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It was just another sunny, cloudless day in the desert, and Wile E. Coyote - after being spun like a tornado off the side of a cliff, landing in homemade quick sand, and taking a mallet straight to the snout - had decided to call it a day and ‘clock out’ early.
Not because he was giving up, far from it. He already had some finished blueprints stored in his hammerspace, with several thought-out plans and nearly-built traps ready to be installed and executed at a moment’s notice (and, knowing him and his disastrous sleep schedule, he would likely end up working on a couple more before TRULY calling it a day).
No, the actual reason Wile E. was quitting early was because he had another activity scheduled for the day, one that required a bit of extra traveling to what was quickly becoming his favorite city in the country. Partially because of the variety of filling food options, partially because of its proximity to his desert allowing him to still continue his chase without too much getting in his way, but mostly because of the people he knew would be waiting for him there.
It had been nearly three whole months since the last time Wile E. had seen his human friends, though not for lack of trying, as each of them enjoyed their meals together and thus tried to make a lunch or a supper happen at least once or twice a month. While he still tended to see himself as a ‘lone coyote’, Wile E. could admit that he always looked forward to these get-togethers, even if they did technically qualify as a distraction from his own goals.
Unfortunately, between a huge new trial that required the Avery, Jones, Maltese & Avery team to squeeze in all the prep time they could and Wile E. getting hyperfocused on some new motion sensor tech (tech he never would have discovered if he was still dedicated to only buying from ACME, he acknowledged) and dedicating his own time towards researching and experimenting with it, there just hadn’t been enough time for anyone.
But, like with most things that tend to come in ebbs and flows, their schedules eventually cleared and it didn’t take long for Kevin to text and invite him out for supper at Yosemite Sam’s taco joint, which Wile E. happily accepted.
So, with his injuries from that day mostly healed up, Wile E. caught the next available train and, one (mildly painful) ride later, he was standing outside the restaurant just a few minutes before the time they agreed upon, an eager smile on his face and his stomach growling.
Sure enough, Wile E. only had to wait a couple minutes before his ears picked up on a familiar voice: “Hey, pal! Long time no see!”
Hmph, you could say that aga- Wile E.’s thoughts screeched to a halt as he saw the man coming towards him. He did look like Kevin, sort of, but he was… Well, the only descriptor that came to the cartoon coyote’s mind was “off model”, to the point where he nearly didn’t recognize his lawyer at all, as his scruffy beard and mustache were completely missing.
Mistaking this shock for amazement, Kevin just chuckled as he rubbed his bare face. “Yeah, I guess I decided it was time to clean myself a little. Bought a whole new razor and everything, just to make sure it looked nice. You like it?”
Wile E. stared at Kevin’s now clean shaven face, then looked across the street over at the billboard that still featured his old (normal) bearded face, then back at the new Kevin, quickly deciding there was only one answer to his friend’s question:
“NO” Wile E. signed with a glare.
“Aw, what?” Kevin laughed, thinking maybe Wile E. was just razzing him a little. “Come on, seriously?”
Wile E. spun his sign around, revealing a “YES”, his scowl only deepening as he did so.
“Well, what’s wrong with it?”
Another spin. “EVERYTHING”
Kevin rolled his eyes, scoffing at the coyote. “Man, whatever. Come on, let’s grab a table and catch up while we wait for Paige. She had some photocopies to finish up, but she’ll be over here soon.”
Opening the door to Sam’s, Kevin let Wile E. go in before him, which resulted in Wile E. giving him the biggest side-eye possible as he walked inside. Kevin’s smile faltered slightly Okay… Definitely serious.
Their dinner conversation didn’t seem to fare much better either, as while Wile E. didn’t outright ignore him, he wasn’t as engaged as he usually was either. He’d still sign or gesture, but only when he needed to reply or answer a question.
What’s more, Kevin couldn’t help but notice just how often Wile E. would look over at him before then immediately looking away. Not even Paige’s eventual presence could relieve some of the tension that seemed to be there. It was strange, and a little uncomfortable, but surely whatever it was about Kevin shaving his face that was making Wile E. mad would pass soon enough… Right?
Apparently not, as Kevin would soon find out. To make up for lost time, the trio scheduled a couple more meet-ups in the following weeks - first a lunch at their favorite hotdog place, then coffee and donuts at a place near a new hardware store Wile E. was wanting to visit a few days later.
Each time they met up, Wile E. just became more and more agitated with Kevin’s new look. He knew humans couldn’t just revert to their usual look like toons could, but he also knew that when it came to this particular feature, Kevin was probably doing what he could to make this change in his look stick, choosing to look off model and wrong.
Naturally, Kevin picked up on his friend’s aggravations, even if Wile E. never outright expressed him. Just because they weren’t written on any signs didn’t mean they weren’t still written all over his face, and the discomfort and lingering scowls he saw from the coyote were more than enough to make Kevin start to second-guess himself after a while.
“It doesn’t look that bad, right?” Kevin had asked Sal one day, using one of his framed ACME trial articles as a mirror. “I mean- it’s different but, it’s not a bad different, right?” Did he not look as friendly or trusting without his beard, or did Wile E. just suddenly not like his face?
Sal just shrugged, not being able to offer much reassurance. “I’d say it was like the time my wife told me I wasn’t a ‘full beard’ kind of guy back when I tried to grow one out, but I don’t think that’d make you feel better.” It definitely didn’t.
Paige, to her credit, tried to be a bit more reassuring. “Look, toons are known for staying the same for the most part, right?” she told him. “Outside of small changes every few decades, they don’t really change age or change up their look. So, maybe Wile E.’s just adjusting! I’m sure he’ll come around.” Kevin wanted to believe that, but his self doubt was making him think otherwise.
The breaking point finally came when, after extending another Friday lunch invite to him, he watched Wile E. flat out refuse it, going so far as to leave Kevin on read without giving an explanation why. Having just about enough of the coyote’s attitude, Kevin ended up letting his team know he was taking a half day before taking his car out to Wile E.’s cave.
Halfway to the desert, Kevin realized that he had no idea if Wile E. would even be home - considering it was the middle of the day, it was pretty unlikely. But he’d already driven this far and he was still feeling pretty pissed, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to feel better until he confronted the coyote once and for all, so he resigned himself to potentially waiting by Wile’s cave until sundown.
However, by some lucky break, he managed to catch Wile E. in-between schemes, with the canine currently focusing his attention on detangling some kind of giant net with (judging how they kept drifting towards each other) seemingly magnetic weights.
As soon as he saw Kevin’s car pull-up though, Wile E. dropped his trap to cross his arms, clearly not happy about his lawyer’s impromptu visit, scowling as soon as the (STILL!) clean shaven man stepped out of the car.
Kevin groaned, slamming the door hard behind him. “Okay, you know what? You’re being kind of a dick about this, Wile E.!”
Wile E. sneered at the crude language. Well, two can play at that game. Still bound by the supernatural rules of cartoon censorship, Wile E. responded by holding up a sign with a cartoon donkey on it before then pointing directly at Kevin.
Kevin, in turn, just rolled his eyes, being more annoyed than outright offended. “Okay, nice. Real nice. Look, I don’t know what your problem is, but you and I are going to talk - er, talk and/or sign about it - like adults!”
Wile E. silently huffed, though he didn’t try to just walk away, so Kevin considered that an okay sign to continue. “I honestly just don’t understand why you’d get upset about me shaving my beard of all things! Humans just like to change up their looks sometimes, I don’t know what to tell you!”
Wile E. raised an eyebrow, as if trying to gauge whether or not Kevin was telling the full truth. Kevin felt like he was, it wasn’t like he was actively hiding anything, but Wile E. seemed to disagree.
“WHY?” Wile E. finally asked.
“Why?” Kevin repeated, nearly throwing his hands up. “I just told you why!” But Wile E. didn’t accept this, tapping the sign with his finger.
“Ugh, I don’t know… Maybe- Maybe I just wanted to look a little nicer?” Kevin replied. “Is that a crime now? Wanting to look a little nicer and more professional?” Not that you’d know anything about that, Mr. Wears-No-Pants-or-Really-Any-Clothes-at-all, Kevin wanted to add though held himself back, not wanting to accidentally cross a line and make things worse.
So instead, he went with, “‘Cause I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve got a lot of eyes on us now, and for as many people who do take us seriously now, there are still plenty who still think we have something to prove before they can give us the time of day - something we need if we wanna keep helping toons!”
He saw Wile E.’s expression soften slightly at that last bit, the empathy he felt towards his fellow toons briefly overshadowing whatever was upsetting him. It wasn’t the smile Kevin had admittedly missed seeing from his friend, but at least it was something.
“That’s just the name of the game when it comes to things like law and business. First impressions can hold a lot of weight.” Catching another small scowl from the coyote, but understanding that it wasn’t necessarily directed at him, Kevin chuckled slightly.
“And yeah, I know it’s stupid. And probably more than a little elitist. But I’m not really in a spot where I can just change that,” Kevin continued. “Which, unfortunately, I can’t just wear whatever clothes or hairstyles-” Or facial hair styles- “that I want while in court. ESPECIALLY while in court. You’ve seen first hand how other lawyers or judges can act when they just plain don’t like you for whatever reason.”
Thinking back to their first trial’s judge and how dismissive and unfair he had been, Wile E. nodded, still annoyed at the memory.
“So, that just means I have to play the game before I can take my shot at trying to win the game,” the lawyer concluded with a sigh. “It sucks, it really does. But for now, we just have to live with it. And hey, it’s not all bad.”
Wile E. blinked, tilting his head at that. Weren’t they JUST complaining about how dumb those professional dress codes were?
Kevin just shrugged at him. “I dunno, sometimes it’s just… nice to look nice? To have others think you look nice? I don’t know how often you wear clothes just for yourself, but for as much as it can be annoying to put on a suit or use part of your morning just to shave, I… Well, I guess I’ve sort of re-discovered how looking good can sort of help you feel good too,” he admitted.
At hearing this, Wile E. could feel his defenses lowered themselves even further, his ears drooping a bit. Thinking back to that first month he’d spent with Kevin and his team, he could remember how often Kevin slept in his day clothes, not bothering to fold or iron the clothes he wore day-in and day-out, his hair coming out flat and unstyled each new morning while his beard was kept fairly scruffy-looking. Half of his dress shirts had faded coffee or food stains on them that Kevin would just try to hide with either his jacket or his tie, simply because it was easier than trying to properly wash or replace them.
Considering how exhausted and stressed Kevin always seemed during those days, Wile E. had to wonder now if how he’d presented himself had just been another thing his lawyer had decided to “settle” on, too tired and too beaten down to think it was worth putting the effort in for.
Still, for as much as Wile E. was starting to understand where Kevin was coming from, one thing still concerned him - a thing that, if Wile E. was correct about, he wasn’t going to stand for.
Wanting to make this clear, Wile E. pulled a clean blueprint and a pencil out of hammerspace, turning the paper over to its blank backside so he could draw on it, all while Kevin watched curiously. Within seconds, he’d drawn a picture of a man in a sharp-dressed suit, clean shaven with a sharp, flat-top haircut. He then circled the drawing, as if to emphasize… something.
“I don’t… What?” Kevin asked. “I don’t get it.” Wile E. rolled his eyes (though, internally, he was glad to see Kevin be simply confused instead of outright dismissive) and went back to drawing, taking an extra minute or so to try and be as clear as he could be.
When the paper was revealed again, Kevin saw that a sketch of what he guessed was supposed to be him (not clean shaven). The rest of what was added were words like “Step 1, Step 2, etc.” written above the two drawn characters, and a single arrow that sat between them, pointing from the Kevin sketch to-
“Ohhhh… Okay, I think I get it now,” Kevin told him, tapping the fancier-looking man. “That’s supposed to be Buddy Crane, isn’t it?” Wile E. nodded. “And you think that if I start focusing too much on looking professional and trying to impress others, I’m just gonna become exactly like Crane.”
Exactly, Wile E. thought, nodding again as he re-crossed his arms. Seeing his friend take this concern so seriously, Kevin could both understand where the coyote was coming from and still consider Wile E.’s attitude that had displayed over the past couple weeks as a complete overreaction to what was just a simple and extremely minor change in their personal status quo.
The more argumentative side of Kevin wanted to get mad again, to shut down Wile E.’s assumptions completely and ask if, after everything they went through, he really saw him as being that easily corruptible. For crying out loud, it wasn’t as though he had called up Crane’s tailor and bought himself a three-piece and a massive bolo tie that were each worth more than his monthly rent! It was just a shave!
And yet, as he continued to stare at Wile E., the coyote patiently waiting for Kevin’s response instead of scowling or trying to lay into him some more, Kevin could see how genuine Wile E. had been with his questioning. How genuinely worried he was about his clean shaven look just being the first step down a slippery slope of trying to both keep up and build up his newfound reputation, and how worried he now was about losing his lawyer and friend to that new reputation.
When it came to the cartoon canine, it was a contradiction Kevin was still getting used to. Wile E. was a single-minded schemer, focused on his own goals to the point of being self-absorbed, and could even be extremely selfish in his worst moments, but he could also be incredibly kind and caring towards those he felt were worthy enough to be part of his life.
He lived to try and catch the unobtainable, so Kevin supposed it made sense that Wile E. would also cling tightly to the things he did manage to catch.
“...I get it,” Kevin said finally. “Really, I do. I’ve seen plenty of other lawyers fall into the trap of keeping up with the Joneses, and I already know how easy it can be to lose sight of what matters in a career field like ours.”
He could still remember, vaguely, how even when he realized just how serious Project: Sisyphus and all of ACME’s other crimes were, a part of him had still primarily cared about not looking foolish in front of the millions of eyes that were now on him.
He tended to stay off social media for the sake of his own sanity, but during the case’s peak when everyone was talking about it, it had been impossible for Kevin to not catch the occasional post made about it, with the more memorable posts likening his beard to that of a hobo’s and asking if he had only taken on the case so he could “get enough cash to afford shopping at some place other than Goodwill.”
“I still have to play the game,” Kevin repeated before then adding in a firm tone of voice, “but only because I’m in it for the long haul. There’s a lot of toons left out there to help, and for as long as I have a choice in the matter, they are going to keep being my priority.”
Wile E. stood in silence, letting these words sink in, and although he didn’t sign anything in reply, Kevin could see just a hint of relief wash over his furry face.
Kevin then smirked. “Besides… If I DID start acting stupid, to the point where I only cared about how nice I looked to other lawyers and spending all my time looking at my reflection or buying suits instead of working on cartoon cases, I think we both know a certain niece-turned-law firm partner who would shut that down faster than it could start, and probably call me out in front of the whole team too just for good measure.”
The coyote grinned, having no doubt in Paige’s abilities to do just that. Having been thoroughly reminded of just what kind of person Kevin was, Wile E. knew he also had no doubts in him and his resolve. There was a reason Wile E. trusted him - and as such, there was also a reason he wanted to continue trusting him.
Sensing this, Kevin decided it was worth it to ask, “So… Are we good now?”
Wile E. silently hummed, narrowing his eyes a bit as he looked directly at the bottom half of Kevin’s face. Friends or no, he still typically wasn’t one to hold back on how he felt, hence why he quickly produced a sign that read, “YOUR FACE STILL LOOKS WEIRD”
Kevin sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, I kind of figured you’d still feel that way.” Truth be told, for as much as he didn’t mind how he looked without a beard, there were times where he nearly startled himself with his new reflection. In that sense, he could understand where the coyote was coming from.
Smiling now, Wile E. pulled out another sign. “BUT YEAH, WE’RE GOOD”. He then flipped it around, with the other side presenting only a single word: “SORRY”
“Heh, it’s alright, bud,” Kevin told him. “But next time, just tell me what’s up, alright?” Wile E. nodded, silently promising to do just that. He also took out his phone and rescinded his earlier rejection to Kevin’s lunch invite just to show things were truly back to normal, which Kevin definitely appreciated.
Might as well get used to looking at it, Wile E. thought to himself as he watched Kevin drive off back towards Albuquerque. Maybe Kevin would decide to go beardless permanently, or maybe he’d end up growing it back out if he decided it wasn’t worth the extra grooming time each day.
Personally, while he could acknowledge that perhaps it didn’t exactly scream ‘professional’, Wile E. thought the scruffy look actually looked better on his lawyer than the clean look, at least when it came to facial hair.
But regardless of whether it was scruffy, clean, or somewhere in-between, Kevin’s was a face he could trust - a face Wile E. wanted to and would continue to trust, so long as the lawyer stayed the same where it counted.
A face that he could wholeheartedly deem as friendly… no matter how ‘off model’ it looked.
THE END