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Red needed to get out, get away from here, from the Lumoria Tree where everyone was smiling and giggling and happy.
It was too much for her to bear, being back here in Wonderland after wanting to escape it all her life.
Was this even Wonderland anymore? It sure as hell wasn't the Wonderland she knew, where everything was grey and dull and beheadings took place constantly.
No, this Wonderland was...as the same suggested, wonderful. Hearts, the flowers talked here, there were butterflies around every corner, and pretty scenery as far as the eye could see. Even the night sky had a magical, ethereal glow to it rather than the foreboding darkness Red had grown up with.
It was different. Bright. Welcoming. Happy. Should Red have been happy? She wasn't.
She didn't know how to be. It was all too much for her to deal with. Everything she knew had changed, every place they had passed by was different now. The abandoned secret garden she used to sneak out to play with Chessy in as a kid had been converted into an area with a greenhouse and a fountain. Pretty, idyllic, picturesque.
The river she used to sit by as a kid with brambles and ivy all around was dotted with glowing mushrooms and gorgeous flowers now. It looked astonishing and mesmerising.
Every change to Wonderland had been made for the better. Every place Red had loved had been transformed into something much more beautiful, so...why couldn't she be happy about that?
It wasn't like she wanted the Kingdom to look like the hell she had grown up with. After all, she had loathed Wonderland for years and wanted to leave it. But now that she was here again, it was making her relive her trauma and memories one way or another— so if she had to be here against her will then she would have at least rathered be able to see the few parts of it that made her smile.
It hurt, to know that they were gone. To know that the tall willow tree she used to climb was gone. That the tunnel next to it had disappeared too. That everything she had ever loved about this place was gone.
So much had changed. Red was meant to be happy about it, she wanted to be.
She had wanted to leave Wonderland for ages. And now that it was actually gone, she was grieving it.
She had gotten what she wanted. Why didn't it feel right? Why couldn't she just be happy?
Everyone around her was. Felix was laughing with Robbie now, showing off his cards, and Pink was giggling with the Smees while Hazel looked on with thinly-veiled amusement, a smile tugging at her lips that she seemed to be trying to hold back. Max and Luis were sitting on a mushroom-shaped table, and Chloe—
"Hey. You okay?"
Red flinched, spinning around to see Chloe, her eyes glittering with concern, her brows furrowed with worry. Wordlessly, she sat down next to Red, leaning against her shoulder.
Red almost laughed. Was she okay? It was as though she didn't know what that word meant anymore.
Hearts, Red was tired of lying. Her entire life was a lie now— everything was a pretense, she had to act and think like an HK, like an older sister, like a prim and proper princess.
She didn't want to lie anymore.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
But the words slipped out before she could stop them.
She was anything but fine. The Lumoria Tree, which everyone else had been looking at in awe, just felt suffocating. Like the sweeping branches that hung down to the ground were pressing in on her and trapping her. The tree was a refuge for them all for the night— was Red supposed to find the blue and silver glow to the leaves comforting like everyone else did?
She remembered the tree in the original timeline. How she'd walk past it as a kid, how the leaves had been such a dark shade of green that they almost looked grey, and the soft cobalt hue in the tree here was once a harsh, crimson red. Like the colour that stained the bricks in the Royal Courtyard after the Queen's voice would cut sharply through the air and she'd spit out her catchphrase, and—
Red quickly dragged in a shallow breath, nails digging into the hem of her skirt.
And then she was on her feet, standing up. Shakily, of course, on legs that didn't even feel remotely like her own.
"I think I'm gonna go for a walk," She muttered quietly, "Clear my head."
She hoped she sounded convincing, that the panic and discomfort she felt inside wasn't reflected in her expression or tone. Hearts, she needed to get out of here—
"Are you sure?" Chloe asked worriedly, brows crinkled above nervous eyes, "I'll come with you if you like. It's dangerous to go alone, you know. We've got no idea what could be lurking out there."
Red dismissed her with a wave of her hand, quickly turning away so that the blue-haired girl couldn't see the tears forming in her eyes, "I'll be fine, Chlo."
Although Red couldn't see her face, Chloe didn't sound convinced.
"Red, no, stop. What if you get hurt? What if Maddox set a trap? You don't know this place like the back of your hand anymore, you know."
And oh hearts, that did it.
The anger and desperation bubbling up, she spun around, her temper finally flaring.
"Do you think I don't know that?" She snapped, forcing her voice to stay as a low hiss so nobody else would hear, tears sliding down her cheeks, "I'm very aware of the fact that my home is gone, Princess! And I'm just— just meant to be okay with it! I can't be! It was hell, I don't know why I miss it..." She sank down against the back of the stool she had been sitting on, tucking her knees up to her chest and putting her head against them, a sob flooding over her lips.
"I don't know what's...I hated it. I hated it so much. I spent my life wanting to leave. I saw so many things I wish I could erase from my memory...the Wonderland I knew is gone. I got what I wanted. I should be happy, and I'm not." She choked out, her voice strangled and warbled like it wasn't hers.
Was it hers? Was her body hers? Was this Kingdom hers? This life wasn't hers, so what was? She didn't know anymore.
"Sorry..." She muttered through gritted teeth, willing the tears to stop, but they just kept on coming. "I'm sorry, Princess," She said, getting to her feet, "I'm sorry, but I need to leave."
She went to turn away, but Chloe reached for her hand, warm fingers gripping her own.
She turned over her shoulder to see Chloe blink sadly at her. "If you really need to be alone, I won't try to stop you," She breathed quietly, "But just please be careful. And I'll be here when you get back."
Red managed a tearful smile, tilting her head to the side. "Thanks, Chloe..." She murmured hoarsely.
Chloe gave her hand one last squeeze before letting her go, and Red stumbled her way out of the shelter of the tree, taking in a quick gulp of the cool night air, the chilly breeze buffeting her hair and blowing it into her face.
She brought a hand up to push it out of her eyes, and the wind stung them painfully, drawing more tears.
She knew exactly where she was going, even though her heart would probably hurt when she saw how different it was.
She was heading to the forest.
In the old timeline, there was a dark forest of tall ash-coloured trees that stretched up to the black sky. It used to look as though their branches could touch the blanket of stars that covered thr night sky. The forest was dim, gloomy, smothered with fog and cobwebs, dark and dingey, but it had been Red's escape.
She'd run there as a kid, hiding out, because a spooky forest in the middle of nowhere was the last place anyone woukd ever have expected her to be. She'd sit at the base of one tree in particular, one she had etched her initials into, and run her hands over the coarse bark whenever she had a panic attack. It always helped ground her, it was refuge amongst the dark pit that was Wonderland.
The grass was so thick and tall because nobody ever came to cut it, and when she went there as a young child, it went all the way up to her knees. There were nettles and poisonous mushrooms at the base of every tree, and for the first time, Red paused to actually think about the place she had spent so much time in as a child.
It was scary, it should have been scary. It should have been somewhere she hated, somewhere that terrified her, but it was a place that brought her comfort. Why did it bring her comfort?
Secretly, she knew the answer. It echoed in the back of her mind, drowning out her footsteps as they trekked the path she knew all too well— the forest didn't scare her because there had been much scarier aspects of her childhood than rotting trees and thick fog.
Finally, the forest came into view, and her throat practically closed up. The trees were the same colour as the Lumoria Tree, a soft blue, the tips of the branches a shining silver, the rest of the leaves smothered with an iridescent glow. They glowed almost as bright as the colourful mushrooms that sat at the roots, a plethora of different colours; yellows, pinks, purples, all so vivid that it made her sick.
She should have turned away and went back to Chloe. She could have vented to the princess, cried in her arms, and Chloe would have held her, but stupidly, Red took slow steps into the forest, owls hooting and crickets chirping, barely alw to be heard over the howling of the wind, which, in turn, made the shimmering leaves on the trees rustle.
Red knew what she was looking for. Her tree. It had been years, but she still remembered exactly where it was, exactly what it looked like, how the grooves and divots in the bark looked, how the branches swayed in the breeze.
She saw it, and her heart soared, tears pricking at her eyes. Maybe not everything had changed.
Running towards it, she pressed her hands to the bark, a sigh of contentment leaving her lips as her fingers grazed its familar roughness, until she squinted, her heart stopping where she reached the spot her initials had been.
They were still there.
Under them was Pink's.
And under Pink's?
Bridget's.
Red felt her heart rake spike immediately, drawing in a rough breath, swaying on her feet. And then, foolishly, she reached out to touch it.
She regretted it the moment her head spun and a vision played in her head.
It was the forest in the daytime, sunlight peeking through the canopy of the trees. The forest looked so different— during daylight hours in the old timeline it had still been cold and dark. But here? It shone brightly, inviting and comforting, flowers blooming through the ground, petals falling from the trees. It must have been Summer, Red guessed, and then her heart stopped when she heard two squeals.
Running through the lush grass were two kids, both of them unmistakable.
It was her and Pink.
They looked so carefree, shrieking with excitement as they skipped over to the tree, crouching down to examine the plants.
Pink took a box out of her pocket, small and heart-shaped, and lifted off the lid to scoop some flowers into it. Pink And Red's Treasures, gold writing on the front read, but before Red could dwell on it any longer, there was a bubbly laugh.
Bridget stepped over to them, crouching down next to them and helping them to pick a cluster of dandelions and daisies up to put in the box.
Pink grabbed Red's wrist, pointing to two more dandelions, ones that were white and fluffy, and Red's heart ached as she watched the scene unfold. Her tiny self grabbed one, twirling it over in her hand, and her mother beamed at her.
"Make a wish, darling!"
Tiny Red squeezed her eyes shut, then blew on it.
"I wish we could stay like this forever, and that nothing ever changes!" She squeaked.
Red's tears slid down her cheek as she heard her own voice, so excited, so hopeful for the future. She choked out a sob, her body shaking, and Pink laughed, looking up at Red with wide eyes.
"You're not meant to say it out loud, silly!"
Little Red burst into laughter, and so did Bridget, pulling both of them against her chest lovingly.
"I love you so much, my precious angels..." She cooed, kissing them both on the head.
Red blinked to push away her tears, and then the vision was gone.
Her whole body felt numb, tears continuing to roll down her cheeks. That was the childhood she had grown up with? That was the life that she had?
Weakly, she sank down to the ground, tearing up a clump of grass as tears slid down her cheeks.
With her eyes shut, she could at least pretend she was home.
But the moment she'd open them again, she'd be reminded of where she was, who she was, what she was.
She hated it.