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…
‘...Sniff, hic...’
‘Oh sweetheart? Are you okay?’ A tall pink penguin asked.
‘Sniff... N-No Auntie…’ A smaller plain looking penguin blubbed back.
‘Oh dear. Here, I have a tissue for you.’ The taller penguin grabbed a tissue from her bag.
‘Sniff sniff, thanks…’ The smaller penguin tearfully blew their beak on the tissue.
The taller penguin adjusted her glasses and crouched down to the younger penguin.
‘Would you like to go walk with me? We can talk about what’s troubling you.’
‘Mmmhm… m’kay…’ The younger penguin slowly stood up, still wiping their eyes. The two penguins then stayed close to one another as they waddled around the island.
…
‘Is that what you’re struggling with?’ The older penguin asked curiously.
‘N-No one understands me… no one at all…!’ The younger penguin looks down while shaking their head.
‘They… they all want me to choose one or the other, but I don’t like any option!’
‘I see, is there one you prefer? I can try and help you feel more comfortable with either you want.’ The older penguin asked once again.
‘I-I don’t know…’ The younger penguin shook their head.
‘Do you… not like any of them at all?’ The older penguin said, a mix of shock but also interest.
‘… No… I don’t! No!’ The younger penguin cried, shaking their head once again.
The taller penguin paused for a few seconds, tapping the bottom of her beak gently while deep in thought.
‘Well dear, you don’t have to choose right away.’ The taller penguin smiled.
‘Huh? R-Really…?’ The smaller penguin looked up, their face full of snot.
‘It’s a big decision, and it takes a while to figure yourself out. I know it took me years to be Auntie.’ The taller penguin gently held the flippers of the younger penguin as she spoke softly.
‘If neither is what you want to be, then that’s what you are.’
‘B-But. They… they said they won’t be my friend if I don’t choose.’ The smaller penguin looked down worriedly.
‘Well, they are not good friends, aren’t they?’ The taller penguin then gave them a serious look.
‘This island is about being yourself and having fun, and that includes you as well. If choosing neither makes you happy, then that matters more than some rude penguins telling you what to do.’
The smaller penguin paused for a few seconds.
‘D-Do you, sniff, really think so?’
‘Of course I do. I will support and love you no matter what dear, and that goes to anyone on this island…’ The taller penguin smiles once again.
‘… Th-Thank you Auntie…’ The smaller penguin began sniffling again.
‘Um… Auntie?’
‘Hm, yes dear?’ The taller penguin asked once again.
‘Is there… anyone like me? Am I the only one who feels like this…?’ The smaller penguin looked up.
‘Deary, of course not!’ The taller penguin handed the smaller penguin another tissue.
‘This special island has so many different kinds of people there, I’m sure there’s at least one other penguin that feels the same way. And I’m sure you’ll be friends with them.’
‘Do you think so, Auntie?’ The smaller penguin asked, wiping their eyes with the clean tissue.
‘I’m utmost certain of it.’ The taller penguin gave the smaller penguin a bright smile.
‘Maybe, you could even help someone realise something about themselves by being yourself.’
‘Huh? I can? But I-I’m not very special…’ The smaller penguin shook their head.
‘Oh honey, of course you are…’ The taller penguin kept smiling.
‘I know there’s something special in you, and I know you’ll grow up to do wonderful things for this island. Even if it’s just one person being able to find themselves because of you, it’ll make being yourself worth it in the end.’
‘...Do... you promise…?’ The smaller penguin sniffled back, still unsure about themself.
‘I promise.’
‘… D-Do you super duper promise…?’
‘I super duper promise. Now come on, show me a big smile…’ The taller penguin gently held the cheek of the smaller penguin.
‘… Heheh… O-Okay Auntie…’ The smaller penguin smiled back, thankful for the older penguin and her words.
‘I-I’ll try my best Auntie…!’
The smaller penguin looked up with a hopeful shine in their eyes.
‘I’ll try and be mysel-’
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
Agent jumped, once again getting startled by an afternoon alarm that they quickly remember they set for themself. They only move their flipper to silence their spy gadget as they stare up at their evening ceiling.
It was another dream, one that felt real, but not at the same time. Even after finding out that they’re semi-real, the dreams? Visions? Refused to slow down and never not freak out Agent even after they end. But at least these dreams aren’t unpleasant at all? Maybe? Agent can’t tell amidst the mild headache they have now.
Agent gently lifted themself off their couch while rubbing their eyes. But as soon as their eyes landed on the TV, for a second, they swore they saw a stranger in their own igloo, only to realise it was just them.
It would be embarrassing even for them to get startled by their reflection, if they didn’t stop and stare at it for a few moments. They then quickly felt a seemingly random wave of nausea over seeing their face. A face no different from even this morning, but it felt so much different because of that… wait, was that even them in that dream?
They shook their head and practically ran towards the other side of their igloo to their sink. Grabbing one of their mugs and filling it with water that quickly went down their hatch. The coldness of the water didn’t ground them too much but they felt a tad refreshed as they took a deep breath.
It was kind of like that weird dream that they had during the Holidays. The one where they watched someone that looked like them walk around the island and talk with other vaguely familiar penguins. They even met Aunt Arctic in both, albeit this time she did look younger and she wasn’t even green this time, but they knew it was her.
But who was that younger penguin? Was it supposed to be them? They replayed the dream as best as they could over and over but they can’t place anything distinct about them other than them being younger, they can’t even imagine their feather colour at all. And yet, they somehow understand that young penguin more than anything.
Agent looked at their flippers. Light blue feathers as always, but it didn’t feel right even though as far as they remember they’ve always been light blue. They turn the tap on once again and ran their flippers through it. They can’t barely feel the cold water on either of their flippers or their face as they splashed some onto it.
‘I’ll try and be myself!’
That phrase kept playing over and over in their head, despite how much they wanted to ignore it. It was the last thing they heard before waking up, sure. But why does it hurt to hear? That kid was happy, they should feel happy for them. But it felt like a tease, something that they’re so close to getting but never will. Being themself…
No… They know who they are, they're Agent, they’re them and they’ve always been them for as long as… uh, their first PSA Mission. They can’t be losing it this much that they struggle at even seeing their own present body. They forced themself to think while taking another drink of water from the sink.
After walking away from the sink, they glanced over to their closet. They stared at it for a few seconds before opening it without thinking. Just the usual items of clothing they have already, excluding the alumni jacket they have displayed elsewhere.
Their flippers reach out but quickly stop over their non-binary scarf. They didn’t know why, they’ve had this for a while now and they always wear it for the holidays. But like a spectator in their own body, they grabbed onto the scarf and wrapped it around their neck without much thought.
They… felt a little better wearing it. Maybe it’s because of how soft it is, or maybe it’s because it’s the only thing besides their tie that makes them… them. It’s a little silly thinking about it, a piece of clothing bringing them this amount of joy. Though maybe it’s because it’s one of the few clothes they have that isn’t ‘boring’…
They walked back over and met with their reflection on their TV again. It’s… the same as before but they're wearing their scarf now. They looked up and made eye contact with themself but looked away once again.
‘It’s a big decision, and it takes a while to figure yourself out.’
Another phrase from that dream. Another one that felt like a stab in the heart. But Aunt Arctic would never mean it in any sort of negative way! And she was right about that kid. She was right about them too. There’s no way they aren’t fully content with who they are now, right?
Agent kept staring at the blank TV. And once again they felt their flippers move to their scarf as they pulled it off them and placed it on their couch. And then after a pause, they slowly and reluctantly put their flippers on their tie collar and lifted their tie off from their neck.
…
They still can’t look at themself. They know it hasn’t been that long before they first got their tie. It was only before they joined the EPF if they recall. But it’s been hard to imagine themself without it. Or imagine themself at any other point of their life before they became an agent.
But… would anyone even think the same if their life was different. If they never joined the EPF. Would anyone even know or care about them? Their gender, their likes, their hopes, their dreams, their name?
If they stepped outside without their tie and scarf one day, would anyone even still recognise or remember them…?
Would they still be Agent at that point?
Would they even be… them anymore?
...
Knock Knock Knock
‘Ah!’ Agent yelped over the sudden knocks that interrupted their thoughts. They scrambled to put their tie back on and quickly wiped their face.
‘It’s only me, Ace!’ A familiar voice outside of their igloo called out, which caused Agent to internally freak out a little more. They didn’t expect to get any visitors at this time of evening, let alone a surprise visit from Dot!
‘Y-Yes, I’ll be on my way!’ Agent called back. They then patted their face and straightened their tie once, and a second time for good measure. Anything to make sure they weren’t just having a depressive spiral just now. They then took a deep breath as they walked over to their door and opened it.
‘Hi there, Ace!’ Dot smiled. As Agent looked at her, they noticed she’s holding something that’s just out of sight within their door frame.
‘Hey there, Dot.’ Agent happily greeted back. They then tilted their head.
‘Um, what’s the occasion, if that’s okay to ask?’
‘Oh you know, just an impromptu hang out.’ Dot replied playfully. Then she looked down.
‘That and. You did seem a little off today…’
‘I-I did…?’ Agent paused in confusion.
‘Just you know... tired and more quiet than usual, even after getting coffee...’ Dot elaborated, with a mildly worried look on her face.
‘O-Oh uh. I-I guess I was…’ That kind of rang a bell for Agent. They did feel a little out of it to the point they went back home to take a nap. Was it really that obvious to everyone?
‘It was just a wave of depression, I think I’m a little better now…’
‘Well anyway, I was already on my way to get some pizza, so I thought I’d get you something as well.’ Dot turned her arm around to reveal a box of pizza.
‘Oh, y-you didn’t have to, I-I was thinking of going there later.’ Agent sheepishly waved their flippers.
‘And you don’t approve of getting some free pizza? Come on Ace, let's eat together, okay?’ Dot gave them a huge smile, which ended up rubbing off on Agent as they smiled back at her.
‘O-Okay okay then. Make yourself at home.’ Agent stepped out of the way to let Dot in. The two of them walked over to the couch and sat next to each other.
Dot then opened the box of pizza on her lap, and the familiar warm and fresh feel of a plain cheese pizza relaxed Agent a little bit, as well as making them realise how hungry they must be right now.
Without waiting any longer, Agent took one of the slices of pizza, then Dot followed soon after. The two agents then ate their slices in content near silence with one another. While there’s still a lot going on in Agent’s mind, they can at the very least tune out the noise and just focus on the moment.
But even with that focus, something still doesn’t feel right. They can only slightly taste the tomato and cheese, not enough to fully enjoy it like they usually do, but enough to not mindlessly gorge on it. They then grabbed another slice and it felt the exact same way.
Agent then looked up and glanced at Dot, who briefly meets eye contact with them. She then gives a soft smile, which Agent could only respond with a sad smile back. She is so good to them and for what? Someone that can’t fully enjoy a pizza without feeling guilty for no reason?
They grabbed another slice of pizza, trying not to just inhale it. Maybe, maybe they’re just overthinking. It was still just a dream at the end of the day, heck they aren’t even certain it actually happened to them. But… it wouldn’t hurt either to quell their emotions from it either, right?
...
Soon enough, there was no pizza left in the box.
‘How are you feeling now, Ace?’ Dot asked, after finishing her slice of pizza.
‘Y-Yeah, I’m feeling a little better…’ Agent replied while rubbing the back of their neck.
‘Um… Thank you for coming over today, I-I should have said that earlier…’ They added, looking directly at Dot.
‘Hey, it’s nothing really. I’ve got an eye for stuff like this.’ Dot assured.
‘Guess you can call it... the Disguise Gut Instinct?’
‘… Did you steal that from Amy...?’ Agent questioned.
‘Nope! it's different and wholly original. Her’s is the Gamma Gut Instinct, got it?’ Dot joked back, flashing a cheeky grin at them.
‘Uh... Okay then?’ Agent just kind of rolled their eyes playfully.
‘Anyway. Is there anything on your mind right now, Ace?’ Dot then asked, shifting her body to look at her fellow agent more.
‘O-Oh um. I guess there’s a few things I’ve been thinking about.’ They look down, adjusting their tie awkwardly.
‘I wouldn’t know where to start though…’
‘Well, what’s one thing that’s been bothering you? We can stick with that right now.’ Dot casually sat up, making sure she’s comfortable sitting while looking at Agent.
‘Alright then, um…’ Agent paused and then looked down to think about what they could talk about. There’s a lot of thoughts spinning in their head that they force themself to dig through. Their eyes glanced behind themself, realising they had left their non-binary scarf on their couch.
‘N-No one understands me… no one at all…!’
Agent felt their flippers flinch slightly over remembering that phrase coming from that young penguin’s beak. It… felt silly to get so worked up over this one dream, yet Agent was almost prepared for the worst. The confirmation that they’ve already lost if they are even questioning themself instead of owning themself unapologetically.
But their left flipper felt a sudden warmth, they looked up and saw that Dot was gently holding that flipper as she gave them a reassuring smile.
‘You can say what you want to say, Ace...’
Agent stared up at the disguise gal, and then looked down again. They force themself to push down that anxiety as they try to get their words together without worrying Dot more than they already have.
‘I-I’ve… been kind of unsure about myself…’
‘… In what way?’ Dot asked, tilting her head curiously.
‘A-About um… if I’m really happy with what I am…?’ Agent mumbled, still not any less nervous over what they’re saying, they glance up at Dot who gives them a simple nod, telling them they can keep going.
‘You know. About my job and just… myself? W-What little I know about it of course. And if I somehow made the wrong choice, or I made everything harder on myself…?’
‘You aren’t happy as an agent?’ Dot questioned, a little surprised.
‘N-No! Of course not! K-Knock on wood, I’m grateful for being part of the EPF and everything!’ Agent waved their flippers around anxiously, but they quickly forced themself to take a deep breath once again.
‘But… I just wonder… if I had dedicated myself just a little less to the EPF, if I wasn’t trying as hard to be the best agent I could... I-I would never have forgotten my real identity…’
‘I see… I-I kinda figured your memories had something to do with it…’ Dot gave them a sorrowful look, she knows more than anyone how unenviable Agent’s situation would be.
‘Yeah. But also… th-the idea of being anything else other than that is uh, kinda scary…?’ Agent mumbled back, contemplatively.
Dot nodded, still following along their words.
‘I-I knew from a young age I wanted to do something like this- heck even before I knew what the PSA was! I knew I wanted to be helpful towards the people of this island.’ They exclaimed, looking up at Dot once again.
‘And when I first joined the PSA. It felt… right to be called Agent. More so that my real... name…?’
Huh? Wait… they don’t actually know their real name. How would they know that it didn’t suit them…?
‘… A-Ace? Earth to Ace?’ Dot waved her flipper over Agent’s eyes.
‘Ah! S-Sorry! What was I talking about…?!’ Agent jumped, still half dazed from spacing out randomly.
‘You were talking about being an agent? Did you remember something during it?’ Dot tapped her beak while asking.
‘… If I did... I-I forgot about it, sorry…’ Another mild headache again as Agent shook their head.
‘Hey, Ace, it’s okay. Did you uh, still want to continue...?’ Dot asked, visibly concerned.
‘I-I’m fine uh, I think that was that one thing I wanted to talk about…’ Agent rambled back, still recovering from that.
‘Are you sure? Remembering your name for even a little bit seemed pretty important?’ Dot squinted at Agent for a moment, she sensed that they wanted to pivot away, but her curiosity is going to get the better of her.
‘It… kinda does…’ They froze, before looking down with a frown. There’s not really a way around this. Not without upsetting Dot and they’ll certainly never forgive themself if they ever did that.
‘… W-Would it be weird to say I sort of feel the same about my… g-gender…?’
‘… Your gender…?’ Dot was surprised, somehow not expecting Agent to even bring that up in this context.
‘N-Not that I uh, regret being non-binary of course! I’m just thinking about the… why, y’know?’ Agent anxiously scratched the side of their head, glancing away at Dot.
‘Like uh, do I actually feel it, o-or did I just… pick it because just for the sake of keeping up secrecy as an agent? Like just some… elaborate way to hide my identity?’ Agent held their flippers close together, trying to stop themself from shaking too much.
‘It’s just- Wh-Why don’t I remember something this important about myself…?!’
They wiped their eyes, shaking their head lightly.
‘I don’t know… I-It’s probably silly to overthink this. I know that i-it wouldn’t change how I am now. It’s just… m-maybe I’m worried that I’ve just been… alienating myself this whole time for no reason…’
They then looked back up at Dot, but her expression was a mix of shock and sorrow, which Agent somehow did not expect.
‘A-Ace I… I don’t know what to… I can’t believe…!’ Dot sputtered, unable to really express her words.
‘Did… D-Did I say something wrong? I-I’m so sorry if I di-’ Agent’s apology quickly gets cut off.
‘Ace, did… have you been struggling with this, this whole time…?!’ Dot firmly held her partner’s shoulders while looking directly at their face.
‘U-Um I… I-I… don’t know…’ Agent averted their gaze, memories keep flicking on and off, the emotions feeling familiar but alien at the same time.
‘M-Maybe I uh, only now just remembered it subconsciously...? If it w-works like that?’
‘Ah. That… Th-That probably would make some sort of sense...’ Dot then slowly dragged her flippers down to hold Agent’s own again.
‘But that still does mean you’ve been struggling with your gender, at least at some point in your life...’
‘I-I guess that makes sense…’ Agent shakily sighed.
‘It… should be a good thing to remember this. But I-I… I really don’t feel good about it…’
‘Hey, deep breaths, Ace.’ Dot quickly motions her flippers near her chest to make sure her partner is able to breathe properly.
‘I… I’m worried…’ Agent does their best to copy the disguise gal’s motions.
‘I’m just… worried that I don’t actually deserve to call myself non-binary, like I’ve been… faking it just for the sake of my job...’
‘Oh Ace I... I-I really don’t think you have…’ Dot glared at Agent.
‘H-How can you be so sure about that?!’ Agent bewailed.
‘I-I… should remember how or why I’m non-binary! I-I should know WHY it feels right! If… If something is actually important to me… I-I should be able to remember it easier than this!’
‘… But. You still feel non-binary, right?’ Dot paused, and then questioned them, sympathetically.
‘I… think I do… But I’m just… scared I’ve been lying to myself and putting myself through all this pain and h-hurt for nothing…’ Agent sniffled, and then sighed after taking a moment of silence.
‘… M-Maybe… it would have been easier if I did choose...’
‘… Ace, no. It… it wouldn’t have…’ Dot bluntly replied, after another pause.
All Agent did was look up at Dot. And for a second they thought they offended her with their words somehow, she looked frustrated but also saddened at them. They were about to apologise to her, but Dot carried on.
‘It never would have been easier… It wouldn’t be any less confusing…’ She just shook her head. The disguise gal looked at Agent for a little longer, before turning her body away from them and looking ahead at the floor.
‘Y-You would probably feel even more lost if you forced yourself to choose. To feel like you don’t fit in with… anyone.’ Dot then breathed in shakily.
‘Especially if you don’t know anyone understands you. You would just feel like there’s something wrong with you, and everyone would notice that, but they will never be able to… h-help you with anything that matters...’
… There was a bit of a pause, one where you could easily hear a pin drop. Neither agent couldn’t even find the words. It felt like a shock for both of them, for Agent to hear and for Dot to say. Like the both of them cracked open a can of worms neither expected to see.
‘Oh… D-Dot…’ Agent finally spoke up, their voice soft.
‘It… kind of sounds like you’re speaking from experience...’
Dot flinched slightly over their words.
‘O-Oh! Was that too far-?! I’m sorry if it was-!’
‘N-No, no Ace. It’s okay… you’re right.’ All Dot could do is let out a nervous chuckle.
‘I-I shouldn’t really be one to preach about your life, heh…’
‘Dot, no! Y-You’re still right about all that! I-I was just being stupid there.’ Agent gently laid a flipper on Dot’s shoulder as they also turned to their side.
‘Please don’t say you’re stupid for that…’ Dot uttered back while holding Agent’s flipper.
‘R-Right, sorry…’ Agent mumbled as their flipper moved down to Dot’s forearm.
… There was another pause as the both of them stayed by each other’s side. The air still felt heavy, but not as suffocating as a few seconds ago, like the both of them wanted to speak but they wanted to wait for the other to speak first.
‘Um… you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…’ Agent finally broke the silence.
‘It’s okay Ace. I do trust you with this more than anyone...’ Dot gave her ace a somewhat nervous smile. After taking deep breath, she asked:
‘You know about me being trans, right?’
‘Um yeah?’ Agent looked at her, ready to listen to the disguise gal’s words.
‘W-Well…’ Dot felt herself shake, she looked away from Agent, feeling a bit of embarrassment and shame.
‘Did I… ever tell you I didn’t… choose to be male?’
‘...Huh? Really?’ Agent asked.
All Dot does is nod at them.
‘Is there a reason for that? If that’s okay for me to ask…’ They tilted their head curiously.
‘Well…’ Dot took another deep breath.
‘I had some… stuff... going that the penguins raising me had no clue what to do for me, so they felt it right to raise me as a boy.’ Dot squeezed her flippers as she spoke.
‘It wasn’t until I was able to choose what gender I could be that I realised I was happier as a girl, but not many people really agreed with me’
‘O-Oh, That’s awful, I’m sorry…’ Agent laid their flipper on Dot’s shoulder once again.
‘It’s fine… S-So uh anyway, I did spend years trying to, in a way, disguise myself as a woman so the penguins would better accept me.’ Dot glanced away from Agent’s flipper as she then wiped her eyes gently, trying not to let her voice crack as she spoke.
‘But even when I feel like most penguins accepted me, I still didn’t feel right as I was. Like, I was still doing something wrong and I didn’t feel like myself, like I trapped myself in a pink cage while trying to find where I belonged.’
She then looked back up to Agent, with a soft smile.
‘That’s how I felt... until you came along, Ace…’
‘H-Huh? Um… what did I do?’ Agent blurted in surprise.
‘You know. When you explained your gender to me and the other agents ages ago?’ Dot then stared at Agent’s eyes, worriedly.
‘You… do at least remember that… right?’
‘I…’ Agent paused, closing their eyes for a second. It was a memory that rang a bell or two, something they felt like they would have forever forgotten about if it never came up again. Yet, after a few slow and steady breaths, it came back with more and more clarity.
‘… I do remember it...’
They do recall explaining their gender to everyone in the EPF at some point. Gary and Paige were very interested and asked many different questions about it, JPG understood and always tried to use the correct terms, Rookie took a bit of time to fully get it but he was very supportive and the Director understood and made sure to enforce all agents have respect for them.
How could they forget about their co-workers accepting their gender? The first penguins that they felt fully comfortable enough to tell when they finally had the words for what they are, and eventually be confident enough to advocate for themself over their identity.
But… Dot’s reaction…? They knew she followed along and supported them like everyone else. But why would Dot or anyone still fondly remember a conversation like that…?
‘Yeah. I’ll admit that I did wrongly think you were a guy when you first joined the PSA…’ Dot muttered, brushing her hair guiltily.
‘U-Um yeah, I did get that a lot…’ Agent sighed. They vaguely knew that, but they don’t remember the last time a fellow penguin had misgendered them… Probably for the best.
‘But, you did open my eyes to a side of gender that felt more… freeing, y’know?’ Dot continued, inching her body closer.
‘Like one where, I can just dress myself however I want without needing to trap myself in a box to please other penguins.’
Dot then opened up her jacket, lifting it for Agent to be able peek inside, not enough to see all of her disguises, but they can pick out some of the important ones, like the snowman, the fish and the crab costume.
‘Wh-What I’m saying is. Knowing I didn’t need to look a specific way to feel right, it made my job and hobby a lot more fun.’
‘… D-Dot… Are you really sure…?’ Agent stared, only to look down and notice they’ve been fiddling with their tie unknowingly.
‘I mean- I appreciate it, but I-I didn’t think that kind of conversation would have that kind of influence on… anyone.’
‘Heh, well. It may have been a bit mundane, sure. But it wasn’t any less important for you and… for me…’ Dot inched even closer, giving Agent a soft smile.
Agent had finally noticed how close Dot is to them now, they felt their heart thump and their cheeks felt warmer. But her words and how soft and vulnerable she was willing to make herself, it felt exactly like that morning years ago when they first opened up about their gender.
Is… Dot doing the same? Trusting them as much as they did for the rest of the EPF back then?
‘Do you see yourself as non-binary too…?’ They had finally asked.
‘Mhm, I’m still a little unsure...’ Dot mumbled while leaning closer to Agent, resting her face near their shoulder.
‘I don’t mind staying a girl… but it wouldn’t hurt if you ever started to see me that way...’
Agent glanced behind themself and noticed that their non-binary scarf was still laying there from when they wore it. They moved slightly back to grab it and gently wrapped it around Dot’s neck.
‘A-Ace?’ Dot’s face flushed a darker purple, caught off guard over what they did.
‘Well no matter what you are or want to be… I-I’ll always love you, and I’m so proud of you for how much more comfortable you’ve become...’ Agent sincerely smiled as brought Dot closer, back to near their shoulder.
‘I… I love you too…’ Dot slowly wrapped her arms around her ace. Her voice cracked, but it didn’t feel pained, far from it. A moment where, even just for a moment she can put down her disguise for one of the penguins she loves so much.
‘… Your scarf is so warm and soft, Ace…’
‘Y-Yeah I hope so. Aunt Arctic made it…’ Agent sniffled, but made sure to hide it as they made sure Dot was comfortable in their flippers.
‘O-Oh right, I forgot, heh…’ Dot quietly laughed while cuddling. Which was infectious enough for Agent to giggle alongside her. It felt like, for the first time this evening, the atmosphere didn’t feel off as they stayed in each other’s flippers.
…
After a minute or two, which felt like it breezed by, Dot finally pulled herself away, but still stayed close enough for Agent to rest their flippers on her arms.
‘Um, should have asked earlier but... Are you feeling better, Ace?’
‘I-I… should be the one asking you that.’ Agent asked back, gently massaging their gal’s shoulders.
‘Heh… well of course I feel better. But this originally was about how you felt about your gender…’ Dot then looked back up at Agent, curiously.
‘Ah well…’ Agent’s eyes made contact with Dot’s.
‘I-I’m a little unsure, but I think I do feel a little better as well...’
‘Well hey, I’ll ask the same question I did before...’
Dot shuffled herself to cup Agent’s cheek with her flipper.
‘Do you still see yourself as non-binary?’
‘… I still do.’ Agent paused, and then nodded.
‘And that’s what you are, Ace…’ Dot nodded back, smiling assuredly at them.
‘… Thank you so much…’ Agent closed their eyes, as they held onto that flipper gently.
‘Of course, Ace. And… thank you for listening to me as well…’ Dot thanked back.
‘Heh… Always, Dot.’ Agent leaned further onto Dot’s flipper.
Once again they stayed like this for a minute or too. The atmosphere felt right, and it felt nice. It felt like… whatever either of them were or end up being, for just right now, it might just be alright...
...
‘… It's getting kinda late, isn’t it?’ Dot broke the silence at last.
‘… Oh, it sure is…’ Agent opened their eyes, noticing the sun had finally set from their window.
‘Alright, I should at least give you your scarf back.’ Dot got up from the couch, but not before taking the non-binary scarf off and wrapping it around Agent’s neck.
‘O-Oh uh, are you sure? You can keep it on for the night if you want.’ Agent replied while getting up, a little surprised over getting their scarf back.
‘It’s one of a kind, wouldn’t wanna accidentally ruin it.’ Dot then smirked.
‘Plus I’ve, ahem, warmed up…’
Agent felt their face flush once again.
‘Very funny…’
‘And also, admittedly, I’ve gotten quite a bit of inspiration for something I could make in the meantime.’ Dot then started brushing her hair on the side, also blushing lightly.
‘Well whatever you make, I’d love to see it when it’s finished.’ Agent smiled back.
‘Heh, you say so...’ Dot picked up the empty box of pizza. But then stared at Agent for a few more seconds.
‘… Um, is everything alrigh-’ Agent’s words were suddenly interrupted by Dot giving them a surprise peak on the cheek. Agent gasped a little, their face managing to turn purple from how flustered they were.
‘Good night, Ace.’ Dot grinned, waving goodbye as she quickly left Agent’s igloo. All Agent was able to muster up was a small wave of their own.
… It felt weird being alone again. Maybe even a little scary with butterflies still in their stomach. But at the same time, maybe that is what they need right now to process everything that had happened.
Agent sighed as they sat back down on their couch, looking down at the floor. They gently fiddled with the ends of their scarf. It still felt so warm from Dot wearing it only a minute ago, which isn’t something they would ever think about while wearing it normally. A nice reminder that, right now, there isn’t anything to be afraid of.
… Agent looked up back at the TV to meet their reflection once again.
...They still don’t fully recognise the penguin on the other side. And yet, they don’t feel sick staring at them, at least right now. They kept staring at them, watching them gently feel their scarf, their tie and then their face, matching their movements exactly but still feeling… uncanny.
Maybe they still do feel like a stranger in their own body. Maybe that feeling won’t fully go away for a while, and maybe it might not go away at all.
But a stranger doesn’t have to be a scary thing, right? They can be a friendly face in a crowd, they can be someone you have a friendly conversation with and they can be someone who helps out other people without asking.
And maybe one day… They can be a friend. One that can be trusted enough to have a serious conversation with. And one that could be listened to and loved back.
And one that their loved ones will always respect, no matter how different they are.
...
‘Even if it’s just one person being able to find themselves because of you, it’ll make being yourself worth it in the end.’
Agent felt like they could finally smile looking at themself again.
Aunt Arctic really was right after all…
It was all worth it in the end…
It was worth being themself...