Chapter Text
77 years. That's how long Wile E Coyote had been chasing his ultimate prey. The speedy piece of poultry that had been promised to taste like the most gorgeous selection of delicacies from around the world. The Road Runner.
Day after day Wile E chased this blasted bird all throughout the scorching New Mexico desert. He laid traps that blew up in his face, built machines that blew up in his face, schemed endlessly and created plan after plan, all of which - blew up in his face.
He and the Road Runner had been at this song and dance for so long that Wile E had lost track of how many thousands of plans he had come up with over the years. Yet despite this constant cycle of trial and error, fail and repeat, it felt as if nothing he was doing was getting him any closer to sinking his parched fangs into a juicy cut of Road Runner meat.
He wasn't bored of it or anything. Far from it. Wile E lived for the chase. It was his calling and he took great pride in his work. But, being the super genius that he was, it was clear that he needed a different approach.
But what?
This was the question running through Wile E's head as he slumped down on his workshop desk, empty blueprints staring up at him as he mindlessly twiddled with the piece of chalk in his fingers.
He had been racking his brain for hours trying to come up with a new scheme. But it felt like every idea he come up with had already been a proven failure long ago.
'Come on Wile E, think...'
Maybe he could reuse bits and pieces from other plans to create some sort of super plan? What had been his most successful attempt in the last few months?
Well there was the giant and over-complicated mousetrap game he had built a few weeks ago. Although he didn't consider that when he was upscaling the game pieces, he should've made sure the bars of the actual mousetrap weren't big enough for a Road Runner to slip out through.
Nah, there's no way Road Runner would fall for that trick twice.
Oh but there was that one device he built not too long ago that would send out Road Runner mating calls! Now that had certainly gotten the bird's attention, but unfortunately the device was destroyed after Road Runner had accidentally tramped right over it trying to find the source of the noise.
Bad foresight on Wile E's part. He had assumed that the bird would've stopped for the sound as he always did for Wile E's other traps. Stupid bird couldn't be consistent the one time Wile E was counting on him to be.
The Coyote sighed, throwing his hands over his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. This was the 2nd worst part of trying to catch the bird. Idea block.
The only other time in recent memory where he practically had the Road Runner in the palm of his hand was during the whole ACME lawsuit thing. And that one was a complete fluke. By that point in the trial, he had completely given up hope on the idea of the Road Runner showing up to testify for him. But, despite how painfully well trod their routine was, the Road Runner always found ways to surprise him.
He had shown up. He testified. He was right there for the taking... and Wile E hesitated. A move that cost him the catch, but not one he found himself regretting. At least not much. He would rather catch Road Runner in the desert anyway. That was the proper way to do it.
Still, it was undeniable how close Wile E had been to finally completing his life's work. The whole lawsuit debacle had taken months to organise. It was by far his most long-winded scheme to date but the results spoke for themselves.
He and the Road Runner were now... friends, so to speak. Even if he never achieved his goal of catching the darn bird, the lawsuit had certain brought them closer together.
Closer...
Wait a minute.
Wile E's ears pricked up, an idea beginning to form in his super genius brain. His eyes subtly darted around the cave, calculating, plotting.
'If I were to just... yes and he would have to... I mean it would take a long time but...'
You could practically see the cogs turning in his brain as a devilishly cunning smile spread across his face.
'Oh that's clever.'
Wile E got to sketching, making notes of every step of his plan in rapid succession before he forgot any of them. Within just a few minutes, the previously blank blueprint was now covered in tiny doodles of both him and the Road Runner with various notes and numbers dotted all around.
Once he had finished, Wile E looked down at his work, a confident smile on his face.
It was complicated. It was convoluted. It would take a looooong time for everything to come together. But if it worked? It would be the single most cunning and cold-hearted trick a Coyote has ever used to catch its prey.
This would be his magnum opus. This was his ultimate plan. This would be how he finally caught that damn bird!
He was going to woo the Road Runner!