Work Text:
The Sun's Got a Smile 'Cross the Face
“Maybe they won’t notice?” Lance suggests reflectively. He’s lying in bed, tangled up with Keith, right where he belongs, and admiring his new ring as buttery yellow summer light streams through the window. They forgot to close the curtains the night before. Keith is half-asleep, his drowsy breath combing through Lance’s hair. Lance can hear Keith’s heart against his chest, a steady lub-dub like the bass in a dancing song.
“Mmmhmm,” Keith mumbles skeptically, “That’s definitely going to happen.”
“Hey, be supportive.”
“Not if your ideas are dumb.”
“Your face is dumb.”
Keith makes a noise that’s half sigh, half yawn, “You love my face.”
Dammit, he’s right. Ugh. Stupid husbands. Lance grins internally. He’s married now.
And now he’s back to considering his ring, “Maybe they won’t notice?”
“For the rest of our lives?”
“They could be really unobservant.”
Keith yawns and shifts around to hook his chin over Lance’s shoulder and bury his face in Lance’s pillow. “They’re your family. You have to tell them.”
“Uh, no, no thank you. They’ll kill me. They’ll just be really disappointed in you.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll avenge you.”
“Not reassuring, babe.”
Keith just sort of grumbles at that, indicating he’s probably gone back to sleep. His body is a warm weight on Lance’s chest, his breath steady and even against Lance’s neck. This should be really nice.
Except Lance totally got married in Vegas last weekend and didn’t tell a single blood relative.
His impending doom makes this moment less nice.
“Stop thinking so loud,” Keith grumbles. Not asleep then. “It’s disruptive.”
“Jerk.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why’d I marry you?”
Keith sighs, “Mostly so you could keep casually saying ‘married’ and grinning like an idiot.”
Well that’s true. “And I love you.”
“See, you answered your own question.”
Lance lets Keith get resettled and fall mostly back asleep again before he says, for the thirty-millionth time, “Do you really think they’d notice, though?”
He probably deserves it when Keith locks his limbs around Lance and expertly rolls them both off the bed.
“You realize this hurts you just as much as it hurts me, right?”
“Worth it,” Keith yawns and promptly goes right to sleep like the floor is some kind of sedative.
Lance’s husband is weird.
…
Keith realizes he has it significantly easier than Lance, in a twisted way. The only living blood relative he gives a damn about is Shiro and his brother was there for their surreal waffle-wedding. Keith and Shiro’s grandparents have never really cared what Keith does and Shiro must have mentioned something to Shirogane Sr. because Keith gets a very nice congratulations card in the mail complete with lukewarm sentiments from the stepfamily, genuine but formal well-wishes from the elder Shirogane, and an Office Depot gift card. (Shirogane Sr. has been giving him gift cards to office supply stores for every major occasion since Keith was fifteen – he has single-handedly funded the bulk of Keith’s stage manager kit at work. It’s a good system).
That out of the way, Keith’s family is taken care of. Outside of Shiro and the actual wedding guests, Keith doesn’t really have anyone else to tell other than the US government when tax season comes around. Although he does have a lot of fun answering coworkers’ standard ‘what did you do over the break?’ questions with ‘got married in Vegas’ his first week back at work. It almost makes up for the fact that it’s workshop season and Keith is stuck wrangling children who know they can’t act and adults who think they can.
It’s a nightmare. Keith honestly has no idea how Lance does what he does and retains his sanity.
Still, he’s not expecting it when, out of the blue one day, he gets a call from Lance’s mom.
He answers on reflex – “Keith Kogane, unless you are actually on fire I don’t care,” and instantly regrets it.
“Hello to you too, hon. I’m not on fire but I’m hoping you’ll take a minute to talk to me anyway.”
“DO NOT TOUCH THAT, DO YOU HEAR ME!” Keith shouts at a pair of rambunctious preteens who roll their eyes at him emphatically before running off to get into more mischief. He immediately begins gathering power tools his initial sweep of the scene shop missed and wonders where their teacher’s assistant went. “Sure, Meg. I’m just at work right now.”
“Exciting day?”
“I hate humanity.”
She laughs because she seems to operate under the same delusion as the rest of humankind – that when Keith says he hates humanity he’s just being cute. Keith would like it to be known that he is not cute and he does hate everyone. Except certain people who fall on a very short list.
Lance and Shiro. The list is Lance and Shiro.
(And Hunk and Pidge and Allura and Coran and all the McClain-Sanchezes and…fuck, the list has gotten long. Why? Why???)
“Well I won’t keep you,” Meg is saying and Keith realizes it’s probably in his best interest to tune into what his mother-in-law’s saying. (Mother-in-law, he has one of those now. A few weeks ago he didn’t have a mom. Hell, he didn’t have a family other than Shiro and now he’s got a whole huge new one and they like him. It’s kind of mind-blowing.)
“Good,” he growls because he’s still a cantankerous bastard.
“I’m just wondering if everything’s okay with Lance.”
“Uh, fine?” Keith says, “Wait, why? Is it recent? If he’s hurt himself doing something dumb, I swear to god – ”
“You mean if he’s done something dumb without you?” Meg says archly because oh yeah, she visited them in the hospital last year when a giant plastic snowman fell on Lance and Keith jumped off the roof. She showed up just in time to catch the tail end of Shiro reading them the riot act.
Okay, so it’s kind of a miracle he and Lance lived long enough to get married.
Heh. Married. It’s fun to think now.
“Yeah, that too,” Keith admits, “So, Lance, is he okay?”
“Well, that’s why I’m calling. I haven’t heard from him in a while. I’m sure it’s nothing; his mama keeps telling me I’m all worked up for no reason, but I haven’t gone this long without hearing from him since he caught pneumonia in college and, well, I’m worried.”
Dammit, Lance. Keith grimaces. “Oh, he’s fine,” he says, trying to lie and lie well (he’s not good at it, he’s never been a good liar. Being so blatantly honest your conversation partner is too stunned to respond is more his style.) “Just, it’s really busy right now with all the summer camps. The theatre’s hosting one for some kids’ community theatre thing and we’re hosting an actor’s workshop too and the Community Center’s got a million summer programs and I’m pretty sure Pidge and Hunk broke the heater in our building so…” Keith is babbling. He knows he’s babbling. He just can’t seem to stop babbling. But at least he didn’t actually have to lie about anything.
“Mmm, alright then, if you’re sure.”
“Absolutely positive.”
“I guess I’ll see you two soon.”
“Sure thing.”
He hangs up and then wonders why she seemed so certain she would see them soon. When in doubt, text Lance.
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Are we doing a thing with your family soon?
To: KEEEEEITH
Uh, yeah?
I guess?
Nieces’ B-day party next week
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Huh
Ok
To: KEEEEEITH
WHY
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Your mom called me
Said ‘see you two soon’
Very ominous
She’s concerned
Are you avoiding your parents’ calls?
To: KEEEEEITH
…maybe…
To: Waking Up in Vegas
SERIOUSLY
To: KEEEEEITH
I DON’T WANT TO LIE TO THEM
To: Waking Up in Vegas
THEN DON’T
To: KEEEEEITH
But they’re gonna be mad
And make everything a big deal
I don’t want that
To: Waking Up in Vegas
JUST TALK TO THEM
USE YOUR WORDS
WHICH IS REALLY IRONIC COMING FROM ME
To: KEEEEEITH
That was a lot of caps-lock.
Are you okay?
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Your mother called me at work
I don’t know how to deal
Moms confuse me
I haven’t had one for 12 years
And apparently mine wasn’t ‘normal’
To: KEEEEEITH
You panicked and babbled, didn’t you?
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Yes.
To: KEEEEEITH
What did you say?
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Lots of excuses why you’re too busy to call
I also may have mentioned that broken heater
When I ran out of things to babble
To: KEEEEEITH
The heater’s broken?
How?
Why?
It’s summer, we don’t need the heater on
To: Waking Up in Vegas
It thinks it needs to be on
All the time.
The house was a sauna when I left for work
To: KEEEEEITH
Fuck
Pidge fixing it?
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Trying
Call your mom.
To: KEEEEEITH
Ok. I’ll consider it.
To: Waking Up in Vegas
JUST DO IT
Keith out.
To: KEEEEEITH
You do realize texting isn’t walkie-talkies
You can’t just stop communicating
You’re still getting texts
You can’t just go ‘I’m out’ and leave
Keith?
Keith?
KEEEEEITH.
Fuck, you just walkie-talkied me
How is that a thing???
KEEEEEITH
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Please stop, my phone keeps buzzing
My coworkers are giving me looks
Love you
Please stop.
To: KEEEEEITH
<3
…
It’s actually Lance’s niece’s fault everyone finds out. Well. Okay. It’s partially Keith’s fault too, to be fair. But Dani had a hand in it.
Dani is secretly Keith’s favorite of the nieces, a fact she is very much aware of and shamelessly exploits. It’s not that Keith doesn’t like her twin sister. Carmen is bright and loud and extraverted and athletic. She’s a good kid, really. But quiet Dani and her books and big imagination are more Keith’s speed. She and her sister are very excited about their seventh birthday. They’re at a park in Lance’s moms’ hometown. Meg and Esperanza are making burgers and hotdogs at the grills while the girls’ parents lay out sides and paper plates and plastic utensils. Carmen is running around with a pack of children her own age and Lance is loitering with his remaining sisters, pretending to chaperone the screaming horde. Having finished explaining to Keith in great detail why the nonfiction Magic Tree House books are actually a better deal than the fictional ones (“they have more pages and you learn more stuff and the print’s smaller and there are actual photos of cool stuff, not just drawing-pictures.”) Dani is now playing some sort of game on Keith’s phone involving a shadow-beast and a tiny tomb raider and an inordinate amount of running and jumping.
(“I can’t believe you don’t have Temple Run,” she’d said, skimming through his apps and shaking her head sadly like he’s somehow failed as an adult “All you’ve got on here is 2048 and that’s boring.”)
Keith has actually won 2048 several times and is embarrassingly proud of this fact. He doesn’t tell his tiny critic this, just nods along to her explanation of Temple Run.
(“So how do you win?” he’d asked once she’d loaded the game on his phone. She’d shaken her head “You don’t. You’re just trying to beat your high score.”)
Keith really doesn’t get the point of a game you can’t actually win but is willing to admit watching the tiny animated tomb raider run is kind of hypnotic.
Then the email from Pidge pings on his notifications.
“Hey, you’ve got an email,” Dani tells him, tossing her head, trying to get her bangs out of her face. Her hair’s grown a lot since he last saw her at Easter. (“I’m trying to grow a bob,” she’d explained, “Like a flapper.”) Keith had asked her how she knew what a flapper was and ended up being lectured on the roaring twenties. Dani is very into historical fiction right now. Keith is pretty sure it’s mostly genuine interest heavily sprinkled with a need to annoy Carmen as much as possible. (Every time Dani goes into lecture mode her sister rolls her eyes hugely and mutters under her breath.)
“Who’s it from?” he asks.
“Pidge.”
“Click on it, it might be about the heater.” The heater is still broken. Their house is a death-trap. Pidge has been emailing him updates periodically because her phone’s been on the fritz lately and her texts haven’t always been coming through.
Dani clicks on it and it’s a video and shit, Keith knows exactly what that is, but Dani’s clicking on it. It’s a fuzzy shot taken from Pidge’s phone from the diner in Vegas. Pidge is standing on a chair, reciting the marriage speech from ‘The Princess Bride’. Hunk stands behind her, trying to recite it with her, but he’s a little slower than she is so it just sort of sounds like she has an echo.
“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv…”
“It’s revenge of the ‘w’s” Lance mutters somewhere off-screen.
“What, you don’t ‘tweasure your wuv’?” off-screen Keith teases.
“No, I treasure my love. Which is you. If that was unclear.”
“No, I really needed the clunky exposition, thank you.”
“Hey, lovebirds,” on-screen Pidge notices them, “Shut up and let me bless your wedding.”
“Oh yes, please continue,” off-screen Lance jokes, “We will be significantly less married if we don’t hear this.”
“Oh definitely,” off-screen Keith agrees dryly.
“You know what, shut up and let me fight you – ” Pidge throws a few mock-punches their way and wobbles precariously on her chair, “As soon as I don’t die getting off this thing.”
Behind her, Hunk is cracking up; laughing hysterically. The movie cuts off when he’s doubled-over, still keeping Pidge upright with one hand.
Dani looks up from the tiny screen with big eyes, “You and Uncle Lance got married.”
Keith considers his options and realizes he has none. “Yeah, we did.”
“And you didn’t tell anyone.” Her eyes are huge, really huge, and she’s grinning, “You’re in so much trouble.”
“For the record, telling everyone was Lance’s job and he did not do it.”
“Can I?”
“Can you what?”
“Tell everybody?”
“Not today.”
She pouts, “Why not?”
“Because it’s your birthday party and I don’t want to take any attention away from you and Carmen’s special day.” Also Keith really doesn’t want to have to take the full force of all the McClain-Sanchezes disapproving at him all at once. But mostly he doesn’t want to take any attention away from the girls.
Dani narrows her eyes, considering, and finally nods. “Fair.”
Keith exhales a sigh of relief. “Good.”
“But what about tomorrow?”
Oh god, when will this end? “Why do you care?”
She grins, “Because I never know stuff before anyone else. I wanna be the first to know. Also,” she snickers, “You guys are wearing rings. Like Mommy and Daddy’s rings. And Abuelita and Gramma’s. It’s super obvious and no one noticed.”
Keith will own it’s pretty funny.
“So can I tell tomorrow?”
Keith settles in to negotiate.
…
Lance squints at Keith when they climb into the car loaded down with way too many leftovers hours later. The sun is sinking on the horizon, edging everything in old gold. It’s a melancholy time of day, Lance thinks.
“You’re thinking about something,” he accuses.
Keith gives him an offended look, “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re trying really hard not to think about something you want to think about but you don’t want me to notice you thinking about it so now you’re thinking about not thinking about it.”
Keith stares at him, “I wonder about your brain sometimes.”
“Shut up and tell me what you’re not thinking about thinking about.”
Keith sighs. “Your niece figured it out. You have five days to tell your moms we got married or she’s spilling the beans. Also, if you do tell your moms, they can’t tell Dani you told them. Dani needs to feel like she’s the first one to say anything. That was our deal.”
“Oh my god, Keith. What have I told you about negotiating with children?”
“It seemed like a good deal at the time.”
Lance leans over and kisses him lightly. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”
Keith huffs, indignant, and leans over the car’s center console to give his husband a real kiss, deep and slow, “I’m more than pretty.”
Lance snorts, “Yeah, you’re a tease. Now move so I can drive us home where we have a bed and a door that locks.”
…
The next day Lance hangs up the phone with a morbid look on his face. Keith is sitting cross-legged in front of the floor fan, taping garbage bags together into a cheap college-kid version of a slip-N-slide. Once he’s done they’re taking it outside and getting the garden hoses and Hunk and Pidge. It’s the only way to survive the summer weather and their diabolical heater.
“So I managed to talk the mom machine down from a full-on redo wedding,” Lance says, dropping down to sit beside Keith and hold bags in place while Keith applies duct tape with robotic precision.
“Good.” Keith liked their wedding. It was exactly what he wanted. Waffles, his friends, and Lance.
“Now we just have to do a reception-thingy at the house.”
“Ew.”
“Hey, free food.”
Keith gives him a look.
“I know; you hate being the center of attention.”
Keith rips a piece of duct tape vengefully.
“But you know I’ll hog the spotlight anyway and you can quietly smuggle like half the finger food home in your pockets – yeah, I know you do that, if you learned to cook you wouldn’t have a food-hoarding problem, just saying. And it’s just the family; I’m not letting them turn it into a big Thing. And Mama’s on my side on this one so I think it’ll be pretty ok.” Lance is giving him the big hazel eyes, asking for this to be okay and Keith can feel his will crumble. Of course it’s okay. Keith likes Lance’s family.
“We can do the reception thing,” Keith sighs, “Sounds…nice.”
“You’re nice.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yeah but you’re pretty so it makes up for it.”
“You seem really fixated on my prettiness.”
Lance beams at him, “I just love you a lot. And I’m kind of pumped I married a hottie. Take that, high school bullies!”
Keith rolls his eyes, “You know I was a total loser in high school, right?”
“I would have pined at you anyway,” Lance sing-songs.
“You don’t know that.”
“Uh, yeah, I do. I’ve seen your yearbook.”
Keith has a black eye in his sophomore yearbook picture, he’s not actually looking at the camera in his junior picture and senior year he just looks exhausted and done. He doesn’t have a freshman yearbook. “That is not a valid representation of anything.” It’s actually a pretty valid representation of everything about his high school career but he’s not going to admit to that.
Lance leans over and plants a kiss on his forehead. “Learn to take a compliment, babe. Now come on, let’s get the water hoses. Slip N Slide! Whoohoo!”
Keith watches his husband’s retreating back with a bemused smile on his face. He loves summer.