Chapter Text
This is HNN with the latest report from Greed. Strange sightings have been reported at the former LooLoo Land with reports of stolen machinery, maniacal laughter, and other odd occurrences. We’ve asked locals about the incidents.
Teen Shark: Yo my buddies and I were dared to break into the freaky-ass park to get some videos for Sinstagram but this huge monster scared the piss out of us so we got the fuck out of there!
Succubus Waitress: I was on my way home from work when I heard clanging from inside the park. I tried looking inside but I saw glowing eyes that freaked me out so I just went home.
This news station, wanting to get the inside scoop, sought out King Mammon for his thoughts on the matter. Unfortunately we were unable to get an interview with him with only this comment from the King of Greed.
Mammon: You think I give a shit about that fuckarse place after my biggest money maker left me?! Let the damned thing rot for all I care! I can’t pay anyone enough to tear that lawsuit factory down so just leave it! But don’t blame me if you *HONK*s try to play Scooby-Doo and get hurt!
If anyone is in the LooLoo Land area, please exercise caution. We cannot guarantee the safety of citizens and visitors outside the Greed Ring. This is HNN, signing out.
(...)
Loona was munching on her morning breakfast cereal, having blandly caught the news report with mild interest. “Didn’t you guys do bodyguarding shit at that cheap knock-off of a theme park?” she asked as her dad was pouring himself some coffee.
“Yeah it’s nice bein’ there when I wasn’t a damned balloon seller,” Blitz joked. “Honestly, I’m surprised it took until then for that place to be condemned. It was a shithole even when I was working there.”
“You think there’s actually something weird scaring everyone there? Like a Five Nights at FIzzarolli’s deal?” the young hellhound wondered.
Blitz laughed from the comparison, knowing he, Octavia, and even Fizz himself found those robots creepy as fuck these days. “Now that would be fuckin’ funny!” he snickered before remembering something. “Although…I did hear some creepy shit when I left that gift basket a while back…”
“Wait…seriously?” she blinked, setting her cereal bowl down. “I thought you said that robot got eaten by a dragon robot?”
“It did! …I think,” Blitz reasoned, not sure if that particular Fizz-bot was actually dead or not.
As if on cue for their theory party, a sparkling portal opened and Fizz came through, looking shaken. “Did you guys see the report?” he asked.
“Yeah it just ended. What’s wrong?” Blitz wondered, concerned his friend looked so shaken. “Ya look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“A ghost of my past,” Fizz corrected, pulling out his phone and showing Blitz a photo. “I grabbed a screen capture of the footage from the park and found this.”
Loona peeked over her dad’s shoulder and they were both stunned to see that Fizz-bot was not only alive but somehow…bigger looking. “That’s bad…right?” she started.
“How the fuck did that thing survive a dragon?!” Blitz questioned.
“I don’t know but if that one is running around and messing with people, that’s bad.” the younger imp told them.
“What do you mean?”
Fizz sat at Blitz’s kitchen table with Loona and Blitz sitting across from him. “Before they became glorified sexdolls, the Robo-Fizzes were just supposed to be animatronics at LooLoo Land. Just something to entertain guests at the parks based on my personality and Mammon’s showmanship,” he began. “But something went wrong.”
{FLASHBACK}
“What the fuck do you MEAN the kids don’t like it?!” Mammon shouted on his phone as Fizz watched from his section of the office.
They were going over their latest tour plans around Hell–Gluttony not being on the touring schedule again–when Mammon got his latest update from LooLoo Land. Fizz had been working for Mammon for about two years when he had gotten told about his latest idea to really put LooLoo Land on the map since LuLu World was currently closed.
“Think about it, Fizzy! Your face all over my theme park!” Mammon told him. “Your fame could skyrocket!”
At the start, it did sound pretty appealing since he wanted to be able to entertain as many people as possible but going back to a carnival setting after…the accident wasn’t exactly something he wanted to go back to. But a robot that could entertain audiences of all ages made sense since he’d be busy with other performances. It made the most sense to have robots be able to perform at multiple locations with his voice and mannerisms. That way, if they wanted or were able to, they could come see the real thing perform at shows touring around Hell.
Well…until the main staff at LooLoo Land got a call about some kids crying from seeing their prototype Robo-Fizz.
“Just give the brat’s family a 20% coupon for the gift shop!” Mammon ordered the park manager before hanging up and rubbing his head. “Un-fuckin’-believable…”
“Uh if there’s something wrong with the programming, maybe Lord Asmodeus could take a look at that Fizz-Bot?” Fizz suggested, his shoulders drooping as Mammon scoffed at him.
“Tch! Kids these days are fuckin’ wimps! If they don’t understand clowns, it ain’t no skin off my ass!” Mammon retorted. “I ain’t about to let that tech-nerd Ozzie mess with this latest cashcow. You just focus on your next gig and I’ll handle this.”
“Yes sir…”
{END FLASHBACK}
“Well he did handle it…badly,” Fizz went on, surprising the duo. “Mammon had some of his own techy nerds put in a program in that Robo-Fizz that could make him more charming and learn from audience reactions to him.”
“So…Skynet?” Loona guessed.
“Pretty much. It used my memories and mannerisms to entertain folks at the park…and fuck with you, Blitz,” Fizz winced, giving his friend an apologetic look. “Sorry about that.”
“Hey, we're cool now. That’s what’s important,” Blitz reassured him. “Are ya worried about this creepy-ass robot making you look bad? I’m pretty sure most folks can tell the difference between you and that fuck-ass robot.”
“Well that is a problem but I’m worried he might hurt himself or other people if they get too close,” the jester imp sighed, running a hand over his face. “He’s a perfect copy of my mind at the time when I was angry and hurt and with Mammon’s influence over him…I don’t want to think of what he’s up to.” He then gave the group a determined look. “I want to go after him to shut him down so Ozzie can repair him.”
“Wait, seriously?” Blitz blinked. “That mechanical monster is scaring the piss out of people and you want to rescue it?”
“I know it’s crazy but there are a lot of people that did like the Robo-Fizzes. Oliver admitted he liked seeing them before he met me in person,” he explained. “And Ozzie has been working to collect and reformat them so they won’t be scary or just used for sex.”
Blitz gulped down his sugary coffee before giving Fizz a grin. “Well let’s get this fucker!” he declared.
[To Be Continued]