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For all the weights that burdened in Elwin’s chest, none felt as heavy as the loss of his son. Joshua was safe. Held in his arms and away from the wreckage of their ancestral fort. He had screamed. Begged for them to turn around. To save Clive.
He had wanted to. The fire of the second Eikon stopped him. Lord Murdoch at his side, the grim look in his eyes and the solemn shake of his head. The Eikon had appeared where Clive had been. His son, as strong as he was, would not be able to survive the inferno that it had created.
They ran. With agony beating in blend with his blood, Elwin fled and left his eldest son behind.
Rosaria was reclaimed. Shields tested for loyalty and traitors weeded from their ranks. Joshua was resting now in his room. Crying without consolement for the loss of his brother. Elwin looked over the map for what felt like the millionth time since that night. The flames that erupted through everything.
“Your Grace,” his Lord Commander approached him. A simple nod and hum was all he needed to take place at his side.
“What is it?” His wife betrayed them, that much was clear. She had made her bed with the imperials after he had denied her from his. His wife betrayed them and because of that he had lost his son.
Part of him wondered if the only reason he and Joshua survived that night was because Anabella hadn’t been willing to sacrifice her darling son for the sake of power.
At least if she loved one of them it had saved him.
It had doomed his first born.
“His Highness wishes to return to Phoenix Gate.”
The words felt as if they had turned his stomach to stone.
“I will not risk him.”
“He says he needs to complete what we set out to do.”
To speak with their ancestors. For Joshua to walk into the Apodytery and gain blessing for what was pressing to come. To what was now already here after the imperial attack on Phoenix Gate.
“It is too dangerous. The wreckage will remain unsound. Imperials will be husking it. Let it be them who perish in the collapse.”
That should have been the end of it. The word of the Archduke denying the request. But Elwin heard the door and small footsteps all the same.
“Father,” Elwin closed his eyes at the sound of Joshua’s voice, “if we do not go then what was the point?”
He wished his heart could bleed the pain he bore so he could be rid of it.
“Joshua—“
“No, Father!” His son did not allow him to continue. Anger and grief that melded so far into one another in his eyes. “All of them died. Clive died! We left them there!”
His words rang against the stone of the room. Their meaning like the blade of an axe to his throat. There were tears in Joshua’s eyes.
“He died! All of them died!” The tears began to fall. “They were laughing!”
Joshua shuddered where he stood. His eyes never wavered save from the blinks that released heavy streaks of wet down his face and splattering to the floor.
“Clive said he would always protect me. He was counting on me to do my duty. He did his!”
He died for his.
“I have to do mine!”
Joshua’s shoulders were shaking. His hands curled in tight fists. Small fists. He was still so young. He was—
“My duty as the Phoenix is to protect and I failed. We have to go back. We have to. I have to. For Clive, if you won’t let me do it for everyone else.”
His cheeks were splotched red. Elwin could see how he swallowed his coughs.
“Take me back.” His voice broke. “Take me back to my brother, Father.”
His throat felt too tight to manage words. Pressure behind his eyes as he attempted to force the burden of his emotions back from visibility. He could not deny Joshua this. And yet when he opened his mouth the only thoughts were of losing both of his sons to the rubble and swill.
“I urge you that we cannot risk—“
“As the Phoenix I outrank you.”
Elwin’s heart caught midbeat in his chest. The air stilling in his lungs as a seriousness washed over his son. A hard steel settling in his eyes.
“Joshua—“
“We return to Phoenix Gate. I will return to Phoenix Gate. With or without you, your Grace.”
He turned without another word. Marching himself out of the room and it nearly made Elwin sick for the fact that Joshua in that moment looked so much like his mother. He had seen Anabella storm from him after their disagreements too many times to be able to forget. When he was finally able to pull his eyes away, he found Rodney looking at him with pity in his eyes.
“Have I failed them both so badly, Rodney?”
His ask felt weak. A question he already knew the answer to. Clive had hardly called him Father anymore. No thanks to the lecture by his mother. Elwin had found it a fight to have his son acknowledge his proper place and value in the family. He would not inherit the throne, that was sure, however he was a Prince nonetheless.
He would inherit nothing now. Nothing but a place in their family tomb.
“Have I lost both of my sons in effort to protect them both?”
Joshua had never referred to him by title before. He had never heard such anger in his youngest. Surely never directed toward him.
“You have not lost him yet, Sir.”
The fact that he would hung unsaid between them. Elwin hung his head. Closing his eyes against the light of the world and the fear it brought him. He had used to believe that the dark was meant to be feared. Yet in his nightmares he saw a pillar of fire and an Eikon that should never exist.
He took a breath. If he did this there would be no coming back. He would have to face whatever consequence he found.
He was too weak to decide against it.
“Lord Commander.”
He heard the shift that his friend was looking at him. Elwin kept his eyes down.
“Ready the men. We leave the moment they are prepared.”
“Your Grace?”
“Tell them we ride for Phoenix Gate.”
It was rushed. He knew that. It wasn’t going to make sense for any of them but it was the only thing that he could think to do. The focus that Elwin could bear with his children on the line. At least in this way he might be able to face the ghost of his failure.
If not the ghost of his son.
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Rodney left his side soon after. The attention of a shield gracing his form before he slipped beyond the door and left him to stand alone in the wake of his own guilt. The weight of his heart sitting heavy in his chest. His eyes burned. Searing with the tears that threatened to fall. He could not let them. He still had to be strong.
He could have gone back for Clive. He could have fought the inferno for his son. Clive could have done the impossible and survived the fire. Perhaps the blessing of the Phoenix would have saved him. Perhaps he had survived only to be abandoned and die alone in the rubble.
Perhaps Elwin truly could blame no one but himself.
“Forgive me….My boy.”
He had failed one.
He would not allow himself to fail them both.
“I will come back to you soon.”
The ride was near silent. Joshua perched on his chocobo beside him with his hands gripped tight to the reins. All of them could smell the smoke and ash and blood before they ever even saw the ruined fort. The haze still hung heavy in the air. Only worsening as they grew closer. The sky taking a hue of grey and all of it shadowed like the land was attempting to grieve what had been done here.
The loss that had happened here.
Shields began to fan out upon the arrival at the entrance. Chocobos left unridden to be guided in instead. Tied to posts so that they would be at the ready should retreat be necessary. Joshua stayed still as if he had turned to stone at his side.
“All of this…I don’t understand why, Father.”
“I don’t believe any of us know. Not yet, at least.”
He stared at the wreckage like the second eikon would appear again before them. Like it would show up to slaughter them all and finish the job of what it had started.
“Father?”
He turned to look at his youngest. He would not call Joshua his only son. Clive may be dead but he would not allow for Anabella’s betrayal to erase him.
“I need to go to the Apodetary."
It was their way. Before a war. That was what he had told his traitorous wife. How she had found a second eikon of fire was beyond him. How she had managed to attempt to replace Joshua for all she said she loved him.
“We must make sure it is safe first.”
“I thought only I could open it?”
“The road to it, my son. That is what we must ensure.”
Under normal circumstances they would be more relaxed. Joshua would still be flanked by shields as he went to the gate but he would be alone beyond that point. That only the dominant was able to enter was enough for them to be certain of his safety. The fort was secure enough for them to trust that he would be alright.
Not anymore. Not with the threat of traitors. Not with the events that still loomed in the smog around them.
He knew what he needed to do. Placing a hand on Joshua’s shoulder and tilting his head to address his shields.
“Search the rubble.”
His voice sounded flat even to his own ears.
“For imperials, Sir?”
The lock on his heart trembled by the force inside.
“To try to bring him home, Murdoch.”
There was no need to clarify who. He could see it in the way his Lord Commander’s expression darkened. How his eyes shadowed with grief. Rodney had spent years training Clive in the ways to be a shield. He’d been so certain and so adamant that he wanted to be able to protect Joshua as they grew older. He had wanted to hold the sword and be his brother’s defender.
He had died to defend them all.
The wind groaned as it rolled around the wreckage. Stone that cluttered the area and felt smothering and suffocating to them all. It was crushing, the weight of it all. The smoke that still hung heavy in the air. Clinging to their clothes with the stench of death on its wings. Elwin let his eyes scan the terrain. The parts of the fort that once stood strong and beautiful now singed and destroyed. Shields lifting pieces of armor of fallen friends. Gathering torn and tattered Rosarian banners that lay covered in ash and soot.
He walked aimlessly. Allowing himself to wander through the rubble and permit his heart to crack at the sight of it all. He had many memories here. He’d wanted his boys to make memories here. It had been one of Joshua’s worst. It had been Clive’s final.
A faint warble caught his ear. Blinking around the haze of lingering smog to see a mass of striking white against the black and gray and bloodied red. A shape that, as he stepped closer, made out to be the one of a kind chocobo his eldest had adored.
“Ambrosia.”
Her head turned to him. Stomping her feet one after the other before she was resuming pecking at the pile of rubble she stood before. Her face was bloody. A cut along one of her eyes and he knew that the bird was harmed in the fight and chaos.
Joshua hung back behind him. His youngest staring at the bird and watching alongside the other shields who saw her too. Clive’s adoration of his chocobo was secret to none. All of them had seen the way he would pamper her. How she would be spoiled and played with. The care he took in grooming and preening her.
“It’s alright, girl.”
It wasn’t. He wondered if she could feel it. The closer he came to her the more distressed she seemed. Stomping and sounding at him. Her beak scratching at the rubble like she was trying to move it away.
She was looking for something. Elwin could guess she was looking for someone. There was no question to who.
“Im so sorry, Ambrosia.”
She didn’t acknowledge him as he came closer. He heard someone choke on a sob somewhere behind him. She pushed more into the rubble. A wounded sound coming when rock pushed too close to the cut on her face.
“Ambrosia,” his heart was too wilted for this, “it’s time to stop now.”
She did not listen. He could see her unease as he approached her. As he came closer and closer until there was a distance he could breach with a lift of his arm.
“Come on, girl.”
Another mark of the importance Clive had held. Of how much he had meant to Rosaria.
Her feathers had no sooner grazed his fingers than she shrieked and stones rolled down and away from the pile. Dust rising in a cloud where they had landed and catching in his lungs. The coughs that pulled were painful but nothing at this point could belie the hurt of his heart.
“Ambrosia, please—“
Elwin stopped himself the moment he saw where she was digging in the rubble. The red leather of a glove covering a hand he knew all too well.
“By the flames..”
In the space of a heartbeat Elwin was on his knees. Moving the rubble away more with each movement coming more frantic than the last. He needed to confirm. He needed to make sure he wasn’t losing his mind.
“Your Grace?”
Elwin barely heard Rodney coming closer. All he cared about was the now unburied line of a jacket. The black and white that had become Clive’s favored pattern. By the time his Lord Commander had reached his shoulder Elwin was pulling a slanted slab of rubble and revealing the soot streaked face of his son.
“Founder…”
“Oh my boy…”
He could make the pallor of Clive’s skin beneath the ash and filth. Blood lining his hairline and smearing the side of his head and neck. His earring catching on the light that managed to make it through the smog.
“Keep Joshua back.”
He did not need to see this. He did not need to see his brother like this. Elwin knew that Joshua hung the world upon his brother. Anyone with eyes and common sense could see it clearly. Clive had always been the strongest for Joshua. The bond the two of them had had been immediate and unbreakable.
Even by death.
For Joshua to see Clive like this, broken and bleeding beneath rubble, it would destroy him in a way not even the flames of the Phoenix could fix.
Elwin worked more to clear the wreckage from Clive’s body. Freeing him and seeing the tears in his clothing. The blood that was splattered upon it. From the fight or his own, he couldn’t tell. His heart broke more regardless. His son had fought and fought well.
He deserved better than this.
Only when the rubble was cleared away did Elwin allow himself to reach for his son’s face.
He thought of when Clive was first born. How he had cried. Red in the face and covered in blood and eyes so blue they put the heavens to shame. Anabella had doted on him in the first years of his life. Waiting for him to display the power of the Phoenix and giving him more time even after in case he was simply delayed in his awakening.
When she suggested the idea of having another child he had believed that it was because she enjoyed being a mother. He had been blind. He had foolishly missed the way she began to turn against Clive. He hadn’t seen it until Joshua was born and little flames twirled around his fingers. Until Anabella had the confirmation that Clive was not the dominant of the Phoenix.
Elwin adored his sons. Both of them equally. Loving and doting on them both as much as he could. Still, Clive had pulled away. Still, Clive had turned afraid. Like one mistake would bar him from their family forever.
He was gone now. In no fault of his own.
“Oh my darling boy.”
An echo of what Anabella used to refer to Joshua. An echo of all that they could have had and instead found stolen.
Clive’s skin was cool. He would wager the heat that he still felt was from the trapped flame of the other dominant from the rubble. His thumbs swiped at the filth on his face. He had expected nothing. The stillness and stiffness of death that would be his greeting.
“I need a physicker!”
Instead he had felt a twitch.
With all the time that had passed since the attack and the way Clive’s body had been found he had assumed that his son was gone. That he had perished in the night of flames. But he felt the movement.
The shields around him did not move.
“Go! He needs help!”
“Your Grace…”
They did not believe him. He could see it clear on their faces. They believed this was an imagination. They believed this was denial.
Elwin gently ran his hands along his son’s body. Feeling for anything that would warn him to stop before he was lifting Clive from beneath his shoulders and knees to pull him free of the rocks which had trapped him. His son remained limp for all of it. His arm hanging down. His head listing against his chest.
His son was alive. He had felt it. He would not give up on him again.
“Come now, my boy, it is time to wake up.”
Stillness, silence, nothing.
“You’ll be alright, my son, just wake up.”
Nothing.
“Wake up now.”
The shields around him looked gutted. The mere notion of watching their leaders in this position had several of them turning their heads away to give privacy for when the inevitable would make claim.
But the inevitable was that his boys, Phoenix or not, would rise back from the flames.
“Do you hear me, Clive?”
Desperation leaked into his voice.
“Wake up for me now.”
Elwin tucked his hand into Clive’s and pulled it over his heart. The salute of the shield his boy had grown to be.
“Wake up.”
He needed to think of something. Something that would bring his boy back to him.
“Joshua is here. He will want to see you.”
It didn't work.
Elwin bit his tongue.
He knew his boy. He knew the way Clive’s thoughts had turned since his mother put poison in his head. He knew the pain his oldest carried in his heart. It tore him from the inside out but he would try anything to bring him back.
“It’s an order, my boy, wake up.”
He just needed him to wake up. He needed to see his eyes. He needed proof to everyone else that his son was still alive even against the odds of the gods.
It still broke his heart that an order is what made Clive react. Another small twitch and tense through his body. A small breath that would barely do anything but it was noticeable and that was more than he was doing before.
“That’s it. Open your eyes.”
The pale of his lids fluttered and Elwin could see in that barest moment the state of his eldest son.
“Oh my boy…”
His shields were still not moving.
“He needs help! Now!”
“Your Grace,” Rodney began.
Clive coughed. Rough and spluttering and weak. Like a drowning man’s last hopes for air. His back arched and Elwin worked as quickly as he could to support his boy and stop his movements from hurting himself worse.
His shields reacted to that. Rodney shouted orders and Elwin listened to the sounds of their movement but his eyes stayed locked on Clive. His attention remained on ensuring he could breathe.
“Easy, that’s it. Breathe for me. You’re going to be alright.”
He needed him to be alright.
“Just open your eyes, breathe, that’s it.”
Clive groaned. Soft and pained and it reminded Elwin far too much of soldiers he’d seen dying in the wars over the years. He’d wanted to keep his children safe. He’d wanted to hold Rosaria in safety and peace. The ironblood had made certain that wasn’t going to be within their fates but he’d hoped even still that he would be able to protect his sons.
He was wrong.
He could try to protect Clive now.
“Look at me.”
Clive breathed deeper. Elwin could feel the small movements through his body as he tried to shift. As he tested the limits of his body and what he was able to do. He felt Clive try to lift his limbs and fail.
“Open your eyes.”
Clive obeyed. Dazed and dim blue met him. Elwin couldn’t stop the near the sob that broke from his heart in that moment.
“You’re going to be alright.”
He watched the heavy blinks he got in response. Each time Clive’s eyes closed there was a longer delay before they opened again.
He’d been stranded here for so long since the night of flames. He’d been trapped and dying beneath the rubble of this place because they hadn’t come back to get him. They had assumed he perished and abandoned him with no sign of help. If it hadn’t been for Joshua’s demands then Clive would—
“Let me through!”
“Your Highness—”
“Let me through! That’s an order!”
Elwin swallowed guilt that wrapped his throat at the sound of his youngest. He’d never heard anger in Joshua’s voice directed toward their own people. Never toward the shields who dedicated their lives to protecting him and the rest of the Dutchy. He watched as the two shields stepped out of the way for Joshua to come through only for Rodney to block his path.
He wasn’t fast enough.
“Clive!”
Elwin felt his oldest respond. A sharper breath dragged through his lungs and Clive opened his eyes again. He was looking for something. Searching for his brother.
Even now he was trying to do his duty.
“Your Highness!”
There wasn’t time to turn to see what happened before Joshua was dropping down beside him. He stared at Clive with nothing short of fear and concern written across his features.
“Joshua, he—”
“I can heal him.”
“You will hurt yourself.”
“I don’t care!” Tears reflected the blue of Joshua’s eyes. “He’s like this because of me!”
“My boy—”
“My shields protect me, Father.”
Clive’s chest was barely lifting as he breathed. Elwin nodded even though Joshua wasn’t looking at him and he watched his youngest lift his hands to hover over his brother. The fire glow of the Phoenix swirled around them. It wrapped around Clive’s chest, his middle, his head. It covered over his body in the soft glow and Elwin waited with baited breath to see what it would do. If the flames of the Phoenix were enough to save his eldest son. If Joshua was going to bear the guilt for the rest of his life that his flames had not been enough.
There was too much weight on his boys. Too much responsibility that was thrust upon them too young. Joshua was born to be the Archduke when he came of age. Clive believed he was born to be his shield.
They both believed they were born to die for this land and her people. it was the mark of good leaders in the both of them but in faces so young it felt like a blade driven through his chest. They should be afraid to fight. They should be afraid to die. They shouldn’t face it all with open arms and resolute faces.
Did he raise either of them to have true childhoods? Did he allow for either of them to have the peace they were deserved? Was it always bound to come to this? This pain? This fear? This sorrow?
Were they always meant to end up here?
Dying and healing and hoping the Gods may lend them some frame of mercy.
Joshua doubled over himself with coughs. Shaking and rattling his frame like they were trying to tear him apart from the inside out. Rodney knelt to his side and put an arm around him to support him. He was shaking. His cheeks were flushed from his fit but there was nothing but resolution in his eyes as he lifted his hands back towards his brother.
“Joshua,” he began.
“I can save him.”
His voice was worn and strained but Elwin failed to have the heart to stop him. He wanted to do this for the sake of his brother and he had not the will to stop him.
The glow of Joshua’s flames seemed stronger this time. Brighter as they swallowed around Clive and worked the magic of the dominant on his body and soul. The silence around them was baited and tense. Elwin could see physickers waiting on the sidelines for when this was done and in that moment Elwin realized this was more than a brother saving his sibling. This was more than the future Archduke and his shield. This was a show of the dominant of Rosaria. This was the first time his people were seeing the Phoenix in this generation. The proof of Joshua and his ability to lead them when he came of age and what they were all fighting for, what they believed in. This was beyond Clive’s life. This was the faith of the nation.
Clive tensed in his arms. His body turning rigid and a ragged breath pulling into his lungs only this time it was without the rasp that had filled every breath before. His face held more color beneath the filth. His eyes opened and Elwin saw the shining blue that rivaled against the glimmer of Drake’s Head. He held him securely as he reacted to the world around him. The first moments Clive was fighting to take everything in around him. He was scared. It was too easy to tell on his face but one check could tell that his heart had gone from nearly quieting forever into the dark to racing in his chest. He was breathing full and deep despite the speed of it seeming like he’d run a marathon rather than lying unconscious in his arms.
Joshua tipped back. He would have fallen had it not been for Rodney’s arm around him. His Lord Commander kept his son steady and upright as he coughed and choked. Clive tried to turn to look but Elwin held his face steady to look at him.
“Clive?”
“Father?”
Confusion, surprise, hope. Those were the things he saw on his child’s face. Elwin nodded.
“Does anything hurt?”
Joshua coughed again and this time Clive turned to look at him.
“Joshua.”
His youngest looked at his brother.
“Clive.”
Joshua’s smile made it all seem for the better.
“You’re alive.”
Clive smiled.
“Thanks to you." He reached toward Joshua. “My brother the Phoenix.”
Something unsaid passed between them. An understanding or a conversation that he hadn’t been privy to.
Rodney flagged for the physickers to come closer. He could see the expressions of the shields that were watching. The tears in their eyes. The whispered words of miracle passed between them all. He could see the hope in their faces. The feel of their spirits lifting with proof that all was not lost on the night of flames.
Clive leaned heavily on him. Joshua’s flames had revived him for now but Elwin knew there were limits to the powers of even the dominants. The same as potions and poultices there was no such thing as a cure like time would be. He would need to rest. He would need care and a safe location to receive it. The shields around him were going to be protective beyond anything else if he could guess correctly by their reactions now. They were all loyal to Clive. They cared for his boys. They worried for the heirs of the Dutchy. His sons were honest leaders despite their ages. They cared for the ones who served them. Clive stood shoulder to shoulder with them, he shared their training grounds, he marched with them when time for missions came. Joshua had led them back here to find salvation in the wreckage. Clive had stayed behind and survived despite the odds.
“You came back?”
Clive’s voice was low. A quiet and soft thing that made Elwin feel like he wasn’t entirely supposed to hear it.
“Your brother insisted.” Clive nodded. Elwin felt his guilt like a noose. “I thought you were dead.”
He held Clive tighter. His son that he had held for the first time fifteen years ago. His child who he had soothed in the middle of the night. His first born who he doted on and watched breathe on the first nights of his life because it was such a wonder for a babe so small. Clive had been a miracle for them. He had been so happy. Holding him now, all these years later, it didn’t change a thing.
“I thought I had lost you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, my boy.” Elwin shook his head. “There is nothing you should apologize for.”
“Father?” Joshua’s voice carried between them. “The Apodetary?”
“Another time.” They should not think about facing another fight now. “We will handle that at another time. For now,” his eyes met Rodney’s, “tell the men to search the rubble. Find anyone else. See if anyone can be saved.”
They wouldn’t have Joshua’s power. His children needed to rest.
“As you wish.”
Joshua didn’t look away.
“But the war,” he started.
“You matter more.”
He looked down to Clive.
“You both will always matter more.”
