Chapter Text
Tim has a horrible secret.
It was something that he couldn’t tell anyone, especially Bruce.
It was a secret that he would take to the grave because if the words ever left his lips then he would lose what matters most.
He would lose the one thing that has kept him going, the one thing that gives his life meaning.
If he tells anyone they’ll tell Bruce and if Bruce finds out he’ll-
He won’t let him be Red Robin anymore.
Well he could be Red Robin still, but it would be a lot harder.
He’d have to move out of the Manor and that would be hard because he doesn’t have access to lots of money that allows him to repair his gear because he only has debit cards cause he’s not 18 yet and Bruce-
He wouldn’t have backup either and part of why the Batfamily works so well is because they CAN ask for help.
They don’t always do, but it’s there.
Damian’s reliable insults.
Jason’s devotion.
Dick’s optimism.
Babs’s all seeing eyes.
And Bruce’s ability to step in and punch the problems away.
He can’t ask for help on this though because then he’d lose Red Robin.
And he simply can’t afford that.
Honestly he doesn’t even know if he wants it, the help, this time.
Tim knows that his secret is a bad one. It’s not only detrimental to himself, but also to others.
He knows he should stop, should get help, should utter the words that he can shout out loud in private. Well not actually because he never knows if he’s truly alone with his family. But the second he tries to make himself tell someone. He ends up trying the scenario over and over in his head like he does before battle or with a case.
He falls apart.
He has.
One too many late nights does that to people.
Makes them more emotional and makes them do stupid and brash things.
One time, after a long case that got him a nasty dose of fear gas and two broken ribs, he almost told Stephanie.
He opened his mouth to tell her and he kind of sort of ended up…
throwing up…
On her…
Yeah he also had a concussion…
She didn’t like him for a while afterwards.
Another time, he was running on about three cans of Red coffee (which is the brilliant mixture of coffee and red bull) and two hours of sleep over a four day period. He was sitting next to Jason who physically pulled him away from his computer to watch a movie with him. They were watching ‘Marley & Me’ he saw the part where the dog died and he asked Jason to pause the movie.
He felt the words wanting to slip past his usually so tightly sealed lips. Wanting to explode out of him in a plea, in a cry for… something.
He muttered one word, looked over at Jason and broke down in tears.
Definitely the ugly kind too.
He got a hug out of it which just made him cry harder and ended up waking Dick who was sleeping in the room over. Who then also joined the hug, which ended up making him feel guilty-er and it was a whole cycle.
There were plenty of more instances, but those ones were when he made it the closest to telling someone and happened to also be the most embarrassing.
It’s stupid.
The secret is so stupid too.
He knows he’s stupid and that he shouldn’t be keeping it.
He shouldn’t be… hurting himself.
He gets enough injuries from being Red Robin as it is.
He gains nothing from it and he’s risking so much by doing it.
Well that’s not completely true, Tim gains plenty of pain from running a sharp object along his legs or arms.
He’s also given himself a few nasty scars from it too.
It makes his performance worse as a vigilante and that on its own should be enough to make him stop.
It doesn’t.
How does he hide all of this from a family of detectives though?
Well he makes it look like an accident.
So technically he rarely hurts himself.
Technically it’s usually someone else.
He’ll block a knife swipe with his arm rather than his bo staff cause he couldn’t grab it fast enough.
Maybe he’ll clip the side of a building perfectly while using his grappling hook, then that same grapple might be reeled in too fast and catch his thigh.
He’s become really creative over the years, which isn’t great yet at the same time amazing.
His family, his friends, his boyfriends simply thinks he’s really accident prone.
That he has bad luck.
That he’s a danger magnet.
Call it whatever.
Cause why would he be purposely causing himself harm?
Especially if he lets out a perfectly timed hiss? A hard flinch? A stumble?
That he doesn’t hide it one bit…
That he’s done it right in front of them.
That he’s slipped with a knife that he was putting away only to have it slice a perfect cut horizontally on his leg that wasn’t that deep, yet still bled enough to be incredibly painful?
“Red Robin are you in position?”
Instinctively he nodded only to realize that obviously Damian couldn’t see it.
Tim brought a finger up to his ear and pressed his com piece.
“I am, are you?”
A moment later he got an:
“Obviously.”
He took that as his cue to leap into action.
A Robin came in on either side of the super secret villain meeting.
Robin engaged with the Penguin while Red Robin started fighting the other crime boss of some kind.
There were a number of henchmen, but they both decided that taking down the bigger threats was the priority.
So they were dodging attacks from less skilled fighters while each taking on an opponent that could hold their ground.
Red Robin dodged right of a crow bar and then ducked under a well aimed punch from his main adversary.
Ms. Crime Boss was apparently a very hands on fighter.
He skitters back and threw a couple of glitter bombs and rangs to distract the others then moved back in for combat.
He and Ms. Crime Boss exchanged a few blows, but he eventually came out on top.
Partly because he brought a bo staff to a fist fight and partly due to his opponent being overly confident in her own abilities.
Once done with the big boss the others were not really a problem.
He noticed an opportunity, while not his first choice because the chance of blunt force trauma wasn’t what he wanted he already got slashed by a knife five weeks ago.
The person was coming at him in very nearly his blind spot while he was engaged with another opponent.
He moved just enough that one of the nails jutting out of the bat clipped him on the shoulder. The wound ended up going all the way down his back. Technically not all the way, it feels to stop around kidney level.
He whacked the guy over the back of the head with his staff as he twisted in a quick recovery rotation.
Three more hits later he was done and it seemed as though Damian had long since finished since Robin had already tied up a half dozen people.
He was also already making the anonymous call to the GCPD.
Tim began tying up who he thought were the most threatening, mostly Ms. Crime Boss, when he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye.
He immediately dropped what he was doing and ran at Damian.
The larger Robin went for a full body tackle and the other Robin reacted accordingly.
He swung back.
A loud bang sounded through the room as a gun fired off and Robin’s blade cut an inch deep laceration into Red Robin’s side.
Red Robin still managed to turn and throw a perfect rang into the once knocked out opponent’s gun, disarming them.
Damian opened his mouth to say something, but instead ended up pushing Tim off of him.
Tim held a hand to the side of his stomach as the both of them got up.
“That was incredibly stupid of you.”
Yeah Tim knew that.
Tim knew there was a solid chance that Damian would cut him, but he can easily play this off as a dramatic save. Rather than what it actually was.
“Sorry for saving your ass.”
He snarked which earned him a glare almost as piercing as Robin’s sword.
“Shut up.”
Tim let out a laugh that was dragged out and a bit breathless.
He staggered even though he was standing still.
His vision was becoming blurry and darkened around the edges.
He looked down at his side, he was pretty sure when he pushed Damian that he avoided anything important being hit.
The wound was bleeding about as much as he expected it to. Not nearly enough for him to be feeling like this.
Feeling like this meant that even with adrenaline he was at risk for passing out.
Passing out meant being treated by someone other than himself.
Someone who would want the pain to get better.
For him to heal as quickly as possible and reduce the amount of pain he was in at any given moment.
He teetered anyway.
Robin ended up steadying him, which he knows the other hates doing.
Damian really doesn’t like him.
He didn’t listen to his plan and came up with his own that Tim simply ended up having to go along with as a prime example.
“I am not carrying you back so do start walking immediately.”
Tim removed his arm from off the other and started to do just that.
Usually they’d stay until the GCPD arrived, but Tim agreed with Damian for once.
Plus faster they got back to the Manor faster he could figure out why the heck he’s on the verge of passing out and fix it before someone else decided they need to.
He doesn’t end up making it back to the Manor with his eyes open and his body in moving condition.