Chapter Text
Peter was tired. Not the kind that could be fixed through a good night's rest (even if it could, he still wouldn't be able to fix it) but the kind that settled deep in his bones, the kind that was caused by never having enough to eat, the kind that was caused by losing everything, and everyone. The kind that was caused by not having a proper shelter. Especially in winter.
The tiredness wasn't the only thing that remained in his bones, the freezing fucking cold was there too, and with it was nawing fucking guilt, guilt from being the reason his parents, his uncle died, and his aunt….Aunt may.
He missed her so much, so fucking much, but he knew he didn't deserve her. That didn't stop him from missing her though. She would make him warm home cooked meals, every time he came back from patrolling, she would also scold him for his injuries but that's okay, that meant she cared about him…..it's been so long since someone cared about him- ‘no’ he couldn't think about that, not now, not ever.
“ I…I have to go patrol, I can't think about these stupid things now” he whispered, so quietly to himself, even Peter almost didn't hear himself. He didn't deserve to be heard.
At least that's what he thought.
Peter put on his Spider-Man suit. If he could even call it that. ‘Stop thinking about that’ Peter needed to keep his mind sharp, even if he was so exhausted and… and hungry.. he hadn't eaten in what 3.. 4 days? It didn't matter, but it did, it messed with his senses especially since he hasn't slept in 2 days? But when he does it's barely even 4 hours. He doesn't sleep at night, it causes many nightmares….of dead bodies.
Stop
“Come on Peter you can do this-” Peter paused and chuckled to himself, he can't do this, he is a weak fragile little boy, he was only 15… or 16? Nevermind it didn't matter, he couldn't even stop the robber from killing his uncle
Stop
He grabbed an old phone and wireless earbuds he found in a dumpster, and he somehow figured out how to make it work. Peter picked up some thin black gloves that were way to small for him, from his ‘bed’ that was just a worn out blanket and an old sweatshirt used as a pillow on the moldy creaky floor boards of an abandoned attic in an apartment complex that wasn't being used due to its mold problem, ‘but at least it's better than last year..’
Peter pushed open the window, having to use more force than usual. ‘the no sleep and low food is really catching up to me.’ Peter sighed at the thought (it was already slightly open, it never closed no matter how hard Peter tried) ‘but at least it's better than last year’ he thought to himself, because of course there was no one else for Peter to talk to. And that was all Peter's fault.
Stop
He put in the headphones and pressed play, the music drowned out everything. His feelings, his hunger, his drowsiness, his guilt, his grief. Everything, gone, with a tap on a screen.
Peter jumped out the window slicing his lower arm on a piece of broken glass ‘shit’ this was already off to a bad start, Peter had a feeling of dread in the pits of his stomach. “The people of Queens need me, I can deal with this later….I’ll be fine.” And with that he was off. Peter felt the wind push against his face, his body relaxed, ever so slightly. As the ground got closer Peter watched, he lifted his hands preparing to shoot a web to stop the descent almost, hesitating…? No..no, he wasn't, he was just tired. Who was he kidding.
Peter used his web to swing on top of a roof, but he had too much momentum throwing him instead, unable to land properly because he was caught off guard (he was really just exhausted) landing wrong. Very wrong.
CRACK!
“Shit” Peter had to put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from crying out. ‘oh fuck, it fucking hurt, it hurt so fucking bad.’ white and black spots danced across his vision taunting him for being fucking weak. He wanted to scream from the pain, from the hunger, from everything. But he stopped himself. It reminded him of those fosterhomes-
STOP
He’ll be fine Peter has been shot before, he can deal with this. But this was so much worse. ‘Why, why was it so much worse…” He paused, before starting up his thoughts again.” Maybe I don't know the lack of food, sleep, anything” Peters thoughts were laced with so much venom he could almost taste it, but that didn't matter….
Nothing mattered.
Peter looked around for something, anything. He found a roll of duct tape on the ground and a pile of sticks. 'How convenient?’ He felt like there was a catch, there is always a catch.
He slowly descended from the rooftop on his web, careful not to cause anymore pain on his already very extremely painful leg, "there's no way the pain could get worse.” Even with that thought he didn't want to take any chances.
When he reached the duct tape, he made sure to focus his senses extra hard, even though he knew it would tire him out faster, he didn't care. He is already used to being exhausted 24/7.
He grabbed the roll of tape and the sticks and ducted into a nearby alleyway to hide, his senses still on high alert listening, as he wrapped the stick to his leg with tape.
When he felt it was secure, he covered it up with his pants. He didn't even know if it would work. He couldn't think properly. He couldn't tell if he was being stupid for thinking this could actually work but it didn't matter….
Nothing mattered.
He made sure it wasn't noticeable or visible at all. He didn't want anyone knowing he was weak. Especially The Avengers. They’ve been hunting Peter for months… at least he thinks?
Nevermind… It didn't matter
Nothing mattered.
He has been able to avoid most of their attacks. I mean they're the avengers he couldn't dodge all of their attacks…’Stop making excuses for being weak Peter’ God, that name. So vile, so… disgusting. The name of a murder. No wonder they were hunting Peter. I mean, who wouldn't?
Nevermind that.
Peter wished he could meet his childhood heroes under different circumstances and not when they are actively trying to kidnap him… Okay maybe not kidnap him, but take him in for.. uh.. testing? Is that what they said? Peter couldn't remember, he barely remembered what he had for breakfast - oh…. That's right, he didn't have breakfast, and he hadn't had it in… “I really need to stop trying to remember these things, I need to stay focused.” Peter kept on whispering to himself that he needed to stay sharp. But how could he? ‘God, I probably look like a zombie.‘ He hadn't looked in a mirror in, he didn't even know in how long… that's how it always is…he never knows. Peter broke all the mirrors in his ‘apartment’. He couldn't stand looking at the murderer that stared back at him.
STOP
He moved his arm to his pocket to make the music louder to drown out his thoughts…again…
MOVE!!
Peter moved on instinct dodging the attack, barely. He looked up trying to find the source of the blast, that's when he saw it, the very iconic red and gold suit. “Shit” May would not be happy with the language he was using. MOVE. Another blast came but this time Peter did not have time to dodge because of the stupid fucking pain from his stupid fucking leg, but that wasn't the only pain. Blinding burning pain came from his side. ‘Oh god, I'm going to be sick, it hurt so much fucking worse’ Peter would've rather breaking…or spraining? His ankle hundreds of times over experiencing this pain EVER again. But of course he didn't let that show, he stood up quickly, too quickly. Everything went black around the edges, he swayed slightly. ‘shit’ he showed signs of weakness, he is so fucking STUPID.
Peter sighed. He couldn't waste time swelling on this; he needed to leave, move, just get out of there. And that's what he did, or at least tried too. Using both his hands (one had fresh blood blossoming across it) it shot a web on top of a roof, launching himself onto it…He landed wrong. Again. “SHIT” oh fuck did he yell that out loud… he was really fucked. he felt something land on the same roof as him, he turned around so fast he nearly got whiplash. He started walking back, he was full blown panicking, none of them got this close to him… only Black Widow. She beat him up so badly he didn't heal for a month, even with his advanced healing. He only managed to escape because of a fucking robot. He felt- no he was a coward for running instead of helping. But this was not good.
“Shit.shit,shit.shit” Peter really needed to LOCK IN. He did not want to be taken in.
“Now, now Spidey, Cap doesn't like that kind of language” Iron said it in a half joking, half serious tone, while slowly walking towards Peter. He could hear someone sounding annoyed at the comment (probably Captain America) through the man's earpiece, and some people laughing.
‘No, no, no, please no, why him, please’ Peter was now spiraling, this was not good. He should've just stayed home…. Even though he knew damn well if he knew this was going to happen he would've still gone. The people of Queens need him.
Peter needed out NOW.
“Shit. They’re all here…Or at least the main 6. I think?” This time he whispered it, he did not want the man to hear him. It seemed to work, or at least Tony fucking Stark didn't react… or maybe he did his face was covered- ‘no.’ he hit the end of the roof, he needs to escape...'he really needs to stop saying it and actually do it."
“Spidey, don't worry we don't want to hurt you… We just need to bring you back to make sure you're… Not a threat. After we clear you, you can go back to saving people's cats from trees. That's what you do. Yes?” Iron didn't even seem sure of it, himself.
That comment pissed Peter off. Did he really think Peter would listen if Iron Man himself wasn't even sure if it was correct... or, maybe he was trying to make himself less threatening. They probably decided to change tactics after realizing that stabbing Peter wouldn't work. They weren't off to a great start if that was the case. The pain was still there and it was making itself very known, and Peter decided he was going to let them know as well.
“You say you aren't here to hurt me, but my side says otherwise.” Peter said while pointing to his bright red side with both hands, leaning on his good foot, he was sure The Avenger could feel his anger radiating off of him.
Iron froze for a second, that made Spider-Man freeze, was his voice changer on, or even working!? He really needed out. “I’ve got to go now, you know? Take care of this.” He tried his best to keep his words steady and act casual. He started to turn his heel-
MOVE!!
He twisted to the side so fast, he stumbled a bit before catching himself, he looked to the side seeing an arrow fly by where his chest would've been. That- that would've ENDED HIM!! Were they trying to kill him!! H-he was just a kid! That's when it hit him…. They didn't know he was a kid…..
At least? His voice changer is…working?
MOVE!!
This time he flipped out of the way, a blast went by him, he felt the heat of it…’shit… he was in too deep he actually really fucking needed to go NOW……please."
“Woah hey!? What the heck guys!! I thought you said you weren't going to hurt me!!!!??” He yelped as he dodged another blast that came his way.
“Never said that. Actually said ‘we don't want to hurt you.” Tony Stark said making sure to emphasize ‘want’, he was getting ready to send another blast Peters way.
Peter was getting ready to go, crouched down at the ledge sending a web at a higher point.
“Hey guys this was fun in all, but I really got to- AH!"Another hit got sent his way, but this time he didn't have enough time to dodge hitting him straight in the shoulder sending him flying, really far back, he forced his body to twist to see where he was going, when he saw- ‘oh shit.’
BANG!
He got slammed straight into Captain fucking Americans shield. The sound echoed in Peters head.. or at least he thinks, all he knows was that also fucking hurt like a bitch. He fell onto the ground, curled into a ball with his good arm under him all ready to prompt himself up, for when the ringing finally fucking stops. It didn't. He still got up, and he immediately regrets it as Steve Rogers punches him, again he fell. ‘Why do I have to be fucking weak.’
Before getting up this time he extends his leg out, and spins, knocking the avengers legs out from right under him causing Captain America to fall. Peter doesn't waste any time he gets up (ignoring the blinding pain everywhere) and runs, he runs so fucking fast, then he swings himself up, and keeps swinging till he passes out in a random alley way.
When he wakes up everything hurts. Of course it does. Because Peter fucking Parker is so fucking weak. He forces himself up again, having to grab the wall to support himself as he sways violently, his vision moves in every single direction. ‘Oh god’ The Avengers are really hunting him, this is not good, like at all. He desperately needed a plan, yet he had nothing, his head was really injured from hiting Captain Americas fucking shield (the nerd in him was screaming in joy, weirdly.) And the rest of his body, well, it wasn't any better if anything it was much, much worse. The reasonable part of him was telling him he needed to hide and remained as…. Peter fucking Parker….
He really wishes he listened to the reasonable part of him.