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“I love you so much Harry,” Louis said tears rushing down his face now as he dropped the bloody blade he had gripped in his hand and watched as it dropped the fourteen stories down to the busy Square. “I hope you can find someone who could give you everything I couldn’t. It’s just too much to bear anymore.” And stepped over the railing meeting the square below with a sickening crack.
~New York City – Louis and Harry’s Hotel room 3:45 PM~
“Boo? Are you okay?” A raspy voice asked, pulling the sheet back reviling Louis’ back. “Boo?”
Louis made a noise into the pillow.
“Boo you have to get up,” Harry said sitting on the edge of the bed, putting his hand on Louis’ back and started making small circles. “We have to go to sound check.”
Louis peeked out from his pillow, “no.”
Harry sighed, “Get up and after we go to the sound check I promise we’ll go out and tour New York. We’ll be a real New Yorkers. I know how much you’ve always wanted to do that. Get lost in the city.”
Louis shook his head, “You know we can’t, Harry.” Louis looked to Harry’s “Things I Can’t” tattoo. “You might as well add my face. Modest is never going to let us really be together.” Louis dropped his face back into the pillow.
Harry sighed not really knowing what to say. Lately Louis had been acting strange. Quieter, more reserved and secretive. “Boo what’s wrong?” Harry asked, ignoring the vibrating phone in his pocket.
Louis looked up at Harry, tears streaming down his face. “I’m just so tried.” His voice cracked on the last word.
Harry nodded, reaching out. “Come here.”
Louis hesitated before crawling into Harry’s lap, crying on his shoulder. Where they just stayed Harry rocking him back and forth, whispering how everything would be alright, until Louis’ sobs where replaced with hiccups and then silence.
“You really think I can go through with this?” Louis whispered, “Proposing to Eleanor?”
Harry sucked in his breath remembering the meeting with Modest when they had called Eleanor, Louis and Harry.
“Louis,” Dave, the head of their management team said. “The fans as of late have been restless, so since Liam has refused to propose and has broken up with Danielle and Perrie and Zayn have only been dating a year we need you to propose to Eleanor.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Louis asked, jumping up causing Eleanor across the table to roll her eyes and Harry beside Louis to gasp.
“Louis sit down,” Dave said, rolling his eyes too. “We know it’s not going to be real but with Eleanor’s contract ending soon plus the Larry… shippers are causing more talking across the fandom. We need to put them in line again.”
Louis looked across the Eleanor and then to Harry. “I can’t…”
“If you don’t then well we would hate to see you go…” Dave pressed, crossing his arms across his chest.
“Dave…” Eleanor started, turning to the man beside her. “Can we please not do this? I’m… I’m done with this. Maybe it is time to let Larry free….”
Dave looked to Eleanor disbelief in his eyes, “Absolutely not!!”
“Harry?” Louis asked, looking up at him. “Do you think I can?”
Harry gulped, “I don’t think we…. you have a choice.”
Louis nodded. “Well how late are we then?” He asked, getting up and out of Harry’s lap, looking around the room looking for some clean clothes.
Harry gave a silent laugh to himself. He reached into his pocket looking at the time 3:55 PM, gasping. “About an hour.”
Louis grabbed a shirt and pulled it over his head, “well better late than never, then. Ready?” Louis reached out his arm towards Harry.
Harry reached out grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I love you,” Harry said. “And one way we will find a way out of this.”
Louis nodded, tears brimming his eyes. “If he only knew,” Louis thought “How every time I go out with Eleanor or I hear her name I die a little more inside.” but answered “I know. The fight is almost over. Just a few more months.” He added a smile to the end and a leaned over going on his tip toes and kissing Harry’s cheek. “I love you too.”
Harry and Louis walked down the hall to the elevator still holding hands enjoying the last bit of freedom they had. But once they made it to the lobby they broke apart. Louis looked to Harry giving him a sad smile. “Let’s go.” Louis said, heading towards the front doors. Thankfully were no fans were waiting. Harry took his hand again just briefly just enough for the burning to shoot up Louis’ arm.
~~
“Are you okay?” Liam asked as they headed backstage after the sound cheek as they were free to do whatever they wanted until Lou needed them for hair for the concert.
Louis looked up from the floor, “yeah I’m fine. Just… tired.”
Liam gave him a look. “What did Dave what with you all the other day?”
“He… uhh… he wanted to go over when Eleanor would be coming over and what we had to do.” Louis said.
“Ahh I see. Well at lease you and Harry don’t have to hide much longer!” Liam said, patting his shoulder and running ahead to Zayn.
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Harry asked, coming up next to him.
Louis looked over to Harry, “I don’t want them to worry. They already worry so much lately…”
“We’ve all have been worried about you lately Louis. You’re more quiet… and secretive.” Harry said. “You barely touch your food or talk or even laugh anymore!”
Louis tugged in his sleeve, “I’m fine Harry. Please let’s not start this…”
Harry looked at Louis’ sleeve. “Let me see your arm.”
“What why-?” Louis began turning away but Harry was too fast he grabbed Louis’ arm and rolled up the sleeve gasping at the scars and fresh cuts. He looked up to Louis tears in his eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry asked, releasing Louis arm.
Louis rolled down the sleeve, “I.. I only did it once or twice… I didn’t think it was a big deal… I was going to tell you.” Louis stammered.
“When!?!” Harry yelled throwing his arms up. He opened his mouth to say more but then shut it again.
“Harry? Louis?” Lou called from the end of the hallway. “Time to get ready!”
Harry glared at Louis, “We’ll talk about this later.” Turned and walked away before Louis could say another word.
“Now you’ve done it,” Louis thought, as he watched Harry go.
“Louis?” Lou called again once Harry had passed her.
“Coming,” Louis said, his only opinion was to run over to Lou when all he wanted to do was run the other way and crawl into a hole.
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~New York City Madison Square Gardens – 10:45 PM~
“Thank you New York!! You’ve been an absolutely amazing crowd and we’re so excited to be in America again! We’ll see you soon again!” Harry yelled into his mic as he and the rest of the lads fell down into their trap doors.
Louis laughed, that was always his favorite part. Falling feeling almost alive again as the adrenaline from the concert and falling ran through his veins. “Tomlinson!” A stage crew yelled at him, “Are you moving anytime soon? We would all like to clean up and go to bed.”
“Oh sorry,” Louis said getting up and crawling his way back to where he could straighten his back and the other boys where patting each other on the backs praising each other. They all turned to Louis as he came up to them.
“Good job, Louis.” Niall said, hugging him briefly and walked away.
Liam and Zayn both patted his should and left leaving Louis and Harry staring at each other.
“So… I guess it’s later.” Louis said.
“Yeah I guess so….” Harry said, collecting his words. “Why Louis? Why didn’t you think you could come talk to me?”
Louis shifted his feet, “I don’t know… I just I’m the oldest I’m supposed to have my shit together. I just didn’t want any of you to see me…. Weak.”
Harry stepped forward, giving Louis a bear hug. Louis gladly took Harry into his arms and buried his face in the cook of Harry’s neck. “That is the biggest piece of shit I have ever heard Tomlinson.” Harry whispered. “Next time come and talk to me, please?”
Louis nodded, “I will.” Louis said, pulling back and kissing Harry on the nose. “If there is a next time,” Louis silently added.
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-New York City –Louis and Harry’s Hotel Room 12:33 AM-
Louis sat alone on his and Harry’s balcony looking out into Time Square as Harry slept inside. He always loved coming to New York and seeing Time Square but this was the first time he had been here since Harry and Taylor had kissed on New Years’ Eve. He remembered how Harry had called him right after sobbing.
“Louis, that was the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life,” Harry has sobbed. “And all she was doing was smiling. SMILING. I mean she’s not even a good kisser.” Harry finished.
“Shhh Hazza. Shhh. It’s all going to be alright.” Louis had cooed.
Louis shook off the memory. He got up and walked to the edge of the balcony. He looked down at the blade in his hand, tomorrow they wanted Louis to propose to Eleanor right in the middle of Central Park. Louis gripped the blade tighter causing blood to run down his index finger. “One just one cut,” Louis said to himself, “and then I’ll be done.” He looked down at his arm he placed the blade on his arm and pressed down hard and drug the blade down his arm until he got to just above his wrist and stopped. Louis watched the blood spill out and smiled. He tilted his head back and laughed. The hush it felt good. Louis looked forward again and then down. “Maybe…” He thought. He turned around and grabbed a chair and pulled it to the railing. He took a step on the chair and then on the railing. And just looked down watching the cars as they raced through the square. He let the rush of the cut fade and then the emptiness seeped in again and tears began to run down his face.
“I love you so much Harry,” Louis said tears rushing down his face now as he dropped the bloody blade he had gripped in his hand and watched as it dropped the fourteen stories down to the busy Square. “I hope you can find someone who could give you everything I couldn’t. It’s just too much to bear anymore.” And stepped over the ledge meeting the square below with a sickening crack.
~~
“Harry Styles?” A male doctor asked.
“That’s me,” Harry said looking up at the doctor, tears still running down his face. “Is he okay?”
The doctor sighed sitting down next to him. “I’m sorry Harry. We did everything we could. But he’s gone.”
Harry looked across the aisle to Liam, Niall and Zayn tears all running down their faces. He got up, the boys mirroring him. But Harry’s legs buckled under his weight, Zayn reached over and caught him. Harry clung to him. “I should have known!” Harry sobbed into the older boy’s shirt. “Shhh… Shhh…” Zayn said, rubbing Harry’s back. Liam and Niall shuffled over, giving Zayn and Harry a massive group hug all the boys crying over the loss of their band mate.
~One Year Later~
“I’m here live with One Direction in Studio 1A,” Savanna said into the camera. “This is the first time they have been back to the states since the death of band mate Louis Tomlinson.” She turned to the boys. “We’re happy to have you back but I wish under happier circumstances.”
All the boys nodded. “We’re….” Liam started, but chocked on tears.
Savanna handed Liam a box of tissues, tears in her eyes too. “How has life been since this time last year?”
“It’s been hard,” Harry said slowly. “It’s like a nightmare and I feel like I’m going to wake up anytime and Louis is going to be alive.”
“We all feel like that,” Niall added.
Savannah nodded, “And Harry I heard that…. Larry Stylinson was real?”
Harry stiffened, “Yes… yes it was… is. I still love Louis. I will always love Louis. As one great writer was wrote “"Death cannot stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while."”