came to any job.
“30 million kruge”
Jesper immediately reacted with disbelief. That amount of money would be the solution to his latest horrendously stupid decision but, realistically “And who, exactly, are we doing this for? Last I checked people in the barrel aren't walking around with half that much to spare.”
“Obviously no one in the barrel. No, this job comes from quite higher up. The merchant council themselves. Or well, one of its members to be precise.”
Wylan and Jesper tensed up as one, both realizing what Kaz was about to say right before he did.
“Jan Van Eck has so graciously decided to be our sponsor.”
Jesper tightened his hold on his boyfriend, feeling how uncomfortable he was at the mention of his father, and said the first thing he could think of to divert the attention of the other two. “And you trust him? Even if we do manage to do this, he'll kill us all the second we get back and keep the price and money to himself.”
“He won't, because we have insurance.”
“What do you mean?” Nina said at the same time Wylan stood up and walked over to the wall, resting against it and folding his arms protectively around himself. Something about the way Kaz had said that, the way his eyes had subtly shifted over to Wylan before replying. Wylan wasn't an idiot. And even though he'd tried his best to make sure no one could connect him to his past it would not be out of the question to assume the bastard of the barrel had still found a way to make the connection. Especially if he had had the help of his famous spider.
“Meet Wylan Van Eck. Councilman Jan Van Eck's very own son.”
But if Inej had indeed helped Kaz come across this information then that had to mean he had known for a while, at least since before they left for Shu Han. And if that was the case, a lot of things were suddenly starting to become very clear.
“You didn't come to me for my experience with chemicals did you?”
“Cmom Wylan, you'd never even made a bomb when I found you”
Jesper stood up and followed Wylan to the wall he'd tucked himself into. He took a second to caress his boyfriend's cheek before standing before him and turning to face Kaz.
“So, what? You've been keeping him around in the off chance you ever needed leverage against the council? He's a crow! And he's the…” Jesper had to stop to swallow, breathe. “Hes been helping us for months, saved all our lives multiple times and your just gonna trade him off for some cash the first chance you get?”
Not a word of what Jesper had said seemed to faze him at all. Evident by what he said next. “He's been useful so far,” Kaz shrugged “he's passable at demo” and after a pause “but excellent at hostage.”
Jesper couldn't help but reach down to hold his revolvers, a nervous habit, a way to center himself. Something to do with his hands to distract himself from the urge to punch his boss in the face.
“I would have expected you to be a little more upset at this revelation” Kaz continued, with a calculating, almost confused look in his eyes.
He clearly hadn't expected Jesper to know. And from what he'd said so far definitely didn't know the full story. “I already knew. It didn't matter to me, I'd thought it wouldn't matter to anyone else either” He looked at Nina then, apprehension clear on his face.
All she said was “It doesn't."
Giving her a small smile he then turned back towards Kaz. Clearly prepared to defend Wylan if needed. Jesper knew the full story, beyond Kaz's indifference he also knew his plan simply wouldn't work, Van Eck wasn't going to give them anything in exchange for Wylan. He needed to find a way to convince his boss of this without revealing the secrets he knew. Find some way to protect Wylan without betraying the trust he'd been given. In the end, he hadn't needed to, it seemed in the time it took him to try and come up with a solution his merchling had made the decision on his own.
“Well, I'm sorry to disappoint but you've been wasting your time. My father won't give you anything for me. Not unless you plan to deliver him my chopped off head.”
The shock his words brought to the room was visible. Jesper looked devastated even though by now he had to know the statement to be true. Nina looked heartbroken, no doubt sensing the truth of his words from his shaken heartbeat. But most notably, Kaz looked almost defiant. Like he didn't want to accept Wylan's words for what they were, true.
Because apparently even Kaz Breaker was less of a monster than his father. Even he couldn't fathom the idea of a man so heartless he'd rather a dead son than a useless one. And why would he, this very same strategy had given them the win over Pekka Rollins, the ultimate scum on earth as far as Kaz was concerned. If it had worked then surely it would work now. Except it wouldn't, because Wylan had managed to be so much of a useless disappointment that he'd seemingly turned his own father into the worst of the worst, a demon amongst the barrel's monsters. That though, that realization was too much, he didn't want to deal with this, he didn't have to. Before anyone else could speak he turned and walked out the door.
Every cell in Jesper's body wanted him to follow, to make sure his boyfriend was okay. Leaving him alone with his own thoughts right now didn't seem like the best idea. But he had to talk to Kaz first, make sure he understood Wylan wasn't being dramatic, that if he tried to follow through with his plan it might very well get them all killed.
As he turned Kaz and Nina were already looking at him, both clearly waiting for him to explain what was happening.
“I can't tell you everything. Not my story and he was reluctant enough to tell me so I doubt he'd appreciate you both getting the gritty details. All you need to know is he wasn't lying or exaggerating. He's not a runaway mercher who chose the barrel over luxury and comfort, he's here because he didn't have a choice. His father didn't like him very much and after years of trying to make wylan someone he was not and running out of excuses for keeping him away from the public eye and merchant business he decided the only permanent solution to his problem was to get rid of his son for good. He tried to kill him. But Wylan managed to get away and ended up here.”
Jesper waited a while but no one said anything, “So, that's the story. I'm sorry but you're gonna have to think of a different plan if you still want us to do this.” Before leaving he looked his boss directly in the eyes to say “And so help me, Kaz. If you ever try to use Wylan like that again Van Eck will be the least of your problems” then he turned and followed the path he hoped Wylan had taken.
Jesper was on his way to the workshop, expecting to find Wylan there when he happened to look over at the harbor and spotted a familiar head of brown locks sitting by the shore. Not a very promising sight considering Wylan usually avoided spending much time near the water, surely trying to avoid the unpleasant memories that came with it.
“You shouldn't sit in front of the water at sunset wy”
“Why not?” Wylan questioned.
“You are much too pretty, it's very unfair to the sky for you to outshine it at its best”
That managed to startle a laugh out of him, "you're ridiculous”
Jesper cluckled and said “I try” before sitting down and reaching over to hold Wylan's hand.
The smile he'd managed to coax out of Wylan didn't last very long. He was very clearly affected by the day's events. But Jesper couldn't tell if he was more scared about his secret being out in the open, or hurt by discovering Kaz's true intentions.
“You okay?”
“I don't know what I expected really, the bastard of the barrel taking an unprompted interest in me, trusting a nobody to make him bombs instead of the demolition experts already working for him. Anyone else would have realized there had to be a reason. I should know better than to trust people by now.”
“What about me?”
“You're not people” Wylan mumbled.
Jesper pulled him into his arms and whispered against his head, “feelings mutual. So trust me to keep you safe. You don't have to trust Kaz, not right now or ever if you don't feel like it. But trust me to know him well enough to know that now he's aware of the truth he won't only find a new plan that doesn't involve handing you over to your father he will most likely find a way to get the job done, still get our money and bring your fathers empire down along the way.”
“You really think he'd put any extra effort in for me?”
“Youre a crow, we look out for each other”.
They sat there for a while longer, feeling the breeze and enjoying each other's presence. It wasn't until some time after the sun had finished setting that Jesper suggested they get up and head back to the workshop, thinking it best for Wylan to spend the night away from the slat and the reminders that came with it at the moment. Plus, it would be good to get some rest and some time for themselves while they still could. After all, the job was certainly still happening, Kaz Breaker wasn't just gonna walk away from 30 million Kruger.