Chapter Text
Your hands are warm in theirs.
It smells… like fresh air and leaves on a sunny day.
You smile, but…
There must be something else. You can’t put your finger on it, but it smells sweet. Not sugary, but sickly, like the same leaves and flowers you could almost taste earlier had been decaying.
You feel a bit off put, but it’ll be fine. It’s going to be fine. You’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about the scent of decay growing stronger, stronger-
you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re-
you feel the world s h i f t —
a n d t h e n —
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CYCLE 1
Act 1, Loop 0
you’re back.
h a h a . . . . . . . . . .
…………………you suppose it wants an encore.
……Best give it a show!
CYCLE 2
Act 2, Loop 18
Stars, how do you get out of here?!
You laugh a little, to yourself. Your party notices, and looks at you with something like concern written across their faces. It doesn’t matter, it’ll never matter, you’ll just reset this loop like all the rest soon. After all, you can’t stay in the observatory forever, can you?
…can you?
No, no, don’t even think about it. You’ll get out, you’ll get out, you’ll–
“Uh… Hey, Sif?” Stars. The faceless puppet noticed the failed actor breaking script again. “You oka–”
Without even thinking about it, you slit your throat.
CYCLE 4
Act 3, Loop 38
You stare at the people you once thought of as allies, friends, family—
And find you do not recognise them.
They’re like strangers, strangers keeping you trapped, trapped, trapped—
You don’t even think they know you anymore, either! You certainly don’t! ‘Siffrin’ is the name of a stranger who kept you here to suffer, to rot, to leave out to decay.
You end up screaming at them. They look at you like a monster, like something that doesn’t deserve to live, to be here in their presence.
Whoops, silly you~! That’s not what the script calls for this loop!! You’re meant to be leading them, to be figuring out how to defeat the King, even though you’ve already done that hundreds of times already!!!
You grin, and slit your throat.
You don’t bother to listen to their screams.
CYCLE 6
Act 4, Loop 48
“Is that so?”
“So Time Craft has nothing to do with you?”
blind her, blind her, blind her–
Why not tell her the truth?! It’s not like you’ve been doing any better this cycle!
“Aw, stars, you got me~!” You put on your best smile. By her expression, you’re sure it looks absolutely deranged. You’re disgusted, yet also thrilled.
She begins to try and control her face again, settling it down into a worried expression. She goes to speak, but you cut her off.
“I guess now you’ll have to tell everyone about it and try to ‘fix it’, again!” you teehee. “As if that’ll ever help.”
“Si–”
You interrupt her again. Stars, how disgusting can you be? “Since this loop is already over, I suppose I should just reset it again like the others,” you sigh, acting as if the words clawing out of your throat don’t feel like they are covered in razor-sharp thorns.
You’re not even sure why you’re saying them, if you’re honest. You’re just giving a performance, a better one. She looks almost horrified, and reaches out to you, yet doesn’t touch you. How long has it been since they last touched you?
“Good talk,” you say as you slit your throat.
CYCLE 9
Act 2, Loop 18
You look at the key in your hands.
It’s changed.
Rather fitting for them, you suppose. A god of Change itself would likely despise being in this situation, possibly more than you.
Its masks look sadder, now. Crying, disappointed, regretful.
Are they regretful? You laugh at the thought.
Of course not. They hate you, after all.
CYCLE 11
Act 3, Loop 49
You’re tired.
You’re so, so, so tired.
You would wish for rest, but you know that would just make you end up like them.
But stars, can you dream that you could just die and stay that way for once, like you deserve.
CYCLE 25
Act 0, Loop 0
You notice something beneath the Favour Tree. They aren’t here, they’re never here, but…
There’s a drawing. You and Loop, holding hands.
It’s messy, the person who made it clearly had no artistic skill, but… it has a certain charm to it.
You smile, and sit on your root, thinking you see yourself looking back.
CYCLE 29
Act 6, Loop 1
Wow, you… got to the end this quickly?
Maybe you weren’t doomed from the start?
. . .
Who are you even kidding, of course you were.
From the moment you failed to find that trap and became no more than a putrid smear on the House floors, you had always been a failure.
You wouldn’t even be alive if not for the loops.
…how funny, that the one thing keeping you alive is the same thing killing you.
The smell of a rotting corpse fills your lungs. How fitting, you think.
CYCLE 39
Act 1, Loop 0
—you reset.
Well! You… made some progress that cycle? You hope that your notes reset with you.
. . .
. . .
. . .
…so now it decides to give you a pen.
At least it’s a useful change. And your notes are here, too.
You know you won’t be getting out anytime soon. But knowing your inescapable prison is better than not knowing it, right?
…you just hope the actors won’t find it. They wouldn’t be very happy about any of this.
CYCLE 40
Act 0, Loop 3
You lie in the meadow, feeling the grass brush you. You feel almost at peace here, and though the flowers are still multiplying around you with each cycle that repeats, you find that at this moment, you do not care.
…
But this is getting old.
Really, how could you? How could you do this again, after the last time? Didn’t you get enough?
…the Housmaiden is coming towards you. She says… something, something that you think is your name (you don’t bother to remember it anymore; what would the point even be, when they gave you a better one?), and tells you to wake up, not knowing that you’re already awake.
You send her off as usual, and do not move for the rest of the cycle.
CYCLE 49
Act 4, Loop 47
They’re acting weird.
The Kid made different foods; not that strange on its own, but they’re also cycling through them differently each loop. The Researcher didn’t try to read the lists of checked out books in the library. The Housemaiden didn’t point out the Death Corridor in the first loop, only seeming to remember after you had already been flattened. The Fighter hasn’t even tried to confess his awful, rotten love for you that you forced him to feel.
they’re acting weird
You know, you know that each cycle changes one small thing; be it the state of your hair, the shade of the sky or the base of the Favour Tree, but why this?!
Stars, do they remember? Do they remember all the horrible things you’ve done? Do they remember? Do they–
No, no, they can’t.
If they could, they would have questioned why you had nearly killed them last loop.
CYCLE 49
Act 6, Loop 97
This loop, you had decided to not take out your anger at anyone or anything, and now you're at the end again.
You force a smile as their (cold, cold) hands wrap around your own, as the smell of fresh leaves turns to rot, to decay—
the world shifts as—
CYCLE 50
Act 1, Loop 0
—you reset, and the sickening smell of freshly-blooming flowers fills your senses.
You briefly wonder how many loops you’ve been through now, as you wait for the Housemaiden to come over to you. You were rather awful to her last cycle, maybe you should try to make up for it this time. As if it will ever matter.
She runs through her script, then leaves, allowing you to lay down for a moment, before getting up. You’ve already spent too many cycles sitting here, waiting for time to pass, only for it to reset. It was always annoying, having to explain why you weren’t going to the King, why you no longer cared. You never told the truth.
At least the Favour Tree was easier to go through, you thought as you walked towards the bridge, towards one of your captors. You didn’t have to explain anything; you just left.
Smile, smile, follow the script, don’t act weird, don’t act weird, make sure to—
Oh. You zoned out, and are now at the Favour Tree. Whoops~!
You sit, and look at yourself. You know you can play the part of both you and yourself, if anything!
“Hey, stardust!” you begin, and you tell yourself about your plans for this cycle.
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
Bridge, clocktower, dinner, fail to sleep and go to the House. You’ve done this before, over and over and over, you don’t need to even think about what’s happening around you anymore.
You raise the orb, dismiss the Housemaiden’s concerns, hold back from killing the first Sadness in one strike, avoid the other Sadnesses, ignore the Researcher’s protests, and enter the crossroads.
You go to the hall on the right, pretend to be surprised at finding the key so quickly, open the door to the Death Corridor, and wait for your cue.
“W-WAIT!” Right on time, teehee!
“Gwah!! What? What is it?!?”
“Sorry for screaming, sorry, sorry! Um, I, um…”
You zone out.
Once it’s time for you to respond, you smile. “A job for me, then.” You don’t bother listening for their response, and pretend to check the Death Corridor pillars.
Go back to tell the Housemaiden you didn’t find anything, go to the centre of the corridor, and smile! Smile, because you know for a fact that none of this will matter, that you will be safe, even though you know that doesn’t matter anymore. Feeling safe in the Death Corridor hasn’t mattered since your… seventh or eighth cycle, you think. It doesn’t matter.
“See?” you say to your audience of faceless puppets, to your captors, to those you once considered family.
“Everything’s fine.” you smile, because it is. It is, it always is, and it always will be.
You are crushed, and yet you feel nothing. The only thing you know is oblivion.
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CYCLE 50
Act 2, Loop 1
You lay still for a moment before getting up. It’s a shame you have to move so quickly, the meadow has been quite comfortable; there was a reason you stayed there for two whole cycles, after all.
There’s the Housemaiden now. You must have taken too long laying in the grass. You smile, and prepare to zone out, but then you notice something strange.
Something… different.
She’s running. Running towards you, with a look of panic, worry and fear on her face.
You… suppose it’s not that odd, they were acting weirdly last cycle too after all, but not… not like this. Not… concerned. (She shouldn’t be concerned, not for something like you.)
“Hey, Mira!” you say cheerfully, taking care to make sure your smile appears unaffected by the oddness of the situation. “Have you-”
“SIFFRIN!!!” she… screams???? You’re taken off-guard for a moment, as she goes to grab your shoulders, stopping just short of reaching them. (Familiar, isn’t it?!) You don’t understand. What is she talking about?
“...Siffrin.” She’s stopped screaming now, but she still looks ragged. She seems to be waiting for a reply, for some reason. You’re not sure why, you don’t even recognise that word anymore, but you suppose you have to.
Shaking off your surprise, you tilt your head and smile. “Yes, Mira?” That’s her stage name, one that you forget despite saying it so often. It’s not like it will matter, anyway.
She looks… upset, before she asks her next question. “Are you okay?”
. . .
. . .
. . .
What a funny question!!! “I’m fine!” you reply, quickly and not at all delayed.
A look of even stronger worry paints her face. You can’t look at it anymore, so you avert your eyes to elsewhere in the village and OH STARS WHAT IS THE FIGHTER DOING HERE?!?!
The Housemaiden must notice you jump, because she turns around, spots the Fighter, and has a reaction much like your own, but more out of being startled rather than panic. “I-Isabeau?? What are you doing here????” A look of hope crosses her face as she asks him the same question that he always asks you. “Do… do you remember what just happened?”
The Fighter seems to know what she’s talking about, leaving you out of the loop for once!! Funny!!! “If you’re talking about seeing a vision of us going to the House, our best friend dying in the Death Corridor, and presumably everyone going back here, then yes, absolutely!” He looks fearful, yet a smile is on his face, like he’s trying to keep it toge— wait a second what did he just say.
“What did you just say.” you relay your thoughts aloud for once. How kind of you!
The Fighter and the Housemaiden share a glance, then look back towards you with worry on their faces.
They seem to be waiting for you to say something.
…stars, what do you even say? This is so new. Why, why, why did the Universe decide this was what it was going to change?
Just… think of something. Come on, Stardust, you can do it~!! You breathe in, and out… and decide to speak the truth, for the first time in cycles.
“...you remember that.”
They look at you, as if they didn’t expect anything of the sort from you. But by that reaction and the conversation before, you can tell that your assumptions are correct, for once.
You curse under your breath. You suppose this cycle will be going differently from what you had told Loop.